Sunday, July 29, 2012

Going in to the dark chambers of our soul can be dangerous

“It's a dark, cool, quiet place. A basement in your soul. And that place can sometimes be dangerous to the human mind. I can open the door and enter that darkness, but I have to be very careful. I can find my story there. Then I bring that thing to the surface, into the real world. ” ― Haruki Murakami

Going into the dark chambers of our soul alone or with the wrong witness can be very dangerous because sometimes we can kill ourselves, others or both, like James Holmes, just did in the stage of the world. We need a true enlightened witness like Alice Miller to help us navigate through the dark chambers of our soul, so we can consciously face and feel the true story and bring it to the surface safely without putting ourselves and others in danger. James Homes was under of psychiatric care at the University, but obviously the doctor was not able to see clearly how much trouble this young man was in and now sadly he lost his opportunity forever to break free from his childhood drama, now the prison guards playing the substitute parents figures and he is the child role for eternity, and the people he killed also will never have a chance to find true freedom. So many lives wasted.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Adoption can be such a tragedy -- Part 2

Dear X, 

Thank you for writing. I understand you are very angry and your anger is justified. 

My last e-mail it trigger even more intense hate of the child you once were and I am sorry that I was a little too harsh on you, I wanted to write when I had time to think and without distractions, but you kept poking at me with your sarcasm, criticism and accusations, like Alice’s books are my bible, because the deprived little baby and child still living inside of you wanted love and attention right at that moment, but now only the adult in you can give her the love and attention she has been longing for all her life. 

I quote Alice Miller a lot because she articulates better exactly the knowledge I know and I too experienced than I could ever have and that is why I quote her a lot, if you can feel this hate towards the people that really cause it, because they hurt you when you were defenseless little baby and child, it will liberate you and improve your healthy and give you vitality to get a job, and one day gain your autonomy and be able to pay your bills and work on your art too. 

I told you I can help you get a job, if you like. You are on Facebook trying to wake up the world by compulsively posting information, because you don’t want others to go through what you had to go through, but I feel you want the world to wake up and change to come rescue you, so you would not have to face and feel the fears, hate and pain, but will never happen, even if the whole world wakes up and changes, you would still have to face and feel your repression to be free and nothing can ever change that, trying to wake up the world without freeing yourself first is just to distract you from facing and feeling your pain and all that posting on Facebook is just like taking medication to make you feel better, without facing and feeling our own repression first. 

Everything we do is just to make us feel better and the compulsion to repeat will continue one way or another and you just gave me more evidence of that. 

You start your last letter with the words: how dare you, but those words are provably words that your adoptive parents used on you when you confronted them and now you are reenacting with me what once was done to you and if someone deserves those words is your mother. 

How dear she carries a pregnancy to term, and give birth to you to use you as a tool of manipulation to get your father to marry her, she wanted your father to save her from her dysfunctional family, but only her could have saved herself, and when that did not work, she gave you up for adoption. 

You say that she was coerced in given you up for adoption, stop making excuses for her, she carried a pregnancy to term and give birth to you for the whole purpose to use you as a tool of manipulation and when that did not work out she give you away like a puppy or a kitten. 

I can only imagine the fear and pain the little baby you once were might be experiencing for the six months after birth in the orphanage all alone and later to be picked up by crazy strangers to use you as their scapegoat or poisonous container. 

I have felt the fear of the baby I once was of being left alone for hours and hours in my crib, to the baby I once was it felt like eternity, but once I understood the root of my fears and anger they started diminishing and one day I woke up feeling free and energized like I never had been in my life. 

If you find the courage to feel your fears, anger and pain in the right context it will eventually start diminishing and one day you too can wake up feeling free and energized. I know the fears and pain of the baby you once were might be even more intense than mine were, because once in while I would be picked up by my mother for breast feeding and for very short moments I would be connected to my mother to be abandoned over and over again for hours and hours all alone in my crib, but you never had relieve ever and it might be even more scary for you, but if you find the courage to feel and experience at the conscious level the fear and anger of the child you once were in the right context it will liberate you, I know it will.

Wishing you courage and strength to get through the repressed feelings of the child you once were.


Also read Adoption can be such a tragedy -- part  1

Friday, July 27, 2012

Adoption can be such a tragedy -- Part 1

Dear X,

I read your last e-mail and I feel all your hate being transferred or projected into me and I want to write a letter to you, but I need the time to sit in front of the computer without distractions and I just not had the time to concentrate on your letter, as you know writing does not come easily to me. 

All the accusations you made of me it’s what you are doing, they are pure projections, but I will get into it later. 

I don’t have much time this week to meet up, but next week after 3pm on Wednesday looks pretty good if you have time and feel good to meet up to see if you can use this opportunity to help you free yourself from the repressed emotions of the baby and child you once were that still are repressed in you. I am sure would improve your physical health overall, but if you project your hate into the trigger and make your triggers your scapegoat they don’t get resolved and endless remain trapped in your body to be trigger over and over again and blocking your body from healing. 

You judged Michael Jackson’s  art are not being expressive art and therefore his art was not healing and that your art is expressive and healing, but you are proof that is not saving you either, you are dependent on those around you to pay your rent and on the government for food stamps, so you still a dependent little child and your art is  just helping you survive too, you remain a lost little child in a maze confused looking and waiting for a substitute mother figure to save you, but it will never happen, because no one can make up for what you did not get as a child. 

You say we need an enlightened witness in our lives, true, but what I am hearing is that you want a mother to hold your hand and that was a need of the child you once were and now no one can make up for that, you have to become the mother to that lost child still inside of you with the help of an enlightened  witness, like Alice Miller was to me. And she can be yours too if you concentrate on her books. 

Just because you don’t agree with my comment: "Art can help people survive their childhood traumas, but will not free them from it, unless they are able to face and feel the painful repressed emotions of the child they once were, they will unconsciously and compulsively reenact their childhood drama in the present moment and art just helps them cope with it."
June 7 at 7:52am ·

When you got mad at me for my comment above on your post about art being healing -- I wish you had read Alice Miller’s words below, so you could see that your art did not liberate you from your repressed hate and unconsciously and compulsively you are still looking for scapegoats to relieve your pen up anger. You not agreeing with me does not mean I did not say a factual truth, because your case is in itself a proof of my statement to be true, but you are not ready to face and feel that truth, because at the moment the pain is too much to bear and I completely understand.  

"It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable (see Miller 1990a).” read more here

When people are not ready to see and feel they always tell me: I don’t agree and when I hear those words from people,  I usually just let it go, because I know I cannot force anyone to face and feel if they are not ready to.

If I wanted to humiliate you like you said I was doing, I would have said all this in your public post, but I did not want to expose you to this painful truth in your public post when you are not ready to even face it in private and yes you inspire my posts on my Facebook page, but I was not exposing you in my posts, you exposed yourself on my posts with your comments, you were trying to humiliate me, but instead you humiliated yourself just like your childhood abusers did when you were a defenseless little child, but I did not respond then to your comments, because I did not want to discuss it in a public post, if I wanted to humiliate you like you said, I would have said all this in the public posts. 

You are the one continuing abusing yourself and others the same way your childhood abusers abused you, unconsciously and compulsively reenacting your childhood drama in the present moment. 

You post things on Facebook exposing the government poisonous our food, but you are poisonous yourself when a painful feeling comes up for you with cigarettes and alcohol, don’t you think the nicotine will not help heal the inflammation in your joints? 

You say Dr. Mate says that taking drugs is like a warm hug to the addict, but why would you want a fake hug from something that will betray you. 

I rather not have a hug at tall; if I get a hug I want an honest and real hug. You like Dr. Mate and maybe he is a truly enlightened witness, but he has not helped you liberate yourself like Alice Miller has helped me, so you are not a very good example of him being a true enlightened witness, but you make him look like more an enabler.

More soon I have to go now,


Also, read Adoption can be such a tragedy -- part 2


Hard to believe it has been 6 years already since a sociopath on Facebook targeted me trying to manipulate money out of me.  When she figured it out I could not be manipulated. She no longer had a use for me in her life and used my comment on her post to move to the devalue phase and then discard. 

Sociopaths are all the same: Idealize, devalue and discard. When in the idealize phase, they mimic you to T to fool you that they are like you. She mimicked me perfectly.  

I thought I would share the e-mail I shared with my co-writer at the time:

From: Ed Sweet <>
To: Sylvie Imelda Shene <>
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2012 3:27 PM
Subject: Re: My letter to J

Sorry to hear that she's lashing out at you....Occupational hazard, I guess!
Sad that people try to hurt the ones who just want to help them.

From: Sylvie Imelda Shene <s@com>
Date: Wed, Jun 13, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Subject: Re: My letter to J
To: Ed Sweet e@com

Thank you, Ed, but it’s all good! One more opportunity for me to practice and learn to master handling transference, because my book it might trigger the whole repression of a small country and have its collective anger transferred at me, so I have to become a master at handling transference!

I am willing and happy to be a scapegoat or a poisonous container to a small child, but never to an adult ever again, because it helps a child, but allowing an adult to make us their scapegoat or poisonous container, it does not help them or anyone, but endless perpetuates their childhood drama  and regresses us to our own childhood drama, so when people are not ready to see and feel their repressed emotions in the right context, we must walk away.

As a child, we could not walk away from people projecting themselves into us, but the beauty of being a mature autonomous adult is that we are free to walk away from anyone that refuses to see and feel.

 J’s repression it started being triggered at my party and now it came to a head and exploded, when she saw Kim’s painting, it started triggering her repressed jealousy at her adoptive brother, because her adoptive parents favored their natural son over her and when she noticed that I loved the painting your wife painted for me -- it started triggering her, because I was favoring and spent more money on Kim’s painting than on hers, so she painted this painting named “For Your Own Good” with me in mind thinking I would become interested in the painting because of me being such a fan of Alice Miller’s work.

I could see very clearly that she named this painting “For Your Own Good” to manipulate me to buy another painting from her. I asked her how much she was selling that painting for? And she said it was $2000! 

I told her that I just had spent so much money on my party, with my vacation while my niece was here and having to pay a ghostwriter to help me with my book that I could not pay right now that much for painting. 

She came down in price and now she is asking $800 for it and I was planning to get the money together and buy it, just to make her happy and give her some extra money, but I guess I was not doing it quick enough and brought her repressed emotions to a head and she shot herself in the foot by taking revenge on me for what her childhood abusers did to her when she was a defenseless little child, very sad.

Thanks for listening and have a good day.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Comments I made in the book discussion of Daniel Mackler

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Even dough I agree with every thing said in this excerpt. I just started reading the book and find his choice of words to be highly confusing, even abusive, and I can’t recommend this book. Alice Miller is the only person I encounter on this planet, that, I agree with 100%. The words below written by Alice Miller to me, when I asked her to comment on letters I received from one of her readers, came to mind:
“AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one`s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”
Alice Miller wrote this message

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Alice Miller’s critic is not the only thing I am concerned about, there is more, like for example his views on abortion and sex, his choice of words can be very confusing and guilt inducing to his readers that still are emotionally blind and take his words for face value and not see he might be unconsciously telling his true story of what happened to him and how he was treated as a child by using harsh words. When it comes to abortion no one says it better than Alice Miller “Not everyone is capable of thinking in real, concrete terms. Many seek refuge in religious beliefs. In their weakness, they place their trust in “relics,” awaiting salvation at the hands of one stronger than themselves. Anyone who claims to be a strong and knowledgeable authority for such people, and to be acting on their behalf, has the duty to be conscious of the appropriate facts. If they aren’t, if they ignore or neglect that duty, clamming instead that their palpable lack of information and their abstract conceptions of “life” are sanctioned by God and practiced in the name of humanity, they are acting against life, by misusing the weakness and trust of the faithful and dangerously confusing them. The injunction against abortion goes even further: Consciously or unconsciously, it represents support for cruelty against children and active complicity in the creation of unwanted existences, existences that can easily become a liability for the community at large. … It is, in fact, not surprising to find that those who are both victims and apologist for the use of violence and severity against children are often those who most passionately proclaim their love of the unborn child, i.e., the kernel of life. Abortion can, indeed, be seen as the most powerful symbol of the psychic annihilation and mutilation practiced since time immemorial on children. But to combat this evil merely at the symbolic level deflects us from the reality we should not evade for a moment longer: the reality of the abused and humiliated child, which, as a result of its disavowed and unresolved injuries, will insidiously become, either openly or aided by hypocrisy, a danger to society.”!/2011/01/protecting-life-after-birth.html
I don’t have time to write right now, but as soon I can I will go into more details.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Sabina, I agree with most of what you are saying about sex and when a person becomes fully conscious, naturally becomes abstinent from sex, but not by choice, but because it’s near to impossible to find another conscious partner at the same level. Telling unconscious people not have sex, is not realist and do not work and the author of this book seems to have a problem even with masturbation! Why should not a person enjoy his/her body? Was he not allowed to enjoy his own body as a little boy? The purpose of life is to have fun in balance without hurting yourself or others, to be enjoyed, and shared and for us to become free to enjoy life in the present moment, we must face our history and feel our repressed feelings, at our own pace. We must face the pain in our lives. The only way out is through it. Nothing in the external world, no religion, not a job, not geographical travel or move, not a relationship and not any amount of money can save us from the pain of our past. Until we walk through our pain, we will keep reenacting, repeating, and recreating our past in the present moment. Dr. Alice Miller in her book, The Truth Will Set You Free; Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self says: “the past always catches up with us, in our relationships with other people and especially with our children.” The only way to release the pain is to face it, articulate it and feel it as it arises. If we can feel it we can heal it. I know sometimes the pain can be overwhelming, and we need to take a break from it by going to work, taking care of ourselves, and some distractions of safe fun, but we must take time to face, be, articulate our pain and feel it as it arises until is gone. Because pretty much every person on the planet have been abused, traumatized to a degree by parental and society ignorance, pain comes to every one’s life. The suffering comes because we run, avoid, repress and deny our pain. If we don’t acknowledge and take responsibility for our wounds, but instead we deny and repress them, the wounds inflicted on us, we will inflict those same wounds on others and the next generation. I wonder if the author was extremely sexually abused as a child and now wants to repress his sexuality and of his readers – what we repress will find expression in very dysfunctional way and will harm us and others even more. All religions have been trying to repress people’s sexuality and the author sounds preach like the very extreme religious people that use strong, harsh language that is guilt inducing and we have seen religion’s guilt inducing where gotten us. I wonder if one of his parents was a preacher -- Children that are preached to, learn to preach -- Maybe his parents were extremely critical of him and used strong, harsh language and made him feel guilt and now unconsciously he is extremely critical and passing this guilt to his readers.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I also stand by my words that this book is confusing and if something is confusing is also abusive to me. Saying that this book is the continuation of Alice Miller’s work is a big lie even if people are not aware and can’t see the hidden lie. Alice Miller’s work is sooooooo much more ahead of this book.
DM’s book is soooo tinted with morality and so manipulative that brings back the old memories into my mind when I was living with my religious fanatic and manipulative older sisters, that tried so hard to push down my throat their believes and morality.
The letter written to Alice Miller in the link below articulates what I feel DM’s book is trying to do to his readers.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am very aware that I cannot open the eyes of people that don’t want to see and feel and if people choose to believe in lies is their problem.
Just like Alice Miller confirmed in her answer to my letter in the link below:

From: Alice Miller>
Subject: Re: Saying the truth or being loyal
Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008, 1:21 AM

AM: Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that my answer to your previous letter didn't appear on the web site under your text. I wrote: "Congratulations to your understanding. You are right, you can't make someone to see who DOESN'T WANT to see."
Alice Miller wrote this message

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am not going to comment here anymore, because I am very aware I cannot make people see and feel what they are not ready to see and feel and if they rather believe in lies is nothing I can do, but to walk away. When someone is trying to confuse you consciously or unconsciously is abuse even if people can’t see it as such.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I have to clarify the phrase that seems have created confusion “'If something is confusing to me it is abusive to me' I should have said if someone is telling me a lie consciously or unconsciously it’s abusive to me, because lies are always confusing and abusive, of course there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t understand and are not abusive, but lies are always abusive no matter who says them and how nice they sound.

S’s Letter

S, I think it's important that I mention what I witnessed happening at the DM's book discussion!/note.php?note_id=471710483293 you were I agreeing with me, but the moment DM showed up and share his opinion, which of course has the right to do so, you moved right to his side and apologized to him for disagreeing with him and your misunderstanding and my question was -- why does she have the need to do that? Maybe she still carries the fear of her parents and now someone symbolizing her parents, in this case, DM and like when she was a very little girl would not dare to rebel against her parents for fear of punishment and repressed her true feelings in order to please her parents and be the "good girl" her parents desired, now, in her adult life this internalized fear of her parents is still keeping her from staying true to herself. You know this happened to me also on a discussion board a year or so ago at on the topic, if spanking was harmful to children, and most people there were pro-spanking and I felt the need to comment and expose their ignorance and of course these very unconscious people, started to personally attack me right away, they called me the B word, radical, and all kind of things, you name it! One poster that identified himself as being a Psychiatric doctor took my side at first, and of course temporally I felt better that I was not alone anymore against those very mean unconscious people, but the moment the pro-spanking people started to direct their anger at him accusing him of being a radical and lunatic because only a lunatic would be at Sylvie's side! the next day he took the pro-spanking side agreeing with them that my comment was too radical – below is the comment I used to re-post over and over again and they thought was too radical and they could not stand and triggered them the most. I now, understand and see very well these psychological mechanisms and did not affected me much that this doctor one day was on my side and the next day like a scared little boy took the abusers side. A professional doctor should have dealt with his own fear and learned how to handle transference. I thought of the little children going to his office with his parents and one day he takes the child's side, but in the moment the parent starts transferring their anger into him he leaves the child alone and takes the parents side, how damage that is to a child to one day feel like somebody is on his side, but a day later to find himself again abandoned in an emotional desert island. Children have no way of understanding that the reason this person abandoned him also was because of his internalized fears of his own parents. This is why people that go out offering help to others without experiencing, understand and walk through their own fears first, they will unconsciously and compulsively pass their psychological virus into others under the disguise of help and this is very damaging to people that are still wounded, especially to children. post: These people are so "SMART" that they don't see the more they mention my name and project themselves into me the more they make themselves look bad. Keep making yourselves look bad, ignorant and very dark people.

People that idealize their childhood and parents they will keep having limitless craving for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears. DEFENSELESS LITTLE CHILDREN MAKE PERFECT SCAPEGOATS FOR THEM, COWARDS. Pro-spanking people suffer and secretly enjoy seeing others suffer too, otherwise why would they fight so hard for the parents right to spank their innocent children, when children misbehave is never the child's fault, but the parents fault and if someone needs a spanking would be the parents. Children are like sponges or antennas that absorb all of what their parents repressed. What parents repress, children express, so if you don't like what you see in your children go inside of yourself and take responsibility for all that is repressed in yourself and your children will change without you having to do much. And what is so sad for me it's that most of these pro-spanking, hypocrites, cowards hide behind "God" to do their evil work. Read the article "how Evil is born anew with every new generation" in the link below:

It's so sad that in the 21 century people still are debating if it's ok to spank a child. In the 21 century everyone should know the dangerous of spanking children and every person in power should be doing everything to make sure every child is protected from harm. Would we be debating today if slavery of black people or any other race is ok, fortunately is common knowledge that slavery of another race is cruel and ignorant. Why can human beings see that doing it to children is even more cruel, ignorant and very dangerous? Most people objective is not freedom for themselves and others. Most people objective is to one day have their own slaves. The easiest way to have your own slaves is to give birth to them because our society does nothing to protect children in the first years of life, the most important years of a person's life." Poisonous Pedagogy The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child's great plasticity flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can at last be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities the parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, "moral," noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung." Alice Miller "THE CHILD AS POISON CONTAINER The main psychological mechanism that operates in all child abuse involves using children as what I have termed poison containers--receptacles into which adults project disowned parts of their psyches, so they can control these feelings in another body without danger to themselves. In good parenting, the child uses the caretaker as a poison container, much as it earlier used the mother's placenta as a poison container for cleansing its polluted blood. A good mother reacts with calming actions to the cries of a baby and helps it "detoxify² its dangerous emotions. But when an immature mother's baby cries, she cannot stand the screaming, and strikes out at the child. As one battering mother put it, "I have never felt loved all my life. When the baby was born, I thought he would love me. When he cried, it meant he didn't love me. So I hit him.² Rather than the child being able to use the parent to detoxify its fears and anger, the parent instead injects his or her bad feelings into the child and uses it to cleanse his or herself of depression and anger."

---Then they accused me of violating Alice Miller copyright and I assure them that she did not mind me distributing her literature freely. One morning I woke up thinking I bet they wrote to Alice Miller to complain about me violating her copyright and I went to her website to readers' mail page and sure enough I found the following letter, when I saw the letter with the tile "Respecting the copyright" and I knew right away it was about me and I clicked on it with excitement to read Alice Miller's answer.

"Respecting the copyright Saturday October 31, 2009

Dear Ms. Miller,

On a "no-spank" thread on Amazon, one of your readers has copied and pasted pages upon pages of your work. One of the copies was of a webpage you allow people to copy and re-post in its entirety, but most of the content seems to end with an "all rights reserved" copyright. In some cases, the person is even copy/pasting the works of your fellow authors and attributing your website, which might not exactly rub them the right way.

We've been concerned about her zeal for copy/paste of copyrighted works for some time, but responsibility dictates that since the poster has failed to see the legal and moral issues, we should at the very least alert you of this.

AM: Thank you for your letter and the link. I opened it and found a discussion led very respectfully by Sylvie Shene who seems to understand much about the dangers of spanking that produce beside other things ignorant parents in future. Of course, the Internet allows everybody to show themselves, their emotional insights as well as their emotional blindness (like "I was very much beaten but I turned out very well"). But I didn't find an example of anybody using my name for a text that I have NOT written. Did I miss anything? If you did find this kind of abuse, of disrespecting my copyright, please let me know."

This letter is no longer available at Alice Miller's website, I belief the coward that wrote it asked her to remove it, because I had copied and pasted it into the thread with the following comment and a link to it: To the person that wrote to Dr. Alice Miller, did her answer put your concerns to rest? It's so funny to witness to the extent the pro-spanking people go to, to stop me from sharing the enlightened information here, they tried to break me, but that did not work, because you can not break what's not breakable anymore! Would not it be easier to put me in your ignore list? What are you afraid of? Afraid your children might come here? Become enlightened and be able to see through your lies and illusions. This just shows how conniving some pro-spanking people are. The next morning I clicked on the link from the thread to see if it was working and the letter was not longer available at her website. This person did not like the Alice Miller's response and he/she asked her to remove it, because when people clicked on the link could see for themselves their desperation. Later they accused me of fabricating this letter myself! All my life I have stood alone against the liars and cowards in this world and it felt so good to have Alice Miller stand on my side, I never had anyone before stand on my side like that, I have no words to express how happy I felt to know I was not alone anymore.

Alice Miller has been the only person that truly has been on my side.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Glad to see that someone is coming to recognize this as characteristics of a psychopath,28551.msg355940.html#msg355940
Thanks for writing. I never was a member of the forum I visited a few times, but because of my difficulty of expressing myself in writing I never participated and I just focused on Alice Miller’s books, site and reading the letters written to her. When the incident with BR happened I could see that this woman was very sick projecting and attacking Alice Miller for the wrongs done to her when she was a defenseless little girl. I just recently had a sociopath cross my path; this article in the link below is quite accurate of what a sociopath is. She did deceive me for a little while! I too thought was not possible for anyone to deceive me anymore! She was good! But it’s sad because if it was not for their sad tragic childhood, they would never become sociopaths.
“Sociopaths are masters at influence and deception. Very little of what they say actually checks out in terms of facts or reality, but they're extremely skillful at making the things they say sound believable”
Sociopaths never answer facts; they always attack the messenger
Totally they play the victim card! “She explains that sociopaths can be very difficult to identify, but notes that if she had to pick one consistent warning sign, it would be that they play the victim card very early, hoping to stir up sympathy and compassion. The author also advises us not to engage sociopaths or to think that we can beat them at their own game. By definition, they lack the conscience that may inhibit the behavior of non-sociopaths.”

Sociopaths are masters at deceiving and anyone can be fooled by them. I had the honor to exchange e-mails with Alice Miller in the last two years of her life. Reading your post it brought tears to my eyes because it reminded me that this incident might have shortened her life. It pains me when I see people being fooled by sociopaths like her. I was so glad to read your post that I had to join the forum to thank you for shining light on what took place. I think you might like reading the letters below I wrote to Alice at the time and her response.  

Again thank you for this post,


Dear Alice Miller,

Thank you.

I wrote this letter a month or so ago, but I did not send it. Here it is now.

Once again, thank you for having the courage to speak the truth. In your post “Barbara’s Forum2” on Monday, September 29, 2008, you wrote that instead of understanding, you receive personal attacks. It happens to me all the time. People have told me that you talk about the problem, but you don’t give any solutions. This is so annoying because people cannot see or hear the obvious solution that you do give us—the need for each of us to face our personal, painful truths and to trust all of our feelings.

I don’t know much about IFS therapy, but all the therapies I have come in contact with actually block us from our true feelings. They merely try to change the present behavior. I have learned that change cannot be accomplished without facing the truth about our past and without working through all our feelings and repressed emotions. Any change at all would just be superficial and temporary.

I’m surprised that Barbara has been sucked in by this therapy. Your experience has revealed just how great the compulsion is to repeat, to continue to do to others what once was done to us. I have also learned that people use all kinds of methods, even therapies, to run from facing a personal truth or their true feelings. I would just like to send you a hug.

Norman, thanks for your letter, “Saying the truth or being loyal,” Tuesday, September 30, 2008. And thank you, Alice Miller, for publishing it on your website with your answer. I totally agree with what you wrote: “Fortunate are the few children who can express their criticism, who are listened to, taken seriously and understood by their parents. They receive a precious gift for their whole life. But for most children, saying the truth means mortal danger. They are often brutally punished simply for saying frankly what they feel and think. As adults, they often use the same means as their parents used before, without being aware of what they are doing. They are blindly attacking everybody who questions their traditional ‘opinions’ given by their parents. Their children can't do anything else other than obey and stay loyal. Only adults can take legal actions if it comes to criminal harassment or severe defamation.”

I totally agree with everything you and Norman said: I had the same experiences. I just wish I could articulate it as well as you and Norman did. To me, it is much more important to speak the truth and not deceive myself rather than to be loyal.

Love, Sylvie

--- On Wed, 2/11/09, Sylvie Imelda Shene .. wrote:
Subject: thank you for posting your answer to B.R.

Dear Alice Miller,

Thank you for sharing your answer to B.R. I got curious and I went to B.R.’s website to read her nasty piece of writing. I did not finish reading it because it bored me to read all about her projections onto you. I am so sorry she is making you her scapegoat. Being someone’s scapegoat is never a pleasant thing. I am so grateful for your books and website. Having you here by my side for the last 10 years has been a life-saver and it pains me to see someone making you their scapegoat. I hope that you have a good team working with you and that the reader’s mail can go on forever. I also hope you have peace and health for many, many, many years.

You know when I read her book and articles and the answers to your reader’s mail, which I enjoy reading, I could feel that she still was repressed and harboring illusions. What she was writing was not coming from her true feelings but from her head. I call people like that parrots—they have great smarts, memories, and are very talented at writing and articulating, but they really don’t understand what they are saying. They are not capable of feeling their repressed feelings and they unconsciously project those repressed feelings onto scapegoats.

I had a link on my website at the end of the page of my story to your website and to B.R.’s article. I was rereading my story and clicked on the link to the article on your website and got a blank page. For a while I was in a dilemma, not knowing what to do because I did not want to create a link to her website. I started to write to you to ask you if you could write a small article how religion, spirituality, and the 12-step meetings cement childhood blindness. I decided not to bother you and created a link to the article on her website even though I don’t agree with IFS therapy (I don’t agree with most therapies out there). And now that I have proven my feelings are right, I have a responsibility to not have a link from my website to hers.

If you ever have a chance to write an article about how religion, spirituality, and the 12-step meetings cement childhood blindness, I would love to create a link to it.

Again thank you for being here and for your insights.

Sylvie Shene

On Thurs, 02/12/09, Alice Miller wrote: Subject: Re: thank you for posting your answer to B R.

AM: Here is my last, edited version of the text I sent you this morning.

AM: Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of "power" (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can't be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.

On Thurs, 2/12/09, Alice Miller wrote: Subject: Re: thank you for posting your answer to B R.

AM: Thank you for your understanding of what happened. I wrote today an answer under the title "Aggression out of denial" that could help you maybe to see what happens behind some attacks. I wrote already much about religion, the 12 steps and about blinding people by using poisonous pedagogy but all this is destroyed in my writing and not focused in a specific article. Maybe I will write someday an article on this topic but I can't promise it now. If you want to publish my answer to E of today on your website you can do it.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Education alone doesn’t save people from the chains of compulsion repetition

Hi J, I am so sorry for your experience with this “professional” it’s very frustrating when the experts spread lies and the public believe them because they have a PhD after their name. Every time I hear spanking is good for children and not damaging, I just want to let out a big scream that is how much it upsets me when I hear this lie. I visited her site, but I just could not read her well-articulated pretty lies. I share your frustration, but we cannot force someone to open their eyes to see and feel if they don’t want to open their eyes to see and feel and my experience has taught me that the educated are usually the ones with their eyes closed and use their intellect and rationalizations to cement their eyes shut to hide the facts from themselves and others and as we know cement is very hard to soften, so is nothing we can do to help them see how destructive they are, but feel for the children they affect and hurt and only we can do is just keep on trying to warn others of the lies of these so called “experts or helpers” are spreading under the disguise of education and help. These words by Alice Miller come to mind, because education and intelligence alone does not save people, but it rather helps create very seductive pretty lies and the chains of repetition compulsion continues endless. This mother with a degree in psychology proves that when she became a mother have the compulsion to spank her baby boy just like once she was spanked when she was a defenseless little girl and her education did not save her. “Poisonous Pedagogy -- The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child’s great plasticity flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can at last be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities the parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, “moral,” noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung. “Alice Miller
Also these words Alice wrote to one of her readers came to mind: “AM: Thank you so much for your brave and insightful statement. You are right, unwanted children are usually mistreated. But there exist as a rule also a huge amount of people who were "wanted" indeed, but only for playing the role of the victims that their parents needed to be able to take revenge on. They were wanted to give their parents what the parents never had gotten from their own parents: love, adoration, attention and so many other things. Otherwise, why would so many people have five or more children when they have no time for them? Why do they adopt children if their body refuses to give them what they apparently "want?”
The never acknowledged, never felt pain of their childhood calls for being avenged.
They go to church, they pray, they honor their parents, forgive them everything – and they mistreat their children at home, often in a very cruel way, AS IF THIS WERE THE MOST NATURAL THING, because they learned this so early. Their children learn this perverted behavior, also very early, and will later do the same; and so this perverse behavior continues for millennia. Unless people are willing to SEE the perversion of their parents and are ready to consciously refuse to imitate it.
You are not being "sickeningly sarcastic," you only dared to speak out the truth that most people are afraid of seeing or talking about.”

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

To hit or humiliate a child should be seen for what it is: a crime.

To hit or humiliate a child should be seen for what it is: a crime.
Since I have begun to state, both in print and in my conversations with others, that the mistreatment of children is the greatest crime that one human being can commit against another—causing psychological deformation in the next generation and, thanks to the suppression of the truth by its victims, including therapists, going largely unnoticed--I have frequently been accused of being hard-hearted and uncompromising. How, people often say, can parents be forbidden to feel anger? Unfortunately, what gets overlooked in such “arguments” is that there is a great difference between feelings, which kill no one, and actions, which can. Of course, parents must be able to feel and express their feelings. What they can on no account be permitted to do is beat their children with impunity, to hit them or humiliate them in other ways. Such behavior can be injurious to any growing organism, cause lifelong damage, and should be seen for what it is: a crime. Parents who can feel, who are conscious of their feelings and realize that uncontrolled anger, though it my be triggered by the child, usually has little to do with it, are less in danger of acting out their rage in the guise of pedagogy.
From the book: “Breaking Down The Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth” by Alice Miller