This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Friday, November 8, 2024
Narcissistics go Nuclear on you when their Unresolved repressed Shame is triggered
When their unresolved repressed shame gets triggered, they go nuclear on you! I know from experience! Here are the words I wrote to the last narcissistic in my life that triggered her shame and an explosion of rage that went nuclear on me
“I already know that! It's better to let go... one thing I have learned is that it's not worth it fighting over money! At the end of our journey where we go, we can't take our money with us anyway! What we leave behind someone else will get to use our money for good or bad, and we will not have a saying by then!!! The reality is, as long your mother is alive, she's entitled to give her money to whoever she wants, and we don't have to like it! Unless she is declared mentally insane, she can do with her money whatever she wants...”
No more! I will never again allow a narcissist to enter my life and use me like an object, family or not.
As they say: “The apple doesn't fall far from the tree” is an idiom that means a child usually has characteristics or qualities similar to those of their parents.
I know of a very close case to me that despite all the knowledge in psychology she became a full-blown malignant narcissist just like her parents and uses her intellectual knowledge in psychology to give her an advantage in the games narcissists play.
Just like many Americans were hopeful we would elect the most qualified candidate that happened to be a woman over a male demagogue. But sadly, many Americans prefer to shoot themselves in the foot and vote against themselves than vote for a woman no matter how much more qualified she is.
I too was hopeful and waited about 20 years to see the last narcissistic close to me would find the courage to choose to do her emotional work to be different from her parents, especially her mother but in the end conscious or unconscious she chose to be just like her mother and with her knowledge in psychology and with the aid of technology she is a lot more dangerous than her mother ever was.
Now, she is surprised I don't want anything to do with her.
"The unconscious compulsion to revenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence page 82
The narcissist gives off a false image of strength and confidence but they are a coward who can only be strong if they have others behind them. This is why they manipulate others to back them. Narcissists can't operate alone.
The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away.
Dark Truth: Emotion for a narcissist equates to fuel. They want to hear you getting irritated. They want to get you annoyed. They want your voice to rise and see the tears of frustration welling your eyes. When they see this, it makes them feel so powerful.
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can develop obsessive thoughts and behaviors:
Obsessive thoughts: People with NPD may have an excessive need for approval and validation from others, which can lead to obsessive thoughts
Obsessive behaviors: People with NPD may develop compulsive behaviors.
Obsessive narcissist: A combination of NPD and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCD), this personality type can include traits like hyperfocus, ritualistic order, and single-minded determination.
People with NPD may also have other traits, including:
"Obsession with money or other external goals—such as a higher job title at work or a better car or a bigger house—is not always a good thing. Studies have shown that preoccupation with external goals can be detrimental to physical and mental health (Werner et al, 2019). It is perfectly normal to want to upgrade your phone or work towards a promotion, but there must also be an inner desire for personal growth and improvement."
Addiction greed, and obsessions, are all the same thing. Greed, obsessions, or addiction means that whatever the object of our affection is, we can never get enough of it. Addicts live in constant fear of losing the object of their affection and go to any lengths to protect it. They will lie, cheat, steal, go to war without thinking twice, and exploit others even their own children. No wonder so many young people are so angry; for when we feel used and exploited we get angry
When someone tells me they are bored it's a big red flag that this person is dangerously repressed. Being bored means that they can't find anything to their liking to distract themselves from the turmoil inside them and a target they can use as a scapegoat for projection and transference to temporarily alleviate their childhood repression. Run from people who complain about being bored.
This is why they constantly create drama to keep boredom at bay and distract themselves from themselves.
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