Since your last letter you have been in my mind constantly and wanting to write to you, but because I am so busy these days and plus writing to someone that is directing their repressed anger at me it makes it even harder to sit down and write.
I know the truths I talk about are very hard to face and feel, but in order for you to free yourself, you need your truth, like Alice Miller, says: "Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life, you'll try to earn love. In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis."
You were betrayed by your parents not me, but now because I did not say the things you wanted to hear and I did not behave the way you like to, it triggers your justified anger, but that anger was caused by the betrayal of your parents and as long you directing your anger at scapegoats, you will stay trapped and it never gets resolved.
Only when we feel our repressed feelings in the right context, they start to diminish get resolved and we free ourselves.
On my summer vacations to Portugal, I would witness that instead of you relying on the father for emotional support, it was your father relying on you to get his emotional needs met and this is very damaging to a child; you were more to your father a partner than his daughter.
I bought the books below thinking of you and they describe what happened to you as a small child to a T. I tried to share these books with your mother, but she too did not have the courage to open her eyes and see, she can’t use the excuse that she did not know English, because she like you had no problems learning the English language in school, me in the other hand, because of my learning disability I was not able to learn in school and if I had not left Portugal I would never have learned the English language and I would not ever have been exposed to this essential knowledge to help me liberate myself. I felt she learning English was a total waste, because if what we learned is not used to help ourselves why go through the trouble to learn it! What waste, I left the books in Portugal, if you gather the courage to read them; you will see yourself in them: