Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Using Abortion as Hook to Manipulate

F, 

Thank you for writing. You are right, an unintended pregnancy means not desired and every time someone is born that is not desired, planned and wanted for the rights reasons, it’s a very sad and tragic beginning indeed and because most people cannot face and feel the tragedy of their own history, they hang onto their illusion of love and this explains the hypocrisy that governs our world. 

This is why I fight so hard for the women’s right to choose to carry or not to carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new being. 

I am also doing all I can to remove the stigma from abortion, so if women find themselves pregnant with an unintended pregnancy, she will not feel pressure to carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new being she does not want and feels ready to love and in this way prevent from more unwanted children being born to just suffer and as an adult, because of these disowned and unresolved childhood injuries will become openly or aided by hypocrisy a danger to society, allowing this insanity and suffering to go on until the end time. 

You are right many women unconsciously have a baby just to trap the father and takes advantage of the stigma of abortion in our society to force fatherhood on her partner, but sadly these women don’t realize that they are really trapping themselves and the innocent new being they bringing into the world to use as a tool of manipulation, because in most cases men just walk away and the worse it can happen to them, is that they have to throw money at what they see as a problem, triggering the mother’s unresolved repressed rage of the child she once was, because the instrument she created “the child” to use as a tool of manipulation didn’t work and now feels trapped and blames the child for her plight and starts taking it out on the child that has nothing to do with it, and this is another reason why I want to do all I can to remove the stigma from abortion and put the stigma where it belongs, because if it should be a stigma somewhere, it should be on those that bring children into the world to unconsciously use and exploit.

Abortion can also be used by women to unconsciously manipulate the man in their lives. I know a case of a young woman with a lot of unresolved childhood injuries that became pregnant and her partner did not feel ready to be a father and talked her into having an abortion, which she did, but then she used unconsciously the abortion, to make her partner feel guilt and have control over him by accusing him that he had turned her into a murderer and blaming all her problems on the abortion, of course society stigma on abortion gives unconscious very sick women reins to use abortion as the hook to control men, and then to alleviate their guilt feelings they decide to have a child, conceiving a child out of guilt instead out of love to use as a medication to alleviate their guilt feelings, by many hours talking with this lady it was revealed how she used the abortion as the hanger to hook on the partner’s unresolved guilt feelings from his own childhood traumas to have control over him. 

I am wondering if you were trapped into fatherhood. Anyway this young man was very angry at his, now ex-partner, for deceiving him, because besides using his unresolved guilt feelings to control and manipulate him, she also had several affairs during their 20 years of marriage and confessed to never have loved him, but that she married him to take revenge on him, she also came to see clear that she was taking revenge on this man for the wrongs done to her by her own father when she was defenseless little girl, of course, today they are divorced, because their marriage was not real and they decide to become real and not live a lie anymore, but he is very angry and feeling all his anger at his ex and of course she deserves some of his anger, because she deceived him too, but who deserves most of his anger is his mother, because his mother was the first women that deceived him and used him as a tool of manipulation to force his father to marry her, if he had a mother that truly loved him and never used him as an instrument of manipulation to get what she wanted, he would not ever had fallen in love in the first place with a very damaged women that would exploit and deceive him like his mother did when he was a defenseless little boy, as a child he could not leave his disturbed mother and father, but as an adult can gather the courage to face and feel the tragedy of his own childhood and leave a woman standing in symbolizing his mother, but he still has difficulty in feeling his feelings within the context of his own childhood and stays stuck, because as long the repressed feelings are not seen and felt within the context of our own childhood, they blind us and they drive us into repetition compulsion to reenact our childhood drama in one form or another and sadly I am seeing him repeating or reenacting his childhood drama all over again with a new woman he is getting involved with.

I agree that we need to do all we can to help young girls become conscious of their childhood traumas before having children, so they do not pass their own traumas into their children, just like Alice Miller says: “This incapacity to love from the outset occurs much more often than we imagine. It is not the fault of the mothers but of the ignorance of society. In a progressive maternity ward, a woman having her baby should have access to enlightened assistance in perceiving and becoming fully aware of the body memories within her. This would prevent her from passing on the traumas of her own childhood (abandonment, violence, and so on) to her baby." 

I don’t think it’s a good idea to make mandatory or force vasectomy into young men, because I don’t think nothing should be forced on anyone, but I do agree it’s a great idea and should be encouraged for young men to volunteer for the procedure to protect themselves from women that might try to get pregnant just to trap them into fatherhood and to prevent unintended pregnancies altogether!

Also, read my answer to S in the blog titled  Removing the reins of guilt