This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel, and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and everything that happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse. These are facts. Violence is not genetic; it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
A con man, a hillbilly and a hero walk into a crowded bar but only one leaves with honor oh ... wait, that was the White House.
Pure evil. Cruel beyond words.
It was a trap. Traitors.
DT is the one gambling with World War 3. The people who voted for him can never be forgiven.
Russian invaded Ukraine but conquered the United States. 😥
DT and Vance's gaslighting was painful to watch.
Since I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, like President Zelenskyy, I have been ambushed by bullies like DT and Vance many times in the workplace.
We are being ruled by criminals. Criminals work well together; that's why DT likes Putin because he is the biggest criminal ever! Birds of a feather flock together.
"Those children who are beaten will, in turn, give beatings, those who are intimidated will be intimidating, those who are humiliated will impose humiliation, and those whose souls are murdered will murder.
...Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller's above excerpt from Pedagogy Fills the Needs of Parents, Not of Children.
From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller
"What drives someone to beg for love from a person who seems incapable of giving it? To understand this complex dynamic, we need to dive deep into the murky waters of narcissistic personality disorder and the intricate web of manipulation that narcissists weave around their victims.
Narcissistic personality disorder isn’t just about being self-centered or vain. It’s a serious mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
But here’s the kicker:
Beneath that grandiose exterior often lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
The Narcissist’s Hunger: Control and Admiration
At the heart of narcissistic behavior is an insatiable hunger for control and admiration.
It’s like a bottomless pit that can never be filled, no matter how much praise or attention is thrown into it. This need for constant validation is what drives many of the manipulative tactics that narcissists employ in their relationships.
When someone begs a narcissist for love or attention, it’s like hitting the jackpot for the narcissist’s ego. It feeds directly into their sense of superiority and importance. After all, if someone is willing to plead and grovel for their affection, they must be pretty special, right?
This narcissistic, attention-seeking behavior creates a power dynamic that’s heavily skewed in the narcissist’s favor.
Imagine a seesaw where one person is always up in the air, while the other remains firmly planted on the ground. That’s what the relationship with a narcissist often feels like. They hold all the power, doling out affection and attention like a miser counting coins, while their partner is left scrambling to stay in their good graces.
But here’s the thing: this imbalance isn’t accidental. It’s a carefully crafted situation designed to keep the narcissist in control and their partner off-balance. By creating an environment where their partner feels the need to beg for love and attention, the narcissist ensures that they remain the center of the relationship universe.
The Puppet Master’s Toolkit: Tactics to Encourage Begging
So, how do narcissists create this toxic dynamic? They have a whole arsenal of manipulative tactics at their disposal, each designed to keep their partner in a state of emotional turmoil and dependency. Let’s take a closer look at some of these strategies:
1. The Silent Treatment and Emotional Withdrawal: This is the narcissist’s version of putting someone in the doghouse, but it’s far more sinister. By withdrawing emotionally or giving their partner the cold shoulder, they create a sense of panic and desperation. The victim is left wondering what they did wrong and how they can fix it, often resorting to begging for forgiveness or attention.
2. Intermittent Reinforcement and Trauma Bonding: This is like a twisted version of gambling. The narcissist will occasionally throw their partner a bone – a kind word, a moment of affection – just often enough to keep them hooked. This creates a powerful emotional bond, similar to the one between captor and hostage, that can be incredibly difficult to break.
3. Gaslighting and Manipulation of Reality: Ever feel like you’re going crazy in a relationship? That’s often the result of gaslighting, a tactic where the narcissist denies or distorts reality to make their partner doubt their own perceptions. This can leave the victim feeling confused and dependent on the narcissist for validation of their experiences.
4. Threats of Abandonment or Punishment: These can be subtle or overt, but they’re always designed to keep the partner in line. The fear of losing the relationship or facing the narcissist’s wrath can drive someone to beg for forgiveness or another chance, even when they’ve done nothing wrong."
Click on the link below to read the whole article:
No, we don't own anything. It's all borrowed and temporary. We really live on borrowed time!
I have been saying this for a very long time. That's why I don't chase after money! I follow my heart! Follow your heart, and you will always have enough money to live. Follow the cash only, and you will never have enough. Money addiction is one of the most destructive addictions ever.
The words below were written to a narcissist who was once close to me and who went into a narcissistic rage because she didn't like me telling her that fighting over money is not worth it. She blocked me on social media and then unblocked me in the hope that I would chase after her. But I don't chase after people. I walk away, and I don't look back.
“I already know that! It's better to let go. I have learned that it's not worth fighting over money! At the end of our journey where we go, we can't take our money with us anyway! What we leave behind, someone else will get to use our money for good or bad, and we will not have a say in it by then!!! The reality is, as long your mother is alive, she's entitled to give her money to whomever she wants, and we don't have to like it! Unless she is declared mentally insane, she can do with her money whatever she wants...”
With all the information at our fingertips, parents of today can no longer claim innocence, as our parents did not have the correct information available. Sadly, people choose to reject this essential information, and I don’t have much hope for humanity.
People who have been introduced to this fundamental knowledge but choose to ignore it because they lack courage and are too afraid to face their fears of resolving childhood repression many will become sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these now evil people.
“Our parents and grandparents are not to blame for having passed on to us misleading messages because, at that time, they had no better information at their disposal. But we do have them today. We can't claim the same innocence when the next generation blames us for having rejected information that was available to us and was easy to understand. Parents of today can no longer claim the unlimited freedom to be ignorant, nor can a responsible government do it. It must take into account the most recent scientific discoveries.
Damages in the brain structure of beaten children can already be seen on the screens of computers.
Violence to children produces a violent and ill society.
True authority dismisses humiliation. Its discipline is based on listening and talking, on trust, respect, and protection of the weaker.
It gives children the assistance they need to become responsible adults who will not turn to vengeful actions like wars and dictatorships because they will simply return to others what they once received and what they learned by example: protection and respect.” Alice Miller --Read the full article here
This is how victims become abusers. Behind every crime, a personal tragedy lies hidden. No matter how many programs people come up with to teach parents to communicate with their children in a nonviolent way, parents will keep abusing their children in one form or another as long their own childhood repression goes unresolved, covertly and silently with seductive lies to manipulate children and others behavior by masquerading with the illusion of love or overtly with physical abuse like spanking, beatings, and emotional insults.
Never trust a person who can’t talk about their own childhood and always says that they had wonderful parents and a beautiful childhood. Most likely, This person is living a lie, masquerading with the illusion of love, and sooner or later, they will stab you in the back; it’s just a matter of time.
Just as I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom page, 82 and 83, “Alice Miller wrote a lot about how destructive the impulse to protect our parents — especially our mothers — can really be. She believes that women are permitted to be tyrants in the home, punishing “millions of people who will never accuse them of their crimes because almost every child loves his or her mother and would never, never put her in troubles.”47 Facing personal pain is a lot more difficult than putting mom or dad on a pedestal and blaming ourselves for being a problem to them, or thanking our parents for the cruelty that we’ve come to believe was necessary to keep us in line.
Alice Miller was frustrated by the fact that the path from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator is totally ignored worldwide.
She concluded that it’s because “almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.”48 If we could just see with clarity what the false idealization of our childhoods can do to us, it would be easy to admit that our parents were cruel. Because when we refuse to admit it, we do nasty things to ourselves and to others. We repeat the cruelty that was done to us and find insidious ways to justify it, whether through religion, power, status or some other success marker. Dictators, cult leaders, and mass murderers are all links on the same idealization chain. “In order to understand how Mengele was able to remove the eyes and other organs of healthy people, we only have to know what was done to him in childhood,” Alice Miller writes. “I am convinced that something almost inconceivably horrible to outsiders would be uncovered, which he himself no doubt regarded as the best upbringing in the world, one to which, in his opinion, he ‘owed a great deal.’”49
People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood. This is why some people have a lot of children because unconsciously they want to make sure they have an endless supply of vulnerable, defenseless new victims.”
"If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children” Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self) Page 23
I'm in the same place as she is. I have been shedding people most of my life, too. It's better to be alone and to know that you are alone than to wake up next to someone and, nevertheless, to be alone.
The best feeling in this world is being at home with no plans or no appointments to go anywhere. A weekend at home without seeing anyone is the best weekend.
It's just a game. He is in charge, but on paper, it is someone else's name to protect him from the law.
The worst thing that can happen to a person who has been dangerously repressed as a small child is to have too much money in his/her adult life and get into a position of power over others. Eventually, they will overplay their hand and self-destruct, but sadly, they will take down many people and sometimes whole nations with them.
Many people will never develop the courage to be authentic. They will be cowards all of their lives, unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats or poison containers to use for transference effect.
I worked with a black 26-year-old single mother of a nine-year-old daughter on food stamps and rental assistance who voted for Trump. I wonder how she feels about Trump now that he is cutting all the programs she is dependent on. I think she thought DT was only going after the illegal immigrants, her scapegoats. One of the reasons DT won is because he gave his followers the scapegoats they desperately needed to temporally and superficially alleviate their own unresolved childhood repression. They don’t realize that they are blinded by hatred towards a group of people, and they end up voting against themselves.
Hatred cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating. It has to be understood and consciously felt within the context of our own childhood
Nobody Loves to Stir the Pot and Create Chaos More than a Narcissist who thrives on Other People's unhappiness. They're sick individuals who are miserable and want to make you miserable.
Yes, they just care if they can use us for whatever they want from us.
Yep! I'm done with these types of people, family or not.
For a few narcissists in my life, I went from grade "A" supply to backup supply. I'm done with these types of people. The moment I get a red flag, they might have grown into full-blown malignant narcissists, I check out.
Yes, engaging with them is a total waste of time.
No, you can't! Don't waste years of your life trying to help them like I did. Run as far as you can from these vindictive, evil people.
Remove them from your life and go live your best life.
Big mistake!
Yep! People need to wake up. It's about power and enriching themselves.
Listening to Joe Navarro and reading his article below brought a person who was once close to me to mind. Only her and her mother's wounds count. Constantly keeping score. In constant competition to be the most of everything, the richest, the most prominent victim, the most perfect, etc. She continually compares how the wrongs done to her are much worse than those done to others. I'm so glad she is out of my life now; I have an ocean and a continent between us.
"What is a wound collector? In essence, these are individuals who go out of their way to collect social slights, historical grievances, injustices, unfair or disparate treatment, or wrongs—whether real or imagined (Dangerous Personalities, 2014 Rodale Publishing).
They don’t forgive or forget, and they don’t move on. They wallow in the actual or often perceived transgressions of others and they allow sentiments of animosity and vengeance to percolate and froth at the surface by their constant and attentive nurturing of those perceived wounds. As you can imagine, in an imperfect world where there are real injustices, where people make mistakes, and stupid things are said and done, the wound collector never has to go far to feel victimized.
Why do we call these “wounds” and not something else? Some have referred to these individuals as grievance or injustice collectors. These terms don’t do justice to the morbid pathology at work here any more than to call someone who suffers from bulimia or anorexia “food averse.” The illness that underpins the thinking and behavior of these individuals is psychological wounding." Read the whole article in the link below:
"Manipulated from day one." After my ex left, I promised myself I would never again allow another person to come into my life to manipulate me like that! Have been free for 25 years!
I'm sure fraud exists, but this administration is the ultimate fraud.... wake up!
That's how professional criminals hide their own epic crimes by pointing their fingers at the minor infractions of others.
I have been the target of this dirty game by professional criminals many times in the workplace. They tried very hard to get me to make mistakes so they could focus on my small infractions to hide their real crimes. But they were not able to get anything on me, and their crimes came to light, but they all became silent, and there was a big cover-up.
Based on the search results, there are significant concerns and allegations regarding Elon Musk and his Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) accessing sensitive government data, including personal information of Americans. Here’s a summary of the key points:
1. **Access to Social Security Data**:
Elon Musk’s DOGE has reportedly sought access to the Social Security Administration’s (SSA) internal data repository, which contains extensive personal information such as Social Security numbers, medical records, bank information, and earnings records. This has raised alarms among advocates and lawmakers, who warn that such access could lead to privacy breaches, identity theft, and potential misuse of data.
2. **IRS Taxpayer Data**:
DOGE has also requested access to the IRS’s Integrated Data Retrieval System (IDRS), which holds sensitive taxpayer information, including Social Security numbers, bank account details, and income records. Critics argue that granting such access to political operatives could be dangerous and violate privacy laws.
3. **Legal Challenges and Privacy Concerns**:
Multiple lawsuits have been filed alleging that DOGE’s actions violate the Privacy Act of 1974, which regulates how federal agencies collect, use, and share personal information. Critics argue that DOGE’s access to sensitive data poses risks of identity theft, fraud, and political targeting.
4. **Resignations and Pushback**:
Michelle King, the acting head of the SSA, resigned after refusing to grant DOGE access to the agency’s sensitive data. This has been described as a "canary in a coal mine" moment, highlighting the potential dangers of unchecked access to personal information.
5. **Judicial Interventions**:
Some courts have temporarily blocked DOGE’s access to sensitive data, such as the Treasury Department’s payment system, which handles Social Security benefits and tax refunds. However, other rulings have allowed DOGE to proceed with accessing data at certain agencies.
6. **Political and Public Backlash**:
Democratic lawmakers, advocacy groups, and privacy experts have expressed strong opposition to DOGE’s activities, warning that they could lead to misuse of personal data and disruption of essential government services like Social Security and Medicare.
In conclusion, while there is no definitive evidence that Elon Musk is "stealing" personal information, his DOGE initiative has gained access to highly sensitive government data, raising serious concerns about privacy, security, and potential misuse. Legal challenges and public backlash continue to mount as critics seek to limit DOGE’s reach and protect Americans’ personal information.
Based on the search results, there are significant concerns and allegations regarding Elon Musk and his Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) accessing sensitive government data, including personal information of Americans. Here’s a summary of the key points:
1. **Access to Social Security Data**:
Elon Musk’s DOGE has reportedly sought access to the Social Security Administration’s (SSA) internal data repository, which contains extensive personal information such as Social Security numbers, medical records, bank information, and earnings records. This has raised alarms among advocates and lawmakers, who warn that such access could lead to privacy breaches, identity theft, and potential misuse of data.
2. **IRS Taxpayer Data**:
DOGE has also requested access to the IRS’s Integrated Data Retrieval System (IDRS), which holds sensitive taxpayer information, including Social Security numbers, bank account details, and income records. Critics argue that granting such access to political operatives could be dangerous and violate privacy laws.
3. **Legal Challenges and Privacy Concerns**:
Multiple lawsuits have been filed alleging that DOGE’s actions violate the Privacy Act of 1974, which regulates how federal agencies collect, use, and share personal information. Critics argue that DOGE’s access to sensitive data poses risks of identity theft, fraud, and political targeting.
4. **Resignations and Pushback**:
LMichelle King, the acting head of the SSA, resigned after refusing to grant DOGE access to the agency’s sensitive data. This has been described as a "canary in a coal mine" moment, highlighting the potential dangers of unchecked access to personal information.
5. **Judicial Interventions**:
Some courts have temporarily blocked DOGE’s access to sensitive data, such as the Treasury Department’s payment system, which handles Social Security benefits and tax refunds. However, other rulings have allowed DOGE to proceed with accessing data at certain agencies.
6. **Political and Public Backlash**:
Democratic lawmakers, advocacy groups, and privacy experts have expressed strong opposition to DOGE’s activities, warning that they could lead to misuse of personal data and disruption of essential government services like Social Security and Medicare.
In conclusion, while there is no definitive evidence that Elon Musk is "stealing" personal information, his DOGE initiative has gained access to highly sensitive government data, raising serious concerns about privacy, security, and potential misuse. Legal challenges and public backlash continue to mount as critics seek to limit DOGE’s reach and protect Americans’ personal information.
Elon Musk is proof that evil is born anew with every new generation.
Yep, it's the same drama with different actors. That's why I'm happily single now. People unconsciously and compulsively reenact their childhood dramas with people standing in, symbolizing their parents or childhood caregivers. Just like I wrote in the Foreword of my book A Dance to Freedom and signed by Petra Helm."Sylvie Imelda Shene can see what happened to people as small children. She can also predict their futures. She’s not psychic or clairvoyant, but she knows that people unconsciously and compulsively tell the true and traumatic stories of their childhoods by repeating, reenacting, and recreating them in the present moment." https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/07/a-dance-to-freedom-your-guide-to.html
That's where I am. It's better to be alone. And to know that you are alone rather than wake up next to someone and, nevertheless, be alone.
Yep! Don't trust secretive people; they lie by omission. I know someone close to me who accuses those around her of being liars, and she doesn't recognize that she is even more deceiving because she lies by omission.
A "lie by omission" means deliberately leaving out crucial information when communicating, thus creating a misleading impression or causing someone to believe something untrue, even though no outright false statement was made; essentially, it's a form of deception through withholding key details.
Key points about lying by omission:
Intentional act:
It's not just forgetting to mention something but actively choosing to omit important information.
Distorted perception:
By leaving out key facts, the listener is left with a skewed understanding of the situation.
Contrast with "lying by commission":
While lying by commission is directly stating a falsehood, lying by omission is misleading through silence.
"Every time you excuse the abusive behavior of your toxic family members or try to convince yourself, "They didn't mean it," you sacrifice a piece of yourself.
You end up tolerating mistreatment and blaming yourself for their inability to change. The longer you hold onto the illusion, the more of yourself you sacrifice."
Yes, playing games, in the end, everyone loses. Walk away. That's how you win!
That's how they control! They transfer their unresolved repressed fears into their employees to keep them under their control and exploit them to get richer and have an endless supply of scapegoats or poisonous containers to use for transference effect.
They think they are powerful, but behind that rigid mask is a scared little child who has never grown up. Fxck the narcissist!
Yes, that's precisely what they do. Fxck the narcissist
The lies hiding behind science are the most misleading. Negative thoughts and emotions start to subside and leave our bodies once they are understood and consciously felt within the context of our own childhood. Otherwise, you are just repressing them with the aid of affirmations, and people will endlessly continue looking unconsciously and compulsively for scapegoats or poisonous containers to exploit and use for transference effect. This is one of the reasons DT got elected: because he provides his followers with the scapegoats they desperately need.
“It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated, and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143
The geeks are going to screw everyone. Evil is born anew with every new generation, and with the aid of technology, they are going to cause a lot more harm to society on a scale never seen before.
Elon Musk is a genius but is also an idiot. He is emotionally blinded by the repressed emotions of the child he once was. He gives evidence that intelligence and money alone don't save anyone from their emotional prisons.
Remember, we are living under nuclear threat because of a fxcking genius! The world doesn't need more geniuses. What the world needs most is people with the courage to face the fears of resolving childhood repression.
Once a person has grown into a full-blown malignant narcissist or evil, they are intentionally using their manipulative tactics to keep you hooked and stuck with them in their emotional prisons. They know precisely what they are doing. No, they don't learn from experience; they just keep playing their wicked games until they die. Run 🏃♂️ from these people as far as you can.
I grew up in Portugal surrounded by people with NPD. In 1981, I escaped to London when I was 22 and then to the US when I turned 25 years old. In the US, I got involved with a very charismatic and charming young man. His off-and-on love bomb kept me hooked for 10 long years. I have been free since the year 2000. Coming to accept that people try to undermine you, sabotage you, and try to destroy you is done intentionally and on purpose is hard to come to terms with. But once you accept evil people really exist, you never again ignore red flags, and never again, these people can manipulate you with their wicked mind games.
I came to learn how malignant narcissists or pure evil people really exist after I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, and how much they hate the existence of people they can't control and manipulate. Since the publication of my book in 2014, I have been the target in the workplace of 4 psychological warfare. Once they know you see them as they really are and not how they like you to see them, you get a target on your back and they will gather all the forces at their command to try to destroy you. And it gave me proof that it was done intentionally.
Yes, they try to punish me for refusing to play the role they like me to play in their twisted dramas.
But the beauty of being an autonomous, free adult able to stand alone on my own two feet is that I can walk away and never look back. Now, when I'm the target of psychological warfare, I know right away who the director that starts it all is.
Walk away, don't react. Your reactions are what they want, and that's what gives them power.
"How Does Reactive Abuse Work?
Reactive abuse is an in-the-moment reaction to mistreatment from another person. When a victim reacts, the abuser uses this reaction to impart further abuse in the form of blame-shifting. The abuser will transform into a victim themselves in an attempt to make the victim view the situation in a different way and believe a different reality from the one that’s actually being lived. In this way, reactive abuse is often seen as a form of gaslighting, which is the emotional manipulation of a victim.
Why do Narcissists Use Reactive Abuse?
Ultimately, abusers tend to see reactive abuse as a ‘get out of jail free’ card. It acts as a form of justification for the behaviors that they exhibit towards another person. They know that they are abusive, but they use a person’s reactions as a valid reason for those behaviors. In many cases, an abuser will exaggerate the extent of the victim’s reaction, minimizing their own behaviors to make them appear victimized.
The real ‘value’ in reactive abuse for abusers comes in the fact that it can prevent many victims from coming forward, speaking up, and asking for help. Victims begin to believe that they are, in fact, to blame. This can make them scared to seek help, fearing authorities will believe the abuser and create consequences for the victim. Over time, victims begin to feel more and more trapped in a relationship. They feel they cannot leave and may start to form trauma bonds with their abuser."
Yes, narcissism is all about creating illusions to deceive, control, and manipulate.
Narcissists want money to have power over others.
Narcissists don't respect anyone! But they want others to respect them.
Exactly! I was captive for 10 long years. I have been free for 25 years.
Run from these people as far as you can.
Yes, many narcissists love a challenge. That's why I became a target of malignant narcissists after I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions.
I agree. If people grow in different directions and don't share the same values, just walk away. Life is too short to waste with people who don't grow with you and just want to pull you back into their emotional prisons. It doesn't matter if they have NPD or not.