How Narcissists Use DARVO to Escape Accountability

DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim, and Offender) is a tactical maneuver manipulators use to groom individuals, and, indeed, entire social groups. It involves controlling people’s perception of events through a specific sequence of actions. Those who experience the DARVO process often feel disoriented as the perpetrator of abuse actively revises the facts and distorts the truth. By crafting a fictional narrative that bears no resemblance to reality, they sow seeds of doubt. Bystanders, regrettably, accept the manipulator’s lies as truth. Meanwhile, the recipient of the abuse becomes a scapegoat and a target of vilification.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim and Offender. It is a defense mechanism used by manipulators when they are confronted for their actions to evade accountability. DARVO is a fusion of gaslighting and blame-shifting. The term was first presented in a 1997 article by Jennifer J. Freyd, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Oregon and founder of the Center for Institutional Courage.

“The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim – or the whistleblower – into an alleged offender.”

Jennifer J. Freyd

What does it look like?

DARVO occurs in the following sequence:

• Step 1. Deny. The process begins with adamant refusal to accept any responsibility or acknowledge having a role or any involvement in the harmful behavior or actions. The truthful account of the events is stridently rejected and minimized. Denial seeks to deflect blame. Consequently, it also implies that it is in fact the perpetrator who is being subjects to an injustice by being wrongly accused of something they did not do. Denial distorts or disregards the reality of a situation.
• Step 2. Attack. The second stage of DARVO involves character assassination with the aim of redirecting blame onto the person who confronted the perpetrator, scapegoating the innocent party, and burdening them with accountability for the crimes of the aggressor. By shifting blame away from themselves, manipulators preserve their self-image, reputation, and/or position of power. It shields them from criticism and negative judgment. DARVO attacks often involve victim-blaming, distorting facts, minimizing the impact of their own actions, and exaggerating the faults of whoever confronts the perpetrator. The attack is essentially a smear campaign.
• Step 3. Reverse Victim and Offender. Once the character assassination has formed a critical mass of bystanders who are successfully deceived by the manipulator’s false narrative, the victim-survivors is subjects to the painful process of scapegoating. Thus the final stages of DARVO sees the victim cast as a villain, while the perpetrator is exonerated. The reversal of victim and offender relies on pre-existing biases, stereotypes, or prejudices. It is often used to animate bystanders into persecuting and punishing the victim-survivor.

Read the full article in the link below:

https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/darvo/?amp=1

When someone shows you who they really are believe them the first time. I no longer give people second chances! I'm getting too old to waste my precious time. I have been saying for a very long time that time is the most valuable resource.

And that's why I don't want to waste any longer -- one more minute of my life -- with people who are -- chasing illusions -- and living a lie --  without the courage -- to open their eyes to see -- and feel their own painful truths.

Many people are compulsively and unconsciously looking for scapegoats to use as poison containers to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own unresolved repressed emotions of the child they once were. 

I refuse to be anyone's scapegoat.

Once they know that you know who they really are, you get a target on your back. The only way to survive and leave with your dignity intact is to never react to their mind games. Rise above the narcissists' BS, because reacting to their lies and mind games, is what they want and that's what gives them power. I don't give my power away anymore. 

All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, assholes, or whatever you like to call these evil people, they all love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims as the abusers, but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim. 

Just like Marie France Hirigoyen said in her book Stalking the Soul: “...When the victim loses control, the abuser simply injects a small dose of provocation and contempt to obtain a reaction and later reproaches her for it. If, for example, the reaction is anger, he makes sure that everyone sees it. On occasion, an outsider might even feel compelled to call the police. 

One even sees cases of abusers egging their victims on: “Poor thing, you can’t expect anything from life; I don’t know why you haven’t jumped out the window!” It’s easy after that for the abuser to make the victim a mental case. The victim needs to act, but because she is blocked by the hold over her, she can only find her freedom in an extreme gesture. To an outsider, any impulsive action, especially a violent one, is considered pathological. The person's reaction to provocation seems responsible for the crises. Guilt in the eyes of the abuser; she appears like the aggressor to outsiders, who don’t understand that she can no longer live trapped in a horrible situation. Whatever she does, she can’t set herself free: if reacts, she is responsible for starting the conflict, and if she doesn’t react, the deadly stalking of her soul continues. 

As he drives his victim to destruction, the abuser gets that much more pleasure from pointing out her weakness or unleashing her violence. He makes her feel debased and unworthy. Depending on her reaction, she is described as temperamental and neurotic, alcoholic, or suicidal. The victim feels defenseless and tries to justify herself as if she were, in fact, guilty. The abuser’s pleasure double: he bamboozles or humiliates his victim and subsequently rubs her nose in her humiliation. While the victim dwells on her guilt, the abuser benefits from the situation, making sure to cast himself as the victim. Justification becomes impossible when nothing is said and no reproach is made. Desperate to find a solution to this horrifying impasse, the victim may be tempted in turn to use innuendo and manipulation. The relationship then becomes ambiguous: who is the abuser and who the victim.   The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal. His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off.” Read more here 

WHAT IS ABUSE?
By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of a said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.

…Business, as well as the media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:

. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees

. Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning

Emotional abuse and harassment start harmless enough and spread insidiously. Initially, the people involved are reluctant to take offense and gloss over quarrels and bullying. Later, the attacks multiply and the victim is regularly besieged; he is made to feel inferior and submitted to hostile and degrading maneuvers over a long period.

Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover.

Emotional abuse defined: "These are evil psychological assaults. This aggression arises from an unconscious psychological process of destruction consisting of either hidden or overt hostility on the part of one and sometimes several abusers toward a designated person; a real target in every sense of the word. It is effectively possible to destabilize or even destroy someone with seemingly harmless words and hints, inferences, and unspoken suggestions; usually, those close to the situation will not intervene. A narcissistic abuser grows in stature at the expense of the other; she also avoids any inner or spiritual conflict by shifting the responsibility for what is wrong onto the other person. If the other is responsible for the problem, wrong-doing, guilt and suffering don't exist. This defines emotional abuse."

"The very definition of emotional abuse is challenged by some who prefer to use the catch-all term of psychopathy."

""Whether the subject is serial killing or emotional abusiveness, the matter remains one of predatory behavior: an act consisting in the appropriation of another person's life."

The goal of an abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence. 

In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him."  

Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen page 71

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html?m=1

Some people would push you off of a ledge just to catch you and say they saved your life. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/12/the-illusions-narcissist-creates.html

The older I get, the less I feel the need to be included, understood, or accepted.

"Narcissist v. Sociopath

A Narcissist sees others as a means to validate his existence. The less validating you are, the less use you are to a Narcissist.

A Sociopath views others as entertainment. The less entertaining you are, the less use you are to a Sociopath.

Both the Narcissist and the Sociopath need to dominate and control others. They will both exploit you with no remorse and have no conscience. My advice? Do not validate the Narcissist and do not entertain the Sociopath. Stay clear of them. Once they suck you in, it is hard to get away. Avoid them both at all costs and if they manage to bring you into their den, run like hell." Lisa E. Scott

How would you define abuse?

Abuse means to me using a person for whatever I want from her, or him, without asking for their agreement, without respecting their will and their interests. With children, it is very easy to do so, because they are loving, they trust their parents and most adults, and they don’t realize that they were abused, that their love had been exploited. Especially if they were forced to ignore their emotions from the beginning, they might have lost their sensibility for the warning signals.

A small girl will follow to the cellar the neighbor who promised her chocolate, although she may feel uncomfortable. But if she learned from the beginning of her life that her feelings didn’t matter and that she should obey every adult person, even if she feels resistance, she will follow the neighbor. She will behave like the Little Red Riding-Hood in the fairytale. And she may later suffer in her relationship with men for her whole life if she didn’t work out this early experience in the cellar. However, if she does, she will no longer be in danger of becoming a victim of rape or any other kind of molestation.

https://www.alice-miller.com/en/how-to-combat-denial/

"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.

..Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." -- Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2013/11/dependency-breeds-hatred.html?m=1

https://youtube.com/shorts/nZj3fCCblSc?si=1yUZBJXXfgBYczwh

https://youtube.com/shorts/IrbUnAzM3Y0?si=HtYDNgueDe_HnPss

https://youtube.com/shorts/S_Ojs6q0EUs?si=B5wD4BPqlx1UnLVZ

https://youtube.com/shorts/G_Z_LAtf7bg?si=rugOQzXJRwBUalEg

 

11 things an emotionally immature woman will do when she doesn’t get her way

 3) She gives the silent treatment

Ever been on the receiving end of a stony silence? I have, and let me tell you, it’s not fun.

I once had a friend who would completely shut me out every time we had a disagreement. 

Instead of talking things out like adults, she’d go radio silent for days, even weeks. 

This was her way of punishing me for not aligning with her views.

The silent treatment, my friends, is a classic move by emotionally immature women.

It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you feel guilty and ultimately give in to her demands. It’s certainly not the way emotionally mature adults handle disagreements or disappointments.

4, She uses manipulation tactics, 

When it comes to emotionally immature women, you might notice that they have a knack for pulling strings to get their way., 

This could show up in various forms like guilt-tripping you when they want something, gaslighting to make you doubt your own perceptions, or even playing the victim to garner sympathy and sway the situation in their favor., 

These tactics are often their go-to because they see them as the path of least resistance to get what they desire., 

Rather than sitting down for an honest chat about their needs and listening to others' perspectives, they opt for manipulation., And guess what? This reliance on manipulation instead of healthy communication can create a lot of drama and confusion in relationships, making genuine connections difficult.

6, She can’t handle criticism, 

I remember a time when I gave a friend some constructive feedback about a project we were working on together. Rather than taking it on board and seeing it as an opportunity for growth, she immediately became defensive and started to argue., 

It was as if I had personally attacked her, not her work., This is a common trait in emotionally immature women – they often can’t handle criticism, even when it’s meant to be helpful.

Read more in the link below:

https://geediting.com/things-an-emotionally-immature-woman-will-do-when-she-doesnt-get-her-way/

"I once loved someone so much that I tried to fix them while they were breaking me."

"Narcissists have secret lives. They lie effortlessly. They are two-faced - appearing with a perfect public image that most people believe. In the shadows, when no one is looking, they do tremendous damage to family, friends, coworkers, and those who live with them."

https://youtube.com/shorts/OdpviP4baLY?si=01Vn38XoUsjRD_L7

https://youtube.com/shorts/0lOcpBa_loM?si=pzOc_ArM32QlSU_E

"Are Women Less Aggressive than Men?

In my view, women are by no means less aggressive than men. Of course, they are victimized and disadvantaged by men avenging themselves for the beating they received from their mothers. But women avenge themselves for such victimization and physical cruelty by taking it out on their little children, thus breeding new generations of avengers who consciously love and honor their parents.

I see no real difference between the cruelty of women and that of men, because both sexes have learned such sadism at the hands of their parents and caregivers at the time when their brains were still in the process of formation. As children, they were subjected to cruelty and even perversion, but they not allowed to defend themselves. So later take out their repressed anger on other defenseless people, frequently in the same way their parents treated them when they were small. Women frequently vent this acquired sadism on their children. While men also give free rein to it by victimizing employees at work or lower military ranks, or else participating in orgies of violence like genocide or terrorist attacks. The causes invariable lie in the repressed and totally denied suffering of their childhood (though most of them will insist that they had wonderful parents). People who were not humiliated, tormented, or beaten in their early years are incapable of sadism.

Women can live out all kinds of covert perversion on their children and torment them with impunity as long as they call this behavior “good parenting.” Society idealizes mothers because people have never consciously realized that their own mothers treated them cruelly when they were small. Accordingly, women normally enjoy total immunity.

I see no sex-specific differences in the suicide bombers. I understand terrorism as an attempt to compensate for the humiliations these people were subjected to, but have never consciously perceived it as such, by means of a “magnificent deed” (such as sacrificing their own lives for the sake of a group).

Though it is not difficult to understand this dynamic, there are not many people who would allow themselves to give up their denial and look the truth in the face. The fear felt by the tormented children they once were can prevent this all their lives."
From the book “Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs” By Alice Miller Page 140

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/05/why-males-are-more-violent.html

NARCISSISTS USE THE SILENT TREATMENT AS A FORM OF CONTROL AND PUNISHMENT.

EMPATHETIC PEOPLE GO NO CONTACT AS A WAY TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AND RECOVER. They are not the same response.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/04/the-main-reason-why-narcissists-are-so.html

https://youtube.com/shorts/2Ubxfnx3SQY?si=ZxYBTx-uu1QyBSyd

“If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.” Alice Miller
Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs page 55

I'm Still Standing

 

What Remains of Portugal Carnation Revolution, 50 Years On?

Salazar's Dictatorship

Interesting! I didn't know Salazar was a candidate to become a Catholic priest, but I'm not surprised! I grew up in Portugal under the Salazar fascist regime. So I know what fascism and authoritarian regimes look and feel like firsthand. "the cult-group phenomenon is an indication that there is a growth in the number of totalitarian systems to which people voluntarily submit themselves. People growing up in a spirit of liberty and tolerance, accepted in childhood for what they are, rather than being throttled and stunted by their upbringing, would hardly place themselves at the mercy of a cult group of their own accord. And if by chance or skillful manipulation, they did fall afoul of such an organization, they certainly would not stay there very long." Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/08/gurus-and-cults-leaders-how-they.html

WORLD NEWS

Portugal marks the 50th anniversary of the Carnation Revolution army coup that brought democracy

So far I have not met anyone who explains the mechanics of fascism and authoritarian regimes better than Alice Miller.

She really goes to the root cause of Fascism and authoritarian regimes. Lies, misinformation, and propaganda are the fuel that fuels conflicts and wars everywhere. "Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=telling+children+the+truth

The words below by Alice Miller explain beautifully why so many "intelligent" and "talented" people fall for authoritarian politicians, the capacity to resist a totalitarian state has nothing to do with intelligence, but with the degree of access to our true self.

"Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical to that of the government.

Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. 

Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self.

Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation.

Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." 

For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment. 

Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely belie his brilliance in other situations. 

Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”

From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/08/adolf-hitler-how-could-monster-succeed.html

*Alice Miller on "Poisonous Pedagogy"

Poisonous pedagogy is a phrase I use to refer to the kind of parenting and education aimed at breaking a child’s will and making that child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert coercion, manipulation, and emotional blackmail.

— Alice Miller, The Truth Will Set You Free

There is a good deal else that would not exist without “poisonous pedagogy.” It would be inconceivable, for example, for politicians mouthing empty cliches to attain the highest positions of power by democratic means. But since voters, who as children would normally have been capable of seeing through these cliches with the aid of their feelings, were specifically forbidden to do so in their early years, they lose this ability as adults. The capacity to experience the strong feelings of childhood and puberty (which are so often stifled by child-rearing methods, beatings, or even drugs) could provide the individual with an important means of orientation with which he or she could easily determine whether politicians are speaking from genuine experience or are merely parroting time-worn platitudes for the sake of manipulating voters. Our whole system of raising and educating children provides the power-hungry with a ready-made railway network they can use to reach the destination of their choice. They need only push the buttons that parents and educators have already installed.

— Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/07/poisonous-pedagogy.html

Being Truthful and Authentic Will NOT Get You Many Fans

Being truthful and authentic will not get you many fans. I speak from experience, and I can testify to that.

Yes, when our goal is to control and manipulate others perceptions we lose what is important and what really matters in life. 

"The period of influence consists in leading someone, without argument, to think, make decisions, and behave other than he would spontaneously on his own. During the "seductive stalking" period, the targeted is unable to freely consent a priori because his sensibilities and vulnerabilities are influenced and manipulated.  As in any manipulative process, the victim must first be made to believe he is free, even when he is insidiously deprived of the freedom to act. There can be no question of a discussion between equals; the abuser must subtly impose himself while preventing the other from becoming aware of the process and from discussing or resisting it. The victim's ability to defend himself is withdrawn, and his judgment is negated, thereby eliminating any possibility of rebellion. We find here the types of situations in which one individual exerts undue and abusive influence over another without his knowledge. In daily life, we are constantly being manipulated, destabilized, and muddled, and every time it happens we are furious at the perpetrator but even more ashamed of ourselves." 

Except from the book Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Herigoyen, page 90.

“…I really want to reinforce the idea that so-called therapists and gurus only substitute one dangerous illusion for another. As Alice Miller writes, “What can happen when a doctor doesn’t stop at self-deception in his flight from pain, but deceives his patients, even founding dogmatic institutions in which further ‘helpers’ are recruited to a faith advertised as scientific truth,’ can be catastrophic.”64 

The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. 

A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective. 

But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations, and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake.

Why do people keep punishing themselves? As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression, it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. 

This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. 

The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. 

Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65 

In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. 

At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. We assume that in the former instance, we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned, and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. 

From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66 

Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance, when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods.” 

From the book:  A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, pages 129, 130 and 131

What Happens To The Children Of Extreme Narcissists?

I know of a narcissist who once told me she wanted to have a child to have an heir for her money because she didn't want some of her family members to get her money. 

She's misplacing or transferring all of her unresolved repressed hatred into some of her aunts and cousins. That's sad to have a child to take revenge on her aunts and cousins. 

These are lies she is telling herself to mask her compulsion to bring a child into her emotional prison and the fears of being alone. She would be better off giving her money to a charity. That's what I'm going to do! Give most of my money to a charity that helps animals like PETA. 

She is turning 43 years old this year, the same age her mother was when gave birth to her. As of now, she has been following the footsteps of her mother, her compulsion to have a child too has to be kicking in at full force. If she succeeds in carrying a pregnancy to term and giving birth to a new being, this child will become her scapegoat or poison container of all her unresolved repressed emotions, just like she was to her parents when she was a small child. And the vicious circle will go on endlessly. 

Some of her aunts and mother, whom she hates so much never had access to enlightened information when they were young to help them break the vicious circle. She on the other hand has been introduced to enlightened information and still can't break free from the chains of compulsion repetition. She is taking the same footsteps as the people she judges and hates so much. 

As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved they will be driven by the repressed emotions of the child they once were into the state of repetition compulsion sooner or later in one form or another. There is no escape. 

The easiest way to guarantee to always have a scapegoat or a poison container at your disposal to constantly use to alleviate your unresolved childhood repression is to give birth to them.

 If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children

“…unwanted children are usually mistreated. But there exist as a rule also a huge amount of people who were "wanted" indeed, but only for playing the role of the victims that their parents needed to be able to take revenge on. 

They were wanted to give their parents what the parents never had gotten from their own parents: love, adoration, attention, and so many other things. Otherwise, why would so many people have five or more children when they have no time for them? 

Why do they adopt children if their body refuses to give them what they apparently "want? 

The never acknowledged, never felt pain of their childhood calls for being avenged.

 

They go to church, they pray, they honor their parents, forgive them everything – and they mistreat their children at home, often in a very cruel way, AS IF THIS WERE THE MOST NATURAL THING, because they learned this so early. 

Their children learn this perverted behavior, also very early, and will later do the same; and so this perverse behavior continues for millennia. 

Unless people are willing to SEE the perversion of their parents and are ready to consciously refuse to imitate it.

You are not being "sickeningly sarcastic," you only dared to speak out the truth that most people are afraid of seeing or talking about.

....Poisonous Pedagogy. The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. 

The child’s great plasticity flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. 

The enemy within can, at last, be hunted down on the outside. 

Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. 

For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities, the parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, “moral,” noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung.

…society we live in continues to turn a blind eye to the facts of child abuse in all its forms. Among thousands of professors at hundreds of universities, there is not one single university chair for teaching about child abuse and cruelty to children. 

Why? Because that cruelty successfully masquerades as parenting and education” Alice Miller, taken from the book “The Truth Will Set You Free” page, 101

"I think that violent teenagers are demonstrating what happened to them emotionally when they were small. I have no doubt about that. 

It might not always be a harsh discipline but in most cases, there is emotional neglect, lack of authentic communication, of warm, friendly contact. 

If this lack is also covered by what is called "spoiling" (buying a lot of expensive objects to replace love), the child is often unable to detect the neglect and stays bound to denial. 

Anyway, every child must deny the pain in order to survive. 

Only in adulthood is it possible to realize the truth. 

But the more the childhood history is repressed, the more its cruelty is denied, the less these young people are able to feel, to confront the actual reasons for their distress, and the stronger they feel urged to act destructively. 

They do not always have conscious memories of what happened in their childhood, especially in infancy, but this knowledge is stored up in their body's cells and, amazingly enough, they threaten others exactly the same way as they were threatened at the beginning of their life.

Unfortunately, the common, ever-present avoidance of the issue of "childhood" doesn't make things easier. I discuss this problem in my book Paths of Life, 1999, and The Truth Will Set You Free, 2002.

What Happens To The Children Of Extreme Narcissists?

"A loving parent values their child, just for who they are. This parent loves their child unconditionally and nurtures them so that they can grow into the best version of themselves.

The narcissistic parent, by contrast, sees their child as an extension of their own ego and as their “property.” The child is a reflection of the parent and belongs to the parent. Either the child is seen by this parent as conferring some advantage in life, or the child is seen as a burden and a nuisance; often both.

The child of extreme narcissists is never seen for who he or she is, and is never appreciated just for him or herself. The extremely narcissistic parent can only enjoy and exploit their child for what the child does for them or how the child makes them look to others.

The “love” the extreme narcissist gives to their child is a pseudo-love that’s shallow and conditional and doesn’t come close to meeting the child’s real needs. As a result, the child grows up with an empty space inside them that was supposed to have been filled with parental love and validation.

As they’re growing up, the child of the extreme narcissist can go in one of two directions. They can channel their low self-esteem and need for love and approval into people-pleasing, trying to get others to accept and validate them. Or, they can compensate for their deep feelings of inadequacy by inflating their fragile ego and becoming grandiose. They can become as narcissistic as their parent was.

The children who grow up to be people-pleasers seem, on the surface, to struggle a lot more in their lives, as they look to others to make them feel good about themselves. They are insecure and they go to great lengths to obtain approval from those around them. They focus on making other people happy, rather than on taking care of themselves.

The children who grow up to be narcissists might achieve some measure of success, in that their inflated self-worth can lead them to attain certain goals, but they can never be truly happy. The emptiness within them will never be filled by following in their narcissistic parent’s footsteps. They will never have real love in their lives and all their accomplishments will ultimately feel meaningless.

The paradox is that the children who grow up to be narcissists don’t see that they have a problem. Their inflated ego denies the deep wound within them. They’re unable to recognize the empty hole where self-love should be, so they can’t conceive of real ways to fill this void. They’re doomed to remain narcissists, pursuing external gratification and seeing others merely as a source of this gratification or an obstacle to it.

The children who grow up to be people-pleasers, on the other hand, have the capacity for insight into their own behavior. They’re able to look at their choices and take responsibility for their behaviors. These people-pleasers can use counseling or therapy to build their self-esteem and fill that emptiness within them. They can learn to love themselves and receive love from others, without having to earn it through pleasing.

The child of the extreme narcissist who grows up to be a narcissist themselves is doomed, in the same way as their parent is, to a life of empty, exploitative relationships and the compulsive pursuit of external solutions – money, fame, power, influence – for their real inner needs for closeness, happiness, and meaning.

The child of a narcissist who grows up to be a narcissist themselves might look like they’re doing better, but they’ll never live a good life. The child of the narcissist who grows up to be a people-pleaser is the much luckier one, as they have a real chance to change and to live a full and satisfying life with real love and real meaning."

Read more in the link below:

https://marciasirotamd.com/psychology-popular-culture/happens-children-extreme-narcissists-2

Just Walk Away

Cut your losses and walk away.

Do not believe the person has changed. Most therapists agree that malignant narcissists or sociopaths cannot be treated effectively. 

Instead, take steps to protect yourself. Consider drastic solutions like moving, changing jobs and making new friends. 

Remember that it is all a game to the malignant narcissist or sociopath. She or he does not care if you're hurt. The only goal they have is winning. The only way you can beat a malignant narcissist or sociopath is to get away from the malignant narcissist or sociopath.

"Sociopaths hate us. All sociopaths know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. 

We have the advantage of being real people who can love and feel. We are flexible, reasonable. We have wisdom mingled in compassion. 

A potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life; the stuff human kindness is made of. Sociopaths hate us – they are loveless, and without conscience. – They also know while they hate us and use us – we can ruin them by exposure. 

This evokes rage.

When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing – and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them. ~ Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD. Psychology

Sociopaths are limited. Sociopaths are reactionary, defensive, and grasping for what they perceive as power in money, and position.

Whatever ‘status’ they seem to hold is always fake. 

They have nothing without hijacking other people’s lives. This can be on a grand scale involving millions of dollars, or at a low economic level for basic needs: housing, food, internet, clothes, a phone – and all else in between. 

They crave a good reputation. Sometimes in the heat of being discovered, or in fear of losing a gain, they’ll take unplanned, improvised actions that may even cause themselves harm directly or indirectly in over-the-top criminality. 

Their weakness is a constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds makes them predictable. This leaves gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters." 

Read more here

https://youtube.com/shorts/OdpviP4baLY?si=01Vn38XoUsjRD_L7

https://youtube.com/shorts/0lOcpBa_loM?si=pzOc_ArM32QlSU_E

https://youtube.com/shorts/enATwMZyOGU?si=KKCB_K1QL-cbkWM9

https://youtube.com/shorts/OganMOE7Sqw?si=-x90LL1r-nkmiZNr

https://youtube.com/shorts/3E3XGlGhTNA?si=1pUIMgWvl3ulg9Xc

https://youtube.com/shorts/QIy0SrWz1O0?si=tSsWRPvqWcu1xnp-

https://youtube.com/shorts/1rTIgQ4wgLM?si=NgGLrKICWAFgRXEC

https://youtube.com/shorts/1AmxLlXHfkA?si=5DJgdXQCwXFXM0lR

https://youtube.com/shorts/47tZXVAKwxE?si=S2pH7r5g-OLxCpf9

https://youtube.com/shorts/5sROBZFVGVY?si=XXvI8VA90KZG6oPP

Boeing whistleblower John Barnett found dead in US

What John Barnett did that's what the corrupted people at my job of nine and a half years were hoping I would do too! When exposing corruption, you have to be able to stand alone on your own two feet and be flexible enough to bend when punched hard by the bullies so you can get back up stronger!  Corrupted people only care about money and power over others and don't care about anyone's safety and well-being. Sadly, John Barnett didn't find the strength to stand alone. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=psychological+lynching++

"A former Boeing employee known for raising concerns about the firm's production standards has been found dead in the US.

John Barnett worked for Boeing for more than 30 years before retiring in 2017.

In the days before his death, he had been giving evidence in a whistleblower lawsuit against the company.

Boeing said it was saddened to hear of Mr Barnett's passing. The Charleston County coroner confirmed his death to the BBC on Monday.

It said the 62-year-old had died from a "self-inflicted" wound on 9 March and police were investigating.

Mr Barnett had worked for the US plane giant for three decades, until his retirement in 2017 on health grounds.

From 2010, he was employed as a quality manager at the North Charleston plant. The facility builds the 787 Dreamliner, a state-of-the-art airliner used mainly on long-haul routes.

In 2019, Mr Barnett told the BBC that under-pressure workers had been deliberately fitting sub-standard parts to aircraft on the production line.

He also said he had uncovered serious problems with oxygen systems, which could mean one in four breathing masks would not work in an emergency.

He said soon after starting work in South Carolina he had become concerned that the push to get new aircraft built meant the assembly process was rushed and safety was compromised, something the company denied."

Read more in the link below:

https://www.bbc.com/news/business-68534703

What Narcissists Hide After Being Dumped

That's exactly what they do!

As a teen I was stalked by my older sister and now her daughter is stalking me also.

Evil is born anew with every new generation. 

Real is Naked and Proud

Malignant narcissism is an epidemic, these evil people are among us everywhere, acting as if personality pretending to be good people but are wolves in sheep's clothing. They live in a world of lies and illusions and if they discover you are a carrier of the truth based on facts that can expose them for the fraud that they are, you become a threat and their enemy number one that they must destroy. They will gather all the forces at their command to discredit you.

A narcissist will always have someone they accuse of ruining their life. It is invariably the same person the narcissist is trying to destroy.

Unawakened Person: I'm better than you.

Awakened Person: Okay.

Unawakened Person: No, really. I am richer, better looking, drive a better car, have a better job and live in a bigger house.

Awakened Person: (With no sarcasm) How wonderful that you have a nice house, job, and car. You are blessed.

Unawakened Person: Wait! No envy? Aren't you jealous?

Awakened person: No, I feel joy for your good fortune and wish you more of it.

Unawakened Person: How are you able to be happy for me when I have more than you and am bragging about it?

Awakened Person: You see my friend each of us values certain things. The things you have mentioned, the possessions and privileges are not important to me. Love is important to me. Compassion is important to me. Kindness is important to me. When one lives this way then there can be no envy of another's material success.

I no longer look for the good in people, I search for the real... because while good is often dressed in fake clothing, real is naked and proud, no matter the scars.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2019/04/communities-are-micros-of-world.html?m=1

Refusing to apologize is a weakness, not a strength.

I'm sorry if.. isn't an apology, that's blame.

I'm sorry for... is an apology, that's taking responsibility.

Mature people have the strength to take responsibility. Toxic immature narcissists don't.

Generosity A Key Word to Happiness

No one can accuse me of not being generous!

When I had money, I was generous with my money, and when I gathered enlightened information that was helpful to me I shared it with everyone freely and in my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions. 

Today, my sharing is more enlightened, it no longer enables people's compulsions. People get mad at me when I say no to feeding their compulsions and that's okay. 

---------------------------------------------------------//-----------------------------------------------------

Star Psychologist Adam Grant Suggests Your Overall Happiness Comes Down to 1 Life-Changing Word

Age-old wisdom we've heard growing up actually does lead to success and happiness.

Adam Grant, through his extensive research and insightful writing, particularly in his book Give and Take, provides a fascinating look into how fostering more generosity can significantly impact success in both individual careers and organizational performance. Giving, which may prove to be a life-changing habit, can also boost your happiness (more on that below).

Giving is connected to more happiness

You might consider giving more for your personal well-being. A Harvard Business School study concluded that the emotional rewards of giving are the greatest when our generosity is connected to others.

In other words, if you spend money on yourself, your happiness doesn't change. But if you spend the money on others, you actually become significantly happier. For example, donating to an unfamiliar charity doesn't raise your happiness levels as much as contributing to a cancer-stricken friend's GoFundMe campaign does.

This was the first study of its kind to examine how social connection helps turn generous "prosocial" behavior--the type that benefits another person--into positive feelings for the donor.

Grant coined the term "otherish" giving, which refers to offering help to those you choose to, and which ultimately benefits you by lifting your spirits. Economists describe this feeling as the "warm glow" of giving, while psychologists call it the "helper's high." Neuroscience also indicates that when we engage in these acts of giving, our brain's reward and meaning centers are activated, which emit pleasure and purpose signals as we act for the benefit of others.

The bottom line? The social connection tied to giving--whether to a person in need in your community or organization or a grassroots charity close to your heart--gives the giver the greatest psychological benefit and boost of happiness.

Read more in the link below:

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/adam-grant-says-your-overall-happiness-comes-down-to-1-word.html