Friday, June 21, 2013

How Arrogance is Created

"Those who take a stand in today's world on behalf of workers, women, or even mistreated animals will find a group to represent them, but someone who becomes a strong advocate for a child and opposes the lies society has tolerated in the guise of child-rearing practices will stand alone.  This situation is difficult to understand, especially when we consider that we were once all children ourselves.  I can explain it only by suggesting that unequivocal advocacy of the child represents a threat to most adults.  For when it becomes possible for children to speak out and confront us with their experiences, which were once ours as well, we become painfully aware of the loss of our own powers of perception, our sensibilities, feelings, and memories.  Only if the child is forced to be silent are we able to deny our pain, and we can again believe what we were told as children: that it was necessary, valuable, and right for us to make the emotional sacrifices demanded of us in the name of traditional child-rearing.  As a consequence of the adult's arrogant attitude toward the child's feelings, the child is trained to be accommodating, but his or her true voice is silenced.  Another arrogant and blind adult is the result. "
From the book:  "Pictures Of A Childhood" by Alice Miller

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Stripping the gurus” by Geoffrey D. Falk -- this book is good

I just started reading this book and so far the little bit I have read it’s awesome.
The words below in Geoffrey’s book are so true! It’s exactly what is happening to some members at the cult group I talk about in my blog People Unlimited.
Some members of this group have become very phobic of the outside world and live in fear if they leave the group they will die.  The leaders give the members the illusion of freedom and love, but the reality is, they are in a very closed emotional prison very hard to escape from.
“…. For, that in no way offsets the blind belief inherent in the claimed necessity of keeping the guru-disciple vow, where the punishment for breaking that vow is to be cast into Vajra hell or the like. East or West, southern U.S. or northern India/Tibet, agrarian or postindustrial, all makes absolutely no difference. Rather, the fear of long-term punishment will produce exactly the same rigid reactions, and inability to walk away from toxic situations, in the East as in the West.  The universal nature of known psychological structures and dynamics throughout the human species guarantees this.
  When [alleged] cult leaders tell the public. Members are free to leave any time they want; the door is open,” they give the impression that members have free will and simply choosing to stay. Actually, members may not have a real choice, because they have been indoctrinated to have a phobia of the outside world. Induced phobias eliminate the psychological possibility of a person choosing to leave the group merely because he is unhappy or wants to do something else (Hassan,1990) That is, individuals in so-called cults who have been taught that bad things will happen to them should they leave will be no more “free” to exit those environments than someone who is petrified of water would be “free” to go swimming.”

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

A list of some of the books I read

Below is a list of some of the books I read, even though they were all a little helpful to help me become aware of how I was affected by my childhood. I now find them to be tinted with manipulations, morality, and poisonous pedagogy and preaching forgiveness which kept me repressed and stuck. I only was able to really liberate myself from the compulsion of reenacting my childhood drama when I focused on Alice Miller’s books and website that I finally was able to break free. To me Alice Miller was IT and I felt I no longer needed to look anymore and now I read others people’s books not looking for answers anymore, but simply out of curiosity to see what other people are saying and I have not found anyone that comes close to the clarity of Alice Miller.

Melody Beattie
“Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself” (the first book I read)
“Beyond Codependency: and getting better all the time”

“Codependents Guide to the twelve steps” In this book at the end in references I found the title of the book “Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society Betrayal of the Child” By Alice Miller - I had to buy this book because of the subtitle “Society Betrayal of the Child” because growing up, I always felt betrayed by everyone. And that is how I found Alice Miller. I now see the 12 steps programs are a religious cult that keeps people in the state of the child and they don’t help liberate people.

An reviewer of the great book by Ken Ragges “The Real AA: Behind the Myth of 12 Step Recovery” Says it beautifully:

“I am 25 years old and have already belonged to 2 cults (No, I'm not bragging). The first was the Unification Church aka the Moonies, the second was Alcoholics Anonymous. I'll try to explain briefly some of the similarities.

A few years ago I was going through a lot of pain over the breakup of a relationship. I chose to ignore it and drink. I drank pretty heavily for a while, almost every night and almost always till I passed out. I knew that I needed help and was told about AA.

I started going to meetings and was immediately told to get a sponsor, make 90 meetings in 90 days, and to start reading the big book. And once again, just like the Moonie experience, it did work for a while. Until one day I realized that they labeled everything they had ever done wrong as being the result of their diseased alcoholic thinking, even the things they did before they ever picked up a drink!

I started to realize what a B.S. concept it was, to oversimplify every little thing down to this one tiny "fact": that we're alcoholics.

OK, so the resentment I was feeling toward my parents wasn't the result of abuse, but rather an alcoholic character defect, and that as long as I worked the steps, it would go away.

I was also told that if I ever left the program, that I will most likely drink again, and even if I don't I'll just be a miserable dry drunk.

I realized at that moment that this was the exact same thing the Moonies had told me ("if you leave the church you are rejecting the Messiah and will be miserable.") I began seeing the connections.

The Moonies assigned me a "spiritual father" to guide me on the path to serving Moon, AA gave me a "sponsor" to show me how to work the steps.

The Moonies had 1000s of members who always had these phony smiles on their faces and believed that what they were doing was the right thing in Gods eyes and that other religions were wrong, AA had the same thing. The similarities don't stop there, but I think I've said enough.”

“The Language of letting go”

John Bradshaw
“Healing the shame that binds you”
“Home Coming”

Julia Sokol
“He scared, she scared: Understanding the hidden fears that sabotage your relationships”

Jean J. Jensen
“Reclaiming your life: A step by step guide to using regression therapy to overcome the effects of childhood abuse”

Charlie L. Whitfield, MD
“Co-dependency – healing the human condition”
“Healing the child within”

José Stevens, PH.D.
“Transforming your Dragons: How to turn Fear Patterns Into Personal Power”

Gary Zukav
“The seat of the soul”
“The heart of the soul: Emotional Awareness”

M. Scott Peck
“The road less travel”
“Further along the road less travel”
“People Of the lie”

Melody Pia
“ Facing Codependency: what it is, where it comes from, how it sabotages our lives”

Robin Norwwod
“Women who love too much: when you keep whishing and hoping he’ll change”

Susan Forward
“Toxic Parents: overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life”

Eckhart Tolle
“The Power of now”

Deepak Chopra
All his books until the book “How to know god”

“The Emotional Incest Syndrome” by Dr. Patricia Love and Jo Robinson

“Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners –

Understanding Covert Incest” By Kenneth M. Adms

“The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior” By Craig Nakken

Anne Katherine -- “Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin”

Harriet Lerner – “The Dance of Anger” and ‘The Dance of Intimacy”