Using our Triggers Productively

"Those children who are beaten will, in turn, give beatings, those who are intimidated will be intimidating, those who are humiliated will impose humiliation, and those whose souls are murdered will murder.

...Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller, in the above excerpt from Pedagogy Fills the Needs of Parents, Not of Children. From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/01/pedagogy-fills-needs-of-parents-not-of.html?m=1

XB,

You tried to attack and humiliate your aunt and cousin in front of the family, and because I didn’t go along with you and I wrote the words below, you got mad, and things after that spiraled out of control.  

This shows me that you just want to be surrounded by yes people who always agree with you. And you still don’t understand your emotions when they are triggered by present events, and let yourself be compulsively driven by them.

I wrote: “I already know that! It's better to let go. One thing I have learned is that it's not worth fighting over money! At the end of our journey, we can't take our money with us anyway! What we leave behind, someone else will use our money for good or bad, and we will not have a say in it by then. The reality is, as long as your mother is alive, she's entitled to give her money to whomever she wants, and we don't have to like it! Unless she is declared mentally insane, she can do with her money whatever she wants...”

I feel like all the time I've spent with you has been wasted, just like your mother’s money. Time to me has more value than money!

The aunt you hate so much is lost and stuck playing the same roles as your mother—the hero and the victim. They are one and the same, so if you hate your aunt, you also hate your mother. However, your aunt is not responsible for your childhood traumas—your mother and father are.

You have made your aunts your scapegoats for your entire life. I'm a little guilty that I haven't tried to explain this to you more clearly before: that you were making your aunts and cousins your scapegoats.

If you were really smart, you would walk away, let go of your mother and her money, and let them all be. 

You are at a crossroads and have to ask yourself what is more important to you- your freedom or your mother’s money? If you choose to stay in your mother’s emotional prison to guard her money, you stay stuck, and it can be hazardous and destructive to you both.

You need to stay away from your mother for you to heal and be free. But that’s your choice, and you are the one wasting your life and dying in an emotional prison like most people in our world. Money alone has never saved anyone! If you didn’t make your own money and needed your mother’s money to survive, it would be one thing, but you don’t need her money, and this addiction to money can be destructive to you both.

This is an opportunity for you to heal and liberate yourself.

Just like I wrote in my book on pages 129, 163, and 164:

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand, and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective.

… Just remember this: If particular people or circumstances trigger excruciatingly intense feelings inside you, just keep telling yourself that these are the repressed feelings of the child you once were. Feelings don’t kill anyone, no matter how intense they are. Only actions kill. So if you ride your intense feelings into shore, direct them at the real culprits who hurt you when you were a defenseless child, and avoid taking any actions you may regret later, you’ll be free, and no one will get hurt. As an autonomous adult, you do have some control over the people you let into your inner circle, and you may have to make some relationship adjustments as you do your emotional work. I took a lot of extra time to be alone because most people in my life just didn’t understand what I was going through. When you’re trying to resolve your repression, being around unconscious people who are doing everything they can to avoid their own painful truths puts you at risk of relapsing into playing your old roles.”

I wish you the courage and strength to spend time alone, in solitude, to face your painful truths and feel your triggered emotions within the context of your own childhood.

Money Issues

Thank you for writing.

I hope you can let go of the people around you and focus on developing two healthy legs to stand on. The reality of life is that we must learn to be alone. Leave XB alone; she is obsessed with the illusion of money. Money alone is one of the most incredible illusions of all time. Money is meant to serve us, not be a slave to it... right now, it seems XB is a slave to money... 

Good evening! Thank you very much for the message. It's so real, and in fact, the money "blinds" some people to the point of going crazy. In fact, there are people we really need to get away from... They hurt us so badly, they hurt a lot.

I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I'm also sorry you don't have a stable family to give you assistance.

Please find professional assistance to help you...

Yes, it's essential to get away from toxic people, family or not family...

It's very sad that, despite all the time XB spent with me and the enlightened information I shared with her, she didn't apply it to help herself grow into a mature, conscious adult.

And find the courage to stand on her own two feet to free herself from the emotional prison she was born in.

But instead uses the enlightened information she got from me to have an advantage in the games people play to feel superior to others and powerful --- and plays mind games with those stuck in an emotional prison with her...

Sadly, she doesn't find the courage to free herself but instead tries to control everything and everyone around her -- holding tight -- like a drowning person -- not seeing that sooner or later, in one form or another, they will all drown together and no amount of money will save them.

Money alone saves no one! We have to find the courage to let go and learn to stand alone on our own two feet...

Glad to hear that despite your difficulties, you find the will to live.

Hello, First of all, I am very grateful for the wise words and advice she gave me, as well as the clarifications.  I don't know how or why, but all of a sudden, she distorted everything for a long time. And yes, you're right, she plays... I also helped her by giving her advice and strength, but that's okay, it's no use…

I’m glad to hear XB gave you some helpful advice. She gathered a lot of intellectual knowledge from me. It's just a shame she has not been able to apply it in her own life when she is triggered. XB distorted everything because she is still blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the child she once was and is not able to consciously feel and understand her feelings within the context of her childhood.

But instead, she is lost in projections, transferring her emotions onto scapegoats like me, XF, and XF's daughter.  Money is XB’s biggest trigger because she finds herself entitled to her mother’s money just like XF does.  She is not much different than XF, who just wants money! XF, we don’t know what she does with so much money, and XB just wants to hoard a lot of money in the bank. Both have money issues, nevertheless! They all have money issues! XC included! No matter how much money they have, it’s never enough, and they always want more, like an addict is addicted to heroin, always wants more, never satisfied! 

XB if she wanted to be free, she needed to let go of her mother and her money…

Let go of those around you and focus on developing two healthy legs to stand alone…

You can read my blogs on how to use our triggers productively!

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/10/using-our-triggers-constructively.html

These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of "power" (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy; it can then be RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an endpoint of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time, they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can't be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.”

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/05/scapegoating.html

Addiction and greed are the same thing.  Greed or addiction means that whatever the object of our affection is, we can never get enough of it.  Addicts live in constant fear of losing the object of their affection and go to any lengths to protect it.  They will lie, cheat, steal, go to war without thinking twice, and exploit others, even their own children.  No wonder so many young people are so angry; for when we feel used and exploited, we get furious.

What is addiction really?

“Recovery From Self-Betrayal: What is addiction really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.

 The drug business would not flourish if there were not so many people who, in refusing to acknowledge their wounds, are in a permanent state of self-betrayal.

Thus, people work to get rid of symptoms instead of searching out the cause.

There are plenty of means to combat symptoms of distress: medications, sermons, numerous "treatments," "miracles," threats, cults, pedagogical indoctrination, and even blackmail.

They can all work for a while, but only because they reinforce the repression and reinforce the fear of resolving it.

However, many people who become abstinent this way are driven into another addiction because the real reasons for becoming addicted must be kept hidden.

A lot of money and fame comes from this business of repression because it satisfies the longing of so many grown-up children: to be loved as a good child (I am blind as you want me to be. I am ready to forget all your cruelty, even at the cost of my life. Can you love me now?).

In the long term, we have to pay a high price for this repression. The repressed story continues to try, again and again, to be heard at long last. Thus, your plight will look for other symptoms, another language, until it is taken seriously enough. An addiction is an attempt by a person in despair, who is not allowed to be in despair, to get rid of his or her memory, to forget his or her plight.

Of course, this "solution" is no longer needed if the goal is exactly the opposite, if you want to remember, if you want to feel your plight, and to understand its reasons, if you slowly become aware of why you were so afraid of acknowledging the reasons.

This can happen once you decide to stop running away, to stop betraying yourself, to allow the truth to enter your consciousness.

You decide to do so because you finally understand that everything else is useless and because you no longer want to watch your life go by before having even begun to live. You decide to stop betraying yourself because you understand that only you can give yourself the love and care you never received and that you can't do that as long as you deny the truth.” Breaking Down The Wall Of Silence: The Liberating Experience Of Facing Painful Truth by Alice Miller, page 126

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/04/addiction-and-greed-is-same-thing.html

Excellent text, I thank you very much for sharing. In fact, they don't have a cure. It's been many years. I've always believed in M, well, but it's not really worth it. On top of that, they're hurting others, and anyone who helps is still seen as the bad guy and "the crazy ones"; there is the scapegoat

Wishing you peace and serenity, and of course, most importantly, good health

Yes, they don't have a cure because they lack courage and, therefore, are in constant need of scapegoats to transfer their unresolved repressed emotions to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own childhood repression...Here are a couple of good blogs about transference.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/07/someone-reenacted-his-childhood-drama.html

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/11/lost-in-projections-and-transferences.html

Glad you understand this psychological mechanism... Our physical and mental health is the most important. Take good care of yourself

The Gospel of Greed: Peter Thiel, Religion, and the Addiction to Control

It’s astonishing—and yet not surprising—to watch the same patterns repeat themselves in those who wield money and power. The recent revelations about Peter Thiel’s secret “Antichrist seminar” reveal much more than his political agenda; they expose the inner landscape of a man consumed by paranoia, control, and fear.

As reported by The Guardian, Thiel told his audience that without a “biblical context,” people would never find the idea of a one-world state “scary enough.” In other words, he needs religion—not for faith, but for manipulation. He dresses his political and business ambitions in apocalyptic robes, using scripture as theater to frighten and control the masses. For him, religion isn’t a search for meaning; it’s a weapon of influence.

This is how the powerful operate when they are emotionally blind: they exploit humanity’s fear of punishment and promise of salvation to maintain their own dominance. It’s the same psychological mechanism that drives cult leaders, dictators, and even family tyrants.

Peter Thiel, through his companies like Palantir—now profiting again under the shadow of Trump's return—reveals how power seeks reinforcement through political puppets. Money and ideology become intertwined, feeding each other in a cycle of fear and dependency.

The Paranoia of the Wealthy

Thiel’s obsession mirrors what I have long observed within my own family. My niece—the wealthiest in our family—votes for the far-right candidate in Portugal for the same reason Thiel supports Trump in America: fear disguised as righteousness. She believes this candidate will protect her wealth and punish those she deems “undeserving.”

As I wrote in a 2023 post titled “Money Issues”:

“Money alone has never saved anyone! If you didn’t make your own money and needed your mother’s money to survive, it would be one thing, but you don’t need her money, and this addiction to money can be destructive to both of you… No matter how much money they have, it’s never enough. They always want more, like an addict is addicted to heroin—never satisfied!”

It’s the same compulsion at every level—from family dynamics to global politics. Those who never resolved their early deprivation or emotional humiliation often grow up seeking endless substitutes: money, fame, control, religion, or ideology. But the wound can never be filled from the outside.

Control Is the Illusion

What Thiel and others like him don’t understand is that control is an illusion. The more they cling to power, the more enslaved they become to their own fear. Their “one-world” paranoia is merely the projection of their inner prison—the fear of being powerless, insignificant, or emotionally naked.

They think they can buy safety, but money cannot buy trust, love, or peace of mind. Power cannot replace intimacy. And religion, twisted into fear, cannot heal the child who was once punished for being authentic.

The real “Antichrist” is not some mythical figure—it’s the system of emotional repression itself. It’s the collective blindness that keeps humanity trapped in the same endless cycle of domination and submission.

The Coming Collapse

Those who seek total control are, in truth, the most controlled by their own inner demons. They are shooting themselves in the foot, aligning with authoritarian movements that will eventually devour them. “Who wants it all,” as I wrote today, “will lose it all.”

The wealthy who think they can escape the consequences of their emotional blindness are mistaken. Their empires may rise on the illusion of control, but they will crumble under the weight of their unacknowledged fears.

Money and power will not save them—nor will it save humanity. Only truth and resolving childhood repression can do that.

---

Money Alone Will not Save Anyone

 XA,

I'm not staying with anyone! I’m staying with myself!  I know I only got crumbs, but in the late 80s, I sent them enough money to cover all the crumbs they ever gave me.

The important enlightened information that I took back in a tray and I shared with everyone freely, so they too could help themselves and stop playing their part in the family dysfunction, but they chose not to pay attention to me, because to your mother and most people, unless you have a DR in front of your name or a Ph.D. at the end can possibly have anything of value to say. They would rather keep paying attention and listen to charlatans with some stupid certificate/diploma, as all they care about is getting money from them. 

This enlightened information has more value than all the money in this world put together, even if only a few see the value in it.

XF lies just as much, if not more, constantly playing the heroine and the victim role, just like XE, and never takes responsibility for her part in the family dysfunction.

XD and XF have spent their entire lives chasing illusions, and the truth is, they can spend their money on whatever they want and give it to whoever they want, and we don't have to like it!

Yes, it's not fair that XE is getting everything and taking my parents' property, but I don't care anymore. It is what it is. They can have it all and put it down the drain for all I care...

I make enough for myself, and I know I will be okay. I'm just staying in my little corner, happy and free, away from everybody and their endless painful reenactments and dramas.

When you said that your mother and XF should not have brought XE and me with them, you might be right. Still, XF and XD unconsciously needed dependent little children to use as poison containers to project and transfer all their repressed poison to alleviate their own unresolved childhood repression to temporarily and superficially feel better about themselves. 

At the time, as a little child, I didn't understand these psychological mechanisms and how people always need available beings at their disposal to use for projection and transference effects...

If XD and XF were healthy, capable of authentic feelings, and able to see clearly and brought us with them to the city to genuinely parent us and prepare us for a better future -- when XD met your father -- and she decided to marry him --she and your father, not us, should have temporally rented a place and then put the house in Praca Sousa Caldas for sell and after it sold each take their own money and XD buy a new home for us. XF buys a new house for her and her husband. Because the stability and well-being of the children they had committed themselves to should have come first, and the needs of two selfish adults who had just gotten married should have come second.

The way you talked the other day sounded like you were not born YET, and you had more rights to the house in Praca Sousa Caldas that, at the time, was bought with XD, XF, and some of my parents' money, which they got from XP to allow him to build his house in their property. 

The truth is, when XD met your father. You were born, she didn't need us as much, because your father and after were you born, you both became her number one poison containers or scapegoats at her disposal to project and transfer all her repressed poison -- your mother's desire to give birth to you was to satisfy her unconscious need to endless have a being available at her disposal to use as poison container and now you need to liberate yourself from all the poison she and your FATHER, your father had his own dose of unresolved childhood repression or poison, that also was transferred into you when you were a defenseless infant and little girl, and, if I were you I would let your mother be with whoever she wants. If she gives all her money away, it's her problem...

And, I would only focus on liberating myself from all the poison transferred into me in my childhood and live my best life and refuse to get involved in any of my mother's lies and family dramas, because your mother and they will never change, they all deserve each other... I know it's hard to witness all their craziness and so much money burned...

We have to let them go -- if we want to be free ... It took me more than 40 years to totally liberate myself from all the poison they transferred into me when I was a defenseless little girl and let them all go... free at last!!!

Be careful not to surround yourself with only YES people that agree with you all the time and just tell you what you like to hear and never tell you what you need to hear if you want to grow as a person and not become like your mother and at end of the journey with plenty of money but lost in projections and transferences... money alone doesn't save anyone.

Wish you courage and strength

Freedom ain't free! It comes with a lot of losses. Stop fighting and walk away. Take time to mourn and heal. At the end of mourning, you feel so free and good that you never thought it was possible.

Please don't make the fatal mistake of believing you can "control and change" a malignant narcissist by loving them more, by not doing what triggers them off.....they don't want to change because they like what they are. They want to destroy you, feed off you, deplete you, and exhaust you! Cut your losses and walk away from malignant narcissists; that's the only way to free and save yourself.

What's a scandal?! That's when the real state of affairs behind the scenes breaks through and
is exposed for everyone to see.

If you have been fortunate enough to be introduced to enlightened information, you will be tested in life. I'm really disappointed that someone close to me failed the test badly. All because of money. If you are free and healthy, you can always make more money! Freedom isn't free!
I see people connected all the time by fear, hatred, and by money, but seldom do I see people connected by love.

Narcissists Want You Begging

 Yep! 

"What drives someone to beg for love from a person who seems incapable of giving it? To understand this complex dynamic, we need to dive deep into the murky waters of narcissistic personality disorder and the intricate web of manipulation that narcissists weave around their victims.

Narcissistic personality disorder isn’t just about being self-centered or vain. It’s a serious mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. 

But here’s the kicker:

Beneath that grandiose exterior often lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

The Narcissist’s Hunger: Control and Admiration

At the heart of narcissistic behavior is an insatiable hunger for control and admiration.

 

It’s like a bottomless pit that can never be filled, no matter how much praise or attention is thrown into it. This need for constant validation is what drives many of the manipulative tactics that narcissists employ in their relationships.

When someone begs a narcissist for love or attention, it’s like hitting the jackpot for the narcissist’s ego. It feeds directly into their sense of superiority and importance. After all, if someone is willing to plead and grovel for their affection, they must be pretty special, right?

This narcissistic, attention-seeking behavior creates a power dynamic that’s heavily skewed in the narcissist’s favor.

Imagine a seesaw where one person is always up in the air, while the other remains firmly planted on the ground. That’s what the relationship with a narcissist often feels like. They hold all the power, doling out affection and attention like a miser counting coins, while their partner is left scrambling to stay in their good graces.

But here’s the thing: this imbalance isn’t accidental. It’s a carefully crafted situation designed to keep the narcissist in control and their partner off-balance. By creating an environment where their partner feels the need to beg for love and attention, the narcissist ensures that they remain the center of the relationship universe.

The Puppet Master’s Toolkit: Tactics to Encourage Begging

So, how do narcissists create this toxic dynamic? They have a whole arsenal of manipulative tactics at their disposal, each designed to keep their partner in a state of emotional turmoil and dependency. Let’s take a closer look at some of these strategies:

1. The Silent Treatment and Emotional Withdrawal: This is the narcissist’s version of putting someone in the doghouse, but it’s far more sinister. By withdrawing emotionally or giving their partner the cold shoulder, they create a sense of panic and desperation. The victim is left wondering what they did wrong and how they can fix it, often resorting to begging for forgiveness or attention.

2. Intermittent Reinforcement and Trauma Bonding: This is like a twisted version of gambling. The narcissist will occasionally throw their partner a bone – a kind word, a moment of affection – just often enough to keep them hooked. This creates a powerful emotional bond, similar to the one between captor and hostage, that can be incredibly difficult to break.

3. Gaslighting and Manipulation of Reality: Ever feel like you’re going crazy in a relationship? That’s often the result of gaslighting, a tactic where the narcissist denies or distorts reality to make their partner doubt their own perceptions. This can leave the victim feeling confused and dependent on the narcissist for validation of their experiences.

4. Threats of Abandonment or Punishment: These can be subtle or overt, but they’re always designed to keep the partner in line. The fear of losing the relationship or facing the narcissist’s wrath can drive someone to beg for forgiveness or another chance, even when they’ve done nothing wrong."

Click on the link below to read the whole article:

https://neurolaunch.com/does-a-narcissist-want-you-to-beg/

No, we don't own anything. It's all borrowed and temporary. We really live on borrowed time! 

I have been saying this for a very long time. That's why I don't chase after money! I follow my heart! Follow your heart, and you will always have enough money to live. Follow the cash only, and you will never have enough. Money addiction is one of the most destructive addictions ever. 

The words below were written to a narcissist who was once close to me and who went into a narcissistic rage because she didn't like me telling her that fighting over money is not worth it. She blocked me on social media and then unblocked me in the hope that I would chase after her. But I don't chase after people. I walk away, and I don't look back. 

“I already know that! It's better to let go. I have learned that it's not worth fighting over money! At the end of our journey where we go, we can't take our money with us anyway! What we leave behind, someone else will get to use our money for good or bad, and we will not have a say in it by then!!! The reality is, as long your mother is alive, she's entitled to give her money to whomever she wants, and we don't have to like it! Unless she is declared mentally insane, she can do with her money whatever she wants...”

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=money

Watching this vedio brought to mind someone I used to know! DNA tests don't lie, so if she wants to be believed, she needs to show a DNA test.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=throw+stones

You marry and have children with a narcissist you and the children are screwed. 

Yep!

Yep!

Evil is Born Anew with Every New Generation

Dear Sylvie,

I thought of writing to you often, too... But  I was/am sooo occupied with my own deep emotional struggles and outside obligations, that I didn`t find the space to write...

I am deeply confronted with my upbringing, as I take care of my mother in a greater amount a couple days a week.. I reduced working hours at my job because I couldn`t stand so many hours of being in charge, whether at my job or with my mother.

I had a spontaneous yes-set after reading your first posting that you won`t continue to post videos... I think I wrote this earlier, that I see that chances but also the risks of sharing on the internet, because there is so much manipulation, which can be done by the big tech companies, and it is not controllable, what happens with the content one's posts... I don`t know, how to write this properly...

I am sorry to hear, that you have this situation with S... the tendency to make new (old) disrespectful laws in many issues can be seen all over the world. and I don`t see a way, to change this directly... as we know, only the change of each of us can make a change in politics and how we deal with each other. But there are very rare people who understand this.

I think you did what you can, to bring your wisdom to the world. And you really deserve to be ok in "the little corner of the world" and have a life, as comfy as possible. Of course, it is painful to see, what happens everywhere, but everybody is responsible for oneself, right?

This is my short answer. Which I wanted to write for the moment. I have to pack my things and go to my mother’s house.

I will write again.

Take care and have a nice Sunday. H

Hi H,

Thank you for writing. I love reading your insightful emails. 

I’m sorry you are so occupied with emotional struggles and outside obligations.  I can imagine how taking care of your mother a few times a week can be a strong confrontation with your upbringing. 

 
I only talk via video call with my 88-year-old older sister, the woman that pretty much raised me and was  -- my substitute mother  -- and is a constant confrontation with my own upbringing too – It’s very tough to constantly witness her believing in lies and defending and enabling all the lies and illusions around her and not react negatively -- if I had not faced and resolved my own childhood repression -- I would not be able to not react negatively. -- but if I was in Portugal would be a lot harder. 

 
My oldest sister is still pretty mobile and independent and takes care of herself and everyone around her -- she has been stuck all of her life in the role of caretaker -- but I worry when she can’t any longer take care of herself and everyone else, then, that’s when everything will fall apart --- it’s a mess --- a tragedy waiting to happen… and is nothing I can do to stop it! I can't make others open their eyes to see and feel -- all I can do is let everyone go -- otherwise -- I will drown with them. 

I have this vision: humanity is a big bowl of a crazy soup where everyone is lost and confused fighting overtly or covertly to get to the top and I’m on the outside looking in -- all I see it's pure insanity! 

It took me over 40 years to swim or navigate out of this very big crazy bowl of soup -- called humanity – I'm so lucky I made it out in one piece!  And now I have to be careful not to let anyone still stuck in this very big crazy bowl of soup and pull me back in. Most people are afraid of letting go of those around them and swimming to freedom, most people just want to grab you and pull you in to use you to stand on your head!

I know in the tech world is a lot of manipulation and the tech-savvy know how to manipulate to get their articles with missed information and lies coated with little bits of disconnected truths to deceive and confuse the emotionally blind public. For example years ago when someone googled People Unlimited my blog would show up at the top of google search but now it doesn’t at all so I know someone tech-savvy from the cult of People Unlimited was able to manipulate google to suppress my blog exposing them for the fraud that they are. And now people can't find any of my blogs with keywords unless they specifically google for example Alice Miller Sylvie Shene blog, People Unlimited Sylvie Shene blog, Etc. 

Anyone that really wants the naked truth has to leave the mainstream and go underground and dig deep for the naked truth that everyone pretty much in the mainstream is working very hard to burry very deep and hide the real truth so they can manipulate the emotionally blind society with their very well articulated pretty seductive lies and disconnected half truths to gain power over the masses and get rich. 

 
I had the hope, that one member of my family, who by coincidence was born on the same day as you, would find the courage to let go of those around her and swim to freedom but like, most people, she too fell into the illusion that money and power over others is her ticket to salvation -- yes, we need money to live -- but the truth is -- we don’t need a lot of money when we are truly emotionally free! 

Money alone is one of the biggest illusions ever! When I was growing up in Portugal I witnessed money to be the most important thing to her mother and then marrying a man, her father, and to him too --- money was the most important thing --- her father had a degree in engineer and used to be a math teacher and all he cared about was to save all his money and watch it grow in the bank that she inherited after he passed away  – her father used to call his students “lixo” in English means trash – and now she too is following exactly her parents' footsteps -- and money is the most important thing to her too – she works as Insolvency Administrator – I have no doubt she also calls these people going through insolvency stupid and trash because they don’t know how to run their business and therefore deserve their misfortune – so we could say like vultures -- they survive off the trash and the misfortunes of others… it’s so sad to witness all the time people following exactly the footsteps of their parents. It’s so true what Alice Miller said: “Evil is born anew with every new generation”

 
That's all for today! Hugs from Arizona,

Sylvie

Rich and poor are different ends of the same stick. There are fxcked up people with money and fxcked up people with no money. Money can be an addiction just like any other addiction. 

Carrot and stick

"The phrase "carrot and stick" is a metaphor for the use of a combination of reward and punishment to induce a desired behaviour.^[1]

In politics, "carrot or stick" sometimes refers to the realist concept of soft and hard power. The carrot in this context could be the promise of economic or diplomatic aid between nations, while the stick might be the threat of military action."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrot_and_stick

XB,

Sadly, you come to my blog not to look for information to help you resolve your own childhood repression and grow into an autonomous, mature conscious adult with compassion for yourself and others. Still, instead, you come here looking for information you can use to play mind games with those around you, especially with your mother, so you don't have to let go of your mother and her money and face your fears of resolving your own childhood repression and the fears of being alone. 

You gathered a lot of intellectual knowledge from me. It's just a shame you haven't been able to apply it to your own life when you are triggered. You are still blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the child you once were, and you are not able to consciously feel and understand your feelings within the context of your childhood.

But instead, you are lost in projections, transferring your emotions onto scapegoats like me, XF, and XF's daughter.  Money is your biggest trigger because you find yourself entitled to her mother’s money just like XF does.  She is not much different than XF, who just wants money! XF, we don’t know what she does with so much money, and you just want to hoard it all in the bank. Both have money issues, nevertheless! They all have money issues! XC included! No matter how much money they have, it’s never enough, and they always want more, like an addict is addicted to heroin, always wants more, never satisfied! 

You keep saying that you thought I was your friend. I don't know what your interpretation of friendship is, but it seems to you friendship means to go along with you all the time and kiss your ass -- you just want to be surrounded by people that kiss your ass -- and go along with you all the time -- and tell you only what you like to hear. Just because I didn't go along in joining you in satisfying your thirst for revenge, NOW I'm your number one enemy!

You really didn't know me if you thought I would just go along with you all the time, and I would kiss your ass just because you are well off financially!

You are like the person riding the donkey in the picture above; you use your money as the carrot on the stick to control the people in your life, so you don't have to face and feel your fears. I have been saying to people for a very long time: face your fears, or they will keep biting you in the ass.  

I'm everyone's friend. I write back to everyone who writes to me, and if you wrote asking any questions, I'll answer you! I'm a friend forever! You might not like what I have to say, but you can be assured that you will get an honest answer. 

XI, your cousin is coming to visit me for one week. I know she is a big trigger of your unresolved childhood repression. 

I'm very aware that when you both were growing up, she was favored by most in the family, which created resentment and jealousy in the child you once were, just as in my childhood, my sister MI was favored by everyone in the family over me. I don't favor anyone. I'm just taking the same risk with DI as I took with you, and allowing her to spend some time with me, too. Your cousin is as much of a victim of her childhood as you are. Being the favored and spoiled child causes a lot of emotional problems in adulthood, as does being the scapegoated and rejected child. Actually, I think the hero and favored child remain endlessly stuck and face many more problems as adults. Everyone needs to find the courage and strength to heal and break free.

 https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/11/narcissism-is-epidemic.html

The words below by Alice Miller are so true.

"I think that violent teenagers are demonstrating what happened to them emotionally when they were small. I have no doubt about that. It might not always be a harsh discipline, but in most cases, there is emotional neglect, lack of authentic communication, of warm, friendly contact. If this lack is also covered by what is called "spoiling" (buying a lot of expensive objects to replace love), the child is often unable to detect the neglect and stays bound to denial. Anyway, every child must deny the pain in order to survive. Only in adulthood is it possible to realize the truth. But the more the childhood history is repressed, the more its cruelty is denied, the less these young people are able to feel, to confront the actual reasons for their distress, and the stronger they feel urged to act destructively. They have not always have conscious memories of what happened in their childhood, especially in infancy, but this knowledge is stored up in their body's cells and, amazingly enough, they threaten others exactly the same way as they were threatened at the beginning of their life. Unfortunately, the common, ever-present avoidance of the issue of "childhood" doesn't make things easier. I discuss this problem in my book Paths of Life, 1999, and The Truth Will Set You Free, 2002.

“Opposing Miller are those who claim that a law forbidding parents to hit their children brings us uncomfortably close to totalitarianism. Many people believe that smacking children remains a private right, and would have grave misgivings if government legislation intruded into an area as sacrosanct as the home. Her answer is emphatic: "You can't claim the right to play with nuclear weapons on your territory because they belong to you. Similarly, society's interests must go before your pleasure and your habits, and the government must defend these interests. “Parents may claim the right to hit children when they are small as though they are property. Yet as soon as those children become violent delinquents or drug abusers, the same parents are eager to turn the problem over to society. The anonymous taxpayer has to fund the hospitals and prisons that these once so eagerly disciplined teenagers will need." 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/10/spoiling-children-is-form-of-child-abuse_29.html?m=1

Don't worry, I know very well that every time I allow someone to get close to me, family or not family, who has not become conscious of their own childhood repression, it's always a risk of being exploited and taken advantage of. And trying to make me their poison container or scapegoat for their unresolved childhood repression -- it's always a risk when dealing with human beings.

I will take extra precautions and be very careful.

With you, I waited for many, many years to see if you would find the courage to get off the fence and start your true journey to your authentic self. I gave you more time than I ever gave anyone else in my entire life. You only value money, but time is much more valuable. I no longer have the time and patience to wait on people as I did with you.

Money can always be recovered, but time can never be recovered once it is lost! All these years, you exploited my time and my love, and now you act like you are my victim! My only mistake with you was not confronting you sooner...

You never really supported me on anything, and the little support you tried to give me wasn't authentic and didn't compromise you too much. Just like Marty and some residents at my job of 9 and a half years, you met most of them at my 53rd birthday party. You, like Marty and some of the residents who pretended to love me, the moment they felt confronted by the truths in my book, they all started plotting against me... if people can't be authentic, I'd rather they block me out of their lives. 

It's amazing that the moment I confront people with their BS, they all go on the attack right away instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for their own childhood repression. What do we call people like this?! We call them cowards! Unfortunately, our world is full of cowards.   

It's so sad that you gathered good information from me and joined the cult of the WOKE, like millions of people who acquire good information but don't apply it to themselves first and go out into the world pointing fingers at everyone else and acting like they know better and are superior to others.   

If your cousin's visiting me triggers you, I hope you can understand your painful feelings and consciously feel them within the context of your own childhood. Once we understand our painful feelings and consciously feel them in the right context, they start to subside and are replaced with authentic love and happiness, and we feel liberated.  

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/12/facing-and-feeling-repressed-emotions.html

Just like I wrote in my book on pages 129, 163, and 164:

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand, and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective.

… Just remember this: If particular people or circumstances trigger excruciatingly intense feelings inside you, just keep telling yourself that these are the repressed feelings of the child you once were. Feelings don’t kill anyone, no matter how intense they are. Only actions kill. So if you ride your intense feelings into shore, direct them at the real culprits who hurt you when you were a defenseless child, and avoid taking any actions you may regret later, you’ll be free, and no one will get hurt. As an autonomous adult, you do have some control over the people you let into your inner circle, and you may have to make some relationship adjustments as you do your emotional work. I took a lot of extra time to be with myself in solitude because most of the people in my life just didn’t understand what I was going through. When you’re trying to resolve your repression, being around unconscious people who are doing everything they can to avoid their own truths puts you at risk of relapsing into playing your old roles.”

I wish you the courage and strength to spend time alone in solitude to face your painful truths and feel your triggered emotions within the context of your own childhood.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/10/using-our-triggers-constructively.html

How to become a WOKE idiot

https://youtube.com/shorts/u_vm5ng-HCE?feature=share

Let go of the Reins of Control if You Want to Save Yourself

 I. has to understand that the old tactics she used with L to get money no longer work because C won't let that happen. 

I. has to let L and her money go. L doesn't care about her. L. and I. are at different ends of the same stick. There are Fxcked up people with money on one end and there are Fxcked people without money on the other end, but both are Fxcked up nevertheless, the only difference is one has money and the other doesn’t. 

Have no doubts if I. was better off financially instead of C. L would be at I's house running away from her daughter. For L, money, status symbols, and being around people with financial success is what is most important to her, no matter if they have a heart or not! 

If I. wants to save herself, she has to let L. and her money go and let go of the reins of control and leave everything behind. And start mourning all the things lost and what could have been but never was. 

Even if I. could get money from L. would just buy her more time. She has to face the inevitable and the sooner the better. 

Her health issues are caused by the pressure from all that she has been repressing all of her life and running from facing and feeling the painful truths in her life. 

The moment she lets go of the reins of control and lets everything go her health will improve. 

The words below by Alice Miller are so true. The body never lies, It sticks to the facts.

“Inability to face up to the suffering undergone in childhood can be observed both in the form of religious obedience and in cynicism, irony, and other forms of self-alienation frequently masquerading as philosophy or literature.  But ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, nicotine, or medicine, it usually has the last word, because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind, particularly if the mind has been trained to function as an alienated self. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality.” From the book “The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting” by Alice Miller

Another truthful quote by Alice Miller comes to mind: “Children who have been beaten, humiliated, and abused, and who find no witness to come to their aid often develop a grave syndrome in later life: they have no knowledge of their true feelings, fear them like the plague, and are therefore incapable of recognizing vital connections.” — Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/05/swords-and-knives-review-of-alice.html

Unfortunately having children is how many people unconsciously deal with childhood traumas. That's how many people get to live long lives by making the vulnerable feel what they themselves can't feel. These words by Alice Miller come to mind: " Individuals who believe that they feel what they ought to feel and constantly do their best not to feel what they forbid themselves to feel will ultimately fall ill---unless, that is, they leave it to their children to pick up the check by projections onto them the emotions they cannot admit to themselves." 

Most People’s Love is Nothing But a Farce, a Sham, and a Façade

Just like Alice Miller wrote in the introduction of her book The Body Never Lies “ As long as the children allow themselves to be used in this way, it is entirely possible to live to be one hundred without any awareness of one’s personal truth and without any illness ensuing from this protracted form of self-deception. A mother who is forced to realize that the deprivations imposed on her in her youth make it impossible for her to love a child of her own, however hard she may try, can certainly expect to be accused of immorality if she has the courage to put that truth into words. But I believe that it is precisely this explicit acceptance of her true feelings, independent of the claims of morality, that will enable her to give both herself and her children the honest and sincere kind of support they need most, and at the same time will allow her to free herself from the shackles of self-deception.” 

Maybe one of the secrets to living a long life is to be disconnected from one’s own truth and feelings, but it’s done at the expense of others and the next generations. When I was a kid I used to say to myself: the pain stops with me and I was willing to die than passing it into an innocent being. I much prefer resolving my own childhood repression to have a chance of living a long life than living a long life at the expense of others. 

These words by Alice Miller also come to mind: 

Deception Kills Love

"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.

A

m I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc."