I really didn't want to be away from my cats that long and be locked up in a house full of repressed people telling their true stories with their unconscious and compulsive reenactments. But I thought would be worth the shot to try to take to the masses the information that was helpful to me.
Just like I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom page 136, 137 and 138
"When you feel like you can’t solve your problems on your own, and when a parade of gurus, therapists and self-proclaimed self-help experts let you down, then depression is likely to hit you hard if it hasn’t already done so. It’s kind of like what happens when you fall off a diet and end up feeling like a complete failure when you eat more than you’ve ever eaten in your life. And that’s exactly what happened to me in a major way when I realized there was nothing in the world I could do to hang onto Marty, no matter how much I tried to
my repressed childhood emotions, and I’ve come to understand Alice Miller’s simple formula:
Depression = Self-deception
As long as we deceive ourselves by buying into whatever lies and illusions we use as coping mechanisms — from the idealization of our parents to the cloth of love offered by 12- step groups to the quick-fix, rosy promises of positive thinking — there’s a good chance that we’ll pay for it with depression, or even worse, like the self-help suicide couple I mentioned in Chapter 5.
This is as true in the United States as it is in Portugal, England, China, Brazil, Russia or any other place inhabited by human beings. For me, one of the best things about Alice Miller’s teachings is that they transcend all racial, class and cultural boundaries. Trauma impacts the entire human family, and unless it’s properly dealt with, it can lead to tragedy no matter who we are. All children, no matter where they live, have such a strong need for love that they have no choice but to cling to an illusion if the real thing isn’t readily available. How could it be possible for a child, who’s totally dependent on his parents for survival, to see the painful truth of their incapacity to love him? A child can never say to her parents, “I don’t feel loved by you guys so I’m getting a job and moving out of here.” Children often have no choice but to deny their truth, repress their painful feelings and develop false selves in the vain hope that they can somehow earn their parents’ love. I’ve learned that we can’t get love where there is none in the first place, no matter what we do. Every adult in the world has the capacity to give up these illusions and free themselves from the chains of depression that result from emotional repression. Unfortunately, most adults do the opposite. They cling to the false hope of illusions, only to let current events trigger depressive episodes whose root causes are the lingering pains of childhood that haven’t been dealt with. Everything we become as an adult is connected to our childhood: Our experiences are a chain of events that bring us to the present moment, for better or worse. A criminal is never guilty just by himself. If society at large could ever find the courage to learn from the chain of events that occurred in each criminal’s life from day one, we could prevent many future crimes and a lot of unnecessary suffering.
....Nothing will make us more depressed than believing in lies and illusions. I suffered from depression for years because I tried to believe the lies people were telling me, first from my family and then from those who stood in as substitute parents, namely Marty and the members of the 12-step cult I was a part of. I suffered from depression because I kept allowing others to fool me with their lies and very seductive illusions."
Sylvie Imelda Shene: I just read CNN's Anthony Bourdain also committed suicide by hanging.
Ahmed Telli: Sylvie Imelda Shene i hope someone like you try to help me to cure that depression .. i couldn't dream of anything anymore ... i just live for nothing .. i don't know why i reach that side of life ... why i can't learn ... why i can't do what other younger person want to do .... what happening to me ???
Sylvie Imelda Shene Depression is caused by repressing our authentic feelings.
As Alice Miller wrote to one of her readers: "You are on the path to understand more than your psychiatrist. The lack of serotonin has a cause, and this cause lies of course in your tragic childhood but antidepressants will cover up your history. The knowledge of this story (an important part of your life) is a REAL key to your health. Your depression seems to ask you to face what happened to you THEN. You can leave a place only if you know where you have been. But you ARE STILL in your childhood WITHOUT KNOWING it. I hope that reading my last book will help you to make the right decision. Read also the article on Depression and the FAQ list on my website and you can write to us THEN."
And below is the link to Alice Miller's article about depression that everyone in our society should read:
Ahmed Telli: Sylvie Imelda Shene when i see one person in the universe understand me .... that's enough for me ... really thank you Sister i wish all your dreams will be true ... and you live the happiest life ever with all you love
Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you, Ahmed Telli. I wish you the same. This letter someone wrote to Alice Miller about suicide is very enlightening:
" Dear Alice Miller,
a few days ago, a friend of mine committed suicide.
Although me and other close friends were devastated, none of us were overly surprised. She was a very troubled person, and had been so for most of her adult life. She was deeply alone and her personality was so damaged that she was unable to have a normal life. She was only 25 years of age.
When I told some of my other acquaintances that a friend of mine had killed herself, this was the most common answer:
“Ah, depression is such a nasty illness.”
I was absolutely aghast at such lack of understanding.
‘Depression’?! Is that all it boils down to? Was she not a person, with a life, and feelings, and needs, and especially UNMET needs? Are we going to simply call it ‘depression’ and shrug it off?! When the reasons why she was so miserable were so obvious, and so deep?
I do not and will never believe that depression is an “illness”, like a cold, that an otherwise healthy person suddenly “gets”. The way people perceive depression nowadays is truly sickening, and I think that this whole “illness” concept is so popular because it lets people get away from their duties and responsibilities: you often hear things such as: “Ah, we did everything for her, but when depression strikes, there’s little you can do”. Certainly not our fault, then. Certainly not her parent’s. Certainly not anything’s. What a load of rubbish.
Where has our humanity gone? Have we all lost our ability to empathize with people’s pain and needs? Have we all become so hypnotized by the biochemical, psychiatric terms that dominate psychology today that we have learned to ignore the reality of the person’s emotions, and the more glaring signs?
The truth is that none of us wants to face the reality of our pain and our failures, grieve, and start over. Because it’s long, it’s complicated, and it hurts. It’s much quicker and easier to blame an inanimate molecule and call it “chemical imbalance”. Yeah, sure! But even so, how did your brain get in that kind of mess? By chance perhaps?! I doubt it. This whole line of reasoning is a gross, disrespectful and tactless disregard for the pain and terror that victims suffered. If we are so blind to these feelings in other people (and ourselves!), none of the heinous crimes that I hear about daily will surprise me again.
To sum up, people can think what they want. But after all the pain I witnessed in my friend, the loneliness, the tales of abandonment and alienation, I WILL NOT HAVE ANYBODY SAY THAT MY FRIEND COMMITTED SUICIDE BECAUSE SHE HAD A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. I will not tolerate anybody who thinks this, and I will always fight this cowardly view.
It would be like if I shot them with a gun, and said that the fault of their injury is not mine, it’s the bullet’s.
(PS I give you permission to publish this if you desire.)
AM: You are absolutely right, and I can understand how you feel. We are publishing´your letter, it may encourage others to trust their feelings, which they were forced to ignore very early and which they still ignore even if they could be free to no longer ignore them."