“AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one`s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”
Alice Miller wrote this message
Sylvie Imelda Shene: Alice Miller’s critic is not the only thing I am concerned about, there is more, like for example his views on abortion and sex, his choice of words can be very confusing and guilt inducing to his readers that still are emotionally blind and take his words for face value and not see he might be unconsciously telling his true story of what happened to him and how he was treated as a child by using harsh words. When it comes to abortion no one says it better than Alice Miller “Not everyone is capable of thinking in real, concrete terms. Many seek refuge in religious beliefs. In their weakness, they place their trust in “relics,” awaiting salvation at the hands of one stronger than themselves. Anyone who claims to be a strong and knowledgeable authority for such people, and to be acting on their behalf, has the duty to be conscious of the appropriate facts. If they aren’t, if they ignore or neglect that duty, clamming instead that their palpable lack of information and their abstract conceptions of “life” are sanctioned by God and practiced in the name of humanity, they are acting against life, by misusing the weakness and trust of the faithful and dangerously confusing them. The injunction against abortion goes even further: Consciously or unconsciously, it represents support for cruelty against children and active complicity in the creation of unwanted existences, existences that can easily become a liability for the community at large. … It is, in fact, not surprising to find that those who are both victims and apologist for the use of violence and severity against children are often those who most passionately proclaim their love of the unborn child, i.e., the kernel of life. Abortion can, indeed, be seen as the most powerful symbol of the psychic annihilation and mutilation practiced since time immemorial on children. But to combat this evil merely at the symbolic level deflects us from the reality we should not evade for a moment longer: the reality of the abused and humiliated child, which, as a result of its disavowed and unresolved injuries, will insidiously become, either openly or aided by hypocrisy, a danger to society.”
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/01/protecting-life-after-birth.html#!/2011/01/protecting-life-after-birth.html
I don’t have time to write right now, but as soon I can I will go into more details.
Sylvie Imelda Shene: Sabina, I agree with
most of what you are saying about sex and when a person becomes fully
conscious, naturally becomes abstinent from sex, but not by choice, but because
it’s near to impossible to find another conscious partner at the same level.
Telling unconscious people not have sex, is not realist and do not work and the
author of this book seems to have a problem even with masturbation! Why should
not a person enjoy his/her body? Was he not allowed to enjoy his own body as a
little boy? The purpose of life is to have fun in balance without hurting
yourself or others, to be enjoyed, and shared and for us to become free to
enjoy life in the present moment, we must face our history and feel our
repressed feelings, at our own pace. We must face the pain in our lives. The
only way out is through it. Nothing in the external world, no religion, not a
job, not geographical travel or move, not a relationship and not any amount of
money can save us from the pain of our past. Until we walk through our pain, we
will keep reenacting, repeating, and recreating our past in the present moment.
Dr. Alice Miller in her book, The Truth Will Set You Free; Overcoming Emotional
Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self says: “the past always catches up
with us, in our relationships with other people and especially with our
children.” The only way to release the pain is to face it, articulate it and
feel it as it arises. If we can feel it we can heal it. I know sometimes the
pain can be overwhelming, and we need to take a break from it by going to work,
taking care of ourselves, and some distractions of safe fun, but we must take time
to face, be, articulate our pain and feel it as it arises until is gone.
Because pretty much every person on the planet have been abused, traumatized to
a degree by parental and society ignorance, pain comes to every one’s life. The
suffering comes because we run, avoid, repress and deny our pain. If we don’t
acknowledge and take responsibility for our wounds, but instead we deny and
repress them, the wounds inflicted on us, we will inflict those same wounds on
others and the next generation. I wonder if the author was extremely sexually
abused as a child and now wants to repress his sexuality and of his readers –
what we repress will find expression in very dysfunctional way and will harm us
and others even more. All religions have been trying to repress people’s
sexuality and the author sounds preach like the very extreme religious people
that use strong, harsh language that is guilt inducing and we have seen
religion’s guilt inducing where gotten us. I wonder if one of his parents was a
preacher -- Children that are preached to, learn to preach -- Maybe his parents
were extremely critical of him and used strong, harsh language and made him
feel guilt and now unconsciously he is extremely critical and passing this
guilt to his readers.
Sylvie Imelda Shene: I also stand by my
words that this book is confusing and if something is confusing is also abusive
to me. Saying that this book is the continuation of Alice Miller’s work is a
big lie even if people are not aware and can’t see the hidden lie. Alice Miller’s
work is sooooooo much more ahead of this book.
DM’s book is soooo tinted with morality and so manipulative that brings back the old memories into my mind when I was living with my religious fanatic and manipulative older sisters, that tried so hard to push down my throat their believes and morality.
The letter written to Alice Miller in the link below articulates what I feel DM’s book is trying to do to his readers.
http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2371&grp=1108
Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am very aware that I cannot open the eyes of people that don’t want to see and feel and if people choose to believe in lies is their problem.
Just like Alice Miller confirmed in her answer to my letter in the link below:
From: Alice Miller am@.com>
Subject: Re: Saying the truth or being loyal
To: s@.com
Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008, 1:21 AM
AM: Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that my answer to your previous letter didn't appear on the web site under your text. I wrote: "Congratulations to your understanding. You are right, you can't make someone to see who DOESN'T WANT to see."
Alice Miller wrote this message
http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2337&grp=1108
DM’s book is soooo tinted with morality and so manipulative that brings back the old memories into my mind when I was living with my religious fanatic and manipulative older sisters, that tried so hard to push down my throat their believes and morality.
The letter written to Alice Miller in the link below articulates what I feel DM’s book is trying to do to his readers.
http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2371&grp=1108
Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am very aware that I cannot open the eyes of people that don’t want to see and feel and if people choose to believe in lies is their problem.
Just like Alice Miller confirmed in her answer to my letter in the link below:
From: Alice Miller am@.com>
Subject: Re: Saying the truth or being loyal
To: s@.com
Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008, 1:21 AM
AM: Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that my answer to your previous letter didn't appear on the web site under your text. I wrote: "Congratulations to your understanding. You are right, you can't make someone to see who DOESN'T WANT to see."
Alice Miller wrote this message
http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2337&grp=1108
Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am not going to comment here anymore, because I am very aware I cannot make people see and feel what they are not ready to see and feel and if they rather believe in lies is nothing I can do, but to walk away. When someone is trying to confuse you consciously or unconsciously is abuse even if people can’t see it as such.
Sylvie Imelda Shene: I have to clarify the phrase that seems have created confusion “'If something is confusing to me it is abusive to me' I should have said if someone is telling me a lie consciously or unconsciously it’s abusive to me, because lies are always confusing and abusive, of course there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t understand and are not abusive, but lies are always abusive no matter who says them and how nice they sound.
S’s
Letter
S, I think it's important that I mention what I witnessed happening at the
DM's book discussion
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/note.php?note_id=471710483293 you were I
agreeing with me, but the moment DM showed up and share his opinion, which of
course has the right to do so, you moved right to his side and apologized to
him for disagreeing with him and your misunderstanding and my question was --
why does she have the need to do that? Maybe she still carries the fear of her
parents and now someone symbolizing her parents, in this case, DM and like when
she was a very little girl would not dare to rebel against her parents for fear
of punishment and repressed her true feelings in order to please her parents
and be the "good girl" her parents desired, now, in her adult life
this internalized fear of her parents is still keeping her from staying true to
herself. You know this happened to me also on a discussion board a year or so
ago at amazon.com on the topic, if spanking was harmful to children, and most
people there were pro-spanking and I felt the need to comment and expose their
ignorance and of course these very unconscious people, started to personally
attack me right away, they called me the B word, radical, and all kind of
things, you name it! One poster that identified himself as being a Psychiatric
doctor took my side at first, and of course temporally I felt better that I was
not alone anymore against those very mean unconscious people, but the moment
the pro-spanking people started to direct their anger at him accusing him of
being a radical and lunatic because only a lunatic would be at Sylvie's side!
the next day he took the pro-spanking side agreeing with them that my comment
was too radical – below is the comment I used to re-post over and over again
and they thought was too radical and they could not stand and triggered them
the most. I now, understand and see very well these psychological mechanisms
and did not affected me much that this doctor one day was on my side and the
next day like a scared little boy took the abusers side. A professional doctor
should have dealt with his own fear and learned how to handle transference. I
thought of the little children going to his office with his parents and one day
he takes the child's side, but in the moment the parent starts transferring
their anger into him he leaves the child alone and takes the parents side, how
damage that is to a child to one day feel like somebody is on his side, but a
day later to find himself again abandoned in an emotional desert island.
Children have no way of understanding that the reason this person abandoned him
also was because of his internalized fears of his own parents. This is why
people that go out offering help to others without experiencing, understand and
walk through their own fears first, they will unconsciously and compulsively pass
their psychological virus into others under the disguise of help and this is
very damaging to people that are still wounded, especially to children.
Amazon.com post: These people are so "SMART" that they don't see
the more they mention my name and project themselves into me the more they make
themselves look bad. Keep making yourselves look bad, ignorant and very dark
people.
People that idealize their childhood and parents they will keep having
limitless craving for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the
fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears.
DEFENSELESS LITTLE CHILDREN MAKE PERFECT SCAPEGOATS FOR THEM, COWARDS. Pro-spanking
people suffer and secretly enjoy seeing others suffer too, otherwise why would
they fight so hard for the parents right to spank their innocent children, when
children misbehave is never the child's fault, but the parents fault and if
someone needs a spanking would be the parents. Children are like sponges or
antennas that absorb all of what their parents repressed. What parents repress,
children express, so if you don't like what you see in your children go inside
of yourself and take responsibility for all that is repressed in yourself and
your children will change without you having to do much. And what is so sad for
me it's that most of these pro-spanking, hypocrites, cowards hide behind
"God" to do their evil work. Read the article "how Evil is born
anew with every new generation" in the link
below:
It's so sad that in the 21 century people still are debating if it's ok to
spank a child. In the 21 century everyone should know the dangerous of spanking
children and every person in power should be doing everything to make sure
every child is protected from harm. Would we be debating today if slavery of
black people or any other race is ok, fortunately is common knowledge that
slavery of another race is cruel and ignorant. Why can human beings see that
doing it to children is even more cruel, ignorant and very dangerous? Most
people objective is not freedom for themselves and others. Most people
objective is to one day have their own slaves. The easiest way to have your own
slaves is to give birth to them because our society does nothing to protect
children in the first years of life, the most important years of a person's
life." Poisonous Pedagogy The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a
child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the
disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object.
The child's great plasticity flexibility, defenselessness, and availability
made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can at last be
hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of
the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that
they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to
oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities the
parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone
else so they can once again regard themselves as good, "moral,"
noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung."
Alice Miller "THE CHILD AS POISON CONTAINER The main psychological
mechanism that operates in all child abuse involves using children as what I
have termed poison containers--receptacles into which adults project disowned
parts of their psyches, so they can control these feelings in another body
without danger to themselves. In good parenting, the child uses the caretaker
as a poison container, much as it earlier used the mother's placenta as a
poison container for cleansing its polluted blood. A good mother reacts with
calming actions to the cries of a baby and helps it "detoxify² its
dangerous emotions. But when an immature mother's baby cries, she cannot stand
the screaming, and strikes out at the child. As one battering mother put it, "I
have never felt loved all my life. When the baby was born, I thought he would
love me. When he cried, it meant he didn't love me. So I hit him.² Rather than
the child being able to use the parent to detoxify its fears and anger, the
parent instead injects his or her bad feelings into the child and uses it to
cleanse his or herself of depression and
anger."http://www.psychohistory.com/htm/05_history.html
---Then they accused me of violating Alice Miller copyright and I assure
them that she did not mind me distributing her literature freely. One morning I
woke up thinking I bet they wrote to Alice Miller to complain about me
violating her copyright and I went to her website to readers' mail page and
sure enough I found the following letter, when I saw the letter with the tile
"Respecting the copyright" and I knew right away it was about me and
I clicked on it with excitement to read Alice Miller's answer.
"Respecting the copyright Saturday October 31, 2009
Dear Ms. Miller,
On a "no-spank" thread on Amazon, one of your readers has copied
and pasted pages upon pages of your work. One of the copies was of a webpage
you allow people to copy and re-post in its entirety, but most of the content
seems to end with an "all rights reserved" copyright. In some cases, the
person is even copy/pasting the works of your fellow authors and attributing
your website, which might not exactly rub them the right way.
http://www.amazon.com/tag/health/forum/ref=cm_cd_et_md_pl?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx1EO24KZG65FCB&cdMsgNo=6427&cdPage=258&cdSort=oldest&cdThread=Tx2RVZKR3QEDU6P&cdMsgID=Mx28QB17UEUHKGE#Mx28QB17UEUHKGE
We've been concerned about her zeal for copy/paste of copyrighted works for
some time, but responsibility dictates that since the poster has failed to see
the legal and moral issues, we should at the very least alert you of this.
AM: Thank you for your letter and the link. I opened it and found a
discussion led very respectfully by Sylvie Shene who seems to understand much
about the dangers of spanking that produce beside other things ignorant parents
in future. Of course, the Internet allows everybody to show themselves, their
emotional insights as well as their emotional blindness (like "I was very
much beaten but I turned out very well"). But I didn't find an example of
anybody using my name for a text that I have NOT written. Did I miss anything?
If you did find this kind of abuse, of disrespecting my copyright, please let
me know."
This letter is no longer available at Alice Miller's website, I belief the
coward that wrote it asked her to remove it, because I had copied and pasted it
into the amazon.com thread with the following comment and a link to it: To the
person that wrote to Dr. Alice Miller, did her answer put your concerns to
rest? It's so funny to witness to the extent the pro-spanking people go to, to
stop me from sharing the enlightened information here, they tried to break me,
but that did not work, because you can not break what's not breakable anymore!
Would not it be easier to put me in your ignore list? What are you afraid of?
Afraid your children might come here? Become enlightened and be able to see
through your lies and illusions. This just shows how conniving some
pro-spanking people are. The next morning I clicked on the link from the
amazon.com thread to see if it was working and the letter was not longer
available at her website. This person did not like the Alice Miller's response
and he/she asked her to remove it, because when people clicked on the link
could see for themselves their desperation. Later they accused me of
fabricating this letter myself! All my life I have stood alone against the
liars and cowards in this world and it felt so good to have Alice Miller stand
on my side, I never had anyone before stand on my side like that, I have no
words to express how happy I felt to know I was not alone anymore.
Alice Miller has been the only person that truly has been on my side.
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