People are driven by the repressed emotions of the child they once were to sooner or later, in one form or another, to unconsciously and compulsively reenact their painful childhood dramas, and this is why they are not able to live the teaching of any religion and end up being a bunch of hypocrites... if children are born into love and experience love as little children, they will grow up into compassionate loving adults. Love cannot be taught and this is why all religions are fraud. Anyone preaching and teaching love are nothing but con artists and charlatans cashing in on people's emotional blindness.
Those of us that had the courage to face and feel the painful truth that we were born into families incapable of loving us, and learned to love ourselves instead by walking away from everyone that believes and telling us lies --poison us with lies -- to confuse us -- then we can become authentic loving adults incapable of hurting ourselves and any other living being.
"Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts and never lies. ...If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children” - Alice Miller
“Several mechanisms can be recognized in the defense against early feelings of abandonment. In addition to simple denial, we usually find the exhausting struggle to fulfill the old, repressed, and by now often perverted needs with the help of symbols (cults, sexual perversions, groups of all kinds, alcohol, or drugs). Intellectualization is very commonly encountered as well, since it is a defense mechanism of great power.” Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The search for the True Self) Page 11
I took me many years of self-therapy to face the truth and feel the pain of being unloved as a child. I was intellectually aware of the fact yet that very painful truth came to me as an emotional discovery. First I became aware that I am trying to elicit love to myself from my daughter. And one day I told myself something along the lines: holy cow I was really, really, indeed not loved as a child. It was painful and followed by mourning. I am learning still to have empathy for myself and learning still to love myself. It was indeed as Alice Miller wrote a very painful emotional experience to face this truth of being unloved but worth it. I no longer waste energy to get unconditional love from others.
ReplyDeleteRob, thank you for writing. Congratulations on your courage to face and feel the pain that you were not loved as a child. Feeling the pain that I was not loved was the most excruciating emotional pain I ever felt. But now I'm free! These words by Alice Miller are so true: "Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life, you'll try to earn love. In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis.
ReplyDelete…If a child has been molested and the therapist doesn't deny this fact, many things can open up in the patient. The therapist must not preach forgiveness, or the patient will repress the pain. He won't change, and the repressed rage will look for a scapegoat.”
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/04/alice-miller-most-significant-thinker.html