The Root Cause of War

Here is the root cause of all wars. We are all responsible for allowing dangerously repressed people to become leaders. 

The powerful enablers in Putin's life that enabled him into power are just as guilty. Ask yourself who in your circle of people you know are sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, bad players, or whatever you like to call these evil people, and you are enabling them to get ahead and into power positions over others for fear of speaking up. One day these malignant people might become world leaders and put all of our lives in danger like Putin is doing today. Like it or not we are all responsible. 

Everyone wants to fight corruption from the top, but how we prevent sociopaths from getting into the highest office of the land is to expose them and their corruption at the local level. We fight corruption from the bottom up and not from the top, but as we witnessed at my place of work -- where I worked for nine and half years -- no one had the courage to expose the sociopaths and their corruption. And no one cares that my livelihood was almost destroyed by these very bad players. 

Once we give power to these very dangerously repressed malignant personalities, they will never give up power without destroying the livelihoods of manny innocent beings and mass destruction. As we are witnessing with Putin and many times before with past dictators. When will the masses wake up and stop giving power to these dangerously repressed malignant personalities?

Let's make it clear holding information that can be helpful to others is a form of lying and is abuse. Being a passive liar is just as destructive as the people speaking out loud lies. Lies is the fuel that fuels conflict and wars. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/03/lies-is-fuel-that-creates-wars.html?m=1

"The unconscious compulsion to revenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence page 82

“Humiliations, spankings, and beatings, slaps in the face, betrayal, sexual exploitation, derision, neglect, etc. are all forms of mistreatment, because they injure the integrity and dignity of a child, even if their consequences are not visible right away. 

However, as adults, most abused children will suffer, and let others suffer, from these injuries. This dynamic of violence can deform some victims into hangmen who take revenge even on whole nations and become willing executors to dictators as unutterably appalling as Hitler and other cruel leaders.

Dictators and the dynamics of cruelty

Every dictator torments his people in the same way he was tormented as a child. The humiliations inflicted on these dictators in adult life had nothing like the same influence on their actions as the emotional experiences they went through in their early years. 

Those years are “formative” in the truest sense: in this period the brain records or “encodes” emotions without (usually) being able to recall them at will. 

As almost every dictator denies his sufferings (his former total helplessness in the face of brutality) there is no way that he can truly come to terms with them. 

Instead, he will have a limitless craving for scapegoats on whom he can avenge himself for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears.

Read more in the link below:

https://www.alice-miller.com/en/the-origins-of-torture-in-endured-child-abuse/

“The Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu knew nothing of the way he suffered as a child from having been pent up in one room with ten brothers and sisters in a state of extreme neglect. 

As an adult living in the monomaniacal opulence of luxurious palaces, he repressed all explicit memory of it. But implicit (body) memories of his childhood suffering remained, and they incited him to take vengeance on a whole nation. 

Like his own mother, the women in this dictatorship were not allowed to have abortions. Like his own parents, most couples in Romania were forced to have more children than they wanted or were able to take for. 

As a result, Romanian orphanages were full to bursting with youngsters displaying severe behavioral disorders and disabilities caused by extreme neglect. 

Who needed all those children? No one. Only the dictator himself, whose unconscious memories spurred him to commit atrocities and whose mental barriers prevented him from recognizing them as atrocities. "

Taken from the book “The Truth Will Set you free” by Alice Miller

"I designate as pessimistic the thought that we are far more dependent than our pride would like to admit on individual human beings (and not only on institutions!), for a single person can gain control over the masses if he learns to use to his own advantage the system under which they were raised. People who have been "pedagogically" manipulated as children are not aware as adults of all that can be done to them. Like the individual authoritarian father, leader figures, in whom the masses see their own father, actually embody the avenging child who needs the masses for his own purposes (of revenge). And this second form of dependence--the dependence of the "great leader" on his childhood, on the unpredictable nature of the unintegrated, enormous potential for hatred within him--is decidedly a very great danger." Taken from the book "For Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence" by Alice Miller (page 243)

A great danger indeed

"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.

...Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." -- Alice Miller


The above excerpt from the article Deception Kills Love by Alice Miller

"It is not true that evil, destructiveness,

and perversion inevitably form part of

human existence, no matter how often this

is maintained. But it is true that we are

daily producing more evil and, with it, an

ocean of suffering for millions that is

absolutely avoidable. When one day the

ignorance arising from childhood

repression is eliminated and humanity

has awakened, an end can be put to the

production of evil.”

— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

"Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" Alice Miller 

And lies is the fuel that creates wars. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/07/terrorism-is-war-of-poor-and-war-is.html?m=1

The great malady of our society, implicated in all our troubles and affecting us individually and socially, is the idealization of our parents and childhood and the denial of childhood suffering. When we idealize our parents and childhood and deny childhood suffering, it does not go away. It appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence, greed, deceit and loss of meaning. Our temptation is to isolate these symptoms or try to eradicate them one by one; but the root problem is the idealization of our parents and childhood and the denial of childhood suffering.

5 Forms of Narcissistic Abuse Used by Covert Narcissists

"Accept that the narcissist is what he/she is. Narcissists are totally incapable of love and deep connection. Nothing you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome. You were not loved for YOU as a person. You were viewed as an object and loved for your utility, not for your individuality. You were used for the perks you were able to provide. You were their human helium tank that maintained their inflated view of themselves. I know it sounds harsh, and it's a very painful realization to accept. But the acceptance of this fact is also the very thing that will accelerate your healing and set you free." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

5 Forms of Narcissistic Abuse Used by Covert Narcissists is another great article by DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY  

In this article Dr. Melanie Cabrera articulates beautifully exactly what, very recently, two covert narcissists did, one in my family and the other in the workplace, they invaded my privacy and one even broke into private messages accounts of close relatives and made public private conversations. When thier moves didn't go their way, they just quit and left. 

"As you’ll notice, their behaviors have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their attempts to regain or retain a stable self image. 

Covert, or vulnerable, narcissists differ from their overt (grandiose) counterparts in several ways.  One of the main ways is that, contrary to pop psychology belief, overt narcissists do not have an underlying belief of themselves as inadequate or less than.  They truly believe the world should fall at their feet.  Covert narcissists, on the other hand, have a fragile ego in which shame and envy drive the narcissistic abuse bus.  They absolutely NEED to objectify others and destroy intersubjectivity in their relationships as a way to “prove” to themselves they are not the inadequate beings they feel they are.  In short, they view their inner self as shameful but lack the intrinsic motivation to change.  When combined with deficits in emotional recognition (empathy), deficits in affect regulation, and a biased conceptualization of self and others, you get a covert narcissist.  

In this article, we’ll take a look at five examples of narcissistic abuse used by covert narcissists and what they really mean.  As you’ll notice, their behaviors have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their attempts to regain or retain a stable self image.

1. Having your social media, emails, phone calls and texts combed through regularly. 

This invasion of privacy serves two distinct aspects of the narcissist’s psyche.  First, this narcissistic abuse relates to testing your boundaries when done early on in the relationship.  To him or her, you have no true privacy as you are something to be “owned” and used to maintain his or her sense of self.  For the covert narcissist, however, this boundary violation morphs into a need to ensure continued hold over you.  He or she needs to make sure you are not speaking ill or otherwise catching on to the game being played. If he or she does not find anything, this maintains the sense of self as adequate and desirable. However, any indication that you are not all about him or her (in a positive light) will lead to an argument, including talking to members of the opposite sex.  Although it may appear that he or she is just starting a fight for the sake of starting a fight, in actuality, the fight is way to preserve the sense of self – his or her perspective is that you should not be talking or gaining attention from

3. Being unable to leave or enter a room, being locked out

This tactic is typically used just before discard and it is purely an attempt to regain a sense of stable self for the narcissist.  If this form of narcissistic abuse is being used, it is because you have begun to question him or her, have caught on to other incidences of abuse, or are otherwise indicating you are fed up with their behavior.  You perhaps set a boundary.  My narcissistic ex used to lock me out of the bedroom or lock my dog in one room while I was locked in another when I would confront him on his crappy behaviors (usually involving invading my privacy).  They do this in hopes that you will become erratic, yell, beg, plead, etc so that they can use it against you during their smear campaign and ensuing “woe is me” attempts at victimhood."

Read all five examples of Narcissistic Abuse used by Covert Narcissists and what they really mean in the link below:

https://drmelaniecabrera.com/5-forms-of-narcissistic-abuse-used-by-covert-narcissists/

The Root Cause of Most Tragedies

 

Being all these things that's what will make us happy! I'm happy!

RL: I disagree. You do not owe anyone, or the world anything. You must first learn to honour your feelings and build interpersonal strength first. Those who do the work to heal themselves pave the way to finding true inner happiness. Once this happiness is found you will find that you have more joy and desire to help others as well. Someone who is mentally healthy and happy is far more equipped to help others more meaningfully and with greater impact. As a sufferer of C-PTSD from childhood trauma, I used to put my own needs aside to help others all the time. However through the therapy process as I learn to love myself I increasingly become happier. This happiness inspires me to be even more useful, compassionate, etc then if I were to just strive to do these things to be "valued" by the other.

Facing Childhood Traumas: RL, so after healing, you become all these things and happy at the same time. I too have suffered PTSD because of childhood traumas and a few years ago I was the target of psychological warfare in the workplace after I published my book -- It was the most traumatic experience I went through in my adult life -- if I had not truly had resolved my childhood repression I would not have survived. 
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/11/psychological-warfare.html

Unresolved childhood traumas combined together with present traumatic experiences is a recipe for a tragedy.

This is the root cause of most of the tragedies we witness in our world. Doing our emotional work and healing ourselves is the most important work we can do on this planet, and if we do this, it's a lot! It will help make the world a better place! 

https://www.facebook.com/FacingChildhoodTraumas/posts/5497062906970583?comment_id=5497961753547365&notif_id=1645655132527625&notif_t=feed_comment&ref=notif

The Guit Trip

Guilt-tripping is a form of #EmotionalAbuse and another favorite tactic of #narcissists. #PsychologicalManipulation #NarcissisticAbuse
 

Psychological Manipulation

THE GUILT TRIP

A guilt trip involves induced feelings of

guilt or responsibility, mostly unjustified, which are stirred up by the manipulator. Guilt-tripping behaviors are commonly experienced in close relationships, like romantic, friendly, professional, and familial relationships.

Someone Trying To Guilt-Trip You May:

Bring to your attention their own hard work and efforts, making you feel like you've failed to meet their standards.

• Use sarcasm and passive-aggressive behavior to react to situations. • Ignore your attempts to discuss the problem

• Give you the silent treatment.

• Deny they are annoyed, although their behavior says otherwise • Show no eagerness to improve the situation themselves.

. Communicate their irritation with you through their body language, like a sign, cross arms, and slam objects [and the eye-rolling] DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

Numbers of Readers from Each Country

latest numbers of readers from each country. A few of them are here, not to learn, but to spy, to see if they can find anything they can use against me! Sad to live in a world where so many people want to hurt those trying to wake up society from its deep repression.

 

"It is not true that evil, destructiveness,

and perversion inevitably form part of

human existence, no matter how often this

is maintained. But it is true that we are

daily producing more evil and, with it, an

ocean of suffering for millions that is

absolutely avoidable. When one day the

ignorance arising from childhood

repression is eliminated and humanity

has awakened, an end can be put to the

production of evil.”

— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Today's 2-21-22 at 1:01 PM total number of readers so far. So curious to know how many of them are spies?! 

It's so sad that so many people in our society have passed the point of no return and go around acting as if personality, pretending to be good people, but are wolves in sheep's clothing trying to destroy all those that are seeing people... 

They rather kill and be killed than face their own painful truths. 

We live in a very dangerous world and those in power positions can be the most dangerous because they abuse their power to hurt anyone that they fear might expose them for the fraud that they are... 

"The abuser tries to make the victim act against him so he can denounce her as “evil.” And cast himself as the victim and make his target appear to be the abuser.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html?m=1

52 Ways to Identify a Covert Narcissist

KEY POINTS

• The covert narcissist fails to develop emotional empathy, self-awareness, or a stable sense of identity and self-esteem in childhood.
• Covert narcissists avoid the spotlight and prefer passive-aggressive means of controlling others due to their fear being exposed and humiliated.
• Tactics of a covert narcissist might include belittling, triangulation, and avoiding direct responsibility.

The flamboyance of overt narcissists can make them pretty easy to identify, but what about the covert narcissist in your life?

Recognizing covert personality traits requires looking beyond obvious appearances, past common assumptions and expectations. For this reason, covert narcissism is more difficult to spot, and it can take years to recognize it in someone you think you know well. But the good news is that once you become aware of the patterns and signs of covert narcissism, you aren’t likely to miss them again.

Covert Narcissism Checklist

The more covert form of pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is not expressed the same way in every individual, but there are typical patterns that are very common. If you see many or most of these attitudes and behaviors in a person you know, you’re probably dealing with someone who suffers—and makes others suffer—with covert narcissism.

1. Is passive-aggressive
2. Criticizes and judges from the sidelines
3. Is condescending and superior
4. Is threatened by honesty and directness
5. Swings between idealizing and devaluing him-/herself and others
6. Denies and dismisses others’ feelings
7. Cultivates a public image sharply different from his/her private behavior
8. Identifies as a victim
9. Is cynical and sarcastic
10. Makes unreasonable demands
11. Turns your problems into his/her dramas
12. Belittles and blames
13. Exploits and/or attacks others’ vulnerability
14. Is reactive to questioning or criticism
15. Plays on sympathies
16. Fakes or exaggerates illness/injury for attention. 

Read more in the link below:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202007/52-ways-identify-covert-narcissist

"Many people have fallen victim to the manipulative behaviors of a covert narcissist without realizing what has happened until they are already in emotional pain. Overt narcissists are so much easier to see coming as they are what you might expect - loud, obnoxious, and arrogant. 

It is not unusual for people to find themselves in long-term relationships with covert narcissists only to be hurt by a sense of a lack of partnership or reciprocity in the relationship." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

The last covert narcissist I dealt with even looks like the guy in the picture above! And the 52 ways to identify a covert narcissist are all true. 

7 Years Anniversary

Tomorrow is my 7 years anniversary with the new company and 6 years with the present community. 

Forever grateful to D.C. for hiring me in 2015 and for his support for the first 4 years, I was sad to see him leaving the company 3 years ago. 

I'm also, forever grateful to the community, where I have been working for the past 6 years, and T.V., my co-worker, for standing by me, even when, sometimes, I know I can be a little annoying! 😼

Without this community and T. V.'s support, I would not have survived in the workplace until retirement age. 

If I retire now and move to Spain I can live there like a queen. 👸

Yes, if I ever move back to Europe, I will not move back to my country of birth!

Portugal never gave me anything good and I will not spend my dollars there that I work very hard for. 

Most people idealization of one’s own parents and childhood is a major obstacle for parents and educators

Alice’s Words below describe what I witness parents and educators do, everywhere I go, to children with behavior problems. Children with behavior problems, they don’t need more punishment, but understanding and someone on their side.

 A child that is misunderstood and not protected can turn into a very bad adult.

One reason I have very little hope for humanity is because of most people's idealization of one’s own parents and childhood as a major obstacle for parents and educators.

---------------------------------------------------//------------------------------------------------------

“Since a child is often used as a substitute for one's own parents, he or she can become the object of an endless number of contradictory wishes and expectations that cannot possibly be fulfilled. In extreme cases, psychosis, drug addiction, or suicide may be the only solution. But often the child's feeling of helplessness leads to increasingly aggressive behavior, which in turn convinces parents and educators of the need for strict countermeasures.”

All this does not mean that children should be raised without any restraints. Crucial for healthy development is the respect of their caregivers, tolerance for their feelings, awareness of their needs and grievances, and authenticity on the part of their parents, whose own freedom--and not pedagogical considerations--sets natural limits for children.

It is this last point that causes great difficulty for parents and pedagogues, for the following reasons:

1. If parents have had to learn very early in life to ignore their feelings, not to take them seriously, to scorn or ridicule them, then they will lack the sensitivity required to deal successfully with their children. As a result, they will try to substitute pedagogical principles as prostheses. Thus, under certain circumstances they may be reluctant to show tenderness for fear of spoiling the child, or, in other cases, they will hide their hurt feelings behind the Fourth Commandment.

2. Parents who never learned as children to be aware of their own needs or to defend their own interests because this right was never granted them will be uncertain in this regard for the rest of their life and consequently will become dependent on firm pedagogical rules. This uncertainty, regardless of whether it appears in a sadistic or masochistic guise, leads to great insecurity in the child in spite of these rules. An example of this: a father who was trained to be obedient at a very early age may on occasion take cruel and violent measures to force his child to be obedient in order to satisfy his own need to be respected for the first time in his life. But this behavior does not exclude intervening periods of masochistic behavior when the same father will put up with anything the child does, because he never learned to define the limits of his tolerance. Thus, his guilt feelings over the preceding unjust punishment will suddenly lead him to be unusually permissive, thereby awakening anxiety in the child, who cannot tolerate uncertainty about the father's true face. The child's increasingly aggressive behavior will finally provoke the father into losing his temper. In the end, the child then takes on the role of the sadistic opponent in place of the grandparents, but with the difference that the father can now gain the upper hand. Such situations, in which the child "goes too far," prove to the pedagogue that disciplining and punishment are necessary.

3. Since a child is often used as a substitute for one's own parents, he or she can become the object of an endless number of contradictory wishes and expectations that cannot possibly be fulfilled. In extreme cases, psychosis, drug addiction, or suicide may be the only solution. But often the child's feeling of helplessness leads to increasingly aggressive behavior, which in turn convinces parents and educators of the need for strict countermeasures.

4. A similar situation arises when it is drilled into children, as it was in the anti-authoritarian upbringing of the sixties,

* to adopt certain ways of behavior that their parents wished had once been allowed them and that they, therefore, consider to be universally desirable. In the process, the child's real needs can be totally overlooked. In one case I know, for example, a child who was feeling sad was encouraged to shatter a glass when what she most wanted to do was to climb up onto her mother's lap. If children go on feeling misunderstood and manipulated like this, they will become genuinely confused and justifiably aggressive.

* This was a recent direction taken in German child-rearing methods, loosely based on permissive child-rearing in the United States.

 In contrast to generally accepted beliefs and to the horror of pedagogues, I cannot attribute any positive significance to the word pedagogy. I see it as self-defense on the part of adults, as manipulation deriving from their own lack of freedom and their insecurity, which I can certainly understand, although I cannot overlook the inherent dangers. I can also understand why criminals are sent to prison; but I cannot see that deprivation of freedom and prison life, which is geared wholly to conformity, subordination, and submissiveness, can really contribute to the betterment, i.e., the development, of the prisoner. There is in the word pedagogy

the suggestion of certain goals that the charge is meant to achieve--and this limits his or her possibilities for development from the start. But an honest rejection of all forms of manipulation and of the idea of setting goals does not mean that one simply leaves children to their own devices. For children need a large measure of emotional and physical support from the adult. This support must include the following elements if they are to develop their full potential:

1. Respect for the child

2. Respect for his rights

3. Tolerance for his feelings

4. Willingness to learn from his behavior

a. About the nature of the individual child

b. About the child in the parents themselves

c. About the nature of emotional life, which can be observed much more clearly in the child than in the adult because the child can experience his feelings much more intensely and, optimally, more undisguisedly than an adult

There is evidence among the younger generation that this kind of willingness is possible even for people who were themselves victims of child-rearing.

But liberation from centuries of constraint can scarcely be expected to take place in a single generation. The idea that we as parents can learn more about the laws of life from a newborn child than we can from our parents will strike many older people as absurd and ridiculous. Younger people may also be suspicious of this idea because many of them have been made insecure by a mixture of psychological literature and internalized "poisonous pedagogy." A very intelligent and sensitive father, for example, asked me if I didn't think it was taking advantage of children to try to learn from them. This question, coming from someone born in 1942 who had been able to rise above the taboos of his generation to an extraordinary degree, showed me that we must be mindful of the misunderstanding and new insecurity that can result from reading books on psychology.

Can an honest attempt to learn be considered an abuse? If we are not open to what the other person is telling us, genuine rapport is hardly possible. We need to hear what the child has to say in order to give our understanding, support, and love. The child, on the other hand, needs free space if he or she is to find adequate self-expression. There is no discrepancy here between means and ends, but rather a dialectical process involving dialogue. Learning is a result of listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn. It is a different matter for parents or educators who would like the child to be a certain way or think they must expect him to be that way. To reach their sacred ends, they try to mold the child in their image, suppressing self-expression in the child and at the same time missing out on an opportunity to learn something. Certainly, abuse of this sort is often unintentional; it is not only directed against children but--if we look more closely--pervades most human relationships, because the partners frequently were abused children and are now showing unconsciously what happened to them in childhood.

Antipedagogical writings (by Braunmuhl and others) can be of great help to young parents as long as they do not interpret them as instructions on "how to be a parent" but use them to expand their knowledge; they can then find encouragement to abandon their prejudices and look at things in a new way." Alice Miller

As I Always Say: Money Alone Saves NO One

The last words of Steve Jobs, billionaire, dead at 56:

"I have reached the summit of success in the world of business." In the eyes of others, my life is a success.

However, aside from work, I had little joy. In the end, wealth is just a fact I am used to.

At this moment, laying on my hospital bed, remembering my whole life, I realize that all the gratitude and wealth in which I took so much pride, has vanished and became meaningless in the face of imminent death.

You can hire someone to drive your car or make money for you but it's impossible to hire someone to deal with sickness and die for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost - "Life".

Whatever stage of life we are currently in, with time, we will face it the day the curtain closes.

Love your family, spouse, and friends... Treat them right. Cherish them.

As we get older, and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30 watch - both give the same hour...

Whether we have a $300 or $30 wallet or purse - the amount inside is the same;

Whether we drive a $150,000 car or $30,000 car, the road and distance are the same, and we arrive at the same destination.

That we drink a bottle of wine at 1000. $ or $10 hangover is the same;

That the house we live in is 300 or 3000 square feet - the loneliness is the same.

You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from material things of this world.

Whether you travel first-class or economic class, if the plane crashes, you crash with it...

Therefore... I hope you realize, when you have friends, boyfriends, and old friends, brothers, and sisters, with whom you argue, laugh, talk, sing, talk about north-south-east or heaven and earth,... This is real happiness!!

An indisputable fact of life:

Don't educate your kids to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price.

 

The "Sacred" Values of Child-Rearing

 "Those who were permitted to react appropriately throughout their childhood--i.e., with anger--to the pain, wrongs, and denial inflicted upon them either consciously or unconsciously will retain this ability to react appropriately in later life too. When someone wounds them as adults, they will be able to recognize and express this verbally. 

But they will not feel the need to lash out in response. This need arises only for people who must always be on their guard to keep the dam that restrains their feelings from breaking. For if this dam breaks, everything becomes unpredictable. 

Thus, it is understandable that some of these people, fearing unpredictable consequences, will shrink from any spontaneous reaction; the others will experience occasional outbursts of inexplicable rage directed against substitute objects or will resort repeatedly to violent behavior such as murder or acts of terrorism. 

A person who can understand and integrate his anger as part of himself will not become violent. He has the need to strike out at others only if he is thoroughly unable to understand his rage, if he was not permitted to become familiar with this feeling as a small child, was never able to experience it as a part of himself because such a thing was totally unthinkable in his surroundings." -- Alice Miller

From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller 

Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use To Destabilise You

 

"Narcissists will use denial, misrepresentation, lies, and contradiction to slowly trap the victim in this distorted reality and to maintain control over them. By making the victim feel ‘crazy’ the victim is less likely to ask for help, reach out to friends and family for support or, leave the relationship or workplace.

...Threats

When a narcissist’s cover is threatened in any way they suffer what is known as a ‘narcissistic injury. This blow to their ego often induces ‘narcissistic rage’. To a narcissist, a threat might be someone giving them an ultimatum, someone trying to expose their lies or, someone promising to leave the relationship with them.

A wounded narcissist is literally capable of anything.

They might threaten to;

• Call your boss and tell them a lie so you lose your job
• Tell your partner you’ve been cheating on them so they break up with you
• Stop you having contact with your family
• Kill you

In a nutshell, your perceived ‘disobedience’ enrages them. The very fact that you would question their control over you bruises their self-esteem and makes them think YOU think you are better than them. When it comes to a narcissist it’s all about winners and losers. You know which they prefer to be! Threats are the narcissist’s attempt to terrify you into compliance. They are a last resort when the narcissist seems to have lost all control.

Because a narcissist cannot see things from another person’s point of view, it’s their way or the highway. They feel that it is effectively their right to threaten you. To them, winning and bringing you down restores their self-esteem."

Read more in the link below:

https://shecounselling.com.au/manipulation-tactics-narcissists-use-to-destabilise-you/#:~:text=Narcissists%20will%20use%20denial%2C%20misrepresentation,leave%20the%20relationship%20or%20workplace.

Cronyism: The One Not-So-Obvious Mistake That Can Destroy Company Culture

Yes, the problem of cronyism the article below talks  about is very true and is a big problem in many companies. 

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Cronyism is like nepotism, except the favor is not toward external friends and relatives. Instead, it’s the internal practice of offering favor, such as a position that one is unqualified for, in exchange for ongoing blind loyalty. And it’s a problem in organizations of all types and sizes.

1. Yes-men and women: Since loyalty is treasured above all else, cronyism teaches employees of all levels, usually in a cascading effect, to say yes to everything the CEO says or does with the goal to be in the CEO’s favor, rather than doing what is right for the organization. CEOs who are surrounded by yes men and women are unable to benefit from the diverse perspectives, experiences and knowledge of their subordinates.

2. Opposing teams: In-group members — those who have engaged in the art of cronyism — are given high levels of trust, interaction, support and rewards for their unwavering loyalty. Out-group members — those who want to challenge and grow through competence — receive low levels of trust, recognition and support. This causes stress on both sides until the stress on relationships is so great that there is an inability to work together as one team.

9. Loss of good talent: Tenured, in-group employees continue to be employed, although they no longer perform their duties effectively. Good talent is blocked and stifled by lack of opportunity. Talented people leaving the organization. The constant leeching of talent inevitably weakens the organization.

Read more in the link below: 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2018/06/04/cronyism-the-one-not-so-obvious-mistake-that-can-destroy-company-culture/?sh=39fe5fb46d92