I had a run with her in 2014. She made comments on my blog about Martin Miller and also contacted me on LinkedIn.
Back then she used the name Liliane Rombout. She changed her name in all her accounts and probably thought I would not figure it out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same.
These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “I have learned over the years of my work on the Internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use other people unconsciously (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as poisonous containers like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and do NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."
Malignant narcissists and sociopaths they all follow the same patterns: Idealize, devalue and discard. When in the idealize phase, they mimic you to T and know exactly what to say to fool you into believing that they are like you -- to allure you into their emotional prison with them. She mimicked me perfectly.
I’m pretty sure Liliane Rombout or Olane Roos only read the draft of my manuscript that I sent to her and she never read the nice acknowledgment I wrote her in my book -- thanking her for her feedback -- even though I didn’t agree with her assessment because she was projecting her own mean mother into my own mother. Still, her feedback was helpful to work on the rough parts of my manuscript and make it more clear for my readers. You can read the acknowledgment in the picture attached below.
I was going to send her the final draft, but then I decided not to -- if she wanted to read the final printed version -- then she could buy it herself -- with the money I sent her to pay for the time she spent with my manuscript.
This just proves that I never was malicious towards her, but she is the one that sat with her critique for four years and then she publishes it after changing her name! She never predicted that I would figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same! If this is not a calculated move of a malignant narcissist to try to discredit someone’s work -- then I don’t know what a calculated malignant narcissist is?!
I get it! And understand! Why so many malignant narcissists and sociopaths target me. Who I’m I?! An ex-topless dancer and a gate attendant that never went to college could possibly know more about the human mind than them that went to college and have spent all of their lives working so hard and studying -- memorizing knowledge --- which they use like robots or parrots to fool others and manipulate them to act exactly the part they want you to act in their twisted drama.
Alice Miller grew with each book she wrote, but you want perfection the way you see it, and just like my older sisters I was not perfect and not matter what I did was never good enough for them, and yes your rejection reminded me of their rejection -- I suffered at the hands of my older sisters, but I am not a child dependent on my older sisters or on you to write the foreword, me and my book/baby will do just fine without your support and is just a reminder of old the pain.
With much love,
Anger is very healthy, but if it doesn’t start to diminish when is being felt at the right culprits that hurt us, when we were younger and defenseless, it means we still dependent on our childhood abusers or people standing in symbolizing them and anger then doesn’t diminish, but it increasing, so if your children keep staying angry at you and can't let go of the anger, is because they still on some level dependent on you.
This is why Martin Miller can’t break free because he is dependent on his mother and that’s why his anger keeps increasing towards her. Just as Alice wrote: “a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome.”
I don’t any longer feel pain or anger and I am writing this book, not from a place of anger and pain, it’s truly a memoir, my anger and pain are a long time ago, a memory in the past.
I feel if you were to write your own book right now, you would be writing it from a place of pain and anger.
It doesn’t mean sometimes when I encounter a person that treats me like my childhood abusers used to -- it does remind me temporally -- of the old pain I once suffered -- and I feel annoyed -- but not the intense anger and pain I once did, and once I set limits with the present person or if necessary walk away, I feel good again right away.
As a child, I could not walk away from my abusers, but as an autonomous independent adult, I can walk away from anyone that treats me like my family once did. And people figure out pretty quick that I don’t put up with games and will not be anyone’s scapegoat.
You wrote “…or a ghostwriter that is not come out of his childhood repression” in this last sentence I feel you are projecting resentment and anger at my ghostwriter, but writing my book is helping him and I know everyone close to me that I let read it is waking up, you cannot expect for people to do it overnight, as Alice Miller wrote: “The full extent of the mistreatment inflicted upon a child cannot be dealt with all at once. Coming to terms with it is an extended process in which aspects of the mistreatment are allowed into our consciousness one after the other, thus rekindling the feeling of hatred. But in such cases, hatred is not dangerous. It is a logical consequence of what happened to us, a consequence only fully perceived by the adult, whereas the child was forced to tolerate it in silence for years.”
I congratulate you for having the courage to face and feel your repression like I once did, but you can’t accelerate the process of others to come to meet you where you are. My ghostwriter is showing courage and not running and by the next book, he and my readers will be able to go deeper.
I worked very hard for it and money is not my concern. Most people in this world don’t know about Alice Miller’s books, I was just very lucky to find her books. I just want to introduce her books to as many people as possible through the telling of my story, but I don’t feel I have to tell every little detail of my story and that it is important, but of course if the book reaches a lot of people, is going to make money, but making a lots of money will be actually a burden to me to try to put it to use that will help people face and feel their own repression and not enable or distract them.
I love my simple life I don’t need staff, I have everything I need, but I do feel the telling of my story has the potential to reach a lot of people and introduce Alice Miller to a lot of people and I feel the responsibility to use this potential to take this information to others that were helpful to me.
I do think the book does the job of introducing Alice Miller’s books to others and that is what is really important to me, so others can too have a chance to liberate themselves and if they are already parents, they can become more conscious parents.
Now that the book is written I can die in peace that I didn’t waste this potential of introducing Alice Books’ to others.
I feel reading my manuscript is triggering repressed feelings in you and I hope you are able to put those feelings and consciously feel them in the context of your own childhood.
I don't owe her anything I paid her for her time that she took with my manuscript and my question is: why took her 4 years to publish her phony review full of her own projections and transferences?! Maybe she thought after all this time I would not figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same. It's funny I never heard from her until now! She said: "In this mail I'll give you my feedback and I'm going to mail you soon my answer about what you write about J." Well, she never did! Because what I wrote is probably very accurate.
From: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 4:03 PM
Subject: I just mailed you $200
To: Liliane Rombout <@.nl>
From: liliane rombout <@t.nl>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 6:40 AM
To: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@com>
I have just received your personal, handwritten letter with the check, and I want to thank you for this. As I wrote you I was all happy with a "thank you" because I know it comes from your heart and what still can add something there? In addition, it was entirely on my own initiative that I read your manuscript. After all, you did not asked me to. In any case, you did want to appreciate it in your own way so I accept your check and give it a good use.
From: Sylvie Shene <sylve@.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: received
To: liliane rombout <@nl>
Happy to hear you got it and that you will give it a good use.
Again thank you for your thoughtful feedback it was very helpful in focusing me on making sure to include important information into the manuscript.
From: liliane rombout <@.nl>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 10:58 PM
Subject: Re: I just mailed you $200
To: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Comments from the blog The Pain of a Mother
Liliane: I totally agree with your words and I feel sad that her excellent and very important work is brought into discredit by people like DM, BR, and MM. In their writings and words, you can read how they idealize, devalue and show signs of grandiosity. As you can read in the interview with Die Welt-15.10. MM says that it was thanks to his therapeutic work and with his book that the theory of his mother survives! However, it is clear to me that they are stuck in the repressed feelings of their childhood and that brings others in confusion and pain.
Sylvie: I am glad to see that are other people out there that can see it too. Sometimes I feel alone in my perceptions, how BR, DM, and MM are twisting Alice Miller’s work to manipulate the perceptions of others and deceive them. It’s very clear to me too that they are stuck in their repressed feelings and suffer from grandiosity. And they allow the fantasies of revenge of the child they once were into actions that bring others confusion and pain. It’s sad beyond words.
I decided to publish in a new blog my responses to Jeroen’s and Heleen's comments on the blog in the link below:
When sharing letters or messages written to me in private I always do it anonymously, but if people write to me with malicious intent I will not respect their anonymity.
The beauty of not being a therapist or a psychologist is that I don’t go by the same rules as they do.
And I will not respect or protect malignant narcissists trying to mess with my mind. If you write to me privately with malicious intent trying to instigate and deceive me in any way to manipulate my feelings, I will publish your private messages publicly and will not respect your anonymity.
I noticed it Jeroen and Hellen's comments disappeared, maybe is because they were made with Google+ and because now Google+ is being discontinued -- all comments have been deleted. Glad I saved my responses to their comments in a new blog. I will publish my responses to their comments here too.
First of all, have you read my book?! Because if you have read my book -- you would see very clearly that I don’t protect or idealize my parents or any member of my family or anyone else for that matter in my life.
And sure I’m not going to protect people now standing in symbolizing my childhood caregivers treating me exactly the same way.
My older sisters criticized every little thing about me and she is doing exactly the same thing -- probably the same way her own mother did to her also --- she wants perfection out of me -- just like my older sisters did! And probably the same way her own mother demand perfection from her.
I don’t mean to cause her any harm either and I too have been very respectful towards her. I just want the facts and evidence to be out there and let people draw their own conclusions.
Everything she writes in her critique of my book is pure projections, transference, and manipulations to try to regress me into the state of the wounded child.
It’s sad when therapists use Alice Miller insights to deceive, manipulate and create cult-like groups to keep people permanently in the state of the wounded child to have power over them. She wants power over me! But I'm not going let her gain any power over me.
Just as I wrote in my book page 129, 130, 131 and 132
“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness.
A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective.
But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake. Why do people keep punishing themselves?
As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client.
The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades.
Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65
In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it.
At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents.
We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. …
First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child.
Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims.
From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66
Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies.
Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance, when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods.
Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions.
But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression.
The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation.
“I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront themselves with the cruelty of their upbringing, without illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame and permanent overstrain.
A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can, based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67
It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way.
“Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.”
Could you please remove the link to her site in your comment? I'm not interested in reading why she changed her name. But it’s very interesting to me that she waited 4 years to publish her critique of my book --- after she changed her name --- I don’t want any links in my blog to her website, otherwise, I will delete your comment and republish it with my comment.
Thank you, Sylvie
P.S. Jeroen, have you realized that your comment is full of assumptions?! I know where I have been, where I'm and where I'm going.
Is Liliane or Olane now your mother figure standing in symbolizing your own mother and now you are trying to protect and defend her like a little child would protect and defend his/her own mother?
Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self.
Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler lashing out at her with their critiques and I have Olane or Lilianne lashing out at me with her critique.
All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims as the abusers, but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim.
While the victim dwells on her guilt, the abuser benefits from the situation, making sure to cast himself as the victim.
Justification becomes impossible when nothing is said and no reproach is made. Desperate to find a solution to this horrifying impasse, the victim may be tempted in turn to use innuendo and manipulation. The relationship then becomes ambiguous: who is the abuser and who the victim.
The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal.
His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off.” (Do you see how you are being played here?! She gets you to continue the harassment she started.)
You can read more in the link below if you like:
If your idolized Lilianne/Olane is such a compassionate person that cares so much about others --- how come she didn’t reach out to me with a kind word of support when I was being targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years after I published my book in 2014?
In my book page 174, I write: I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve their own freedom.
I constantly witness many people going public with their sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the wounded children they once were, just like their parents or parent-substitutes exploited them when they were defenseless little children.
Olane/Lilianne is going public with her sad, tragic story as a strategy in her game to get people’s sympathy and trust to allure them into her orbit to gain power over them and not to be alone in her emotional prison, she is too afraid to feel the whole range of the repressed emotions of the child she once was all by herself and is exploiting and using her clients for transference effect, she is making others feel, what she, herself, can’t feel.
One thing that bothers me the most about malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are that they constantly force me to write and I hate writing! Because I’m extremely dyslexic and writing is the hardest thing for me to do in life and the most time consuming for me. I would rather be outside playing and being with my cats and with friends than sitting here writing.
I know when people are authentic and genuine or are trying to be malicious under the disguise of help or of being a friend.
So any person that goes out of her way to hurt others under the disguise of help and of being a friend that makes them a malignant narcissistic or sociopath.
I trust my feelings and is nothing you, Olane/Liliane or Jeroen can say to manipulate my feelings or change my reality.
I don't protect and respect people that are being malicious under the disguise of being a friend.
Respect is earned and no, you don't deserve my respect! So in a way you knew you were being malicious, because you didn't want anyone to know you were delivering news about me, if you were genuine you would be happy to stand by me, in public and not try to come through the back door out of public view.
Only malicious people want to make sure no one sees them when taking actions that can affect others.
I, too choose who I talk with about my feelings and sure is not to a dangerous therapist like Olane/lLiliane, you or Jeroen.
Just like I wrote on my book page 172: and 173 "I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears.
These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have lived my own, true life.”81 It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be prepared."
I ask you like I asked Jeroen, don't make any more comments here until you read my book for yourself. I will not respond to you again and any more comments posted by you or Jeroen will be deleted