The game we witness being played on the stage of the world is being played all over the world to a degree. So ask yourself in a symbolic way where are you positioned in your life right now?!
This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood. Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Sunday, March 27, 2022
I'm Short but I Stand Taller
Monday, March 21, 2022
Stop the War in Ukraine
"You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
They don't alter their views to fit the facts.
They alter the facts to fit their views." Doctor Who (1977)
Altering the facts - lying and false reporting -- to fit their views is the fuel fuelling the wars around the world.
What happens in families happens in the countries; what happens in the countries it happens in the stage of the world. Everyone in this world is responsible to a degree in one form or another for the violence and the wars we are witnessing erupting around the world.
Stop lying and enabling the lies to spread like wildfires. If we are living a lie and we lie to ourselves and others and allow the lies to spread we are helping to fuel the wars around the world.
"Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" Alice Miller https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/07/terrorism-is-war-of-poor-and-war-is.html?m=1
You might be right in a lot of things but the moment you throw the first punch and resort to violence you lose the argument completely. Putin and all his enablers are the aggressors NOW and a bunch of cowards for killing and destroying the livelihood of innocent beings.
Stop the war -- look in the mirror -- and take responsibility for your part in this madness and start behaving like mature conscious adults.
"He who does not know the truth is simply ignorant, but he who knows it and says it is a lie is a criminal." Bertolt Brecht
Wednesday, March 16, 2022
The goal of abusive individual
"The goal of abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence.
In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him."
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen page 71
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html?m=1
Tuesday, March 15, 2022
How would you define abuse?
How would you define abuse?
Abuse means to me using a person for whatever I want from her, him, without asking for their agreement, without respecting their will and their interests. With children, it is very easy to do so, because they are loving, they trust their parents and most adults, and they don’t realize that they were abused, that their love had been exploited. Especially if they were forced to ignore their emotions from the beginning, they might have lost their sensibility for the warning signals.
A small girl will follow to the cellar the neighbor who promised her chocolate, although she may feel uncomfortable. But if she learned from the beginning of her life that her feelings didn’t matter and that she should obey every adult person, even if she feels resistance, she will follow the neighbor. She will behave like the Little Red Riding-Hood in the fairytale. And she may later suffer in her relationship with men for her whole life if she didn’t work out this early experience in the cellar. However, if she does, she will no longer be in danger of becoming a victim of rape or any other kind of molestation.
Sunday, March 13, 2022
Lies Is the Fuel that fuels Wars
Let's make it clear holding information that can be helpful to others is a form of lying and is abuse. Being a passive liar is just as destructive as the people speaking out loud lies. Lies are the fuel that fuels conflict and wars. We are all responsible for every conflict and war in this world.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/aug/26/facebook-twitter-snowden-nsa-revelations-pew
The wall of silence is everywhere, and why would it be any different online?! And yes, self-censoring means a lot of important information never gets shared, but seductive lies and illusions with disconnected half-truths, and feel-good stories that work like medication to keep us numb, they get a lot of sharing.
People love to be distracted from their own painful truths and from doing the most important work in their lives -- doing their own emotional work.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-wall-of-silence-is-everywhere.html?m=1
We Must Learn to Stand Alone
"There's a reason narcissistic and psychopathic individuals withhold support, validation, healthy praise and credit from those they feel threatened by but "gush" over people they perceive won't threaten their ego and will make obedient members of their harem. Make sure you validate and reparent yourself so you stay away from these types of harmful types of people and are repelled by their lack of authenticity. You never have to seek the approval of toxic people, especially those doing less than you." Shahida Arabi, MA. @selfcarewarrior
Thursday, March 10, 2022
I'm Amazed how Many People Feel Free to Show me their True Colors
I was asked if I would write the letter below to help with a court case.
Because I’m extremely dyslexic writing is one of the most
difficult things for me to do in life! So once I write something down I just
want to publish it and share it with others. Of course, keeping the people
involved anonymous.
Let me introduce myself a little bit. I have been working for the last 17 years as a gate attendant for upscale gated communities in and around the Scottsdale area in Arizona.
I’m a survivor of childhood traumas and in 2015 I also survived being the target in the workplace of a psychological warfare. So you could say in my heart I’m a child advocate and an educator of how people with unresolved childhood repression can become, as adults, very dangerous people, like I encountered at the last company I worked for and keep encountering in the workplace. The workplace can be a very dangerous place to be in.
I met the P family six years ago when I started working at the gated community where they used to live. I’m writing this teary-eyed because when I started working at their gated community I was suffering from PTSD from the psychological warfare I just had gone through at my last job. And I will never forget Mrs. P, C’s Mom, kindness that was very helpful in my recovery from the very recent traumatic experience.
It’s amazing to me how many people feel free to show me their true colors, every day, just because they suffer from the illusion that some people are less than them, like for example security guards. To me, we are all equals in this journey of life.
This ain’t my first rodeo
Now, for the most part, all I have to do is copy and paste to express myself. I don't have to write much new stuff.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/cowards-always-get-others-to-do-dirty.html
"Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda.
From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence page 42 and 43
Monday, March 7, 2022
In a World of Lies the Truth is Treated as Committing a Crime
- All children are born to grow, to develop, to live, to love, and to articulate their needs and feelings for their self-protection.
- For their development, children need the respect and protection of adults who take them seriously, love them, and honestly help them to become oriented in the world.
- When these vital needs are frustrated and children are, instead, abused for the sake of adults' needs by being exploited, beaten, punished, taken advantage of, manipulated, neglected, or deceived without the intervention of any witness, then their integrity will be lastingly impaired.
- The normal reactions to such injury should be anger and pain. Since children in this hurtful kind of environment are forbidden to express their anger, however, and since it would be unbearable to experience their pain all alone, they are compelled to suppress their feelings, repress all memory of the trauma, and idealize those guilty of the abuse. Later they will have no memory of what was done to them.
- Disassociated from the original cause, their feelings of anger, helplessness, despair, longing, anxiety, and pain will find expression in destructive acts against others (criminal behavior, mass murder) or against themselves (drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, psychic disorders, suicide).
- If these people become parents, they will then often direct acts of revenge for their mistreatment in childhood against their own children, whom they use as scapegoats. Child abuse is still sanctioned – indeed, held in high regard – in our society as long as it is defined as child-rearing. It is a tragic fact that parents beat their children in order to escape the emotions stemming from how they were treated by their own parents
- If mistreated children are not to become criminals or mentally ill, it is essential that at least once in their life they come in contact with a person who knows without any doubt that the environment, not the helpless, battered child, is at fault. In this regard, knowledge or ignorance on the part of society can be instrumental in either saving or destroying a life. Here lies the great opportunity for relatives, social workers, therapists, teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, officials, and nurses to support the child and to believe her or him.
- Till now, society has protected the adult and blamed the victim. It has been abetted in its blindness by theories, still in keeping with the pedagogical principles of our great-grandparents, according to which children are viewed as crafty creatures, dominated by wicked drives, who invent stories and attack their innocent parents or desire them sexually. In reality, children tend to blame themselves for their parents' cruelty and to absolve the parents, whom they invariably love, of all responsibility.
- For some years now, it has been possible to prove, through new therapeutic methods, that repressed traumatic experiences of childhood are stored up in the body and, though unconscious, exert an influence even in adulthood. In addition, electronic testing of the fetus has revealed a fact previously unknown to most adults – that a child responds to and learns both tenderness and cruelty from the very beginning.
- In the light of this new knowledge, even the most absurd behavior reveals its formerly hidden logic once the traumatic experiences of childhood need no longer remain shrouded in darkness.
- Our sensitization to the cruelty with which children are treated, until now commonly denied, and to the consequences of such treatment will as a matter of course bring to an end the perpetuation of violence from generation to generation.
- People whose integrity has not been damaged in childhood, who were protected, respected, and treated with honesty by their parents, will be – both in their youth and in adulthood – intelligent, responsive, empathic, and highly sensitive. They will take pleasure in life and will not feel any need to kill or even hurt others or themselves. They will use their power to defend themselves, not to attack others. They will not be able to do otherwise than respect and protect those weaker than themselves, including their children, because this is what they have learned from their own experience, and because it is this knowledge (and not the experience of cruelty) that has been stored up inside them from the beginning. It will be inconceivable to such people that earlier generations had to build up a gigantic war industry in order to feel comfortable and safe in this world. Since it will not be their unconscious drive in life to ward off intimidation experienced at a very early age, they will be able to deal with attempts at intimidation in their adult life more rationally and more creatively." From the Afterword to the Second Edition (1984) of For Your Own Good By Alice Miller
Friday, March 4, 2022
These are Big Red Flags
The workplace is one of the most dangerous places to be in. And these behaviors will never stop as long people's childhood repression goes unresolved.
6. They try to avoid leaving a trail
@fallontonight / NBC / Via giphy.com
"When you ask something important in email, they come to talk to you in person or do it over the phone. They can deny saying things if it’s not on the books." —u/Avocado_Tomato
9. You don't feel comfortable asking questions
@cbc / Via giphy.com
"Either you don't feel safe or comfortable enough or if you do your questions are dismissed or you are belittled in response (at any level)." —u/verifiedalmosthuma
10. You feel like you can't make mistakes
@friends / NBC / Via giphy.com
"Being afraid to make a mistake because if you do you'll be berated far beyond what's appropriate even if the mistake is minor and easy to fix. They also won't tell you why what you did was wrong; they'd rather scream at you." —u/yeetgodmcnechass
11. Promotions and raises aren't merit-based
@snl / NBC / Via giphy.com
"[They're] dependent on who gets along with whom, who sucks up to whom and who is in the 'inner clique' with the higher-ups, not who's actually good at their job, diligent, innovative with solutions, trying to better the company, etc." —u/amazingstillitseems
Read more in the link below:
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/21-toxic-workplace-behaviors-stop-024602171.html
"Not only do Narcs/sociopaths try and provoke and bait you into having a bad reaction that fits the narrative of their smear campaign, but they will rehearse and stage setups with the flying monkeys during public events. As if they are preparing for a scene in a movie. It's that premeditated." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY
Yes, I know it's that premeditated. It's pure evil.
"Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything.
Violence and abuse originate in companies when envy of power and perversity collide. The over overpoweringly destructive examples of emotional abuse in couples are less likely to be found but, unfortunately, the small abuse of daily living that do exist in businesses are largely trivialized or ignored.
In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing or abusive procedures are more stereotypical than in the private arena. (P’s jealousy was triggered by my book and got mad at me for sending an e-mail about the packages' incidents to all the Rs in my e-mail list and in retaliation, she and the board manipulated by her created the Packages' abusive procedure to punish me to put me in my place to show me who is the bigger girl. But then I came up with a system that is efficient and works and I proved to them their system was flawed and was created only to punish me and to set me up for failure. If you have time you might like reading my blog entry of January, 25, They are Allergic to my Aliveness.
They are no less destructive, although the victims are less exposed because they often leave (illness or resignation) in order to survive. (This is what they were hoping I would do)
WHAT IS ABUSE?
By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of a said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
…Business, as well as the media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:
. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees
. Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover.
WHO IS TARGETED
Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
ISOLATION
Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances. It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you. (This is exactly what is going on and they tell me I can’t talk to anyone because all abusers want their victims isolated. And in our last meeting S's HR try to tell me that a Resident and other gate attendant have complained about me making threats against them, which is a complete lie because I never threaten anyone, the next day I was afraid to talk to anyone because I was not sure who I can trust anymore! This is exactly what they want to make me think that everyone is out to get me and that’s why MB keeps calling me paranoid!!!)
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/emotional-abuse-in-workplace.html
True learning only comes from real experience and an open mind that has not been hijacked by a malignant OR corrupted system.
As long people reamain repressed, they have no free will; the dead hand of their own repression will drive them endless into the state of compulsion repetition.
Violence is Never the Answer.
Marina González post on Facebook has a lot of truths but violence is never the answer.
https://www.facebook.com/sylne/posts/10158862281768922