The narcissist creates a sense of instant connection with you. They make you feel unique and wonderful, and put you on a pedestal. No matter what type of relationship it is—whether romantic, friendly, professional, or otherwise—it moves fast and has a fervent quality to it.
The narcissistic abuse cycle starts with idealization followed by devaluation, which then repeats until the narcissist eventually discards the person when they no longer have any use for them. This can be an emotionally devastating experience, so it is important to be able to recognize the signs it is happening.
Other common manipulation tactics that a narcissist may use during the idealization stage include faking empathy, showing excessive interest, making false promises, and mirroring the victim's words and actions.
Devaluation Stage
The devaluation stage, also known as the depreciation stage, comes next. It often starts slowly.
The narcissist will start dropping subtle hints that you've done something wrong, that you’ve forgotten something important, or that you've hurt their feelings. You'll start to feel insecure.
Some indicators include:
- Passive-aggressiveness
- Backhanded compliments
- Excuses for poor behavior
- Subtle criticism
- Stonewalling
- Mind games that seem harmless
- Name-calling
- No win-situations
- Lack of empathy and validation
- Comparisons to others
- Ridicule and humiliation
Repetition Stage
The devaluation stage can leave you feeling depressed, anxious, confused, and scared of losing your relationship with the narcissist.
You might either try harder to please them or pull away from them to protect yourself. The narcissist will feel hurt and enraged at your attempts to distance yourself from them.
Then, the cycle of idealization and devaluation will start all over again. They will suddenly behave extremely nicely toward you, shower you with compliments, and make you feel valued again. However, as soon as you start to feel secure in the relationship, they will start to devalue you once more.
Mental Health Impact of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
The narcissist will do things that leave you feeling—and often acting—unstable, then blame you and call you "crazy" for it, says Dr. Daramus.
According to Dr. Daramus, if narcissistic abuse goes on for long enough, a victim can end up with mental health conditions such as:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Dissociation
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
A 2019 study notes that narcissistic abuse can even be fatal in some cases.3
The study concluded that narcissistic abuse can be extremely debilitating, so recovery can be a long and complex journey.
Coping With the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
Dr. Daramus shares some steps that can help you prevent and cope with narcissistic abuse:
Give Your Relationships Time
The first step is to remember that real relationships, whether romantic, sexual, friendly, professional, or otherwise, usually start slowly. They develop over time, from mutual interest in each other to a stronger, more genuine connection. Be suspicious of instant love.
Be Clear About Your Boundaries
Know your boundaries and how you expect to be treated before you enter a new relationship. Be ready to set limits or walk away if someone develops a pattern of mistreating you.
Maintain a Record
If you suspect someone might be manipulating you, keep a record of your communication. Write things down. Find every excuse to do things by text or email. This can help if the other person tries to gaslight you and present an alternative version of events.
Keep Your Trusted Friends Close
The narcissist may try to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones. Try not to let it happen. When you start to wonder what's real, they can help you figure it out.
Maintain Your Financial Independence
Try not to be financially dependent on the narcissist if you can help it. Obviously, that may not be possible if they're your employer. However, for other types of relationships, such as friendships or romantic relationships, having your own money is helpful when you’re getting ready to leave the relationship.
Read more in the link below:
https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissistic-abuse-cycle-stages-impact-and-coping-6363187
Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances. It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you.
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