Playing the Victim Card can Get you Far

She thinks she is in "control"! She believes she is brighter than those around her because of all the intellectual knowledge she has learned from me, and she has the illusion that gives her an advantage in the games people play. However, she doesn't realize that she is still emotionally blind by the unresolved repressed emotions of the child she once was. She is driven by unresolved, repressed emotions into the state of repetition compulsion, and intellectual knowledge and money alone will not save her or liberate her.

The only way to free herself was to walk away from her mother and her money and allow herself the time and space to understand and feel all her emotions within the context of her own childhood.

But her greed or obsession with money and lack of courage to walk away keep her in the emotional prison of her mother! And her mother has her exactly where she wants her to be by playing the victim card to get her daughter's attention, then picking her up in her BMW to go out to eat and on little trips to show off her jewelry and how rich she is.

And also, by playing the victim card when she is with her sisters to get them to feel sorry for her and by making them feel guilty, they will be there for her the way she wants them to be, without having to give them anything anymore, because now she is hiding behind her daughter. She can say her daughter is in control of everything! She is getting the best of both worlds! Like they say here in America, she wants to have her cake and eat it too! She has it both ways, just like she likes it!

Her mother is an old lady, but she's still very good at playing the game and directing everyone around her to play the part she wants them to play in her twisted drama. She got exactly what she wanted from the chaos she created, and all the chips fell exactly where she wanted them to —on her side! She is the only winner here! And me! Her daughter was the only link to the family's little dramas, and NOW I'm totally free! Thank you!

"Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life, you'll try to earn love. In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis."

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/12/removing-reins-of-guilt.html

The aunt she hates so much was raised by her mother, so her aunt is a victim of her mother's upbringing as much as she is. They have more in common than she thinks... 

Covert Narcissist

The Security business attracts a lot of these covert and overt narcissists, assholes. 

I like to work until I'm 67 but I'm so tired and burned out of dealing with these type of bullies in the workplace that I think next year, if not sooner, I will leave the workplace for good...  read more about my experience with malignant covert narcissists in the link below:

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/09/bicover-up-by-sociopaths-at-my-ex-job.html

"Many people have fallen victim to the manipulative behaviors of a covert narcissist without realizing what has happened until they are already in emotional pain. Overt narcissists are so much easier to see coming as they are what you might expect - loud, obnoxious and arrogant. 

It is not unusual for people to find themselves in long term relationships with covert narcissists only to be hurt by a sense of a lack of partnership or reciprocity in the relationship." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

The last covert narcissist I dealt with even looks like the guy in the picture above! 

IDENTIFYING TOXIC PEOPLE

 IDENTIFYING TOXIC PEOPLE

They are controlling. They have to have everything their way. And only agenda they care about is their own. They don't take, "no" for an answer, unless they are manipulating you, or it will ultimately suit their purpose.

They are never wrong!- Even to evidence to the contrary, they will never admit to being wrong. And don't expect an apology from them. Their enormous ego would never even entertain that possibility.

They are draining. You feel depleted every time you are in their presence. Extremely selfish people are like vampires, they suck the life force right out of you.

They are deceptive- They sometimes come in the guise of being helpful and caring. They may even be helpful. But don't be fooled it always comes at a cost. Or they get some narcissistic pleasure from it. They love having their egos stoked, and being told, what great people they are. Meanwhile if you do one thing they don't like, they will bury you in an instant, without even a second thought.

They are liars. They are the most deceptive people you will ever meet. Everything they do, everything they are is set up to deceive, and fulfill their purpose.

They are delusional. They really believe their own lies. They even think they are great people. They have this innate ability to fool everyone including themselves.

Out of the Prison of Confusion

“Even Adolf Hitler never denied that he had been beaten. What he denied was that these beatings were painful. And by totally falsifying his feelings, he would become a mass murderer. That would never have occurred had he been capable of feeling, and weeping about, his situation and had he not repressed his justifiable hatred of those responsible for his distress but consciously experienced and comprehended it. Instead he perverted this hatred into ideology. The same hold for Stalin, Ceausescu, and all the other beaten and humiliated children who later turn into tyrants and criminals. 

The return of the truth only begins to announce itself in the moment that we turn the tables and the word “spanked” condemns itself as heartless testimony to the disrespect and humiliation inflicted on the child. Only once we have become capable of empathizing with the feelings of the abused child we once were, and rejection the mockery and cynicism of our adult selves, do we begin to open the gates to the truth. Only then can we also stop being a danger to others.”  From the book “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence” Alice Miller page15, 16 Chapter "Out of the Prison of Confusion"