The following is a response to a reader's question about memory and trauma. Names have been changed to protect privacy.
M: I love what you say about how our childhood affects our later life. I have hyperthymesia, a memory condition that means I remember events as far back as childhood as if it was much more recent. A lot of people tell me to forget the past, and I'm traumatized because my memory is so vivid. But I've always felt my memory is not the problem; the problem is that I remember things that shouldn't have happened.
Sylvie: Hi M, thank you for sharing that. It sounds incredibly challenging to relive traumatic experiences with such vividness. While I don’t know much about hyperthymesia, it's clear that the 'problem' isn't the memory itself, but the nature of what occurred.
In my experience, traumatic events from the past don't cause long-term harm; it's the repressed emotions tied to them that cause long-term harm. As long as our repressed emotions remain unresolved, we stay emotionally blind, and they keep us stuck in a state of compulsive repetition. Once we consciously feel those emotions within the context of our childhood, they begin to subside, leaving us feeling much lighter.
I am not a licensed therapist, but if you are looking for guidance through these painful emotions, Alice Miller has an excellent guide on how to find the right therapist:
https://www.alice-miller.com/en/faq-how-to-find-the-right-therapist/
I struggled to find the right therapist myself, but through Alice Miller’s work, I learned to become an enlightened witness to my own wounded inner child. This blog post I wrote in 2018, explains that process:
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/we-must-become-our-own-enlightened.html
I wish you great courage and strength on your healing journey.
Sylvie
