Yes, all at my last job of nine and half years that stayed silent and enabled the psychopaths, especially the property manager, and let them go Scot free are just a guilt. If the psychopaths had succeeded in destroying me, they all would have blood on their hands. Thank you, Donald for sharing the article A Narcissist's Enablers are Guilty to my page Facing Childhood Traumas.
"There are people who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in and demand that it stops. They have the power to do so. What do they do? Nothing. The narcissist depends on these weak-willed people. Abusing people isn't so much fun if it's only a party of two.
This is why enablers are not innocent. They have made a choice to support abuse."
Targets, especially if this happens at work, or in a social setting, watch as, one by one, the people they thought were their friends, slink away as the battle intensifies. (Totally, only very few stayed friends with me)
Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.
Some enablers even take it a step beyond and switch from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person. They may even turn into "flying monkeys" who carry out small attacks, in order to stay on the bully's good side. (Totally! was one after the other, when I thought I had one battle own, another would start the harassment)
...The abuser relies upon them not to back up the target. Before any attacks begin, a morally disordered person will carefully plan the battle. This can take months, or even longer before direct hits are launched. (Yes, the property manager very carefully planned the battle and was very sneaky. Professional criminals make sure they don't leave fingerprints. They know exactly what they are doing! )
Only if it's clear that there's an excellent chance of decimating a target, does the warfare begin. If there's a solid support system, the abuser won't make a move. (Totally, she never had made her move before because she knew the whole community liked me, but the moment she found out that some became uncomfortable with my book, she made her move and knew she could get enough enablers to help her.)
This means the enablers are the variable, which can either make or break a plan, and the narcissist knows this. That's why so much effort is put into creating chaos and confusion. This makes it easier for the enablers to rationalize their position. They may even begin to believe the target is getting the treatment she deserves, and that she did something to warrant the narcissist's extreme reaction."
After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love
And this is also why i wrote my book to be one more helping witness for people that are in the same place I once was and not feel all alone anymore like i once did. And maybe save someone's psyche and not lose it.
Also, the article in the link below illustrates what they tried to do to me.
Gaslighting: The Mind Game Everyone Should Know About.
"The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence so they are unable to function in an independent manner. The person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail to trust their own judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions." Alex Myles
(This is exactly what the property manager was hoping to accomplish.)
Totally! In order to keep their denial and repression intact and to keep hanging into their idealized parents and childhood, they need to destroy me in attempt to discredit mine and Alice Miller’s work, but by coming after me, they just proved and gave more credibility to mine and Alice Miller’s work. They are nothing but a bunch of cowards. I have compassion for the children they once were, but I have no compassion for the cowardly adults they have become, making everyone else suffer and pay for the crimes and ignorance of their parents or parents’ substitutes.
The words below from the articles Gaslighting describe exactly what the property manager and a few others did in an attempt to destroy me: “The abuser will systematically and frequently withhold information and then deliberately alter facts to disorientate their victim.
They may also remove things from certain places and then deny doing so to destabilize and confuse the other person.
The abuser will refrain from mentioning specific details and then convince the other person that they had told them, so the victim thinks they are losing their memory or their mind.
The abuser will say something then ask their victim to repeat what it is they have said. When the victim repeats clearly word for word, the abuser will lie to say they haven’t said a particular word, or that they have spoken it in a different tone of voice to that of which the abuser heard. For example, the abuser may say something angrily or aggressively, but when the victim gets upset, they will completely deny having used this tone, quickly changing their voice to a gentler and calmer tone. The abuser may then accuse their victim of deliberately trying to hear everything they say in a negative way—even though the abuser knows they deliberately wanted to appear as aggressive and negative.
Often, the abuser will want to create levels of distrust within the relationship to make the victim feel they either are cheating, or would cheat at the first opportunity. They may say things to make their victim feel insecure and jealous, for example, deliberately mentioning a certain person in a way that makes it sound as though there is more going on behind the scenes. When the victim questions this, the abuser will accuse the victim of having trust issues and this will falsely further confirm in the victim’s mind that they have serious insecurities and also, that they are extremely paranoid.
The abuser will make up very convincing lies to deliberately upset the other person and then call them names, mock them and put them down for getting upset and for overreacting. The abuser will also make light of anything that the victim feels is important to make the victim’s opinions, life-choices and thoughts seem juvenile or that they are inferior to their own. It is likely that the abuser will laugh at or sneer at their victim, but when questioned, convince their victim that they were imagining it.”
Yes, absolutely, of course as you wrote, "In order to keep their denial and repression intact and to keep hanging into their idealized parents and childhood, they needed to destroy me in attempt to discredit mine and Alice Miller’s work, but by coming after me, they just proved and gave more credibility to mine and Alice Miller’s work. They are nothing but a bunch of cowards. I have compassion for the children they once were, but I have no compassion for the cowardly adults they have become, making everyone else suffer and pay for the crimes and ignorance of their parents or parents’ substitutes." Most, unfortunately, like in your family you have once again been made the scapegoat of people who is triggered by the honesty of your story that is touching on their own repressed pain, that they are not even conscious enough to be aware of, and so are consequently projecting and transferring all their dissociated feelings of hatred and rage towards their childhood perpetrators onto you.
And of course, just like my teachers and older sisters, they want to destroy my spirit so I will be like them. They are allergic to my aliveness.
Just like Donald wrote in the discussion about my book: “The passage below from the Alice Miller interview How To Combat Denial came to my mind right away when I read of your sisters blaming your mother for your being so difficult and rebellious:
Borut Petrovic Jesenovec: I notice that a lot of people become allergic when they see a truly childlike child unburdened by guilt and abuse. They just can’t stand it. They repeat that every child must be socialized as soon as possible, in other words, taken away from parents and put into kindergarten so that he/she becomes "available" to anyone. They preach the benefits of socialization as if it was a most sacred, noble cause. I find this social pressure enormous. But in this context socialization equals adaptation to cruelty. Why is a child who is alive, genuine and pure, in their eyes unbearable, even sinful, and must, by all means, be mutilated so he/she would become similar to them?
Alice Miller: Because the child’s creativity and liveliness triggers in the parents the repressed pain of being suffocated. They are afraid of feeling the pain, so they do whatever they can to avoid the triggers. By insisting on obedience they kill the lively child, they victimize him or her as they themselves were victimized before. For that reason, they absolutely need information. This is why we talk and work on this interview. Most parents don’t want to hurt their children; they do it automatically, just by repeating what they themselves learned as children. We can help them to stop this destructive behaviour by explaining to them why it is actually destructive. So that they can wake up and make a choice."
*The Origins of Torture In Endured Child Abuse by Alice Miller