https://youtube.com/shorts/OfP2SsZ7V8c?si=OlrNWr9Ojfpzi2JC
https://youtube.com/shorts/ET2ztZxcGOE?si=tihvFctgXB2fuqWH
https://youtube.com/shorts/Mt2l_UsC-LM?si=fon4513n4uz_G2tE
https://youtube.com/shorts/zrVdsx7iH_I?si=zg2gSVti9GDqzHTH
During the love-bombing or idealizing phase, they are trying to get you hooked, and once they think you are hooked, they will back off. Your reactions to their withdrawal of affection -- when you try to bridge the gap and return things like they were at the beginning of the relationship, this is a better supply to them than the love-bombing or idealized phase! The target who is yelling and fighting to get things on an even keel is priceless to the person playing mind games.
This person never loved or liked us during the love-bombing or idealizing phase, but they are at least engaged and entertained in securing our affection "the game". They do not love us also during the devalue phase, but our reaction to the devalue phase is still nevertheless engaging and ego-boosting for them.
Building up and tearing down, it doesn't matter - it is all source of supply for the person playing games. All actions cause a reaction, and that constitutes the supply. When they don't get a reaction from their target, they move on and start the whole process with a new target. They never change, they will play this game forever, until they take their last breath. Sad.
"Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and to ultimately lose their own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies or exaggeration of the truth. The term is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she’s insane by causing her to question herself and her reality.
In its milder forms, gaslighting creates a subtle but inequitable power dynamic in a relationship, with the gaslightee subjected to the gaslighter’s unreasonable, rather than fact-based, scrutiny, judgment, or micro-aggression. At its worst, pathological gaslighting constitutes a severe form of mind-control and psychological abuse. Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships, with verbal, emotional, and/or physical hostility from one partner to the other; at the workplace, when a supervisor regularly and unfairly berates employees; or across an entire nation, as when commercial advertising or public figures make pronouncements that are clearly contrary to the public good."
"It is hard to stand firm when one person is trying to replace your experience, but when they have a chorus of supporters, it is nearly impossible. There is a reason why cult abuse can lead to a complete breakdown of someone’s personality. Group manipulation and abuse is devastatingly effective. I cannot easily explain the level of shame and fear that a group you are deeply invested in can produce with a coordinated attack. We need to be very careful of this in poly groups so we do not exploit this power or unwittingly enable abuse.”
Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their own reality. The gaslighter presents their own thoughts and feelings as the truth, and may lie repeatedly to control the other person.
Malignant narcissists are social chameleons who can fit perfectly into any situation. They are experts at morphing their identities to get what they want and mirroring others for money, sex, and — most commonly — attention. Because of their ability to idealize others, malignant narcissists are often perceived as charming, innocent, and fun to unsuspecting onlookers and casual acquaintances. But there is another side to them. And once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Malignant narcissists like to surround themselves with emotionally blind people who can be easily manipulated and must get rid of anyone who can see through them.
"The goal of an abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence.
In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him."
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen page 71
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=authoritarianism+
Triangulation is a psychological manipulation tactic where one person uses threats of exclusion or manipulation to divide and conquer. It's often done through indirect communication, often behind someone's back. The triangulator's goal is to avoid direct interactions by pitting two people against one another. Triangulation can be overt or insidious, and many people don't realize they've been triangulated until it's too late.
Triangulation is commonly found in people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD). For example, people with BPD may use triangulation to receive reassurance and avoid feelings of abandonment. They may do this by manipulating someone else to feel jealous, thereby proving their love and commitment to them.
Triangulation can be a common tactic in toxic relationships or toxic friendships. It can also affect children's personality and their adolescent development. For example, in a romantic relationship, one partner might use manipulation tactics to create drama and control the other person.
Learning assertive communication skills can help reduce the risk of triangulation. You can try practicing techniques to tactfully say what you mean and mean what you say, even if you have feelings of discomfort while doing so. Gaining confidence in sharing your feelings with people can be helpful and lead to healthy conflict resolution.
Playing the victim is a manipulation tactic that can make people feel powerless and weak by asking others for help. People who play the victim may:
- Take responsibility: They may not take responsibility for their actions, but instead blame others.
- Have limited empathy: They may blame others for their current situation, even when they are partly to blame.
- Hold grudges: They may hold onto old grievances and make others feel bad about their actions.
- Complain a lot: They may focus on things going wrong and lack, rather than the bigger picture.
- Deflect responsibility: They may deflect responsibility for how they made others feel.
- Compare themselves to others: They may blame others for failure and think of reasons why they will fail.
People who have a victim mentality may have suffered through trauma or hard times, but haven't developed a healthier way to cope. This can lead to a negative view of life, where they feel that they don't have any control over what happens to them. As a result, they may have little or no sense of responsibility for their lives. Read More HERE
Dry begging is a psychological manipulation tactic that narcissists use to get what they want without directly asking for it. For example, a narcissist might send a message like, "You never care about me" or "I'm so hurt that you're not here for me when I need you". These messages aim to make you feel responsible for their emotions, even when it's unwarranted.
Here are some other examples of dry begging:
- Shaming and belittling
- Hidden grandiose superiority
- Feelings of disregard toward others
- Gaslighting
- Self-deprecating superiority
- Emotionally inaccessible to others
- Hypersensitivity
Narcissists often lack empathy, and may be envious of others or believe that others are envious of them. They may also show arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
Some ways to challenge a narcissist's sense of superiority include: using words like “no,” “accountability,” “consequences,” and “empathy, setting boundaries, and standing up for yourself.
Blame shifting is a manipulative tactic that involves someone trying to avoid responsibility for their actions by blaming someone else. It can be a form of verbal abuse that's meant to make the target feel guilty or ashamed.
Here are some examples of blame-shifting:
- Comforting a partner instead of dealing with an issue
- Shifting the focus to how someone was confronted instead of the problem
- Blaming someone for something they allegedly did
- Pretending something was a joke
- Saying someone is too thin-skinned
- Gaslighting
Some techniques used while shifting blame include: Minimizing, Playing the victim, and Pretending to not be at fault.
Blame shifting can be a common tactic in narcissistic abuse.
Emotional manipulation is a type of psychological manipulation that involves controlling someone's emotions. It's often done through persuasion, coercion, or emotional blackmail. Emotional manipulation is a type of emotional abuse that commonly occurs in toxic relationships or abusive relationships.
Some signs of emotional manipulation include:
- Exploiting a relationship: The manipulator may use tactics to create an imbalance of power, such as always meeting in their own space.
- Probing questions: The manipulator may ask probing questions to establish control and use your answers to manipulate your decisions.
- Sharing secrets: The manipulator may share their darkest secrets and vulnerabilities to make you feel special.
- Making you feel guilty: The manipulator may try to make you feel guilty for your feelings.
- Consistently making you feel drained: The manipulator may consistently make you feel emotionally drained, anxious, fearful, or doubtful of your own needs, thoughts, and feelings.
- Undermining self-esteem: The manipulator may consistently undermine your self-esteem.
- Adopting a victim mentality: The manipulator may adopt a victim mentality to evoke sympathy.
- Gaslighting: The manipulator may use gaslighting techniques to sow doubt in your perception.
Other manipulative behavior includes: Passive-aggressive behavior, Lying and blaming, Threats and coerciveness, Withdrawal and withholding, and Isolation.
Emotional manipulation can be hard to detect. You can follow your gut instinct when it comes to recognizing what is occurring.
Long term effects of emotional manipulation include:
- Isolation and numbness
- Feeling little to nothing at all, even in situations that should make you joyful
- Feeling hopeless and damaged, unable to ever feel emotions again. Read more HERE
Future faking is a manipulative tactic where someone makes false promises about the future to get something in the present. The goal is to make the other person believe the person making the promises is more invested in the relationship than they actually are. Future faking is often used by narcissists or toxic people to get off scot-free, delay a commitment, obtain resources, or avoid a conflict.
Future faking can happen in any type of relationship, but is more common in romantic relationships. For example, a future faking person might say "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" or "I want to marry you". They may also use future faking to distract you when you are starting to feel discontent about the relationship.
Future faking can impact relationships in the following ways: Erosion of trust and communication, Insecurity, and Impact on self-esteem.
Some examples of future faking include:
- "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
- "I want to marry you"
- "We'll go to Hawaii on our honeymoon"
- "I can see us settling down together, having two kids, and being very happy in the country" Read more HERE
Hoovering is a type of emotional abuse or blackmail where a narcissistic person uses manipulative behaviors to pull someone back into an abusive relationship. This can include apologies, promises, love bombing, stalking, threats of suicide, or violence.
Hoovering can occur when the abuser feels unworthy and fears losing the relationship. Some signs of being hoovered include:
- Being manipulated back into a relationship against your will
- Twisting the conversation
- Declaration of love
- Repentance
- Threatening to harm themselves
- Using others to get to you
- Excessive gifts
- Overpromising
- False crises
Hoovering can quickly escalate to more dangerous territory. For example, a narcissist might:
- Seem apologetic and make promises about changing
- Use qualifiers that show they still hold you responsible for their behavior and actions
- Suddenly express remorse
- Use this tactic to give the illusion of change and convince the victim that things will be different if they return
Someone who has actually changed will acknowledge the hurt they've caused or take behavioral steps like therapy.
Narcissistic abuse is called hidden abuse for a reason. Many cannot see it and don't see it. It happens behind closed doors. It happens mostly to the spouse/significant other and/or close family or coworker. It doesn't happen all the time. It's a cycle. A narcissist can seem very healthy and together as a person to most. You know the truth.
The thing that is really unfortunate is, that most people don't learn about narcissistic abuse until after they have been through it. Even if they saw information on narcissism, it sounds so insane, that people don't believe or overlook this information. Gaslighting, conditioning, wearing masks, deception and more, are all a part of narcissistic abuse. Would you have believed all of this if you didn't go through it? Would you have understood the terminology? Most people don't believe people like this exist. Most people don't learn about it until it happens to them. That is what is so unfortunate not everyone is interested in learning about this until it actually applies to them. -Maria Consiglio
"Imagine being bit by a snake and instead of trying to help yourself heal and recover from the
poison, you are trying to catch the snake to find out the reason it bit you and prove to it that you didn't deserve that." Read that again!
I once loved someone so much that I tried to fix them while they were trying unconsciously or consciously to break me.
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