Carrot and stick

"The phrase "carrot and stick" is a metaphor for the use of a combination of reward and punishment to induce a desired behaviour.^[1]

In politics, "carrot or stick" sometimes refers to the realist concept of soft and hard power. The carrot in this context could be the promise of economic or diplomatic aid between nations, while the stick might be the threat of military action."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrot_and_stick

XB,

It's sad that you come to my blog not to look for information to help you resolve your own childhood repression and grow into an autonomous mature conscious adult with compassion for yourself and others, but instead, you come here looking for information you can use to play mind games with those around you, especially with your mother so you don't have to let go of your mother and her money and face your fears of resolving your own childhood repression and the fears of being alone. 

You keep saying that you thought I was your friend. I don't know what your interpretation of friendship is, but it seems to you friendship means to go along with you all the time and kiss your ass -- you just want to be surrounded by people that kiss your ass -- and go along with you all the time -- and tell you only what you like to hear. Just because I didn't go along in joining you in satisfying your thirst for revenge NOW I'm your number one enemy!

You really didn't know me if you thought I would just go along with you all the time and I would kiss your ass just because you are well off financially!

You are like the person riding the donkey in the picture above, you use your money as the carrot on the stick to control the people in your life so you don't have to face and feel your fears. I have been saying to people for a very long time: face your fears or they will keep biting you in the ass.  

I'm everyone's friend. I write back to everyone that writes to me and if you wrote to me asking any questions I would answer you back! I'm a friend forever! You might not like what I have to say but you can be assured that you will get an honest answer. 

XI, your cousin is coming to visit me for one week. I know she is a big trigger of your unresolved childhood repression. 

I'm very aware that when you both were growing up, she was favored by most in the family and created resentment and jealousy in the child you once were, just like in my childhood my sister  MI was favored by everyone in the family over me. I don't favor anyone. I'm just taking the same risk with D I took with you and giving her the opportunity to spend some time with me too. Your cousin is as much of a victim of her childhood as you are. Being the favored and spoiled child causes a lot of emotional problems in adulthood as does being the scapegoated and rejected child, actually, I think the hero and favored child remain endlessly stuck and have a lot more problems as adults. Everyone needs to find the courage and strength to heal and break free.

 https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/11/narcissism-is-epidemic.html

The words below by Alice Miller are so true.

"I think that violent teenagers are demonstrating what happened to them emotionally when they were small. I have no doubt about that. It might not always be a harsh discipline but in most cases, there is emotional neglect, lack of authentic communication, of warm, friendly contact. If this lack is also covered by what is called "spoiling" (buying a lot of expensive objects to replace love), the child is often unable to detect the neglect and stays bound to denial. Anyway, every child must deny the pain in order to survive. Only in adulthood is it possible to realize the truth. But the more the childhood history is repressed, the more its cruelty is denied, the less these young people are able to feel, to confront the actual reasons for their distress, and the stronger they feel urged to act destructively. They have not always have conscious memories of what happened in their childhood, especially in infancy, but this knowledge is stored up in their body's cells and, amazingly enough, they threaten others exactly the same way as they were threatened at the beginning of their life. Unfortunately, the common, ever-present avoidance of the issue of "childhood" doesn't make things easier. I discuss this problem in my book Paths of Life, 1999, and The Truth Will Set You Free, 2002.

“Opposing Miller are those who claim that a law forbidding parents to hit their children brings us uncomfortably close to totalitarianism. Many people believe that smacking children remains a private right, and would have grave misgivings if government legislation intruded into an area as sacrosanct as the home. Her answer is emphatic: "You can't claim the right to play with nuclear weapons on your territory because they belong to you. Similarly, society's interests must go before your pleasure and your habits, and the government must defend these interests. “Parents may claim the right to hit children when they are small as though they are property. Yet as soon as those children become violent delinquents or drug abusers the same parents are eager to turn the problem over to society. The anonymous taxpayer has to fund the hospitals and prisons these once so eagerly disciplined teenagers will need." 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/10/spoiling-children-is-form-of-child-abuse_29.html?m=1

Don't worry I know very well that every time I allow someone to get close to me, family or not family, who has not become conscious of their own childhood repression, it's always a risk of being exploited and taken advantage of. And trying to make me their poison container or scapegoat for their unresolved childhood repression -- it's always a risk when dealing with human beings.

I will take extra precautions and  I will be very careful.

With you, I waited for many, many years to see if you would find the courage to get off the fence and start your true journey to your authentic self. I gave you more time than I ever gave anyone else in my entire life. You only give value to money but time is a lot more valuable. I no longer have the time and patience to wait on people as I did with you.

Money can always be recovered but time can never be recovered once is lost! All these years you exploited my time and my love and now you act like you are my victim! My only mistake with you was not confronting you sooner...

You never really supported me on anything and the little support you tried to give me was not authentic and was done in a way without compromising yourself too much. Just like Marty and some residents at my job of nine and a half years that you met most of them at my 53rd birthday party. You, like Marty and some of the residents that pretended to love me -- the moment they felt confronted by the truths in my book, they all started plotting against me... if people can't be authentic I rather they block me out of their lives. 

It's amazing that the moment I confront people with their BS, they all go on the attack right away instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for their own childhood repression. What do we call people like this?! We call them cowards! Unfortunately, our world is full of cowards.   

It's so sad that you gathered good information from me and joined the cult of the WOKE like millions of people who acquire good information but don't apply it to themselves first and go out into the world pointing fingers at everyone else and acting like they know better and are superior to others.   

If your cousin visiting me triggers you I hope you are able to understand your painful feelings and consciously feel them within the context of your own childhood. Once we understand our painful feelings and consciously feel them in the right context, they start to subside and are replaced with authentic love and happiness and we feel liberated.  

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/12/facing-and-feeling-repressed-emotions.html

Just like I wrote in my book on pages 129, 163, and 164:

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand, and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective.

… Just remember this: If particular people or circumstances trigger excruciatingly intense feelings inside you, just keep telling yourself that these are the repressed feelings of the child you once were. Feelings don’t kill anyone no matter how intense they are. Only actions kill. So if you ride your intense feelings into shore, direct them at the real culprits who hurt you when you were a defenseless child and avoid taking any actions you may regret later, you’ll be free and no one will get hurt. As an autonomous adult, you do have some control over the people you let into your inner circle, and you may have to make some relationship adjustments as you do your emotional work. I took a lot of extra time to be with myself in solitude because most of the people in my life just didn’t understand what I was going through. When you’re trying to resolve your repression, being around unconscious people who are doing everything they can to avoid their own truths puts you at risk of relapsing into playing your old roles.”

I wish you the courage and strength to spend time alone in solitude to face your painful truths and feel your triggered emotions within the context of your own childhood.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/10/using-our-triggers-constructively.html

How to become a WOKE idiot

https://youtube.com/shorts/u_vm5ng-HCE?feature=share