“Our parents and grandparents are not to blame for having passed on to us misleading messages because, at that time, they had no better information at their disposal. But we do have them today. We can't claim the same innocence when the next generation blames us for having rejected information that was available to us and was easy to understand. Parents of today can no longer claim the unlimited freedom to be ignorant nor can a responsible government do it. It must take into account the most recent scientific discoveries. Damages in the brain structure of beaten children can already be seen on the screens of computers. Violence to children produces a violent and ill society. True authority dismisses humiliation. Its discipline is based on listening and talking, on trust, respect, and protection of the weaker. It gives children the assistance they need to become responsible adults who will not turn to vengeful actions like wars and dictatorships because they will simply return to others what they once received and what they learned by example: protection and respect.” Alice Miller --Read the full article here
Mor: This is how victims become abusers: not dealing with their own pain, avoiding the discomfort of recovery and then venting their triggers on others, usually children because they can't leave and have no voice in the matter. EVERY victim needs to understand that ALL that stands between them and being the next perpetrator is the amount of recovery work they are willing to do.. Grief is a process, not a license to freak out.
Sylvie Imelda Shene I agree, Mor, this is how victims become abusers. Behind every crime a personal tragedy lies hidden. No matter how many programs people come up with to teach parents to communicate with their children in a nonviolent way, parents will keep abusing their children in one form or another, as long their own childhood repression goes unresolved, covertly and silently with seductive lies to manipulate children and others behavior by masquerading with the illusion of love or overtly with physical abuse like spanking, beatings, and emotional insults. Never trust a person that can’t talk about their own childhood and always say that they had wonderful parents and a beautiful childhood, most likely this person is living a lie, masquerading with the illusion of love and sooner or later they will stab you in the back, it’s just a matter of time. Just as I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom page, 82 and 83 “Alice Miller wrote a lot about how destructive the impulse to protect our parents — especially our mothers — can really be. She believes that women are permitted to be tyrants in the home, punishing “millions of people who will never accuse them of their crimes because almost every child loves his or her mother and would never, never put her in troubles.”47 Facing personal pain is a lot more difficult than putting mom or dad on a pedestal and blaming ourselves for being a problem to them, or thanking our parents for the cruelty that we’ve come to believe was necessary to keep us in line.
Alice Miller was frustrated by the fact that the path from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator is totally ignored worldwide. She concluded that it’s because “almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.”48 If we could just see with clarity what the false idealization of our childhoods can do to us, it would be easy to admit that our parents were cruel. Because when we refuse to admit it, we do nasty things to ourselves and to others. We repeat the cruelty that was done to us and find insidious ways to justify it, whether through religion, power, status or some other success marker. Dictators, cult leaders, and mass murderers are all links on the same idealization chain. “In order to understand how Mengele was able to remove the eyes and other organs of healthy people, we only have to know what was done to him in childhood,” Alice Miller writes. “I am convinced that something almost inconceivably horrible to outsiders would be uncovered, which he himself no doubt regarded as the best upbringing in the world, one to which, in his opinion, he ‘owed a great deal.’”49
People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood. This is why some people have a lot of children because unconsciously they want to make sure they have an endless supply of vulnerable, defenseless new victims.”
"An important study finds that children who have been psychologically maltreated suffer effects that are equal or greater than children who have been physically or sexually abused."
Few great quotes that describe the property manager at my last job so well! She spent 9 and half years waiting for an opportunity to try to destroy me. She never had me fooled. I always knew if she had the opportunity to cause me harm, she would of, because she always was jealous of me. Never trusted her.
The words below articulates beautifully the dark ploy of the property manager and members of the board attempted to do to me at my last job:
"Another dark ploy is that narcissists contact your relatives, in-laws, friends and anyone who will listen to broadcast blatant lies about your character. This doesn’t happen in all instances but it is remarkable the lengths these malicious individuals exceed to trash you, put you at fault and lead others to believe that you are “crazy”; you need immediate psychiatric help; you have always been unstable, etc. Even people whom you have trusted —family members—can be flipped to the narcissist’s side, especially if he/she has influence over them and deep pockets."
Narcissists have a sinister side, especially if they want something that you have and you refuse to comply. This becomes very ugly during the severing of a marital relationship. Many non-narcissistic spouses who have been treated abominably still want to believe that when it comes to ending the marriage, the narcissist will be civil and fair just for the purpose of watching you exit quickly. The plays are opposite–Bring on the army of shark-toothed lawyers and go for the jugular. To protect yourself, study and research in-depth the true nature of the narcissistic personality including examples from real life. Get to know this personality profile intimately. It will be a strong reminder when you start to bend or buckle to the narcissist’s tricks, tactics, strong-arming techniques and charm offensive.
Another dark ploy is that narcissists contact your relatives, in-laws, friends and anyone who will listen to broadcast blatant lies about your character. This doesn’t happen in all instances but it is remarkable the lengths these malicious individuals exceed to trash you, put you at fault and lead others to believe that you are “crazy”; you need immediate psychiatric help; you have always been unstable, etc. Even people whom you have trusted —family members—can be flipped to the narcissist’s side, especially if he/she has influence over them and deep pockets.
Read the full article here
To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge