My comment on a forum about psychopaths/sociopaths

From my experience with psychopaths/sociopaths they all had trauma in childhood and even before birth while still in the womb and some also had a very traumatic childbirth. But if they had parents capable of  genuine feelings and true love, they would have been able to heal the trauma of a difficult birth. 

Even though I have compassion for the child they once were, I don’t have compassion for the adults they have become, because as adults, we all have a choice to open our eyes to see and feel. 

Alice Miller called Hitler a monster and she too could feel compassion for the child he once was, but had no compassion for the monster he became. The reason psychopaths can sometimes be hard to spot is because they have memorized good knowledge and mimic us, so we think they are like us, but without genuinely experiencing it at the personal level, they are like robots, they become perfect machines going into the world deceiving themselves and others, they are telling lies coated with disconnected truths to allure people into their trap, so they can use and exploit them, the only reason they want to educate themselves and get knowledge is not to help themselves and others, but to use what they have learned to manipulate others to help them in their schemes to fool everyone and get over others without feeling any remorse, they don’t care who they destroy in the process, as long they get what they want, it’s all about getting what they want.  

Barbara Rogers was very good at her game and that is why she was able to fool Alice Miller, but in the moment she was caught and Alice Miller confronted her, she attacked like all psychopaths do and take with them those that are not able to see through them and believe their lies.

You saying that I am projecting my emotional qualities into the psychopaths, maybe is true to some extent, we all can project ourselves unconsciously into others, but we could say that maybe you are also projecting your denied emotional qualities into the psychopaths, because people incapable of genuine feelings would make them perfect target for people that can’t bear to feel their own painful excruciating repressed feelings of the child they once were, it goes both ways, nobody is perfect, we all were once defenseless children at the mercy of ignorant adults and we all like it or not  have been affected by our own childhood to an extent, some more than others.

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28551.15.html#lastPost

Daniel Mackler and Barbara Rogers came up in a very interesting conversation

P:Hi Sylvie, I don't know if you already know this, but it's the translation of an interview that Martin Miller gave to the German magazine Der Spiegel

Sylvie: Yes I read it... the issues between him and his mother are understandable, because his mother had not made her discoveries until he was an adult, so he was affected by his own childhood like the rest of us, but that does not take away from the discoveries Alice made later on and the great books she left for us to help us resolve our own repression. If you have read all of her books, you will see that she shares her pain of not being able to be there for her son when he was little, and she apologizes to him. Hopefully, one day he can resolve his own repression and be free, if he has not already.

I think he did a good job on the preface to his mother’s French edition book “L’essentiel d’Alice Miller,” but I still felt a little bit of residue left of unresolved feelings between him and his mother. Still, his unresolved feelings are between him and his mother and have nothing to do with us, but between them, our issues are with our own parents. 

Alice has never hurt us in any way. Still, Daniel Mackler and others like him are hurting the public by creating a smoke screen to hide the truth and facts from themselves and others, like Sigmund Freud, did with their crazy theories to protect parents and hide behind, so they did not have to face and feel their own painful truths. 

Daniel Mackler and others like him work very hard to suppress Alice Miller's books from reaching more people because they are afraid of being exposed by her books. 

It makes me sad to see people exploiting Alice and her son and doing personal attacks towards Alice, making her their scapegoat for the wrongs done to them by their own parents. 

Our issues are with our parents, not with Alice. Alice was a human being like the rest of us and made mistakes in her personal life, like we all have, but she was an honest and sincere woman who focused on facts. Have you read the Preface to the Revised Edition of 1997 of the Book “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence”

P: No, I hadn't read that. Thanks a lot for sharing it.

Sylvie: From this preface, Daniel Mackler takes Alice Miller's words out of context and twists them to attack her in his critique of her work; he is a total psychopath. His limitations are so much bigger than Alice Miller’s, and I don’t think in his lifetime he will ever come close to the depths of Alice Miller. 

Alice Miller's behavior was not abusive towards her daughter. But I think Daniel was being extremely abusive to Alice Miller with his character assassination of her. Her daughter was not just a gift to Alice Miller for being the catalyst of her awakening, but a gift to all of us as well, because without her daughter, she probably would never have written her books in the way she did. I would still be living in isolation or dead. I don’t think I could have lived with my feelings and perceptions all alone much longer without her books, and for that, I am very grateful that her daughter was born. 

Alice Miller has been the most heroic pioneer person in our world, who stood for truth and facts, exposing the lies and hypocrisy of society; of course, she was human and made mistakes like the rest of us, but she was always honest, authentic, genuine and when she noticed a mistake of hers she was honest and sincere and she only deserves our compassion, understanding, gratitude and not our judgments, projections, and transferences; this guy is a perfectionist that lives in denial of his imperfections and limitations; projecting himself into Alice Miller and if someone is abusive is him. Enjoying a child’s affection and innocence is not abusive at all, unless we take advantage of those qualities for our own cruel and selfish reasons, and Alice Miller was far from being cruel and selfish in any way.

P: I completely share your views on Alice, she was not perfect of course, like the rest of us, and never pretended to be, simply because she was human and that is what makes her so credible and authentic to me, unlike those critics who are looking for flaws to prove her wrong and attack her...above all of them DM with his stupid perfectionism ....luckily he himself has been faithful to his own theory and does not have any children...I would feel really sorry for them!!!! I just listened to the 2nd part of his video criticizing Alice... easily summed up: BS...Alice always pointed out that she did not want to be considered an idol or a guru... if people do that, it's their problem, not hers...

Sylvie: Exactly! I could not have said it better myself. For that, Barbara Rogers, if she is "lost in a fog of admiration," is not Alice's fault that she lost herself admiring Alice Miller. Still, the reality is, she did not lose herself because she has never found herself. Once we truly see ourselves, we can never lose ourselves again. The little girl she once was was still lost in the fog of admiration with her own mother, now transferred into a substitute figure, Alice Miller. 

It’s her problem if she is still a lost little girl and loses herself in admiration over others, she is another malignant narcissist that has memorized good knowledge hijacked from Alice, but has not experienced it at a personal level and now is trying to cast herself in the role of parent figure over others and misuses this good knowledge to manipulate and use others to distract herself, so she does not have to face and feel the repressed excruciating emotions of the child she once was; reenacting her childhood drama all over again with the people she is trying to help, but now she playing the role of her mother and the people she is trying to help, playing the role of the child she and they once were and they all remain lost in a maze with no way out, staying prisoners of childhood for eternity.

Me too, I would feel sorry for DM’s children if he had any. Still, maybe if he had his own children to use as his scapegoat or poisonous container, he would not need to make Alice and others his scapegoat or poisonous container, like Hitler, if he had his own children to use as his scapegoat, maybe he would not have to take it out on the Jews and other minority groups making them his scapegoat for the wrongs done to him by his own father.

P: Yes...that's true.

Comments I made in the book discussion of Daniel Mackler

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Even though I agree with everything said in this excerpt. I just started reading the book and find his choice of words to be highly confusing, even abusive, and I can’t recommend this book. Alice Miller is the only person I encounter on this planet with whom I agree 100%. The words below written by Alice Miller to me, when I asked her to comment on letters I received from one of her readers, came to mind: “AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as poisonous containers like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves, they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one`s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage.” Alice Miller wrote this message Sylvie Imelda Shene: Alice Miller’s criticism is not the only thing I am concerned about, there is more, like for example his views on abortion and sex, his choice of words can be very confusing and guilt-inducing to his readers that still are emotionally blind and take his words for face value and not see he might be unconsciously telling his true story of what happened to him and how he was treated as a child by using harsh words. When it comes to abortion, no one says it better than Alice Miller: “Not everyone is capable of thinking in real, concrete terms. Many seek refuge in religious beliefs. In their weakness, they place their trust in 'relics,” awaiting salvation at the hands of one stronger than themselves. Anyone who claims to be a strong and knowledgeable authority for such people, and to be acting on their behalf, has the duty to be conscious of the appropriate facts. If they aren’t, if they ignore or neglect that duty, claiming instead that their palpable lack of information and their abstract conceptions of “life” are sanctioned by God and practiced in the name of humanity, they are acting against life by misusing the weakness and trust of the faithful and dangerously confusing them. The injunction against abortion goes even further: Consciously or unconsciously, it represents support for cruelty against children and active complicity in the creation of unwanted existences, existences that can easily become a liability for the community at large. … It is, in fact, not surprising to find that those who are both victims and apologists for the use of violence and severity against children are often those who most passionately proclaim their love of the unborn child, i.e., the kernel of life. Abortion can, indeed, be seen as the most powerful symbol of the psychic annihilation and mutilation practiced since time immemorial on children. But to combat this evil merely at the symbolic level deflects us from the reality we should not evade for a moment longer: the reality of the abused and humiliated child, which, as a result of its disavowed and unresolved injuries, will insidiously become, either openly or aided by hypocrisy, a danger to society.”

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Sabina, I agree with most of what you are saying about sex and when a person becomes fully conscious, they naturally become abstinent from sex, but not by choice, but because it’s nearly impossible to find another conscious partner at the same level. Telling unconscious people not to have sex is not realistic and does not work, and the author of this book seems to have a problem even with masturbation! Why should a person not enjoy his/her body? Was he not allowed to enjoy his own body as a little boy? The purpose of life is to have fun in balance without hurting ourselves or others, to be enjoyed, and shared. For us to become free to enjoy life in the present moment, we must face our history and feel our repressed feelings, at our own pace. We must face the pain in our lives. The only way out is through it. Nothing in the external world, no religion, no job, no geographical travel or move, no relationship, and no amount of money can save us from the pain of our past. Until we walk through our pain, we will keep reenacting, repeating, and recreating our past in the present moment. Dr. Alice Miller, in her book, The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self, says: “The past always catches up with us, in our relationships with other people and especially with our children.” The only way to release the pain is to face it, articulate it, and feel it as it arises. If we can feel it, we can heal it. I know sometimes the pain can be overwhelming, and we need to take a break from it by going to work, taking care of ourselves, and some distractions of safe fun, but we must take time to face, be, and articulate our pain and feel it as it arises until it is gone. Because pretty much every person on the planet has been abused and traumatized to a degree by parental and societal ignorance, pain comes into everyone’s life. The suffering comes because we run, avoid, repress, and deny our pain. If we don’t acknowledge and take responsibility for our wounds, but instead we deny and repress them, the wounds inflicted on us, we will inflict those same wounds on others and the next generation. I wonder if the author was extremely sexually abused as a child and now wants to repress his sexuality and of his readers – what we repress will find expression in a very dysfunctional way and will harm us and others even more. All religions have been trying to repress people’s sexuality. The author sounds preachy like the very extreme religious people that use strong, harsh language that is guilt-inducing, and we have seen that religion’s guilt-inducing has gotten us. I wonder if one of his parents was a preacher -- Children that are preached to, learn to preach -- Maybe his parents were highly critical of him and used strong, harsh language and made him feel guilty, and now unconsciously he is extremely critical and passing this guilt to his readers.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I also stand by my words that this book is confusing, and if something is confusing is also abusive to me. Saying that this book is the continuation of Alice Miller’s work is a big lie, even if people are not aware and can’t see the hidden lie. Alice Miller’s work is so much ahead of this book. DM’s book is so tinted with morality and so manipulative that it brings back old memories in my mind when I was living with my religious fanatic and manipulative older sisters, who tried so hard to push down my throat their beliefs and morality. The letter written to Alice Miller, linked below, articulates what I believe Daniel Mackler's book aims to do for its readers.

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2371&grp=1108

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am very aware that I cannot open the eyes of people who don’t want to see and feel, and if people choose to believe in lies, it is their problem. Just like Alice Miller confirmed in her answer to my letter in the link below:  

From Alice Miller am@.com> Subject: Re: Saying the truth or being loyal To: s@.com Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008, 1:21 AM  

AM: Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that my answer to your previous letter didn't appear on the website under your text. I wrote: "Congratulations on your understanding. You are right, you can't make someone see who DOESN'T WANT to see." Alice Miller wrote this message

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2337&grp=1108

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am not going to comment here anymore, because I am very aware I cannot make people see and feel what they are not ready to see and feel, and if they would rather believe in lies, there is nothing I can do but walk away. When someone is trying to confuse you consciously or unconsciously, it is abuse, even if people can’t see it as such.  

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I have to clarify the phrase that seems to have created confusion “'If something is confusing to me it is abusive to me' I should have said if someone is telling me a lie consciously or unconsciously it’s abusive to me, because lies are always confusing and abusive, of course, there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t understand and are not abusive, but lies are always abusive no matter who says them and how nice they sound.

S’s Letter

S, I think it's important that I mention what I witnessed happening at the DM's book discussion http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/note.php?note_id=471710483293 

You were agreeing with me, but the moment Daniel Mackler showed up and shared his opinion, which of course has the right to do so, you moved right to his side and apologized to him for disagreeing with him, and your misunderstanding and my question was -- why does she have the need to do that? Maybe she still carries the fear of her parents and now someone symbolizing her parents, in this case, Daniel Mackler, and like when she was a little girl would not dare to rebel against her parents for fear of punishment and repressed her true feelings in order to please her parents and be the "good girl" her parents desired, now, in her adult life this internalized fear of her parents is still keeping her from staying true to herself. You know this happened to me also on a discussion board a year or so ago at amazon.com on the topic of spanking was harmful to children. Most people there were pro-spanking, and I felt the need to comment and expose their ignorance, and of course, these very unconscious people started to personally attack me right away, they called me the B word, radical, and all kinds of things, you name it! One poster that identified himself as being a Psychiatric doctor took my side at first, and of course temporally I felt better that I was not alone anymore against those very mean unconscious people, but the moment the pro-spanking people started to direct their anger at him accusing him of being radical and lunatic because only a lunatic would be at Sylvie's side! The next day, he took the pro-spanking side, agreeing with them that my comment was too radical. Below is the comment I used to re-post over and over again, which they thought was too radical and could not stand, triggering them the most. I now understand and see very well these psychological mechanisms, and it did not affect me much that this doctor, one day, was on my side and the next day, like a scared little boy, took the abuser's side. A professional doctor should have dealt with his own fear and learned how to handle transference. I thought of the little child going to his office with his parents, and one day he takes the child's side. Still, in the moment the parent starts transferring their anger onto him, he leaves the child alone. He takes the parents' side, causing much damage to a child, who, one day, feels like somebody is on his side, but a day later, finds himself again abandoned in an emotional desert island all alone. Children have no way of understanding that the reason this person abandoned them was also because of his internalized fears of his own parents. This is why people who go out offering help to others without experiencing, understanding, and walking through their own fears first will unconsciously and compulsively pass their psychological virus into others under the disguise of help, and this is very damaging to people who are still wounded, especially to children.

Amazon.com post: These people are so "SMART" that they don't see that the more they mention my name and project themselves into me, the more they make themselves look bad. Keep making yourselves look bad, ignorant, and very dark people.

People who idealize their childhood and parents will keep having limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears. DEFENSELESS LITTLE CHILDREN MAKE PERFECT SCAPEGOATS FOR THEM, COWARDS. Pro-spanking people suffer and secretly enjoy seeing others suffer too, otherwise, why would they fight so hard for the parents' right to spank their innocent children, when children misbehave is never the child's fault, but the parents' fault, and if someone needs a spanking, it would be the parents. Children are like sponges or antennas that absorb all of what their parents repressed. What parents repress, children express. So, if you don't like what you see in your children, look within yourself and take responsibility for all that is repressed in you. Your children will change without you having to do much. And what is so sad for me is that most of these pro-spanking, hypocrites, cowards hide behind "God" to do their evil work. Read the article "How Evil is Born anew with every new generation" in the link below:

http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=47&grp=11

It's so sad that in the 21st century, people are still debating if it's ok to spank a child. In the 21st century, everyone should know the dangers of spanking children, and every person in power should be doing everything to make sure every child is protected from harm. Would we be debating today if slavery of black people or any other race is ok? Fortunately, it is common knowledge that slavery of another race is cruel and ignorant. Why can human beings see that doing it to children is even more cruel, ignorant, and very dangerous? Most people's objective is not freedom for themselves and others. Most people's objective is to one day have their own slaves. The easiest way to have your own slaves is to give birth to them because our society does nothing to protect children in the first years of life, the most critical years of a person's life." Poisonous Pedagogy The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child's great plasticity, flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can, at last, be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities the parents hate in themselves, can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, "moral," noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung." Alice Miller "THE CHILD AS POISON CONTAINER The main psychological mechanism that operates in all child abuse involves using children as what I have termed poison containers--receptacles into which adults project disowned parts of their psyches, so they can control these feelings in another body without danger to themselves. In good parenting, the child uses the caretaker as a poison container, much as it earlier used the mother's placenta as a poison container for cleansing its polluted blood. A good mother reacts with calming actions to the cries of a baby and helps it "detoxify² its dangerous emotions. But when an immature mother's baby cries, she cannot stand the screaming and strikes out at the child. As one battering mother put it, "I have never felt loved all my life. When the baby was born, I thought he would love me. When he cried, it meant he didn't love me. So I hit him.² Rather than the child being able to use the parent to detoxify its fears and anger, the parent instead injects his or her bad feelings into the child and uses it to cleanse his or herself of depression and anger."

http://www.psychohistory.com/htm/05_history.html  

---Then they accused me of violating Alice Miller's copyright, and I assure them that she did not mind me distributing her literature freely. One morning, I woke up thinking I bet they wrote to Alice Miller to complain about me violating her copyright, and I went to her website to the readers' mail page. Sure enough, I found the following letter when I saw the letter with the title "Respecting the copyright" and I knew right away it was about me and I clicked on it with excitement to read Alice Miller's answer.

"Respecting the copyright, Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dear Ms. Miller,

On a "no-spank" thread on Amazon, one of your readers has copied and pasted pages upon pages of your work. One of the copies was of a webpage you allow people to copy and re-post in its entirety, but most of the content seems to end with an "all rights reserved" copyright. In some cases, the person is even copy/pasting the works of your fellow authors and attributing your website, which might not exactly rub them the right way.

http://www.amazon.com/tag/health/forum/ref=cm_cd_et_md_pl?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx1EO24KZG65FCB&cdMsgNo=6427&cdPage=258&cdSort=oldest&cdThread=Tx2RVZKR3QEDU6P&cdMsgID=Mx28QB17UEUHKGE#Mx28QB17UEUHKGE

We've been concerned about her zeal for copy/paste of copyrighted works for some time, but responsibility dictates that, since the poster has failed to see the legal and moral issues, we should at the very least alert you of this.

AM: Thank you for your letter and the link. I opened it and found a discussion led very respectfully by Sylvie Shene, who seems to understand much about the dangers of spanking that produce, besides other things, ignorant parents in the future. Of course, the Internet allows everybody to show themselves, their emotional insights as well as their emotional blindness (like "I was very much beaten, but I turned out very well"). But I didn't find an example of anybody using my name for a text that I have NOT written. Did I miss anything? If you did find this kind of abuse, of disrespecting my copyright, please let me know."

This letter is no longer available on Alice Miller's website. I believe the coward who wrote it asked her to remove it because I had copied and pasted it into the amazon.com thread with the following comment and a link to it: To the person that wrote to Dr. Alice Miller, did her answer put your concerns to rest? It's so funny to witness the extent to which the pro-spanking people go to stop me from sharing the enlightened information here. They tried to break me, but that did not work, because you can not break what's not breakable anymore! Would not it be easier to put me on your ignore list? What are you afraid of? Afraid your children might come here? Become enlightened and be able to see through your lies and illusions. This just shows how conniving some pro-spanking people are. The next morning, I clicked on the link from the Amazon.com thread to see if it was working, and the letter was no longer available on her website. This person did not like Alice Miller's response, and he/she asked her to remove it because when people clicked on the link, they could see for themselves their desperation. Later, they accused me of fabricating this letter myself! All my life, I have stood alone against the liars and cowards in this world, and it felt so good to have Alice Miller stand on my side. I never had anyone before stand on my side like that. I have no words to express how happy I felt to know I was not alone anymore.

Alice Miller has been the only person who has truly been on my side.

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=458883030451

The sad tragic story of Michael Jackson

When I used to see Michael Jackson on TV, of course I admired his artwork and enjoyed watching him. I could feel everyone around him was just exploiting him, and I would feel his pain, and I wish I could reach over the TV and talk to him. He tried to save children around the world, but he was not able to save first the child he once was from his abusive parents that exploited him when he was a defenseless little boy, the last doctor, Dr. Conrad Murray in Michael Jackson final act, playing the role of the father figure, he was just continuing the exploitation where his parents had left off; his parents, the first people in Michael Jackson first act, were the ones that needed the most punishment, because they abused and exploited him when he was a defenseless little boy and his brain was not yet completed form, but of course society only focus and care about a person’s final act and ignore the most important act, the first act, because if they did that then they would have to question their own parents too. And because he was not able to face and stand up to his internalized parents, he did not save himself and was also not able to assist others in their liberation.  He tried to have a childhood through other children by surround himself with children, unconsciously he was using and exploiting children to fulfill his own childhood needs, but because we can never go back in time we can never fulfill a need of the child we once were through substitute figures, only by facing our internalized parents and feeling the repressed emotions of the child we once were and mourning the loss of our childhood can we liberate ourselves and stop the repetition compulsion of trying to use and exploit endless substitutes figures to fulfill our childhood needs.

 “On the basis of the foregoing, the conclusion could be drawn that neither Flaubert nor Beckett would have written these stories I have discussed had they been fully conscious that in them they were describing their own problems. This line of thinking leads some to the cruel conclusion that it is a good thing that the major writers had unhappy childhoods; otherwise, we wouldn’t have their great works now. I would respond that these writers simply would have written something different that could have been just as powerful as long as it, too, emanated from the unconscious. The unconscious is endless; it resembles an ocean from which we, in analysis, can remove perhaps one glassful of water, that portion which has made the person ill. A great artist will be able to draw more freely from the ocean the less he has to protect himself from the suspected poison in the glass. He will be free to try out different approaches and keep discovering himself anew, as can be observed in the life of Pablo Picasso, for one. In contrast to Picasso, we might mention Salvador Dali, who, although undoubtedly a great painter, has, like Samuel Beckett, been preoccupied all his life with the poison in the glass. What I am saying here is not intended as a value judgment but merely as a comment on the personal tragedy of artists. A glassful is tiny in comparison with the ocean, but if we imagine a person to be the size of an ant, then even a glassful can seem like a great ocean.

The common belief that neurosis is an asset for art may possibly be rooted in an exploitative attitude that is somehow understandable. We could, for instance, argue: what would the works of Kafka, Proust, or Joyce be without their authors’ neuroses? Aren’t these the very writers who have described our own inner perils and inner prisons, our compulsions and absurdities? Therefore, we would not want them to have been mentally sound, to have written like a Goethe, because then we would have been deprived of a significant experience and unconscious mirroring. In Kafka’s The Trial, for example, we experience our own incomprehensible guilt feelings, in The Castle our powerlessness, and in “The Metamorphosis” our loneliness and isolation; yet the portrayal of these existential situations does not cause us to despair, for they apply only to Kafka’s “fictitious” characters. Such writers fulfill an important function for us that we would not like to forgo---that of mirroring---and nothing is required of us in return. We, as these authors’ posterity, take on, in a sense, the role of their parents, since we, too, profit from their artistic gifts without having to deal with their actual suffering.

This thought first struck me when I read the letters written to Mozart by his father, quoted in Florian Langegger’s fascinating study, Mozart---Vater und Sohn. The father wrote: “Above all you must devote yourself with all your soul to your parents, well-being, otherwise your soul will go to the devil… I’ll live for another few years, God willing, pay my debts---and then as far as I’m concerned you can knock your head against a stone wall if you’re quite fit the image of a loving father that history has handed down to us. But they show very plainly the narcissistic abuse of the child, which in most cases need not exclude great affection and strong encouragement (cf. my review of Langegger’s book in Psyche 23 PP. 587-88). After reading Leopold Mozart’s “loving” letters selected by Langegger, it should come as no surprise to us that the son outlived his father by only a short time, dying at the age of thirty-seven, and that before his health he suffered from fear of being poisoned. Yet how unimportant the tragic fate of this human being seems to posterity when weighed his outstanding achievement.”

From the book “Thou Shalt Not Be Aware” by Alice Miller, page 249

There is no doubt that MJ had a lot of issues, and he died prematurely because of them. 

I like MJ and always felt sorry for him because everyone around him was just exploiting him, and the parents were the ones who exploited him the most when he was a defenseless little child for his talents, and no one ever offered him real help. -- It was a tragic life -- We live in a society that just admires a person’s talents and doesn’t care about the person’s suffering. They just want to be entertained and distracted from their own painful truths. 

It has been proven that spanking a child in the private area is sexual abuse and can cause sexual deviance in his adult life
https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=87491

It’s well known that MJ was spanked as a child. As a member of the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses, he was raised, which teaches to spank children to make them obedient. 

A few years ago, I saw his mother on a TV show, while I was cat sitting at the community where I worked, MJ’s mother ignorance was so sickening, saying that nowadays, children don’t get enough spanking and that is why the world is in such a mess and that the end of the world is near, because children don’t get enough spanking and discipline! It brought to mind the quote below by Alice Miller because it could not be truer!
“Emotional blindness can be well studied by examining the careers of sect members. Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, are in favor of corporal punishment and constantly warn that the end of the world is near. They are not aware that they bear within themselves the abused children they once were, and that they already experienced the end of the world when their loving parents beat them. What could be worse than that? But the Jehovah’s Witnesses learned very early not to recall their pain and to tell their children that hitting doesn’t hurt. The reality of the end of the world is constantly on their minds, but they do not know why.”Alice Miller, taken from the book “The Truth Will Set You Free,” page 141

 

 

    

Real Life Villains and Spotting a Sociopath - You Can't Win

Real Life Villains and Spotting a Sociopath - You Can't Win

1. Know your enemy: Sociopaths manipulate, lie and scheme against you. They think nothing of spending 10 hours a day on the phone, or in person, telling anyone and everyone lie after lie about you. Your reputation may be in tatters by the time they are done. According to therapist Martha Stout in The Sociopath Next Door , sociopaths have no remorse. They do not feel sorrow when they destroy your life.
2. Don't play the game: Once a sociopath targets you, the situation turns into a game for him or her. Your attempts to "fix" the situation with rational conversation is seen as weakness by the sociopath. She will feel she is winning and will amp up her efforts, even twisting your words and using them against you.
3. Escape the insanity: I can't stress enough that you simply cannot win with a sociopath. A sociopath will never stop attacking your reputation in the most ruthless manner possible. The ONLY way to win is to get away from the sociopath. I know this from personal experience. I had to cut off every avenue of possible contact to escape the craziness created by a person who came into my life by chance.
4. Take a witness: If you are in a situation where you must deal with the sociopath, such as someone in your family, or a co-worker, refuse to speak with the person unless you have a third party present. This way, you have a witness and your words and actions cannot be twisted and misconstrued. The Abuse Recovery site offers additional tips for dealing with a sociopath that you might find helpful.
5. Don't let it get to you: A sociopath will tear down your innermost confidence in yourself bit by bit until you wonder if all the conflict is your fault. Take a step back and really reflect on the situation. Take responsibility for your own faults (we all have them), and lay the blame where it belongs for the rest.

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While the average person spends a good portion of the day thinking about those she loves (children, husband, parents, friends), a sociopath doesn't have these emotional ties with anyone. Instead, she will spend all that time plotting to take you down and destroy you either literally or figuratively. Even removing yourself from the sphere of the sociopath's influence may only work for a while. You must remain consistent. Do not let the sociopath fool you a second time with his or her charm. Do not believe the person has changed. Most therapists agree that sociopaths cannot be treated effectively. Instead, take steps to protect yourself and your family. Consider drastic solutions like moving, changing jobs and making new friends. Remember that it is all a game to the sociopath. She or he does not care if you're hurt. The only goal they have is winning. The only way you can beat a sociopath is to get away from a sociopath. Accept the harsh realitySociopaths do not changePerhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are dealing with a sociopath. You've read the key symptoms and they describe this person perfectly. You've read the True Lovefraud stories, and you recognize the behaviors. So what do you do now?Accept the reality that a sociopath will never change. You cannot cure him with your love. You cannot change yourself and expect him to be satisfied. You cannot make him understand how you feel and how much he hurts you. He really doesn't care. (All of this applies to female sociopaths as well as male.) To a sociopath, you are just "supply." You are a source of money, sex, housing, business connections, or whatever else he is taking from you. Even though he says, "I love you," and "I'll never do it again," the words mean nothing. His sole objective is to keep the supply coming. So what do you do? Cut your losses and get out. If you're lucky, you're not married, you don't have children together, and you don't work together. You just walk away and never see the creep again. But many situations are more complicated than that. If you have to deal with divorce or child custody, expect it to be nasty. It's not that the sociopath actually cares about you or the kids. It's just that he or she wants to win, and make your life miserable in the process.Lovefraud provides more information on what to do if you're involved with a sociopath on the other pages of this section. Lovefraud also recommends the online support groups listed below. Although the members are not professional therapists, they have all been where you are—which is much more valuable than a therapist who doesn't get it. At the very least, they will help you to realize you are not alone. (Registration is required to participate.) "Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret."* Are sociopaths insane? Here's how Dr. Robert Hare, who uses the term "psychopaths," answers the question:

"Psychopaths do meet current legal and psychiatric standards for sanity. They understand the rules of society and the conventional meanings of right and wrong. They are capable of controlling their behavior, and they are aware of the potential consequences of their acts. Their problem is that this knowledge frequently fails to deter them from antisocial behavior. "In my opinion, psychopaths certainly know enough about what they are doing to be held accountable for their actions."* Why is it so critical for you to know about sociopaths? Because millions of sociopaths are living among us. Yes, many of them are criminals, locked up in jail. But far more are on the street, hurting people without breaking laws, operating in the gray areas between legal and illegal, or simply eluding the authorities. They can appear to be normal, but they pose a tremendous threat to us all.Sociopaths exhibit a range of behaviors. In fact, Dr. Hare diagnoses them according to their score on a scale. So just as you could describe someone's intelligence as ranging from smart to genius, you could describe a sociopath as somewhere between sleazy and serial killer. If you see sleazy, he or she may be on the low end of the scale, but they're still bad news.This web site is dedicated to informing you about sociopaths so you can protect yourself. Learn to spot the behaviors that might indicate someone is a sociopath. Once they are adults, sociopathic men and women do not change. They cannot be rehabilitated. The sooner you can get away from them, the better off you'll be.To really understand, up close and personal, how these predators worm their way into your life, read Love Fraud-How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. Glib and superficial Psychopaths are often witty and articulate. They can be amusing and entertaining conversationalists, ready with a quick and clever comeback, and can tell unlikely but convincing stories that cast themselves in a good light. They can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming. Typically, psychopaths attempt to appear experts in sociology, psychiatry, medicine, psychology, philosophy, poetry, literature, art or law. A signpost to this trait is often a smooth lack of concern at being found out that they are not. Egocentric and grandiose Psychopaths have a narcissistic and grossly inflated view of their self-worth and importance, a truly astounding egocentricity and sense of entitlement. They see themselves as the center of the universe, as superior beings who are justified in living according to their own rules. Psychopaths are seldom embarrassed about their legal, financial or personal problems. Rather, they see them as temporary setbacks, the results of bad luck, unfaithful friends or an unfair and incompetent system. Psychopaths feel that their abilities will enable them to become anything they want to be. Given the right circumstances—opportunity, luck, willing victims—their grandiosity can pay off spectacularly. For example, the psychopathic entrepreneur "thinks big," but it's usually with someone else's money. Lack of remorse or guilt Psychopaths show a stunning lack of concern for the devastating effects their actions have on others. Often they are completely forthright about the matter, calmly stating that they have no sense of guilt, are not sorry for the pain and destruction they have caused, and that there is no reason for them to be concerned. Psychopaths' lack of remorse or guilt is associated with a remarkable ability to rationalize their behavior and to shrug off personal responsibility for actions that cause shock and disappointment to family, friends, associates and others who have played by the rules. Usually they have handy excuses for their behavior, and in some cases they deny that it happened at all. Lack of empathy The feelings of other people are of no concern to psychopaths. Psychopaths view people as little more than objects to be used for their own gratification. The weak and the vulnerable—whom they mock, rather than pity—are favorite targets.Psychopaths display a general lack of empathy. They are indifferent to the rights and suffering of family members and strangers alike. If they do maintain ties with their spouses or children it is only because they see their family members as possessions, much like their stereos or automobiles. Because of their inability to appreciate the feelings of others, some psychopaths are capable of behavior that normal people find not only horrific but baffling. For example, they can torture and mutilate their victims with about the same sense of concern that we feel when we carve a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. However, except in movies and books, very few psychopaths commit crimes of this sort. Their callousness typically emerges in less dramatic, though still devastating, ways: parasitically bleeding other people of their possessions, savings and dignity; aggressively doing and taking what they want; shamefully neglecting the physical and emotional welfare of their families; engaging in an unending series of casual, impersonal and trivial sexual relationships; and so forth. Deceitful and manipulative Lying, deceiving and manipulation are natural talents for psychopaths. Given their glibness and the facility with which they lie, it is not surprising that psychopaths successfully cheat, bilk, defraud, con and manipulate people and have not the slightest compunction about doing so. They are often forthright in describing themselves as con men, hustlers or fraud artists. Their statements often reveal their belief that the world is made up of "givers and takers," predators and prey, and that it would be very foolish not to exploit the weaknesses of others. Some of their operations are elaborate and well thought out, whereas others are quite simple: stringing along several women at the same time, or convincing family members and friends that money is needed "to bail me out of a jam." Whatever the scheme, it is carried off in a cool, self-assured, brazen manner.
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Dealing with anger/rage

Hi X,

Congratulations in making this fundamental connection. I am glad mine and Alice’s words helped you make this connection. This is a very important, because our anger/rage only starts to diminish when it is understood and felt in the context of our own childhood, otherwise it will remain in our bodies to be triggered again and again, endless by people that remind us of our childhood abusers keeping us unconsciously and compulsively reenacting our childhood drama and shackled to the chains of repetition compulsion.

The fantasies of revenge of the child you once were are very understandable, as a child you were a prisoner and could not escape your tormentors, so the child fantasied of killings his oppressors, so it could be free, but feelings and fantasies do not kill or harm anyone, only actions kill and harm others. I remember once as a teenage fantasying of killing my older sisters, so I could be free, because they were constantly in my way. Just like Alice’s said in her article What is Hatred?  : “As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. It is hardly conceivable that a person being tortured will not feel hatred for the torturer.”

Is completely understandable the child you once were felt the way it did, just witness his plight understand it and consciously feel the repressed justified anger of the child you once were directed at the people that deserves it, your childhood abusers, only it wants is for his plight to be seen as it really was and understood and his feelings felt, taken serious and validated, it will not harm anyone and will liberate you. 

I know the compulsion to misplace our pent up anger into scapegoats that remind us of our childhood abusers is very tempting, because society protects parents and does not permit the child's anger against them, making transference very hard to avoid and of course is never easy to handle, but we have to avoid this temptation and feel it in the context of our own childhood if we want to free ourselves. As children we could not escape our abusers, but the beauty of being a mature conscious and autonomous adult is that we can walk away from anyone that still an abuser and refuses to open his/her eyes to see.

As Alice said to me and sadly I witness it happening constantly on Facebook: “I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”

Also in her book “Free from Lies” page 136, she says: “Once the client has achieved the ability to cope with old feelings and productive use of the “triggers,” there is no further need of the therapist’s presence.” Now that you made this connection and productively make use of your triggers you are on the way to freedom.

Wishing you much courage and strength,

Sylvie

Resolving the Effects of Child Mistreatment

"We cannot resolve the effects of mistreatment in therapies that evade the facts and confine themselves only to the analysis of the psychic realities. But we can liberate ourselves from the consequences if we are prepared to face emotionally the truth of our childhood, to give up the denial of our suffering, to develop empathy for the child that we were and to thus understand the reasons for our fears. In this way, we free ourselves from the fears and guilt feelings that were burdened upon us from the earliest age. Through the knowledge of our history and our feelings, we get to know the persons that we are, and we learn to give to them what they vitally need but never received from their parents: love and respect. This is the goal of the uncovering therapy: The wounds can be scared over if they are tended to and taken seriously; but the existence of the scars should not be denied." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from the article Resolving the Effects of Child Mistreatment by Alice Miller http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=101&grp=11

The risks of primal therapy

Alice’s truthful words below are exactly why so many try to suppress her books, because she exposes how gurus and cult leaders use primal therapy and other regression methods to manipulate people and that is exactly what Daniel Mackler is trying to do and others like him and that is also what I witnessed happening at the cult People Unlimited and it’s obvious that is also what happens in Scientology and this is why we have to be very careful with primal therapy and any other therapy that uses methods of regression and never put our lives in someone else’s hands. The trick is to face, feel, experience and witness the repressed feelings of the child we once were as they are triggered by present events without losing adult conscious.

 “…In the last few years I have come to the conclusion that primal therapy is not always free of dangers, that it is imperative for it to be embarked upon under expert guidance and not as a form of self-therapy. This conclusion is tantamount to a retraction of my earlier ideas on this subject.

Numerous studies on cult groups have enlightened us on the latest methods of human manipulation. It transpires that these groups frequently use primal-therapy techniques to brainwash the members they have recruited into a state of regression and thus make them completely docile and malleable. Thus primal therapy runs the risk of being misused for commercial purposes and reinforcing the individual’s dependency on the group rather than encouraging his autonomy, as I had originally hoped. Today, however, therapists are using new approaches with awareness both of the advantages of primal therapy (its closeness to feelings) and of its dangers (manipulation and addictive-dependency on pain), and they attempt to use this awareness to the benefit of their patient.
In my preface to the paperback edition of Jean Jenson’s Reclaiming Your Life (Meridian, 1996) I have set out my queries and doubts in connection with primal therapy; I would refer the reader to that text for a more extensive discussion of the subject. Shortly after the publication of the way version of The Drama of the Gifted Child by Basic Books in January 1994, letters from readers and subsequent research on my part made me realize that my recommendation of primal therapy as a form of self-help had been premature. The swift initial successes were unfortunately not of lasting duration, and many correspondents reported that the anguish aroused in the process was too great to be borne alone. So it became obvious to me that it is all but impossible to live through and dissipate these anxieties without expert guidance. At the same time, the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and “salvation” can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of “feeling therapy” as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact. And when their dilemma finally does dawn on them, it is frequently too late to do anything about it because they have lost all contact with their original social background and hence have no sources of moral support or financial assistance outside the sect, to which they are then frequently shackled by the debts they have run up.  

Despite the eloquence of Mithers’ example, I would still not have been fully alive to the danger of abuse in primal therapy without the information on the way sects operate that I derived from the publications of the Swiss journalist Hugo Stamm, who interviewed me for a weekly magazine. The literature on cult groups helped me understand the psychological mechanisms exploited by sects and similar groups the world over. Gurus bent on maximizing their commercial gains and personal power profit to a high degree from the loss of the perceptive faculties forfeited by so many people early in childhood.”

Taken from the Preface to the Revised Edition of 1997 of the Book “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence” by Alice Miller