This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Yes, the narcissist punishment is living all of their lives and dying in an emotional prison.
"You can’t concentrate on external things and status symbols and be happy. You can’t be happy and abusive at the same time. You can’t mistreat and manipulate others and be happy. That’s not what real happiness is about.
Real happiness comes from within, from a strong sense of self, from growing as a human being, from being a decent person. So if your core self is rotten, if you are severely disconnected, if you are not growing, and if you are a hurtful person, it’s impossible to be genuinely happy. The best you can do is desperately manage your shaky and skewed false self.
So what’s a malignant narcissist’s punishment? It’s their existence. It’s their inner prison. It’s waking up every day into their life that—despite possessions, power, and status symbols that they may have—they hate deep down. And then one day they die, and it’s all over. That’s the sad reality of a wasted and miserable life. And that’s their natural punishment." Read more at the link below:
This is my ex and all the sociopaths' at my job of nine and half years punishment. All the money in this world cannot save them! This is why they were so jealous and envious of me and they came after me so viciously --- trying to destroy me and rob me of my freedom -- what I have cannot be bought with money and can't be stolen and they couldn't stand it --- I'm free -- and I'm staying free! Despite all their money --- they are living and dying in an emotional prison! I know it's killing them with jealousy and envy, especially the property manager Pam P.
To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my job of nine and a half years read my blog Experienced Knowledge
I just read a very good Spanish article about sexual abuse by health care professionals -- written in August 8, 2015 -- “Abusos en el diván la transgresión silenciada (Abuse on the couch Silenced transgression)” By Elena Cabrera.
""When the press reported the accusations against Dr. Criado, the Portuguese Sylvie Imelda Shene was reflected in what they were saying. In her book 'A dance to freedom', published in the United States in 2014, she claimed to have been the victim of sexual abuse by the renowned psychiatrist and sexologist Júlio Machado Vaz. In the 70s, Shene went to a young doctor Machado to help her overcome childhood trauma. "His methods made me worse," she says in her blog, where she also says that it took her 20 years to acknowledge that he had been the victim of sexual abuse. Referring to the case of Matilde Solís, Shene asks if "Portugal will also someday find the courage to investigate Machado Vaz".
The Portuguese psychiatrist, 65, is a commentator on several radio and television programs, author of more than a dozen books, and vice president of the Portuguese Society of Clinical Sexology. Paradoxically, he was called to testify as an expert in the most mediatic trial that Portuguese society experienced in 2011. A former patient had sat on the bench psychiatrist João Vasconcelos Vilas Boas, who had been a student of Machado. Vilas Boas was accused of raping a patient, eight months pregnant and emotionally fragile." If you know Spanish read the full article HERE
Ana Rego20 anos para se dar conta de que tinha sido sexualmente abusada? Ou percebi mal? Translation into English: 20 years to realize that she had been sexually abused? Or did I misunderstand? Sylvie Imelda SheneI posted the comment below with my personal page Sylvie Imelda Shene in response to Ana Rego's comment, but she or someone else marked my comment as spam. My comment is not spam: She or whoever marked my comment as spam must belong to Dr. Julio Machado Vaz's cult and is trying to silence me. "Are you questioning my experience? I feel your judgment and others people’s judgments are not of my concern. But to answer your question: I always felt at the core of my being that what Dr. Julio Machado Vaz did to me was not right and all these years I blamed myself for what took place because I could have run away or left like always have done when something doesn’t feel right to me. But I went along with him and all these years I blamed myself for not leaving. He was very charming and I was manipulated by him to think what we were doing was normal. It took me over 20 years to find an enlightened witness to side with me and help me see -- that it was not my fault -- and put the blame where it belongs --- In #JulioMachadoVaz--- and say it out loud that what happened to me when I was a vulnerable young 17 years old -- was indeed sexual abuse!
He was in a position of power posing as a" mental health care professional" that was supposed to help me, but instead created more confusion and took me over two decades to resolve and find freedom from this huge labyrinth he helped create. In the book Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin, Anne Katherine states, “A therapist is entrusted with his or her clients’ deepest secrets. A minister bestows sanctions from the highest power in the universe. The potential for harm is overwhelming. For a person in such a role, essentially that of a guardian, to cross sexual boundaries is a grave violation. A child, a client, a patient, a follower or a worshiper are vulnerable and usually approach authority out of need. A sexual action by a guardian is very confusing, even to a very strong and healthy individual. For someone vulnerable and in need, such an action can be devastating. When a parent is sexual toward a child, the violation reverberates for decades. Trust is broken, the child takes on responsibility for the act, sexuality is affected, and the bond is damaged. When a therapist, physician, attorney, or clergy person is sexual with a client or worshiper, it is also incest. A trust is broken, a bond is perverted. The person who sought care was used to meet the needs of the caregiver.”33 I included the quote above in my book and you are welcome to read, if you like, in the link below a small excerpt where I share more of my experience with Dr. Julio Machado Vaz" Ana RegoAcabei de ver a sua resposta ao meu comentário pela primeira vez. Garanto-lhe que se alguma das suas respostas foi marcada como spam, a autora dessa acção não fui eu. Por outro lado, para além de partilhar com o Dr. Júlio Machado Vaz a nacionalidade, nada mais me liga ao dito senhor: nem a área de trabalho nem a cidade em que vivemos (penso que ele vive no Porto...) e nunca o conheci pessoalmente... Peço desculpa pelo meu espanto com o facto de alguém só se ter apercebido de que tinha sido vítima de assédio sexual... Consigo entender que a pessoa esteja vinte anos sem contar a ninguém tal facto. Em todo o caso, penso que o seu novo texto lança alguma luz sobre o que se passou. E creia que a minha solidariedade vai toda para as mulheres molestadas e nunca para os agressores. Daí que tenha algum cuidado em entender as situações para distinguir as que são de facto agressões (ainda que encapotadas...) das que são apenas relacionamentos que correram mal... Espero que encontre a sua paz e que o(s) culpado(s) do seu sofrimento tenha a penalização devida...
Translation: I just saw your response to my comment for the first time. I assure you that if any of your answers were marked as spam, the author of this action was not me. On the other hand, apart from sharing with Dr. Júlio Machado Vaz the nationality, nothing else connects me to the said person: neither the work area nor the city in which we live (I think he lives in Porto ...) and never I met him personally ... I apologize for my astonishment that someone only realized that I had been the victim of sexual harassment ... I can understand that the person is twenty years without telling anyone that fact. In any case, I think your new text throws some light on what has happened. And believe that my solidarity goes all out to the molested women and never to the aggressors. So take some care in understanding the situations to distinguish those that are in fact aggressions (even if hooded ...) from those that are just relationships that have gone wrong ... I hope you find your peace and that the culprit (s) of your suffering has the due penalty Sylvie Imelda Shene#MeToo#TIMESUP#OurVoicesOurTimeThank you, Ana Rego! I appreciate your support and I’m glad my comment shined the light. Another reason -- we victims of abuse -- don’t come forward sooner is because we are afraid we will not be believed and listened to. I have been trying to get someone to listen to my story since the year 2000. But I can’t get anyone to listen and pay attention -- like a reader of my book written in a review: ““I read this book – nothing but respect and admiration for the author!! I can’t imagine why anyone would feel differently. It really is a compelling story --- and needs to be heard” I’m so sorry for assuming it was you marking my comment as spam. It must have been a follower of #JulioMachadoVaz or he himself, because I know he comes to my pages and spies on me. One time he clicked like and dislike in one of my posts as a mistake or to try to intimidate me into silence. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154895596343922&set=a.10150968905658922.437817.723458921&type=3&theater
Heleen BosDo you think these statements are facts Sylvie..? Sylvie Imelda SheneNot sure, Heleen., But from my experience with most people I know, these facts are pretty accurate. Heleen BosThanks :-) Sylvie Imelda SheneHeleen, also from my personal experience I can testify that this statement in the picture is pretty accurate; "Reading one hour per day in your chosen field will make you an international expert in 7 years" I started reading every psychology book I could get my hands on in 1995 and by 2003 I had become an expert! My own enlightened witness or therapist! Like I wrote in my book page 128 and 129 "Meanwhile, I was reading every self-help book I could get my hands on. You name it, I probably read it! And I was eating it all up, hoping that something would finally work for Marty and me. ... Marty wasn’t listening to anything I was saying, ...But I kept reading, and talking, and reading some more. I read every word in every book because I didn’t want to miss a single clue that could lead me to happiness. And that’s how I found Alice Miller. Way back in the bibliography of Melody Beattie’s Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps, I found a reference to Alice Miller’s third book, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society’s Betrayal of the Child. I knew I had to get it because of the subtitle alone, because I had grown up feeling betrayed by everyone in my life. And when I started reading the book, I immediately knew that I had found someone who understood me. Unfortunately, at the time I was still under the influence of other techniques and treatments that promised a quick fix. The people in my 12-step group kept telling me that all I had to do to change Marty was to change myself, and I was seduced by the simplicity of it — even though I had already gone for years with no results! I’ve touched on this a lot in this chapter and elsewhere in this book, particularly in the section about #DrJulioMachadoVaz — the psychologist who used me for sex — but I really want to reinforce the idea that so-called therapists and gurus only substitute one dangerous illusion for another. As Alice Miller writes, “What can happen when a doctor doesn’t stop at self-deception in his flight from pain, but deceives his patients, even founding dogmatic institutions in which further ‘helpers’ are recruited to a faith advertised as scientific ‘truth,’ can be catastrophic.”64 The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective. But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake. Why do people keep punishing themselves? As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65 In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66 Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods." Heleen BosSylvie Imelda Shene thank you for your carefull response. I am sorry there was a therapist who did that horrible things to you when you were vulnerable! So happy that you've found the books of Alice Miller and felt understood. I am also very thankful for knowing her work! Warm wishes, Heleen Also read the blog: Will more Women in Portugal Find the Courage to Report Dr. Julio Machado Vaz Sexual Abuse? 💛 🙂
Great video! It does help me see the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath!
I have a tendency to put them all in the category of sociopaths. I guess it's really not fair to call a narcissist a sociopath. This video states what's a narcissist is. A sociopath and a psychopath are much more dangerous!
In the beginning, a sociopath can gauge what matters to us. They fulfill that. As the weeks go by, they discern what we won’t tolerate or forgive, what will keep us trusting, even when they become neglectful or mean. They innately know the little tricks and which treatment will bend us to their will most effectively.
We’ve been kidnapped without realizing it. We’re not with a normal person, sociopaths have abnormal brains. As a sociopath goes about their day in the world they present a false self, even the barista or car wash attendant aren’t seeing a real person. The sociopath is constantly putting on a fake-frontWe try to keep things harmonious – humans need harmony within their lives and relationships. If both people were normal, both people would contribute to harmony within the relationship… this is not the case with a sociopath. Read more HERE
"In professional environments, they want you to blow up so that coworkers and superiors see you as unstable. In romantic settings, they want you to lash out so that they can use your “hysterical” reactions to show potential partners and exes how crazy you’ve become. Until we understand this, we’ll continue to fall into their trap." Read more HERE
Playing on sympathy is a favorite weapon of choice for psychopaths.
While they are confident, outgoing and mentally resilient and rarely feel sorry for themselves, they are master manipulators are extremely proficient at eliciting pity and compassion.
Poor performers with psychopathic tendencies may frequently appeal to extenuating circumstances and pleas for support and understanding in order to shift the focus from their own behavior.
2. Control freak
If you feel like you are being micro-managed, you probably are!
Moving people around, making them jump for the sake of it, unnecessary rearrangements of workspaces, the sudden imposition of unsocial working hours, monitoring toilet breaks, the promise of favors in return for ratting out your colleagues are just a few psychopathic favorites.
3. Charming
Psychopaths are past masters at making brilliant first impressions and charming your socks off. They know only too well the value of turning on the charm early in a relationship and then slowly turning it off to make you start doubting yourself and feeling less worthy.
If you have been swept off your feet and made to feel like you are the only person in the room, if you have felt that someone is speaking just to you, only to be left feeling confused and insecure afterward, then you may have been faced to face with a corporate Psychopath!
4. Bloodsucker
Psychopaths are corporate vampires who take you into their confidence only to suck out all the valuable new ideas that may have been weeks and months in the planning.
A typical approach is to use reciprocity, a potent influencing tool. A Psychopath might ‘confide’ in you about some ordinary idea of his/her own in the hope you then offer one of your own that is better.
Before you know it, your idea has become theirs” and they are getting the credit for it.
5. Liar Liar
If your relationship with your boss has been plagued by ‘false starts’, ‘misunderstandings’ and ‘wrong assumptions’ then you may have a Psychopath on your hands.
A tendency to misrepresent the facts while appearing plausible and reasonable, along with a lack of guilt or anxiety over telling lies is another hallmark of psychopathic behavior.
But they are hard to spot because the lies often contain just enough truth that a spurious cover story can be concocted if they are scrutinized too closely. Read more HERE
Yes. I'm the sociopath's worse nightmare! I agree with almost everything the author of this article wrote. But I don't agree that some psychopaths, sociopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these evil people -- that they use their psychopath traits --- to help people -- these malignant people make sure all the good acts they do are in the public eye -- to cultivate a good image and gain power over others -- so if anyone dares to expose their true nature -- no one will believe them because they do so much "good"! Like I always say most "helpers" are helping themselves! When there are no witnesses they enjoy hurting others -- they are sadists -- they don't care about anyone else but themselves. They only want good things for themselves! Hurting and destroying others' lives is their painkilling drug. It's an addiction that keeps their own childhood repression intact. Just like I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedompage 118: "... as long our pain remains repressed we will unconsciously and compulsively do to others what was once done to us."
"I want to debunk the misconception that sociopaths and narcissists are smarter than empaths. To many people’s surprise, empaths are absolutely intellectually superior to sociopaths and narcissists. Empaths are grounded in reality, capable of abstract thought, and they are creative.
Narcissists and sociopaths lack all three of these traits. Empaths have the intellect and the creativity to manipulate and even exploit the narcissist 1000 times worse than they could ever imagine. Just because targets don’t exploit does not mean they can’t, or that they couldn’t, do an even better job than the sociopath.
Empaths don’t exploit narcissists or sociopaths because we have morals and values. And moreover, empaths are not in the business of hurting people.
I certainly don’t want targets to abuse their abuser, but I do want to encourage targets to start engaging in self-protection by utilizing their creativity to come up with nonviolent strategies to counter-manipulate narcissists into staying away from them. Counter-manipulation is used by targets to STOP the abuser from manipulating them. This is not something to feel guilty about, but it is, in fact, a very healthy behavior called self-care.
If you are a target, please remember, you are smarter than the narcissist, because you are grounded in reality, and that in itself is a huge intellectual advantage.
I personally pity the fool who tries to mess with an enlightened empath full of self-knowledge!" Read more HERE
To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge
I was the target of a mob of the worst kind of predators in a community where I worked for nine and half years! “The bad stuff can happen on a movie as well. There are some people who go into this business because they get off on having power,” he said. “And the times they feel the most powerful, which is why they went into the business, are when they are hitting on somebody who’s underneath them, [and] I don’t necessarily mean completely sexually. There are predators absolutely everywhere.” Read more HERE
Yes, the sociopaths at my job of nine and half years did all these things, after I published my book to try to make me go crazy to declare me mentally unstable and discredit my book, so they could go on with their facades, lies, and illusions as usual. To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge
I was googling my name yesterday morning I came across this German website The author shares reviews of books that helped him with his own personal development. I'm happy to read my book also gave him a lot of inspiration!
"It's hard for me to name a specific book. From every book by Alice Miller, I took something with me and learned something.
Allice Miller talks about uncomfortable issues that have huge consequences for our society. It focuses on the widespread child maltreatment and its effects. Unfortunately, the truths about child abuse are still denied or not perceived by many people.
When reading Alice Miller's books, I had many aha moments. I now understand my fellow human beings and their motivations much better. But above all, I understand myself better. The help of Alice Miller is a gift that I can not put into words.
"If you do not know Alice Miller yet, I recommend you this book. The book as a preface to Alice Miller's books.
The author explains, taking herself as an example of how we are influenced by our past - and how we can rid ourselves of the negative effects.
This book shows that Alice Miller's thesis is not an abstract theory but actually works. This book gave me a lot of inspiration and a positive future perspective. I hope it can do the same for you." Read more HERE
