Adoption can be such a tragedy -- Part 2

Dear X, 

Thank you for writing. I understand you are outraged, and your anger is justified. 

My last e-mail triggered even more intense hate of the child you once were. I am sorry that I was a little too harsh on you. I wanted to write when I had time to think and without distractions. Still, you kept poking at me with your sarcasm, criticism, and accusations, like Alice’s books are my bible, because the deprived little baby and child still living inside of you wanted love and attention right at that moment. Still, now only the adult in you can give her the love and attention she has been longing for all her life. 

I quote Alice Miller a lot because she articulates better exactly the knowledge I know. I too experienced than I could ever have and that is why I quote her a lot, if you can feel this hate towards the people that really cause it, because they hurt you when you were defenseless little baby and child, it will liberate you and improve your healthy and give you vitality to get a job, and one day gain your autonomy and be able to pay your bills and work on your art too. 

I told you I can help you get a job, if you like. You are on Facebook, trying to wake up the world by compulsively posting information because you don’t want others to go through what you had to go through. Still, I feel you want the world to wake up and change to come rescue you, so you would not have to face and feel the fears, hate, and pain, but it will never happen. Even if the whole world wakes up and changes, you would still have to face and feel your repression to be free. Nothing can ever change that; trying to wake up the world without freeing yourself first is just to distract you from facing and feeling your pain. All that posting on Facebook is just like taking medication to make you feel better, without facing and feeling our own repression first. 

Everything we do is just to make us feel better, and the compulsion to repeat will continue one way or another, and you just gave me more evidence of that. 

You start your last letter with the words: how dare you, but those words are provably words that your adoptive parents used on you when you confronted them, and now you are reenacting with me what once was done to you, and if someone deserves those words, it is your mother. 

How dear she carries a pregnancy to term, and gives birth to you to use you as a tool of manipulation to get your father to marry her. She wanted your father to save her from her dysfunctional family, but only she could have saved herself, and when that did not work, she gave you up for adoption. 

You say that she was coerced into giving you up for adoption. Stop making excuses for her. She carried a pregnancy to term and gave birth to you for the sole purpose of using you as a tool of manipulation, and when that did not work out, she gave you away like a puppy or a kitten. 

I can only imagine the fear and pain the little baby you once were might be experiencing for the six months after birth in the orphanage, all alone, and later to be picked up by crazy strangers to use you as their scapegoat or poisonous container. 

I have felt the fear of the baby I once was of being left alone for hours and hours in my crib, to the baby I once was, it felt like eternity. Still, once I understood the root of my fears and anger, they began to diminish, and one day I woke up feeling free and energized, like I never had in my life. 

If you find the courage to feel your fears, anger, and pain in the proper context, they will eventually begin to diminish, and one day you, too, can wake up feeling free and energized. I know the fears and pain of the baby you once were might be even more intense than mine were, because once in a while, I would be picked up by my mother for breastfeeding, and for very short moments, I would be connected to my mother to be abandoned over and over again for hours and hours, all alone in my crib. Still, you've never had relief, and it might even be scarier for you, but if you find the courage to feel and experience, at a conscious level, the fear and anger of the child you once were in the proper context, it will liberate you —I know it will.

Wishing you courage and strength to get through the repressed feelings of the child you once were.

Sylvie
Also read Adoption can be such a tragedy -- part  1 http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/07/adoption-can-be-such-tragedy-part-1.html