So many women coming out of the woods to accuse Bill Cosby of sexual abuse that I have lost count!
I know a famous, charming doctor in Portugal that eventually will have the same fate as Bill Cosby here in America, because once the story of one woman breaks out, many other women will come out of the woods saying it happened to them also. I am sure I am not the only patient this charming famous doctor in Portugal had inappropriate sexual contact with. When I was in Portugal in the year of 2000 and 2003, I tried to contact the media there to go public with my story and I even tried to contact a lawyer there to sue this doctor for malpractice, not because I wanted money, but to expose the harm done by the so called professionals/experts that are "supposedly" to help the public, but no one got back to me, so I came back to America and started thinking about writing a book to share my life experiences and discoveries. Just like here in an America that was an open secret in Hollywood of Bill Cosby's problems with women. I know without a doubt that there is also an open secret in Portugal of this doctor having sex with his patients. The world is run by psychopaths or once well behaved children that hold hands together to hide and block the truth from getting through and silence former victims, like their own parents did to them when they were defenseless little children, but eventually the truth breaks out and can’t be kept in the darkness any longer.
Here is a little excerpt from my book, where I share my experience with this famous doctor in Portugal when I was 17 years old.
“Looking back I almost can’t believe how despicable this so-called doctor was. One time, he took me to his house while his wife was at the hospital having his second baby. Obviously, part of me was aware that what we were doing was wrong, but I was so focused on somehow harming my sisters that I let him get away with it.
When he was tired of his latest conquest, Julio ended our sessions. I imagine that he found another patient to fool around with. In an interview many years later a reporter asked him, “Is a psychiatrist also a seducer?”
“Maybe the reverse is more true,” was my doctor’s smug response.
Such a reply should have exposed him. But people in Portugal, and everywhere else in the world for that matter, are too emotionally blind to recognize even the most obvious red flags. Julio revealed just how sick he really was, but by then he was all but glorified for being an outlet for the whole country’s sexual repression. The people of Portugal still live vicariously through the escapades of this bold doctor who talks so openly about sex. And no doubt he continues to take full advantage of the collective repression for his own pleasure. In my opinion, it’s absolutely disgraceful.
Interestingly, Alice Miller has a few words to say about the seduction dramas that are reenacted by men like Julio who are compelled to use women. "The seducer is loved, admired, and sought after by many women because his attitude awakens their hopes and expectations,” she writes. “They hope that their need for mirroring, echoing, respect, attention and mutual understanding, which has been stored up inside them since early childhood, will finally be fulfilled by this man. But these women not only love the seducer, they also hate him, for he turns out to ... be unable to fulfill their needs and soon abandons them. They feel hurt by the demeaning way he treats them because they cannot understand him. Indeed, he does not understand himself.” The chain of harm done by doctors, therapists and gurus under the guise of help is endless. Alice Miller believed that most people with a “Dr.” in front of their name or a “Ph.D.” at the end of it weren’t in any kind of position to help or guide anyone, especially if they were repressing their own traumas and creating their own illusions. For many years I blamed myself for what happened… It took me more than two decades to see the truth and speak about the fact that this doctor had exploited my anger at my family to feed his sexual perversions and abuse me sexually, instead of helping me work through and resolve my anger.
In the book Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin, Anne Katherine states, “A therapist is entrusted with his or her clients’ deepest secrets. A minister bestows sanctions from the highest power in the universe. The potential for harm is overwhelming. For a person in such a role, essentially that of a guardian, to cross sexual boundaries is a grave violation. A child, a client, a patient, a follower or a worshiper are vulnerable and usually approach authority out of need. A sexual action by a guardian is very confusing, even to a very strong and healthy individual. For someone vulnerable and in need, such an action can be devastating. When a parent is sexual toward a child, the violation reverberates for decades. Trust is broken, the child takes on responsibility for the act, sexuality is affected, and the bond is damaged. When a therapist, physician, attorney or clergy person is sexual with a client or worshiper, it is also incest. A trust is broken, a bond is perverted. The person who sought care was used to meet the needs of the caregiver.” From the book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, page 66, 67 and 68
Monday, November 24, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
My Comment on the Article: Immortality eludes People Unlimited founder
“Members also pay to go on three-day intensive retreats, which cost another $150 to $200 on average as well as additional fees to Strole and Bernie for "life coaching," said Sylvie Imelda Shene, who took an interest in the group but declined membership around 2010.” From the article, Immortality eludes People Unlimited Founder Today, 4-16-21, I clicked on the article's link and had to refresh it because was not working and was very interesting to see the journalist deleted all the comments in the article. Once again it shows how those in the media try to manipulate the masses by hiding important information from the public. I'm glad I saved my comment below.
I am Sylvie Imelda Shene and I like to share more information that I had shared with Ryan Van Velzer, but he chose not to use for some reason. I didn’t take interest in the group. I knew they were a cult and I never was interested in the group. I had hired People Unlimited writer, Joe Bardin to help me with my book and he invited me as his guest to the meetings. I went just out of curiosity. I attended the meetings for a few months just to see how they operated, but when they started pressuring me to become a member, I declined, I challenged the leaders by expressing that the members dependency on the group was a danger to their mental and physical health and that can cause premature death and it was very ironic because death was what they all were trying to avoid. And Bernadeane told me to get the F out and never go back. I wrote a blog, February 2011, title “People Unlimited, Inc. My experience with an Arizona cult” that everyone is welcome to read.
Also if people are interested in the psychological mechanisms of why people become cult leaders and why some people become victims of cults. I suggest people read my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions.
Here is a little excerpt from my book that might help you understand these psychological mechanisms Sadly we live in a society where most people are stuck in childhood without realizing it, endless playing the role of the "good obedient child" and like little children fall prey of charismatic people that cast themselves in the role of parents figures over others and exploit them to feed their adult perversions and expensive lifestyles.
“…The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65
In another book, she [Alice Miller] goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66
Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods. Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression. The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation. “I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame, and permanent overstrain. A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67 It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way. “Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.’ From the book A Dance to Freedom, page 130, 131 and 132
Also, readers might like reading the article by Alice Millers published on my blog under the title “Gurus and Cults Leaders How They Function”
“While the ideas of immortality burned brightly within (Charles Paul Brown), the living of it often eluded him.” Joe Bardin, People Unlimited
“There are many cults on this planet, but the largest one is the cult of death.” Bernadeane Brown, People Unlimited
These two quotes above by the leaders show that they lack the courage to face the facts and evidence. It takes courage, to be honest with oneself and others intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps to create seductive theories, lies, and rationalizations to create a smokescreen to hide the painful facts and truth from oneself and others.
I am Sylvie Imelda Shene and I like to share more information that I had shared with Ryan Van Velzer, but he chose not to use for some reason. I didn’t take interest in the group. I knew they were a cult and I never was interested in the group. I had hired People Unlimited writer, Joe Bardin to help me with my book and he invited me as his guest to the meetings. I went just out of curiosity. I attended the meetings for a few months just to see how they operated, but when they started pressuring me to become a member, I declined, I challenged the leaders by expressing that the members dependency on the group was a danger to their mental and physical health and that can cause premature death and it was very ironic because death was what they all were trying to avoid. And Bernadeane told me to get the F out and never go back. I wrote a blog, February 2011, title “People Unlimited, Inc. My experience with an Arizona cult” that everyone is welcome to read.
Also if people are interested in the psychological mechanisms of why people become cult leaders and why some people become victims of cults. I suggest people read my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions.
Here is a little excerpt from my book that might help you understand these psychological mechanisms Sadly we live in a society where most people are stuck in childhood without realizing it, endless playing the role of the "good obedient child" and like little children fall prey of charismatic people that cast themselves in the role of parents figures over others and exploit them to feed their adult perversions and expensive lifestyles.
“…The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65
In another book, she [Alice Miller] goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66
Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods. Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression. The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation. “I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame, and permanent overstrain. A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67 It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way. “Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.’ From the book A Dance to Freedom, page 130, 131 and 132
Also, readers might like reading the article by Alice Millers published on my blog under the title “Gurus and Cults Leaders How They Function”
“While the ideas of immortality burned brightly within (Charles Paul Brown), the living of it often eluded him.” Joe Bardin, People Unlimited
“There are many cults on this planet, but the largest one is the cult of death.” Bernadeane Brown, People Unlimited
These two quotes above by the leaders show that they lack the courage to face the facts and evidence. It takes courage, to be honest with oneself and others intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps to create seductive theories, lies, and rationalizations to create a smokescreen to hide the painful facts and truth from oneself and others.
Dear D,
Our meeting at Starbucks was very revealing to me.
I am going to finish my thoughts now because at the time I was forced to listen to your beliefs, just like an immature authoritarian parent forces their small children to listen to them and me then I took the role of the tolerant parent and listen to both of you and after we run out of time and we had to leave and I never had the opportunity to finish my thoughts and observations, so I will do it now in writing.
At the moment I was forced to listen I was saying: that I don’t have expectations of what the project I am working on will bring me in return. I am doing this project out of love and is my gift to the world if my gift is well received and gives me back compensation for my hard work, of course, I will enjoy it. This project is my baby to the world and like every parent should have children for love and not for what their children might give them or do for them someday.
What I see happening with you guys is that you all split from the People Unlimited, Inc cult not because you all came to recognize the illusions for what they were, but because you all became a powerful mirror of the leaders of People Unlimited, inc. and the reflection came to be so strong that the leaders at People Unlimited, Inc. and you guys could not handle it and became a power struggle and you guys had to leave, split, but still carry inside the same illusions and now you all are trying to rebuild a new cult based on the same believes and illusions of People Unlimited, inc, the only difference now is that you guys will be the leaders.
I wish you all much courage and strength to get through it when all the illusions you all chasing burst.
Sylvie
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Rejecting Religion is a Prerequisite for those that truly want to Be Free
I also could not agree more with what Eiynah wrote in her open letter to Ben Affleck.
""I am Pakistan’s only sex blogger, I am also a woman. I am by default a lesser being within Islam. The fact that I talk about sex makes me even more worthy of disgust. Sex is not something easily discussed amongst muslims. And in the efforts of preserving our religious purity, we let some very immoral acts slide. Things that can often be justified by religious scripture. I speak to women every day who suffer under the religion of peace because they are not held as equals. There are things you can use to justify marital rape within the texts, and things you can use to justify pedophilia, there are things you can use to justify beheading infidels and apostates - just as ISIS does. That is not to say that ALL muslims are pedophiles, rapists or violent beheaders, or that Islam promotes these things. But if you are a person looking to justify such acts, you may find what you are looking for within the texts. Countless numbers of people suffer because of this, Ben.
Who will stand up for those people? In the interest of being politically correct and ‘liberal’ we silence the voices of millions. I am turning to you because you were instrumental in starting this conversation. Those of us who want reform are muted by extremists, as well as the liberals who betray us in the name of multiculturalism." Totally!
Read more:
http://www.nicemangos.blogspot.se/2014/10/dear-ben-affleck-words-from-woman.html?zx=92c80298fe07cb08
Most feminists and most liberals, just like my older sisters, are full of good intentions, but too scared to rock the boat and are too clueless that are driven by the repressed fears of the child they once were into repetition compulsion perpetuating the vicious circle to continue endless with their mask of love and pretenses. Causing much harm, and confusing and misleading millions of people with their illusion of love. Women AND men if they want to be free, they have to reject religion, all religions, because they all try to control us in one form or another. Maybe some have become more sophisticated and use mastered mind controlling techniques to manipulate us into submission and don’t go to the extreme of using extreme violence, but all screw us to a degree in one form or another.
https://www.facebook.com/sylne/posts/10152598431283922?comment_id=10152600568318922&offset=0&total_comments=6¬if_t=share_comment
Monday, November 10, 2014
Putting our Feelings in the Right Context
Dear J,
You probably thought I forgot about you. I have wanted to write you for the longest time to thank you for your emotional honest letter. And ask your permission to publish it in my blog; anonymously of course.
Things at my work have calm down and are back to normal, but I am staying busy as ever! Thank you for asking.
I think you have come farther than you think. Just because you have not completely freed yourself and not able to make some decisions and take risks in life, it doesn’t mean you can’t be compassionate towards others. I felt your compassion and I felt understood by you and that was real. In spite of all, you are living an independent life and that alone is huge and you should be proud of that!
It brought tears to my eyes reading your words: “As I think, the main reason, that I am able to resonate to your feelings as a child, is the result of your own honest work to really FEEL (with the support of Alice Miller) and then being able to describe it as compassionate as you did in your book. Since I try to write something about myself, I feel more and more how demanding this is and how big your effort must have been, to make your book possible”
This is one of the best compliments anyone could give me. I hope it keeps helping you to feel and articulate it into words, and please feel free to share them with me.
I am sorry you were misguided by a therapist with false promises of salvation and you fell into total dependency with her again, like you were as a small child. Every time you run into a person that promises to help you break free run the other way. At the end no one can really save us, because no one can feel for us the painful repressed emotions of the child we once were; only we can do that with the support of true enlightened witness that is not afraid to tell us the truth, because without truth, true liberation is never possible.
Don’t worry about making your mother your scapegoat, your focus and concerns should be with child within you and help her express and feel her authentic feelings, that she had to repress because your mother could not bear it, and other helping witnesses were not available to you at the time. Create distance between you and your mother while you going through your painful feelings, so you have the freedom and safe space to feel without restrictions, feeling our feelings in privacy with the support of a helping witness like Alice Miller’s books will not hurt anyone and will liberate you.
I too use to be very sensitive and absorb the disowned repressed feelings of the people around me and that is why I use to spend a lot of time alone to protect myself from others repression. I am still very sensitive, but the only difference now is that I am much better distinguishing which feelings belong to me and which ones belong to those around me and I don’t take in the feelings of other people anymore, so it freed me to take risks and go out into the world.
You said that you tried to answer the question of the worksheets in my book: what the worst thing that could happen if you faced the fears of your childhood. To the child you once were was life threaten and you wanted to kill yourself, but the adult in you now can witness and feel these feelings of the child you once were and no one gets hurt. Feelings alone will not hurt anyone, only actions can hurt us and others. Your internalized mother will die inside of you and this will be liberating. And you might be able to talk to your mother later on if want to from an adult perspective and no longer dependent on her and afraid of her, like a little child and you decide when, how and how much time you want to spend with her, if any. You will be in charge of your life not her.
You said one of your older brothers is adopted and he is slightly disabled. I am just curious what caused his disability and how old he was when he was adopted and if you know the reasons why he was given up for adoption and the reasons why your parents decide to adopt a child?
Also in your last letter you mentioned that your mother breastfed you for about four weeks and to your mother was a big deal, because she only breastfed your brothers for two weeks. Can you imagine what might have felt like for the baby you once were to lose the mother’s breast at such young age, when you were not ready to do so, this could be one of the roots of your anxieties and why you have a hard time to let go and you are so afraid of taking risks and making decisions, because it triggers the fears and anxieties of the baby you once were when she lost her mother’s breasts. This is a big loss for a baby. Once you feel these fears and anxieties within the context of your infancy, they should subside and you become free to take risks and make decisions in life.
You asked if Brigitte Oriol knows about my book. Yes she does and I think she seen it, but she doesn’t know English, so she can’t read it for herself until it’s translated into French.
Wishing you strength and courage to get through the feelings of the child you once were and I am sorry it took me so long to answer your letter.
Hugs,
Sylvie
You probably thought I forgot about you. I have wanted to write you for the longest time to thank you for your emotional honest letter. And ask your permission to publish it in my blog; anonymously of course.
Things at my work have calm down and are back to normal, but I am staying busy as ever! Thank you for asking.
I think you have come farther than you think. Just because you have not completely freed yourself and not able to make some decisions and take risks in life, it doesn’t mean you can’t be compassionate towards others. I felt your compassion and I felt understood by you and that was real. In spite of all, you are living an independent life and that alone is huge and you should be proud of that!
It brought tears to my eyes reading your words: “As I think, the main reason, that I am able to resonate to your feelings as a child, is the result of your own honest work to really FEEL (with the support of Alice Miller) and then being able to describe it as compassionate as you did in your book. Since I try to write something about myself, I feel more and more how demanding this is and how big your effort must have been, to make your book possible”
This is one of the best compliments anyone could give me. I hope it keeps helping you to feel and articulate it into words, and please feel free to share them with me.
I am sorry you were misguided by a therapist with false promises of salvation and you fell into total dependency with her again, like you were as a small child. Every time you run into a person that promises to help you break free run the other way. At the end no one can really save us, because no one can feel for us the painful repressed emotions of the child we once were; only we can do that with the support of true enlightened witness that is not afraid to tell us the truth, because without truth, true liberation is never possible.
Don’t worry about making your mother your scapegoat, your focus and concerns should be with child within you and help her express and feel her authentic feelings, that she had to repress because your mother could not bear it, and other helping witnesses were not available to you at the time. Create distance between you and your mother while you going through your painful feelings, so you have the freedom and safe space to feel without restrictions, feeling our feelings in privacy with the support of a helping witness like Alice Miller’s books will not hurt anyone and will liberate you.
I too use to be very sensitive and absorb the disowned repressed feelings of the people around me and that is why I use to spend a lot of time alone to protect myself from others repression. I am still very sensitive, but the only difference now is that I am much better distinguishing which feelings belong to me and which ones belong to those around me and I don’t take in the feelings of other people anymore, so it freed me to take risks and go out into the world.
You said that you tried to answer the question of the worksheets in my book: what the worst thing that could happen if you faced the fears of your childhood. To the child you once were was life threaten and you wanted to kill yourself, but the adult in you now can witness and feel these feelings of the child you once were and no one gets hurt. Feelings alone will not hurt anyone, only actions can hurt us and others. Your internalized mother will die inside of you and this will be liberating. And you might be able to talk to your mother later on if want to from an adult perspective and no longer dependent on her and afraid of her, like a little child and you decide when, how and how much time you want to spend with her, if any. You will be in charge of your life not her.
You said one of your older brothers is adopted and he is slightly disabled. I am just curious what caused his disability and how old he was when he was adopted and if you know the reasons why he was given up for adoption and the reasons why your parents decide to adopt a child?
Also in your last letter you mentioned that your mother breastfed you for about four weeks and to your mother was a big deal, because she only breastfed your brothers for two weeks. Can you imagine what might have felt like for the baby you once were to lose the mother’s breast at such young age, when you were not ready to do so, this could be one of the roots of your anxieties and why you have a hard time to let go and you are so afraid of taking risks and making decisions, because it triggers the fears and anxieties of the baby you once were when she lost her mother’s breasts. This is a big loss for a baby. Once you feel these fears and anxieties within the context of your infancy, they should subside and you become free to take risks and make decisions in life.
You asked if Brigitte Oriol knows about my book. Yes she does and I think she seen it, but she doesn’t know English, so she can’t read it for herself until it’s translated into French.
Wishing you strength and courage to get through the feelings of the child you once were and I am sorry it took me so long to answer your letter.
Hugs,
Sylvie
The Past Always Catches up with Us
People that preach that focusing on the past is a waste of time and unhealthy and we only need is to forgive and forget, they don’t realize that we can’t live in the present and look forward into the future without first looking into our past and face and feel the repressed feelings of the child we once were. As long our repressed feelings of our painful past remain repressed, we will be driven by them to unconsciously and compulsively reenact the painful dramas of the past. They are clueless that they have fell into a trap that makes them feel better temporally and superficially. And now unconsciously are alluring others into their traps, so they can feel superior and be in power over others to protect them from having to face and feel their painful past. They don't realize they are stuck in the past. This is how cult leaders are born. Until we face our past, the past will keep catching up with us in our relationship with others, especially with our children, if we have children.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Give Yourself the Time and Space to Feel
Dear M,
Everything you are going through is part of the process.
Give yourself the time and space to feel. Just see R as the substitute figure standing in symbolizing your mother/father, forcing you to relive what you had to live with as child without feeling it,
R is squeezing all the repressed feelings of the little girl you once were that had to repress it all because didn’t have the freedom and the support of a helping witness to help you articulate your pain and feel it.
Now the adult in you can become the enlightened witness to the little girl you once were and give her the freedom to feel without restrictions.
What you had to live with as a child was crazy, it might feel like you are going crazy, but you are not crazy.
I too felt like I was going crazy when I started the process of my liberation, it took about a year until Marty was totally gone and another year to process all of the feelings triggered and find freedom on the other side, like you I was going through financial difficulties and not sure what I was going to do next to take care of myself financially.
Just trust yourself that once you free the little girl within you from the emotional prison of your childhood, you will be able to see clear and the next steps to take to take care of yourself financially.
And you no longer be blinded by the repressed emotions of the child you once were, you will recognize red flags to never again get intimately involved with people standing in as substitute figures symbolizing your parents to reenact your childhood drama over and over again and force you to relive old pain over and over again.
After I was done with Marty I said to myself: I will never be here again, I can’t believe it, it has been almost fifteen years since he left. I have been alone, but not lonely, because now I have the most important person of all, MYSELF! I was more alone when I was with Marty than I am NOW! It’s better to be alone and to know you are alone than to be with someone and nevertheless to be alone.
Once we truly have ourselves we are never alone again. These words by Alice Miller could not be truer: “To live with one’s own truth is to be at home with oneself. That is the opposite of isolation. We only need confirmation when we are alienated from ourselves and in flight from the truth. All the friends and devoted admirers in the world cannot make up for the loss.” Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, p. 40
Give yourself the time and space to feel. Just see R as the substitute figure standing in symbolizing your mother/father, forcing you to relive what you had to live with as child without feeling it,
R is squeezing all the repressed feelings of the little girl you once were that had to repress it all because didn’t have the freedom and the support of a helping witness to help you articulate your pain and feel it.
Now the adult in you can become the enlightened witness to the little girl you once were and give her the freedom to feel without restrictions.
What you had to live with as a child was crazy, it might feel like you are going crazy, but you are not crazy.
I too felt like I was going crazy when I started the process of my liberation, it took about a year until Marty was totally gone and another year to process all of the feelings triggered and find freedom on the other side, like you I was going through financial difficulties and not sure what I was going to do next to take care of myself financially.
Just trust yourself that once you free the little girl within you from the emotional prison of your childhood, you will be able to see clear and the next steps to take to take care of yourself financially.
And you no longer be blinded by the repressed emotions of the child you once were, you will recognize red flags to never again get intimately involved with people standing in as substitute figures symbolizing your parents to reenact your childhood drama over and over again and force you to relive old pain over and over again.
After I was done with Marty I said to myself: I will never be here again, I can’t believe it, it has been almost fifteen years since he left. I have been alone, but not lonely, because now I have the most important person of all, MYSELF! I was more alone when I was with Marty than I am NOW! It’s better to be alone and to know you are alone than to be with someone and nevertheless to be alone.
Once we truly have ourselves we are never alone again. These words by Alice Miller could not be truer: “To live with one’s own truth is to be at home with oneself. That is the opposite of isolation. We only need confirmation when we are alienated from ourselves and in flight from the truth. All the friends and devoted admirers in the world cannot make up for the loss.” Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, p. 40
Wishing courage and strength to get through this vulnerable time in your life,
Sylvie