This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood. Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Saturday, January 27, 2024
Democracy
Wednesday, January 24, 2024
Martin Miller is a Double-edged Sword
Have no doubt that Alice Miller's son Martin Miller was a trigger for all of Alice Miller's books. And if he had not been born we would not have had Alice Miller's enlightened books to help us liberate ourselves from the emotional prison of our own childhoods. And I would probably be dead NOW or still living in an emotional prison. He is just like a double-edged sword.
Martin Miller's book is nothing but smoke and mirrors. It is very sad to witness Martin Miller get together with the people who betrayed his mother while she was still alive. All they accuse Alice Miller of, that's exactly what they themselves are doing. They don't take responsibility for their own unresolved childhood repression and have mastered the art of projection and transference to perfection.I feel Alice Miller’s experience is very similar to mine. My love for my ex and my desire to help him made me look for help so we could save our relationship and in the process I freed myself.
Alice Miller too saw that her son had problems, and how ironic they both have the same name, my ex’s name is also Martin!
In the end, I had to let my ex go, and Alice too had to let her son go because once a person is an adult, no one, not even the mother, can make up for what we need as children and we didn’t get.
Once we are adults, only we can save ourselves and anyone who tells us otherwise is fooling us with false hopes and promises.
Alice Miller was driven to write her books to warn society of the dangers of childhood repression to save the children of the future and help us face and resolve our own repression.
This is why it’s so important for people to face their own repression before having children or at least become aware of their own childhood repression before their children become teenagers and adults because it’s not the trauma itself that causes long-term damage, but the repressed emotions caused by trauma that causes long term damage and if parents became aware of the damage done before their children became teenagers or adults, then they can help their children express their true feelings of anger, fear and hurt because the children are still emotionally dependent on their parents, but once the children become teenagers or adults the defense mechanisms and walls have been built and it’s out of the parents' hands, they can become the most conscious parents, but it will be too late because they can’t force the teenagers and adult children remove the walls to face and feel their childhood repression if they don’t wish to do so.
As Alice Miller wrote in the answers below to one of her readers:
"I am also glad that you have the hope that we can pass on our knowledge to the masses. I had this hope 30 years ago when I wrote the Drama. I thought that showing the truth could change so much. Meanwhile, I became more skeptical or just more impatient after I discovered the fear of the beaten child in all of us that built up the omnipresent resistance against the truth." Alice Miller
(Me too I had the hope that the writing of my book would help pass this knowledge to the masses, but like Alice Miller, I have become skeptical
- Profanity
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Tuesday, January 23, 2024
Comments that Easily Trigger the Narcissist's Rage
saying "no" can trigger a narcissist's rage. Narcissists are hypersensitive to anything that might undermine their grandiose self-image. They thrive on constant admiration and attention, so rejection can trigger feelings of inadequacy and provoke a rageful response.
Other things that can anger a narcissist include:
- When people see the blueprint pattern of their behaviors and try to figure them out
- When people set boundaries with them
- When they are called out and held accountable for their actions
- When someone starts to become independent from them
- Some other comments that can trigger a narcissist's rage include:
- "I see through you"
- "You're not as special as you think you are"
- "You're not as great as you think you are"
- "You always blame other people except yourself why is it that it's someone else's fault"
Sadistic Narcissist
A sadistic narcissist is someone who enjoys causing physical or psychological pain to others. They may be charming and charismatic, making them difficult to identify.
- Lack of empathy: They may feel pleasure from causing harm to others.
- Inflated sense of self-importance: They may have a need for constant admiration and attention.
- Manipulative: They may exploit others for their own gain.
- Emotional sadism: They may enjoy hurting someone by manipulating their emotions until they feel broken.
- Punishment: They may act sadistically when behaving this way generates or yields narcissistic supply. They may also punish sources of narcissistic supply who are perceived by the narcissist to be intentionally frustrating and withholding.
- Paranoia: They may operate with a great deal of paranoia and can't trust.
- Childhood neglect or inconsistent care
- Childhood trauma or abuse
- Sexual trauma
"Narcissism in the Therapist
I can testify to being abused by therapists.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Julio+Machado+Vaz
"Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power-particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry) -often do great harm to others."
I get it! And understand! Why I have so many malignant narcissists and sociopaths targeting me since I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions. Who I’m I?! An ex-topless dancer and a gate attendant who never went to college could possibly know more about the human mind than those who went to college and have spent all of their lives working so hard and studying -- memorizing knowledge --- which they use like robots or parrots to fool others and manipulate them to act exactly the part they want you to act in their twisted drama.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/most-therapists-keep-themselves-others.html
"Narcissism in the therapist
Therapists need to recognize and own the personal experience of healthy or negative narcissism in their personalities and its effect upon all aspects of their own lives and clients’ lives.
The therapist does have power in the therapy room and integrity is needed to acknowledge the reactions and responses of the client projecting the authority figure onto them, and the reactions and responses of the therapist themselves. Therapists know that a narcissist’s striving for power stems from a deep sense of humiliation suffered as a child. If a power struggle emerges between a therapist and client then it is imperative for the therapist to reflect on their own degree of narcissism, as any supervisor would recommend. In fact, wherever power struggles emerge in life in relationships, families, groups, committees, organizations, and businesses it seems this is a useful reflection for healing.
There are narcissistic snares within a psychotherapist’s career that show themselves as personal, unrealistic expectations and aspirations for caregiving. One is falling under the narcissistic snare of omnipotence, heal all, know all, and love all. It is an unrealistic, but understandable aspiration, in which the less experienced therapist may land up in trouble by taking on clients whose problems are well beyond their experience. Intuition and empathy are in a therapist’s point of reference but need to be used wisely with where the reality is, and not where the therapist thinks the client is."
-- Shirley A Ward Med DipEd
above excerpt from the article Narcissism: Humanity’s Secret Weapon of Mass Destruction by Shirley A Ward Med DipEd
www.shirleyward.org/narcissism.html
Shirley Ward's website www.shirleyward.org
AMETHYST Resource for Human Development Reading Room www.holistic.ie/amethyst/documents/readinglist.htm
Sunday, January 21, 2024
Saturday, January 20, 2024
I love Arizona
I really love my life here! I flew here in a direct flight with British Airways from London to Phoenix on March 11, 1984, that by coincidence was my birthday. I stayed here for a few weeks and then I had to go to Rhode Island for one year. Rhode Island is a beautiful State with beautiful beaches but I couldn't wait to get back to Arizona.
In the spring of 1985 came back to Arizona and I have been here ever since!
I specifically love my City of Scottsdale. I live in old Town or the heart of Scottsdale.
Monday, January 15, 2024
How to Achieve Martin Luther King's Dream
This morning watching the morning news on YouTube the journalist was discussing with a guest about violence and oppression and how it persists in our society and then asked how we achieve Martin Luther King's dream? And the guest replied with education. Then I made the comment below that I think is no longer there because those with the power to inform the public are not one bit interested in informing the public of the real facts.
The biggest threat to humanity -- is people's repressed emotions of the child they once were -- and as long as people's repressed emotions are unresolved, they will be blinded by them and driven by them into the state of compulsion repetition to hurt and exploit others the same way they were hurt and exploited as defenseless little children.
The conversation about the effects of childhood repression in our society needs to start happening in the stage of the world, sooner rather than later, if we want to save ourselves and humanity from falling off the cliff and committing mass suicide.
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not a lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough; but it rather helps create seductive, rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=lack+of+educated+people
The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown
The misled brain and the banned emotions
The Facts:
1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.
2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned.
3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)
Questions and Answers:
Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?
A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.
Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?
A: We can - at least to some degree - liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can't retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.
Conclusion:
Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence. Alice Miller
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=The+Roots+of+Violence+are+NOT+Unknown
Thursday, January 11, 2024
Crab Mentality
"Crab mentality, also known as crab theory,[1][2] crabs in a bucket[a] mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".[3]
The metaphor is derived from anecdotal claims about the behavior of crabs when they are trapped in a bucket: while any one crab can easily start to climb out,[4] it will nonetheless be pulled back in by the others, ensuring the group's collective demise.[5][6][7]
The analogous theory in human behavior is that members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, jealousy, resentment, spite, conspiracy, or competitive feelings, to halt their progress.[8][9][10][11] The same claims about behavior are embodied in the phrase tall poppy syndrome."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality
I can testify that the metaphor above describes humanity to a T. Since I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusion many have been trying to pull me back into the bucket or their emotional prisons. If they can't be free, they don't want me to be free either! But once a mind is truly free cannot ever be captured again! What I have NOW cannot be bought with money and cannot be stolen! And this is why they hate me so much!
With my book and all my writings, I give people a map, and the keys, to liberate themselves, if they ever find the courage to leave the emotional prison of their childhood, as the quote below says this journey is theirs to take.
Tuesday, January 9, 2024
Narcissists Can Act Very Healthy
Narcissists can act very healthy until they are triggered!
And it's those triggers that reveal their true nature/colors, then, they can no longer hide their deep seated dangerous childhood repression. Once they are triggered the mask comes down.
Some of the main triggers for the narcissistics are perceived rejection so if you reject them or say no to them --- watch out --- not getting what they want -- not getting enough attention --- you are not feeding their egos enough --- or anything that messes with their image.
So what happens if they don’t get what they want and they get triggered?
Usually, their unresolved deep-seated repressed rage/anger comes to the surface and then get cruel, abusive, they lash out and say extremely hurtful things and they can be very destructive and dangerous.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Covert+narcissist+&m=1
Sunday, January 7, 2024
Friday, January 5, 2024
People Find Comfort in Crazy Theories
Like the reincarnation theory that gives an explanation for all their problems, to past lives, and in this way, they don't have to take responsibility for their actions in their lives. Anything else is better than facing their own painful truths and being in reality. Mental health is being in reality no matter how much it hurts. We can't have mental health without facing and feeling our painful truths... Sadly most people rather go insane and kill and be killed than face their own painful truths.
My oldest sister is going to be 90 years old soon, this coming June, and if she has not found the courage by NOW to open her eyes to see and face her painful truths, it will never happen. I just have to let her be, but this week I didn't have the patience to witness her take refuge in the reincarnation theory. I know I have to be detached and let her take comfort in her rationalizations, illusions, and theories,
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=past+lives
I bet my niece C will regret not letting her mother and her money go, and letting her mother be together with her sisters in their crazy theories and rationalizations. She has her mother's money, but also is stuck with her crazy mother and as her mother's age advances so does her insanity. I rather have my freedom! But some people rather have a lot of money and sell their souls than be free.
Freedom ain't free! It comes with a lot of losses.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=freedom++ain%27t+free