Thursday, April 9, 2015
I finally received your book after making a mistake of ordering it under my husband’s amazon account. He finally asked me about it and I reordered it under mine. Guess he didn't want to pay for it. Lol! Couldn't wait for it to arrive, so I was bummed when I thought I had ordered it and was on its way when it wasn't really. I read it all except I didn't do the worksheets. I get so busy with my 4 kids and I fear leaving paper around because I have a snoop husband who finds reads and keeps everything that he can use against me. It’s really awful!! I can use my phone notes but then fear that he has access to that to. So here I am at the library writing you.
First, I congratulate you on your book and finally reaching a point of discovery and finding who you are. A place I would love to arrive at soon. I’m 45 and have suffered a huge emotional depressed internal battle most of my life. And really I’m sorry for all you have experienced in your life. But I love how you stood up for yourself when you felt you really needed to. I love your independence in a way, how you got to do all kinds of things etc. I worked retail and was very good at it because I love people and very friendly. But have fortunately and unfortunately been a stay home mom since my oldest son was born almost 20 years ago. And I cannot find a job anywhere. Sucks!!
I wish I can tell you my story in person so much easier. I’m going to make it short. Just really looking to see what your opinion is.
I was rejected and emotionally abandoned by my mother and my siblings learned from her. I was the youngest of four. Our father died when I was four. I was born breech and I overheard my mother talking to friends telling them the story and she made a comment “I hope she’s ok", this was the deadly seed that was planted in my soul that made me the person I am today. What made it worse is how she treated me. She ignored me, doing her cleaning, sewing, cooking, TV watching, etc. She would cook and take care of me but what I needed from her was her acceptance and love and validation that I was normal. I would say to her "why don't you talk to me" in Spanish my mother language. So I felt I was smart, creative, etc. but if my mother said this then something must be wrong with me. I grew up feeling unwanted and defective. They never diagnosed me for anything not even to this day. I think that I might have a language issue where I struggle finding the right words to say. I have learned recently also that maybe since I was under such anxiety that perhaps my brain didn't develop normal. Any way this is my issue. I became a little sexualized. My best friend neighbor and her brother, we would get in the closet and this boy would show us his private. I had a moment with a girl cousin where we explored and kissed. I remember seeing a book that my mother had laying around on pregnancy and not sure what impact it had but it made an impression. Also a lady friend of my mother was rubbing my back and she went around and fondled my breast. I have a hard time remembering when things happened in what order but I was 7 to 9 years old. So I have also read that this can be a problem with kids who are emotionally neglected or abandoned. Have you heard this being true? I need to read the Alice Miller books seriously. So fast forward. At 20 years of age I had graduated high school and really didn't keep in touch with friends. We moved away to another town and met my husband. He was amazing at first meeting. We worked together at a grocery store. He’s the pharmacist and I was bagger than Deli. I thought he’s perfect. He makes good money, he’s Christian and he likes me. Well six months into dating he tells me he has something to tell me. He said he got in trouble for doing something stupid, he exposed himself and he was sex offender. I was like what is that and hey am not perfect either so I ignored this red flag and accepted his marriage proposal. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't think my mother or siblings thought I could do better. Immediately after marrying him he changed. He ignored me sound familiar? Well since I was used to that I took the emotional abuse. He’s insane, a lot of narcissistic characteristics, psychopath, controlling, on and on. I tried divorcing him but got scared not knowing if I would have kids and house. Anyways just all sad. My family found out about all this recently but they don't take responsibility for anything. They tell family I’ve made poor choices, I’m disrespectful, etc. I just feel that since I was emotionally and physically rejected be my mom that all these things happened to me. So now I’m having to learn about this and understand that am not all to blame i hope. It’s literally staring my life over again. I lost friends, can’t find a job, my family is distant, Still with this husband that says he’s sorry and wants to stay together. I so don't love him at all. I just go with it since I have nowhere else to go.
Thanks for your help my emotions are all mixed up in my head and I am sure it comes out in writing. If you have any recommendations let me know. I’ve been to therapist but it’s usually a waste of time.
Take care, I.
Sorry it took me so long to answer your letter, but I was the target of sociopaths/narcissists at work and it has been difficult time for me.
Thank you for writing sharing your story. I am glad to hear my book is a helping witness to you. I am so sorry you are in very painful emotional prison. Your path to liberation has to be well planned and be on the lookout for opportunities when it’s the right time for you to make a move and leave your husband’s emotional prison. Read all Alice Miller’s books to help you get strong emotionally and get help in developing skills to help you find a job.
I too, like you, I went through most of my life feeling unwanted and this is an awful feeling that no child should ever go through. It took me most of my life to heal this wound. Of course the neglect you suffered as a small child made you vulnerable to being sexually abused by others. These words by Alice cames to mind: “A small girl will follow to the cellar the neighbour who promised her chocolate, although she may feel uncomfortable. But if she learned from the beginning of her life that her feelings didn’t matter and that she should obey every adult person, even if she feels resistance, she will follow the neighbour. She will behave like the Little Red Riding-Hood in the fairytale. And she may later suffer in her relationship with men for her whole life if she didn’t work out this early experience in the cellar. However, if she does, she will no longer be in danger of becoming a victim of rape or any other kind of molestation.” From the book “Free From Lies” page 234 somehow through most of my life I listen to my feelings and if I felt something was not right I would plan my move and for the right moment to escape a bad situation. Today the child in me is very much loved by the adult in me and I will never allow anyone to abuse me in any way again.
Feel free to write me anytime.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Comments on the shared picture from the Facebook page Stop the Narcissist Now.
Also read my blog post Experienced Knowledge
M: But it's all your fault right? In the end, they blame YOU for your own ''naufrage'' and they savor watching YOU suffer and flattened on the ground like a ''crèpe''. They even step all over YOU again and again because they are sadistic assholes. How could they ever know what it feels like to save your own soul when you don't have one to begin with?Soulless beings always end up alone. YOU won't. YOU can leave everything behind but you can never abandon your soul. This is how I resume it: SOUL=Knowledge is power NO SOUL=Ignorance is bliss. Soulless people will give you silent treatment, keep you isolated, drag you into darkness so they can control you. Certain death is the only result if you stay with these ''Beauty Stealers". Soulfull people on the other hand will share their experiences, shine a light on you, hold your hand and help you reach autonomy in a creative way. Infinite possibilities are the resultant forces here. Thank you Sylvie for being there and offer guidance so the soulfull humans of this world can understand that they are not alone.
Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you M, for you encouraging and thoughtful comment. I am happy to be here. Sometimes, I do ask myself, why I bothered working so hard to write my book and risk being attacked by sociopaths or narcissists. But then I get letters from people telling me how my book has been a big support to them and I am reminded that my hard work was not in vain. Most people that write to me do it in private, because they still afraid to do it in public and of course I understand their fears, because if we still are dependent on our abusers in some way, it can be very risk to express our true self in public. Just look what happened to me at my last job, they stole my job, but they can’t steal my soul, but they did try very hard to murder my soul. They were hoping, especially the property manager to discredit me and prove I was a fraud and soulless like them. They never had seen a real genuine person like me and they thought was not possible in this world. We have to have a healed and whole soul before going public with our stories otherwise the sociopaths and narcissist people in our world will take great pleasure in bringing us down and if possible murder our souls.
Every word you wrote is so true!
Every word you wrote is so true!
M: Sylvie, as long as you will spread Truth, Compassion, Acknowledgement and Love, soulfull people will find their way to your book and follow your lead. It takes immense courage to lead the way through an emotional desert. A great leader will respect the pace of other souls and empower each individual through autonomy in order to reach unicity. Alice Miller was your leader as she was for many others. You're holding the torch now. It's a priceless responsibility. Trust me, they will follow...
Sylvie Imelda Shene Dear M, thank you for your very encouraging words and for posting Martin Luther King's quote! I needed to read that! His words could not be truer! While I was working on my book with my co-writer Ed Sweet, I mentioned to him a few times that I might lose my job for writing and publishing my book, because I was very well aware that most people that acted nice towards me were trying to buy my love and attention and they were not real and my book might trigger their own repression and come after me with avenges. So I was not choked by their actions and when they fired me without a cause and it has crossed my mind also that some crazy person, like a pro-lifer might really try to kill me. But I would never let that fear stop me from doing what my soul calls me to do. I rather die young with my soul than die old and soulless.
Also read my blog post Experienced Knowledge
Sunday, April 5, 2015
The property manager insane jealousy was the fuel that lighted up the fire and for the fact they knew I could see through their facades, and to conceal their abuse, especially towards their own children, and of course because they didn't agree with me.
Petra Helm’s comment below on the quote above could not be truer. This was exactly how i was treated at my last job. They showed me how they were treated when they were defenseless little children. I have compassion for the little children they once were but i have no compassion for the adults they have become. As adults they have choices to look and search for the answers why they are the way they are. With my book I had put in front of them the truth they need and they still chose to get out of their way to hurt me. That's consciously choosing evil.“This is exactly the way how many parents, teachers and adults in general treat children in order to control them and prevent them from showing their emotions, encouraged by many professional "experts" in education. Letting babies cry it out when they reclaim nothing but their basic survival needs, walking away and ignoring toddlers when they throw a tantrum or punishing children with "time outs". As adults these children often become narcissists who punish people who they can't manipulate or control by simple ignoring them and trying to make them feel worthless, just as they were treated by their elders. One of the meanest and most offensive ways of treating a person, which reveals a lot about the damage and the childhood drama of the offenders and hurts the victim who often tries nothing but to help them see precisely this very problem.” (PH)