Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Beyond the Taboos

It came to my awareness that is one more book of Alice Miller that has never been translated into English and was published in German in EBook format only. The title in German is: Jenseits der Tabus and in English means Beyond the Taboos.  And here is the link to the German version for those that know German.

Below is google translation, not a very good translation!

Alice Miller
Beyond the taboos
Selected answers to letters to the editor

© 2009 Alice Miller
All rights reserved
www.alice-miller.com

foreword
In my book In the Beginning Education (1980) I have some examples
the catastrophic consequences of the denial of those who have had their childhood experience
Maltreatment can result. I realized thanks to these investigations,
that even the cruelest criminals as children are victims of severe maltreatment
of their parents, who, out of panic, never dared question them.
Meanwhile, among my many letters to the editor, voices from survivors have come forward
the extreme torture that, encouraged by my books, try as adults
to give up her denial today, though at first very timidly. they describe
in their first letters to my mailbox, telling them in their childhood of
was done to her parents, almost callous, without outrage, they just stick to the
Facts.

Now it turns out that the mere storytelling in most of
Get them started on a process that allows them, their true, previously suppressed
Feelings of feeling and get away from often severe chronic symptoms
to free. In my answers to the letters, I accompany this process by myself
To encourage the child in the survivor of torture against the cruelty of the parents
to rebel. With the support of my books and my personal answers
The writers will find strength in their letters over time, their tragic ones
No longer dodging history, and having the courage to reveal their truth for the first time
To take life seriously. This leads to the amazing, but actually understandable strengthening
of self - confidence, inner clarification and liberation from the fear of
The child before the almighty threatening parents. It is actually logical that
this process also for the relief of the numerous symptoms like depression,
Migraines, addictions, eating disorders, which signaled the distress of the body in which the
Childhood story was previously stored. With the emotional access to this
History changes the lives of those affected from scratch, even if the
once suffered wounds left their more or less visible scars.
 page 2

This is not therapy in the usual sense. I rather explain
Reason of the facts given to me, how the denied suffering arose and how
You can get rid of it, if you want to take on the inner work. Naturally
This work is preceded by the reading of my books, my explanations
makes it easier to understand. Nevertheless, I am of the unusually positive results
so surprised that I really want to report it.
For this reason, I publish here some of my answers to readers from the
last two years, which are particularly important to me because they give people a
direct, unambiguous language access to their authentic feelings and to theirs
personal truth, allowing them legitimate anger
to express about the abuse by the parents. Only the conscious experience
This anger gradually diminishes the fear of the early parents and leads to it
growing clarity about their own history. I hope that is suffering
People can give encouragement to themselves thanks to this collection of answers,
the encouragement not only from the parents and their opinions, but also
to make independent of common beliefs about education and the voice
to trust the child in them and their feelings.

All the letters I've answered here are pervading the little child's fear
the once angry parents who have beaten it more or less frequently. These
Anxiety "lives" in the body of the adult throughout his life and can last a lifetime
destructive, as long as it remains in the unconscious, because it can not be dissolved there
become. Their emergence owes this fear of treatment by the parents,
her psychological and physical cruelty, the child in the first four years
had to experience in the time when his brain formed. At this age we almost learned
all, that blows are good for us. We had to learn that our parents and grandparents
smarter and better than us, that we should admire and imitate them.
As children, we had no way to ever question such claims,
because we desperately needed the illusion of our parents' love for survival.
To the common attitudes belongs also what I call "ancestor cult" and
which also indirectly illustrates the collection published here. Some people,
whose parents were particularly cruel do not just idealize them ("Sie
Page 3

just hit me for the best "," you did not know better "),
but are practicing a real cult around the dead parents. One can say,
that these parents are worshiped as "gods".
An impressive example of this is the Austrian Josef Fritzl, who is his daughter
For years locked in a cellar and fathered with her seven children, which he partly also
imprisoned in the cellar. In court as in talks with his lawyer was
Fritzl never tired of paying homage to his brutal and perverted mother, who considered him a child
as a slave had kept.
The ancestors were once children and needed the recognition of their parents,
that they had missed when they were raised in humility and obedience. Only when
Adults were able to gain this recognition, admiration, and sacrifice
to challenge their offspring, also by force, to catch up with the missing person.

In many peoples, adolescents are subjected to brutal abuse
one calls initiation rituals. Here are the most natural emotions like fear and
Rebellion be suppressed if one wants to be recognized as a man because of
The will of the ancestors demands this from the adolescent for millennia. In the western
Culture, this power exercise of the ancestors is less obvious, but
The emotional terror of the ancestors fearing for love and respect can be found in
watch many families. If only one person tries to see through it,
it is mostly expelled from all members and treated as a traitor.
Psychiatric institutions have always hosted victims of such persecution,
among them several artists whose works were later admired. Help today
they are harmless to families, their "dangerous attackers" with the help of medicines
to make the secrets of the families, especially the sexual ones
Abuse of children, do not invade the public.
However, the public still does not seem to be able to find out about child maltreatment
to revolt, let alone understand their consequences. at
Amok runs that multiply are generally asserted that the "motives" of the offender
are completely incomprehensible, and recently it is repeatedly claimed that the loss
work as a result of the economic crisis would have to become "this desperate act"
guided. Apparently, almost all people completely unknown that a gunman since
Page 4

his agonizing childhood with time bombs in his brain "lives" until these bombs
explode.

The answers published here are addressed to people using this system
who, despite their fear, found the courage not to submit to power,
not to be confused by the lies of the family, but instead
to develop their emotional honesty.
I owe a knowledge of the momentous suffering to the reports of these people
the children among their parents, whom I never thought possible. In today
Television, but also in the whole world literature was and will be ours
Eyes led to what bestialities man is capable of. But the roots of this
Cruelty in childhood is generally concealed and thus the causes
the violence left in the dark.
On my website, however, exactly these causes are discussed. What is prohibited worldwide
is named here. The causes of human suffering do not become here
in symbols, not indicated with the help of poetry and fictions, it will not either
as in classical therapies spoken by an abstract environment of the child,
from his important "caregivers", but it is reported on real FACTS,
without beautifications. It is told, with sadness and anger, what father and mother did
to have. Lo and behold, thanks to this concrete reference to reality, the body experiences
his liberation.
He can finally function normally, does not need to create any symptoms, needs
no longer to warn its owner of the truth, he no longer needs to be the guardian
to be the family secrets, because its owner is now ready to share his story
know, and from it can draw the strength, which he needs, in order to no longer confuse oneself
allow.

At Spiegel Online, November 1, 2008, I read a report on fourteen million
Germans over the age of sixty who are suffering from trauma today
they have experienced in the war and post-war period. They have their lives so far
mastered well, got married, founded families, were successful in business,
but now they suffer from sleep disorders and depression. In the dreams
Page 5

they are haunted by childhood memories that have been going on for decades
no more thought: of bombing, the ruthlessness of the occupation soldiers,
from hunger and much more. The psychological expert explains this phenomenon
with the rapid disappearance of certain neurons in old age, that in younger people
Forgetting the traumas. That may be true, but I think that
Decrease in physical strength and increasing helplessness certainly too
contribute to the body remembering the time of its childlike helplessness.
It may also have played a role that the elderly do not
more have the opportunity, as earlier the traumatic experiences of the child
To compensate for powerlessness by the power over their small children and at them the
Resenting displeasure, because these children, now out of the house, not so
completely dependent on them.
It turns out, anyway, that these suffering people have a great deal of relief
If the therapies help, learn their DESTRESSED memories
experience. It is precisely this positive role of memories that the letter writers have
my mailbox also discovered. But, unlike the fourteen million
former war children, they did not suffer from bombs and occupying powers,
but under their own parents. That's why they found no help in their often
twenty, thirty years of therapy attempts. Almost always, their therapists took
The parents in protection, not as empathic witnesses have the patients emotionally
and therefore the therapies did not help.

Suffering from war is not a taboo, but the truth about the suffering of child maltreatment
is it still. And it is not enough to "process" individual traumas,
to resolve their consequences if therapists are afraid of
Anger her patients to the real parents who often make their life hell for twenty years
have made. This is not about memories of individual events, but about
Years of existence in prisons where the tormentors loved and respected
should be.
It is obvious that access to the traumatic memories and thus the
Dissolution would be facilitated by their consequences in therapies, if not the whole society
steeped in ancestor worship. To help former victims of child maltreatment
Page 6

Therapy in Therapies their repressed emotions and thus the memories
and can rebel against the mercilessness of their parents,
Do you need the indignation of your therapists (see my article on my
Website: "Outrage as a vehicle of therapy"). But if these are under the commandment of
Ancestor worship, they will always protect the parents and thus the healing process
make it impossible.

We need to free ourselves from ancestor worship, recognizing that it is not just disease
caused by forcing us to repress true feelings, but also
hindering the healing of diseases by preventing therapists from doing so
perceive outrageous childhood reality of their patients. In addition to ancestor worship
The fear of one's parents, of their expected punishment, also paralyzes us
would have threatened us if we had dared to rebel against atrocities. These
very early stored fear of angering the parents, blocked later decades often
both our perception of the truth and our protests against the lies
and confusions.
My replies to the letters try to survive the abuses of
to liberate this fear by showing them the origin of fear.
Page 7

Answers to readers

MAY 2007 07 letters to the parents
Presumably, the child in you is still terrified of your mother, the
She wanted to kill her. This fear prevented you from reading the letter yourself, and this
Fear still seems to haunt you. Try your letter in therapy
still read aloud to consciously experience this fear as adults, in the
The presence of your therapist, from whom you feel protected and understood. Maybe
then you will also have the courage to allow the anger. By sending
Nothing has been done in the letter, as you can see, nothing is done. Only the experience
fear and anger will set you free from your mother and expectation
To get love and understanding from her.

08 The language of anger
You asked the child something, and it answered you. Clearly. The answer,
I do not like the anger, and it makes the child still afraid of the punishment. But
it contains the truth. And as an adult you will not be punished, you will
On the other hand, you get rid of your symptoms. You have taken an important step
and see for yourself what he brings you.

15 The therapist's fear of criticism
I can understand your indignation, but I'm surprised that you just because of
Trying to make the truth heard, where it is forbidden, the truth about child maltreatment
to see and name. Psychoanalysis was created to
Covering Freud's "gaffe" of 1896, and the successors of all schools seem
to remain faithful to this taboo, for fear of the once-beaten children in front of their parents,
which pervades not only our Western, but all societies I know.
Page 8

Therefore, I consider the most meaningful arguments and discussions to be useless, as long as
the origin of the fatal denial, the beating of the children, not into the
Take a look.

17 human rights organizations and child maltreatment
We share your outrage over the WHO recommendation and indifference
from Amnesty Germany. The latter does not surprise me, because I know that appeals
to Amnesty regarding child maltreatment not only in Germany, but
also in other countries, hardly be answered. These organizations obviously have
not yet a "resort" for children or consider torturing children as something
quite normal. I hold the circumcision of children - whether religious or otherwise
Reasons - for a cruel barbarism.

18 Colin Goldner
Thank you for your reference to the writings of Colin Goldner, the danger
the seemingly harmless rapture for irrational, esoteric and "spiritual"
"Wisdom" unmasked. I read the texts on his website with relief,
because at last there is someone who is different from this today spectacular deception business
does not allow to collect. Finally, there are authors (albeit not
many) who are not afraid to meet people like the Dalai Lama, whose
To look more closely at activity and circle of friends and discover political interests
who remain hidden behind the melodious "theories". That the Dalai
Lama was friends with the dangerous Japanese sect leader or possibly
is still, but would have to force many to think. But this does not happen because
the Dalai Lama has accepted the position of the unwavering father before whom one enters
Knees fall and you must never question. It is a pity that Goldner nowhere
mentions the origin of this attitude, which, in my opinion, is in the mistreatment of the
Child and the need for denial lies. Without this history would be
the extent of dumbing down, which brings the moneymen so much money, hardly
possible.
Page 9

23 Admitting mistakes to the child
Have you ever tried to tell your son that beating him was a mistake
that you did not know that then and only now know how harmful that is? you
can promise him never to do it again and ask him to promise you that
Remember, if you "lose patience" again. You can write us
how he reacted

24 Dissolving the separateness of oneself
I was very happy about your letter because you managed to get rid of the child
to get the lonely room and now to have with you. And because you are emotional and
not only intellectually realize how much this enriches and deepens your life.

25 My experience with the "Black Education"
It is good for you and for others that you are the perfidious nature of what your education
called, could see through and describe so vividly. Our readers will
See how their parents treat them for the agony of their own childhood
could take revenge without having to take responsibility for their revenge wishes,
because the "beautiful" custom gives them permission to act unconsciously. millions
of customs throughout the world give adults this legitimacy, especially
the initiation rituals, which terrify the children. With us plays
this theater around the Christmas time, where St. Nicholas helps the parents, their own
History of fear with a clear conscience and at the expense of their children mindlessly
to stage new.
Page 10

JUNE 2007

01 The massive revolt of the body
I think that fibromyalgia is one of the diseases that is very massive
to express the emotional pain that was once suffered but denied.
Thankfully, as an adult, you can already understand that language of the body.
But the child who was so cruelly tortured and lives on in you is trembling
probably still afraid of your terrible mother and will not allow herself
to be outraged by this torture. If you manage to feel this indignation and
To help the child in his anxiety, the illness will leave you. She protects yes
just your mother in front of your anger and indignation over so much cruelty. And your alleged
Helpers did the same, they allied with the mother against the child.
Forgiving this mother would mean saying YES to your illness. I hope,
that you can say a clear NO by no longer avoiding your truth
have to

05 The awakening
It is good for your child that you have already understood so much. The implementation is
not always easy, but you will learn a lot of important things from your child, since you have it
grow up without beatings and humiliation and open to your bad memories
wanting to stay. A child who suddenly stops talking needs a lot
Have experienced bad. I wish you much courage for this truth.

07 Commit to the future
I am so glad that you "get up where others are sitting". You are perfect
Law: Child maltreatment is never just a family affair. mine
In the opinion of children's beating is like an industry, where with the permission
the whole society, all governments and all religions future maltreaters
to be produced.
Page 11

09 children as "aliens"
Parents experience their children as "aliens", as menacing, evil, alien, ONLY if
they were experienced as children themselves and do not want to admit this at any price.
Then they fight their children and if they have none, they speculate endlessly
the origin of evil in religions, philosophies and myths. All this just to the
terrible story of her childhood and see the anger of the persecuted, humiliated,
hated, deceived, lied, confused child not having to feel.
Everything seems easier to tolerate than the truth. Maybe it's like that for many
especially if they do not know what price they pay for it.
Children who grew up with respect never felt like "aliens" and produce
later no horror movies. Today, this industry is flourishing thanks to television,
where people are held in the belief that extreme cruelty to
belongs to normal life (and even "love" can express, like a celebrated director
said in an interview). But that's not true. Only as children we had to
believe because we have no choice. As adults we do without ours
Knowledge ("WE BRING US THE MIND"), if we believe in it.

11 The fear of the child
You can not feel indignation? Also not against the "family stand",
who raped you and whom you allowed because the tortured child in you so
was terrified to resist?

12 What do theories serve
Thank you for your supplement. I agree with them. If we are simple, but
We need no theories if we can tolerate painful truth without beautification.
The light becomes clearer. But sometimes the truth is so horrible that we have a lot
Take time to fully allow them. In the meantime, the us serve
Theories as crutches.
Page 12

13 defensive and aggressive limits
I can not answer your question because I am not in such terms
think. Even the idea that one must set limits to the child is alien to me because it is
assumes that you can not leave power structures. That is not mine
Opinion, I think you can with the child without these traditional structures and
Prohibitions of black pedagogy communicate better, more freely and more meaningfully.

13 The Truth in (Phantasy) Movies
Of course, you are free, in art, the encrypted expression of the truth
I sometimes do it when painting abstract pictures. But I
mean that the film offers a great opportunity to the reality of the child in prison
To expose the power-obsessed parents, and that many people's eyes
could rise. It is a pity that few filmmakers have the courage, this reality
they also lack the necessary awareness that you have
apparently have. But I do not share your fear that unencrypted movies are not
Visitors would find.

14 Indignation about a family stager 2
A child cannot be outraged if it is raped, it is too scared
and has to submit to violence. Any resistance would mean death. Unfortunately
This child continues to live with his fear unchanged in most of us because we live in
our childhood had no opportunity to say NO and continue in this system
remain. But now you have experienced that as an adult you allow the indignation
could and did not have to die from it. So you could leave the system where
Most people live and function and unfortunately also "treat" as long as
Clients continue to rape like frightened children of gurus of any color
to let.
Page 13

15 The system of education
They write, "A child may just be what it is and adults
Develop people. "I fully agree with you.
If the parents knew how to torment them as children, they would be yours
Immediately understand the sentence and give your children what they need. But the most
Parents are afraid to feel the torments of their childhood and to rebel against it.
Instead, they torture their children in the same way they did with them
was, call the education and consider this normal and correct. Serve them
various theories, often supplied by professionals who are still quite in the system of
They live and advise in black education, out of which they are also afraid of their own
Parents, do not dare break out.

16 Stand by your own feelings
Before you leave (have to?) The nursery, you can use it as a practice field,
to develop your courage, resist the nonsense of black education
to give your opinion, all that you were not allowed to do with your parents.
You will surely feel the little child's fear, but you will endure it,
because now you are not in danger, you have a loving family and are grown up.
You know that what you say is right and you no longer need to be like a child
confuse and unsettle. The physical symptoms will disappear,
as soon as you dare to express your feelings. That hypnosis you
can help to "cope with everything", I consider an illusion, by the way not
is harmless. Yoga is just the opposite of what I mean, yoga is for reassurance,
where restlessness prevails - not without reason. It's about this unrest
UNDERSTANDING, to express it, even if it contains a rage, but which is healing
is

16 Alleged love
It is very torturous to believe in love when you feel the insurances
are lying to love because the facts reveal the lie (a child
Page 14

is left alone in the hospital for four weeks, for example). A child can not
make that feeling true and believe it to be true. But as adults
you have taken this step, and now you no longer need my books, that
seems to me quite consistent and logical. I am pleased with you, that you succeeded
is to take your feelings seriously.

18 Need to grow up without empathy
This is even worse than Black Pedagogy. That's an absolute lack of
Compassion for one's own child who has just escaped death. This lack of
You could not feel empathy until you began to feel it through reading the books
that you have been granted this empathy. How awful must a child be
who cannot tolerate this need, out of sheer fear of being punished.
Thank you for your letter, probably many will find themselves in your story,
although this is very extreme, it seems almost sadistic.

20 When a child is silent 2
I wrote to you then: "A child who suddenly stops talking
have experienced a lot of bad things. I wish you much courage for this truth. "
I wanted to draw your attention to the suffering of your childhood, but you
do not seem to want to hear this sentence yet. Take your time, which has bleeding
yes already spoken. The child will find the words when it feels your protection.
Then it will gradually free itself from fear. Trust your feelings,
take them seriously and do not ask anymore "what belongs".

20 Traumatic therapy
They write: "I have strong feelings of guilt because I am myself in this situation
have taken no responsibility for me when I have them
would have."
page 15

They describe very clearly and comprehensibly how the man treated you, like him
not in the least to your fears, your written life story, your person,
Your presence has arrived, yet you feel GUILTY. Why?
Could it be that you had to learn as a child, for cruelty (like
for example, extreme refusal of contact) and not with anger
to respond to it? Because the anger has meant danger to your parents?

23 family constellations
You write that you have read all my books, but if you only one
read the only book of mine with open eyes, you would have to know how
I think about black pedagogy. Why is it that you have her in her too?
do not recognize blackest form yet? Is it your mother's sayings to you
to prevent this knowledge - despite the reading of my books?

23 Protect yourself today
They are on the way to MIND, and that will protect you. It's true: none
Child has chosen to be abused. With this nonsense become humans
fed, who do not want to notice, at no cost, how horribly she abused
were. You can not force them to open their eyes if they do not want to.
But you have to protect yourself from being dependent on these people. That's why
For example, a divorce can mean a great opportunity in certain
Cases for sure.

24 fear and anger
You could hardly describe your situation better. And this description meets very much
many people too. You are afraid of your anger because it was forbidden to you.
You WANT to experience them now because you understood their meaning and at least
Theoretically, you know that you are in no danger today if you show your anger.
You also know that it would relieve your body, if you dare, yours
Page 16

To experience anger and to understand it as justified. But the understandable fear of
little boy seems to be greater than your insight, especially as the fear AND the anger
be suppressed by the drugs and therefore cannot be consciously experienced. But
WITHOUT medication, anxiety can be gradually admitted, experienced and understood.
Then the way opens to the rage that has long been waiting to be released
to liberate YOU. Ask the little boy who you were, what scared him so much
Do what he fears if you allow the anger. He will surely give you one
give a precise answer. You can rest assured that he is not lying. It stays
Just to take his answer seriously.

24 Blind spots
Congratulations, you have understood: to be uncomfortable than to suffer from migraine,
not true?

26 Revolt of the body
They say, "Like I said, I want to do everything I can to make this good and docile child
to support me. Can you perhaps give me some advice as to me with this condition
could handle easier? "
Unfortunately, I can not do that because I want to support the rebellious child in you,
that was never allowed to defend itself, and not the brave that gives you so many symptoms
bestows

28 It's really a miracle
I congratulate you on your success and thank you for letting us have this letter for publication
left. He will encourage many people to follow the path they take
always wanted to go, but feared not to create this and to be punished.
Page 17