Better Alone Than Being a Scapegoat

It's better to be alone and to know that we are alone than to be with someone and nevertheless to be alone.

I Haven't Had Sex for Over Sex 10 Years  

Comments from the sharing on Facebook of the article above

Hamed Oubeid God bless all the Pamela Stephenson Connolly of this world. She is right. So, women who think no marriage, no children, career, career, think twice. Beyond 30-35 without a man, who throw the garbage out, water the garden, replace the light bulbs, open the letters from the Tax Department and deal with them and 1 daughter and 1 son almost ready to go to college, should be a difficult life. Monica Chelagat, is this a backward conception of a woman life from a backward African male?I tell this all the time to young females in the family and they always say yes, of course, uncle. I know they will not do it ...

Sylvie Imelda Shene Sad to say, but I'm very close to the 10 years mark, but I don't care, I will not settle unless I connect with someone at all levels, in mind, body, and soul, if I ever meet a man that I connect with at all levels, then it will be really special! Until then I just take care of myself.

Hamed Oubeid Sylvie! I was just provoking Monica Chelagat. Of course, the choice is free.

George Muammar It's the moment. A moment when men are in crisis because there is no longer space in this world for being a ''''man'''' and women are in crisis because their genetic idea of a ''''man''''isn't what they want at all, and most of all because we are becoming incapable of socializing, with all the implications of the word, so we resort to facebook

Monica Chelagat: Hamed, now and I am fresh and clean to respond. I totally agree with Pamela Stephenson. The saddest women and men today are those who have reached a good level of awareness, this includes a sense of self-respect for the themselves and others. They also have a sense of responsibility. They are intelligent not necessarily highly educated. They too realise the loss of identity in roles diffused among both sexes and I couldn't agree more with George (thank you George you coined it right!). At 60+ I still hope to meet someone I can fully relate to and protect each other. Life is give and take, I look back at my life and sadly note it has been mostly give and give but would love to experience the warmth of security from a good partner with all their imperfections, I have mine too.... just some basic intentions that connect. It is difficult, many people are so screwed up. But I know where this person might be certainly not in Italy! 

Sylvie Imelda Shene Very well said, Monica. I see the chances of meeting a man that has explored their own history and taken responsibility for their own childhood repression very slim. Most people are chasing illusions to distract them from having to face and feel their own childhood repression. And unconsciously and compulsively are looking for a scapegoat to transfer their disowned repressed emotions to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own childhood repression. I will never allow anyone to make me their scapegoat. The sociopaths at my last job tried very hard to make me pay for the crimes against them when little children. And for their own adult crimes against their own children. I lost my job, but they didn't make me their scapegoat.

Monica Chelagat Well framed Sylvie! I have experienced this both at work and private life. But I am grateful I had the strength and ability to defend myself despite a few 'broken bones'. Start by taking distance and their illusions already crumble. 

Sylvie Imelda Shene I’m sorry Monica, you too experienced being the scapegoat of others. When we are born into the role of scapegoat is very hard to break free from. It has taken me most of my life to break free from the scapegoat role I was born into. Glad you too broke free! Congratulations! And enjoy your freedom AND never let anyone steal it from you.

To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge   

Freedom Ain't Free

Great song!

Here are the lyrics:

You'll never fly, if you're too scared of the height
You'll never live if you're just too scared to die
Everybody wants heaven... i know

but darling freedom ain't free, its a long road
You'll never find your place up there in the sky..

If you never say goodbye.

Comments from the sharing of the music video above on Facebook. 

Ian Calvin: But how often that we never say goodbye? As more than a fly on the wall. On more than one occasion, Here in this town, die alone. with only the specter of a stranger looming in the shadows with a cold cot. And sometimes a reverence for transition lost to this trade. Mostly he or she is doing a job. Just to collect your bones. No feeling, nothing personal all I have to do is place your remains in a bag and transport you to a cooler. On occasion To hold the hand of a stranger passing especially during this time of year, to be called a son or daughters name. to hold the hand that is becoming cold and grey as life drifts away, humbles and sheds the true light of love on those that go off into that night alone. No Karma, No Dogma. Just gone holding a warm hand. and seeing a friendly hand. No family around. Just a rep. from the funeral home to be the last face of love of kindness they see.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Wow! That's deep, Ian. How have you been?

Ian Calvin: Been semi-retired this last year. Long story. Been writing, painting, gardening and golfing. How are you?

 Was thinking you would have a new book in the works.

Sylvie Imelda Shene I'm doing well. Working, blogging and enjoying spending time playing with my kitties. And yes the seed for my next book has been planted by the evil I experienced at S. Hopefully will not take as long as the first book. The title will be Reenactment: I danced with Lucifer

Ian Calvin Wow. So much to tell. It is a lot like the Award-winning. Juicy Juicy

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, a lot to tell. What I like most about my book/baby is that it removed the masks of the sociopaths and narcissists at S and revealed their true evil faces, by trying to destroy me with their lies and mind games, they exposed themselves, they gave proof of what I write in my book about the human mind is true! They were out to discredit me, but instead, they gave me more credibility and they planted the seed for the next book! smile emoticon

Most people are phony acting as if personality, pretending to be good people, but are wolves in sheep's clothing and If they sense that you can see behind the pretty masks they wear, it triggers their fears of exposure and they will try to destroy you in order to protect their images. They messed with the wrong person because I could see every clear of what they were trying to do.

Ian Calvin Nice! Think it could be a best seller. Let me know how I can help.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you! We will never know unless I write it!

To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge   

It’s an Upside Down World

I was talking on the phone the other day with a resident from the community where I used to work, she told me that one day she was talking to a member of the board and that she asked him why I was no longer working at the community, and the answer he gave her was that was time for me to go, so how they get rid of someone they no longer want to work for them is to play mind games to try to get them to self-destruct?! How more infantile can they be?! What a bunch of cowards. The abuser and manipulator is retiring this Christmas and her flocks are throwing her a farewell party and even asking the residents to have their garage door at half-mast on her last day. 

Abusers and manipulators get a hero’s treatment and someone that is truthful, honest and authentic gets treated like a criminal! True heroes don't get recognized in our society. It would be interesting to go to the abuser and manipulator’s party and see all the weasels together in one room! We really live in upside down world. Things have not changed much since Galileo’s time: 

Truth or Illusion?

"When Galileo Galilei in 1613 presented mathematical proof for the Copernican theory that the earth revolved around the sun and not the opposite, it was labeled "false and absurd" by the Church. Galileo was forced to recant and subsequently became blind. Not until three hundred years later did the Church finally decide to give up its illusion and remove his writings from the Index. Now we find ourselves in a situation similar to that of the Church in Galileo's time, but for us today much more hangs in the balance. Whether we decide for truth or for illusion will have far more serious consequences for the survival of humanity than was the case in the seventeenth century. For some years now, there has been proof that the devastating effects of the traumatization of children take their inevitable toll on society – a fact that we are still forbidden to recognize. This knowledge concerns every single one of us, and – if disseminated widely enough – should lead to fundamental changes in society; above all, to a halt in the blind escalation of violence. The following points are intended to amplify my meaning: 

1. All children are born to grow, to develop, to live, to love, and to articulate their needs and feelings for their self-protection.
2. For their development, children need the respect and protection of adults who take them seriously, love them, and honestly help them to become oriented in the world.
3. When these vital needs are frustrated and children are, instead, abused for the sake of adults' needs by being exploited, beaten, punished, taken advantage of, manipulated, neglected, or deceived without the intervention of any witness, then their integrity will be lastingly impaired.
4. The normal reactions to such injury should be anger and pain. Since children in this hurtful kind of environment are forbidden to express their anger, however, and since it would be unbearable to experience their pain all alone, they are compelled to suppress their feelings, repress all memory of the trauma, and idealize those guilty of the abuse. Later they will have no memory of what was done to them.
5. Disassociated from the original cause, their feelings of anger, helplessness, despair, longing, anxiety, and pain will find expression in destructive acts against others (criminal behavior, mass murder) or against themselves (drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, psychic disorders, suicide).
6. If these people become parents, they will then often direct acts of revenge for their mistreatment in childhood against their own children, whom they use as scapegoats. Child abuse is still sanctioned – indeed, held in high regard – in our society as long as it is defined as child-rearing. It is a tragic fact that parents beat their children in order to escape the emotions stemming from how they were treated by their own parents.
7. If mistreated children are not to become criminals or mentally ill, it is essential that at least once in their life they come in contact with a person who knows without any doubt that the environment, not the helpless, battered child, is at fault. In this regard, knowledge or ignorance on the part of society can be instrumental in either saving or destroying a life. Here lies the great opportunity for relatives, social workers, therapists, teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, officials, and nurses to support the child and to believe her or him.
8. Till now, society has protected the adult and blamed the victim. It has been abetted in its blindness by theories, still in keeping with the pedagogical principles of our great-grandparents, according to which children are viewed as crafty creatures, dominated by wicked drives, who invent stories and attack their innocent parents or desire them sexually. In reality, children tend to blame themselves for their parents' cruelty and to absolve the parents, whom they invariably love, of all responsibility.
9. For some years now, it has been possible to prove, through new therapeutic methods, that repressed traumatic experiences of childhood are stored up in the body and, though unconscious, exert an influence even in adulthood. In addition, electronic testing of the fetus has revealed a fact previously unknown to most adults – that a child responds to and learns both tenderness and cruelty from the very beginning.
10. In the light of this new knowledge, even the most absurd behavior reveals its formerly hidden logic once the traumatic experiences of childhood need no longer remain shrouded in darkness.
11. Our sensitization to the cruelty with which children are treated, until now commonly denied, and to the consequences of such treatment will as a matter of course bring to an end the perpetuation of violence from generation to generation.
12. People whose integrity has not been damaged in childhood, who were protected, respected, and treated with honesty by their parents, will be – both in their youth and in adulthood – intelligent, responsive, empathetic, and highly sensitive. They will take pleasure in life and will not feel any need to kill or even hurt others or themselves. They will use their power to defend themselves, not to attack others. They will not be able to do otherwise than respect and protect those weaker than themselves, including their children, because this is what they have learned from their own experience, and because it is this knowledge (and not the experience of cruelty) that has been stored up inside them from the beginning. It will be inconceivable to such people that earlier generations had to build up a gigantic war industry in order to feel comfortable and safe in this world. Since it will not be their unconscious drive in life to ward off intimidation experienced at a very early age, they will be able to deal with attempts at intimidation in their adult life more rationally and more creatively."

From the Afterword to the Second Edition (1984) of For Your Own Good By Alice Miller

To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge   

Scott Weiland's Ex-wife Letter

Scott Weiland's Family: 'Don't Glorify This Tragedy'

Very sad... the public is very selfish! Because only cares about the artist's talent, how much they can profit off him and being entertained, and not one bit interested how much he is suffering and making those close to him, especially his children suffer also. He told the true story of the nightmare of his childhood by unconsciously and compulsively reenacting it in the present moment. Very sad that he never broke free from the emotional prison of his childhood and died a prisoner. Hopefully, his children can break free from their father's emotional prison.

Comments form the sharing of the post above on Facebook: 

Monica Chelagat The mother of his two children has written a brilliant letter. All parents o rather the one that has more integrity should do this. I have her children were not damaged. It is unlikely they were not affected but perhaps no trauma as she seems protective.

James Warren Wholeness, not perfection.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, she wrote a nice letter, but she doesn't mention about his and her childhood. She needs to explore why would she be attracted to such messed up partner and have children with him?

Monica Chelagat Right Sylvie. We will only make responsible choices if we are aware early enough before having children (me included!). But we just don't realize and make our choices based on tradition of having a family as an objective of our existence but once the children arrive compulsions of our unmet childhood needs kick in. With these conditions it is almost guaranteed that one screws their life and those of the children. This will continue until someone wakes up along the line to break the cycle.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Monica, I feel very lucky that I didn't fall in the traps of tradition like most people! I think I was saved by my dyslexia because I was aware I could not perform to the level of most people and would not be easy for me to get a college degree and a good job to support children and I made sure not to bring children into the world and kept my life simple. Most people fall into the illusion that just because they have a college degree, a nice home, and a good job, they have all they need to have children and are totally clueless, that these things alone are nothing, but big illusions and that, they will be driven by the repressed emotions of the child they once were into the state of compulsion repetition of reenacting their childhood drama with their partners and children and not any amount of money and formal education will save them from the chains of compulsion repetition, most people are stuck in a bubble. Alice Miller also fell into these traps and took her almost all of her life to wake up and free her self from society's lies and illusions.My dyslexia was a gift in disguise because it kept me safe from falling into these illusions.

Mark Zuckerberg's Letter to his Baby Daughter

Dear J,

Thank you for writing sharing your thoughts and feelings. I saw Mark Zuckerberg's letter to his baby daughter and I too didn't read the whole letter, because it's all a big illusion, they are creating an illusion of love for their daughter and the world. I totally agree with what you wrote that "their money should be spent for nationwide "parenting centers" as Lloyd de Mause writes about in one of the last chapters of his book "The Emotional Life of Nations"
but how could we convince Mark Zuckerberg and wife from this idea? It seems to be pointless..."

Charity alone doesn't work, it just keeps breeding poverty; the only way to stop poverty is to face one's repression. I'm sure if he had a baby boy, he would have circumcised him just like he was, and he will give to his daughter the same version of love illusion he received as a child. 

Advances in technology will not change the world for the better like he believes, unless society as a whole faces childhood repression, otherwise with the aid of technology we will destroy ourselves a lot faster! He is trying to sell a big illusion to the masses. And of course, the masses love to buy pretty illusions that distract them from having to face their fears of resolving their own childhood repression.

You are not making me a poisonous container! You are just sharing your feelings and thoughts with me and I love reading them. The only way you could make me your poisonous container was if you were blaming me for your plight and bad feelings and directing your bad feelings into me. And you are not doing any of that! 

Feel free to write me anytime.

Take good care,

Sylvie

M: Hi Sylvie. Read your posting on Mark Zuckerber's reminded me of a comment from my son on the breaking news of his donation. He told me he has revealed himself to be a sociopath through an interview he watched.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Facebook was created by a sociopath for sociopaths to connect and spread their seductive lies and illusions. Have you noticed it how lies and illusions get liked and shared, but if someone posts the truth and facts exposing their pretty lies, it gets ignored. Most people on social media are sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths. And the ones that appreciate the truth are too afraid to stand by you for fear of being rejected and target by the sociopaths in their lives because they are still dependent on the sociopath's leftovers or crumbs and are afraid the sociopaths will stop giving them their leftovers or crumbs.

M: What you say makes so much sense. I look at posts, mine, and others, and the people that react to truthful posts are as many as the fingers of one hand when they are many. I had just witnessed a few days a non-reaction of a former colleague whose death was announced through an email with a huge mailing list of retired colleagues and if course I am one of them.  I worked in the unit with him under the same Chief for about 5 years. I witnessed how this Chief who had just been promoted and got this position. I immediately noticed we had a 'mad' boss on board. He had spirited eyes.   He was an absolute psychopath-sociopath.  This person just died was the first victim of a series.  I recall how he mercilessly destroyed him. Within 6 months he was fired or forced to leave. The chief (I was a witness) had fabricated lies to destroy him.  Years later I heard from another colleague who had been in touch that he developed SLA  and a few years ago his condition rapidly deteriorated and just died a few days ago, I am informed, very painful practically SLA is slow death. I had no doubt the trauma he went through must have lowered his immune system. I wrote to him an email a year ago suggested to me by this colleague/friend saying that he needed to hear some of us who he had known for many years while in service. It is frightening Sylvie. The world is run by sociopaths.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Yes, the world is run by sociopaths and all promote each other and kiss each other’s asses; anyone that tries to expose their lies and facades, will be repressed and if possible completely destroyed. You saw how all the sociopaths at my job of nine and half years got together to try to destroy me after I publish my book exposing society's lies and illusions in order to protect their false selves/images so they could go on with their lies and illusions as usual. They don't care that their lies destroy people and fuels the violence we witness in our world. Charity helps the sociopaths get richer and it's all done to build their own images by given the poor their left-overs or crumbs that all it does is perpetuate and breeds more poverty. In most cases being very rich or very poor are different ends of the same stick, they both are empty inside; most rich people need the poor to stay poor to feed off them. Like I have been saying forever! The "helpers" are helping themselves by giving the illusion that are helping others. Being very rich or very poor it’s a symptom of a very diseased society.

Don’t Show your Vulnerability to Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths

This is what makes the property manager and her flocks at my last job so evil! Because after reading my book, they knew my history and they were confident, they could regress me to my childhood wounds and make me lose my mind, so they could say: I always have been messed up and discredit me so they could go on with their facades, lies, and illusions, as usual, they rather destroy me than face their own painful truths. I never have seen pure evil like I did at my last job. You would think to work in an upscale gated community I would be safer from evil than dancing in a nightclub, but in my 18 years as a dancer, I never saw pure evil directed at me like that.

Facebook comment

Monica Chelagat Absolutely right Sylvie. It was the same for me. I couldn't share with anyone not to show my vulnerability, but all the same, she/they used a colleague who they chose to 'assist' me or team up with me to monitor to my stability in my private life. Really awful they were. So this post very well expresses that experience too for me.

Facebook comments

Monica Chelagat The worst trauma is invisible, it subjects the victim to suffer even more in isolation with the ignorant ones labeling as playing the victim. I have received hints on such an annoying attitude.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, Monica, emotional abuse is worse, if I had been shot in retaliation for writing my book sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries, I would have the attention and sympathy of the whole world, but because the violence I suffered to try to silence me was psychological nobody cares.

Monica Chelagat It is difficult to keep it all inside you, I am sorry I had to expose what I went through and may have lost much sympathy from former colleagues and friends. But it was more important and healing for me to speak it out. Those that have let or avoid me were not friends after all. The real ones remain, always.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes Monica, it's important to speak up and not keep it inside to protect our physical and mental health, even if no one is listening and understands. It's the repression that can be dangerous to our physical and mental health.

Steve Thomas People can really stink sometimes. Hang in there, Sylvie.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you, Steve, for your support and the courage to stand by me!

Steve Thomas Not a matter of courage. But it's been a long time since that happened, I hadn't said anything and I decided I couldn't live anymore with being your Shittiest Most Worthless Facebook Friend. (little attempt at humor, there. You don't have to laugh, it's okay.)

Seriously, nobody needs to tell you that time absolutely does *not* heal all wounds, and it's definitely possible you can find better advice than this, but I think I might know kind of what you're feeling. Ridiculous as it sounds, the only 'advice' or 'support' that anybody ever gave me that made a dime's worth of difference during bad times was 'Hang in there'. So that's what I wrote. Doesn't take courage.

Sylvie Imelda Shene I’m laughing! smile emoticon Steve. The mob of sociopaths at my last job didn't hurt me emotionally! Emotionally I’m stronger than ever!!! Maybe my memory got affected a little bit. The only real difference is that I used to give people the benefit of a doubt, but now I don’t any longer give them the benefit of a doubt and take the red flags and my gut feelings very seriously! I post a lot about my experiences with narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, because I want to expose these evil people, acting as if personality, pretending to be human and good people, but are wolves in sheep’s clothes, yes I did lose half of my income and I’m struggling financially a little bit, because I took a loan to pay for the book publishing costs, because the Indiegogo campaign only raised about $6000, the rest of the contributions were all mine!!! And until I pay off the loan payment of $470 every month, it’s tough for me. I was not comfortable running a campaign to raise the money, because I’m used to people giving me shit I don’t need or I don’t give a damn about to impress me, manipulate me and fool me to like them, but when something is really important to me and I really care about, they pretend not to see it and they ignore it, but my co-writer convinced me to run the campaign, he said that I work so hard and I should allow people to help me sometimes, he was still very naive about the true nature of most people, but working with me on my book and my experience at my last job, I think it has helped him open his eyes to see the true nature of most people.

Very true! The fact that I was getting good reviews on my book was one of the major reasons that drove the property manager to try to destroy me, so she could discredit me and be the bigger girl again.

To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge  

Risking Safety for a Cause Bigger than Me

Facebook comments on the post below

Your kind of thinking fits in with the majority in our society that allows the sociopaths and narcissists go Scot free and puts the blame on the real victims. Yes, if I had not written a book, I probably would not have been a target of the sociopaths and I would be safe in my comfort zone because I would never have triggered the sociopaths' jealousy and fears of exposure, but that doesn't mean I deserved it! Just like when people blame the woman for being raped, because of the clothes she was wearing or she was in the wrong place or should not have been out that late. Because a woman should be at home. Women have the right to go out into the world like anyone else. Now, tell me what children and animals do to deserve all the torture and exploitation we witness in this world? The reason I work so hard and risk my own life to expose the sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths in our world is to protect the most vulnerable in our society, children, and animals.

Very true! This is exactly what a mob of sociopaths at my last job of nine and half years was trying to do to me after I published my book, so they could declare me mentally unstable and discredit me. I could see so clearly what they were trying to do that they didn't get the reactions from me they were hoping for. And the sociopaths and their flocks are the ones looking bad. I know they all are hating me for removing their masks. I still go there to do private work for some residents with my head up and I look at the sociopaths and their flocks right in the eyes, but they look down and pretend not to see me.

Monica Chelagat A colleague so obsessed by me did the same thing, I was amazed how a who unit of over 20 or 30 colleagues many of whom I thought had known me enough suddenly were anti-me and betrayed me in the end year divisional performance reviews where the who division of professional staff met to discuss individual support staff performance. Very harmful these sneaky characters and how easy it is for people to abandon an innocent colleague without understanding the background. I have no doubt these people are so miserable.

Sylvie Imelda Shene I'm sure they are all miserable too, especially the property manager, the original instigator. The reason they target us is to transfer their misery into us, so we are as miserable as them, but i no longer take in others misery projected at me.

Sharon Tan sorry, if I may ask: do you easily or immediately recognize a narcissist or it takes time to figure them out, by which time, the damage may have been done.

Sharon Tan  Also, what do you think if I tell you that each and every one of us attracts people of sorts depending on our general energy as well as that energy we have at any moment in life.

Sylvie Imelda Shene I'm no longer blind to the red flags and I recognize a narcissistic from a mile away, and I don't allow myself to get too close to one, but in the workplace are hard to avoid and not always easy to stay under the radar of the narcissistic/sociopath. The reason the narcissistic\sociopath targeted me at my last job of nine and half years, was because after I published my book it triggered her jealousy to a boiling point and was driven by it to try to destroy me so could declare me mentally unstable and discredit my life's work. 
As for answering your last question, I recommend you read my book A Dance to Freedom your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions 

Sharon Tan: ok, thank you for the time and thought to answer me. My questions may seem quite lame to you, But, you see, perhaps I was born lucky in life and I am sure I see my life in another circle of thought. In any case, I truly can understand what you have had to go through. Best wishes for good things to come.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Your kind of thinking fits in with the majority in our society that allows the sociopaths and narcissists go Scot free and puts the blame on the real victims. Yes, if I had not written a book, I probably would not have been a target of the sociopaths and I would be safe in my comfort zone because I would never have triggered the sociopaths' jealousy and fears of exposure, but that doesn't mean I deserved it. Just like when people blame the woman for being raped, because of the clothes she was wearing or she was in the wrong place or should not have been out that late. Because a woman should be at home. Women have the right to go out into the world like anyone else. Now, tell me what children and animals do to deserve all the torture and exploitation we witness in this world? The reason I work so hard and risk my own life to expose the sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths in our world is to protect the most vulnerable in our society, children, and animals.

To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge