I had a run with her in 2014. She made comments on my blog about Martin Miller and also contacted me on LinkedIn.
Back then she used the name Liliane Rombout. She changed her name in all her accounts and probably thought I would not figure it out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same.
These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “I have learned over the years of my work on the Internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use other people unconsciously (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as poisonous containers like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and do NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."
Malignant narcissists and sociopaths they all follow the same patterns: Idealize, devalue and discard. When in the idealize phase, they mimic you to T and know exactly what to say to fool you into believing that they are like you -- to allure you into their emotional prison with them. She mimicked me perfectly.
I’m pretty sure Liliane Rombout or Olane Roos only read the draft of my manuscript that I sent to her and she never read the nice acknowledgment I wrote her in my book -- thanking her for her feedback -- even though I didn’t agree with her assessment because she was projecting her own mean mother into my own mother. Still, her feedback was helpful to work on the rough parts of my manuscript and make it more clear for my readers. You can read the acknowledgment in the picture attached below.
I was going to send her the final draft, but then I decided not to -- if she wanted to read the final printed version -- then she could buy it herself -- with the money I sent her to pay for the time she spent with my manuscript.
This just proves that I never was malicious towards her, but she is the one that sat with her critique for four years and then she publishes it after changing her name! She never predicted that I would figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same! If this is not a calculated move of a malignant narcissist to try to discredit someone’s work -- then I don’t know what a calculated malignant narcissist is?!
I get it! And understand! Why so many malignant narcissists and sociopaths target me. Who I’m I?! An ex-topless dancer and a gate attendant that never went to college could possibly know more about the human mind than them that went to college and have spent all of their lives working so hard and studying -- memorizing knowledge --- which they use like robots or parrots to fool others and manipulate them to act exactly the part they want you to act in their twisted drama.
Alice Miller grew with each book she wrote, but you want perfection the way you see it, and just like my older sisters I was not perfect and not matter what I did was never good enough for them, and yes your rejection reminded me of their rejection -- I suffered at the hands of my older sisters, but I am not a child dependent on my older sisters or on you to write the foreword, me and my book/baby will do just fine without your support and is just a reminder of old the pain.
With much love,
Anger is very healthy, but if it doesn’t start to diminish when is being felt at the right culprits that hurt us, when we were younger and defenseless, it means we still dependent on our childhood abusers or people standing in symbolizing them and anger then doesn’t diminish, but it increasing, so if your children keep staying angry at you and can't let go of the anger, is because they still on some level dependent on you.
This is why Martin Miller can’t break free because he is dependent on his mother and that’s why his anger keeps increasing towards her. Just as Alice wrote: “a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome.”
I don’t longer feel pain or anger and I am writing this book, not from a place of anger and pain, it’s truly a memoir, my anger and pain are a long time ago, a memory in the past.
I feel if you were to write your own book right now, you would be writing it from a place of pain and anger.
It doesn’t mean sometimes when I encounter a person that treats me like my childhood abusers used to -- it does remind me temporally -- of the old pain I once suffered -- and I feel annoyed -- but not the intense anger and pain I once did, and once I set limits with the present person or if necessary walk away, I feel good again right away.
As a child, I could not walk away from my abusers, but as an autonomous independent adult, I can walk away from anyone that treats me like my family once did. And people figure out pretty quick that I don’t put up with games and will not be anyone’s scapegoat.
You wrote “…or a ghostwriter that is not come out of his childhood repression” in this last sentence I feel you are projecting resentment and anger at my ghostwriter, but writing my book is helping him and I know everyone close to me that I let read it is waking up, you cannot expect for people to do it overnight, as Alice Miller wrote: “The full extent of the mistreatment inflicted upon a child cannot be dealt with all at once. Coming to terms with it is an extended process in which aspects of the mistreatment are allowed into our consciousness one after the other, thus rekindling the feeling of hatred. But in such cases, hatred is not dangerous. It is a logical consequence of what happened to us, a consequence only fully perceived by the adult, whereas the child was forced to tolerate it in silence for years.”
I congratulate you for having the courage to face and feel your repression like I once did, but you can’t accelerate the process of others to come to meet you where you are. My ghostwriter is showing courage and not running and by the next book, he and my readers will be able to go deeper.
I worked very hard for it and money is not my concern. Most people in this world don’t know about Alice Miller’s books, I was just very lucky to find her books. I just want to introduce her books to as many people as possible through the telling of my story, but I don’t feel I have to tell every little detail of my story and that it is important, but of course if the book reaches a lot of people, is going to make money, but making a lots of money will be actually a burden to me to try to put it to use that will help people face and feel their own repression and not enable or distract them.
I love my simple life I don’t need staff, I have everything I need, but I do feel the telling of my story has the potential to reach a lot of people and introduce Alice Miller to a lot of people and I feel the responsibility to use this potential to take this information to others that were helpful to me.
I do think the book does the job of introducing Alice Miller’s books to others and that is what is really important to me, so others can too have a chance to liberate themselves and if they are already parents, they can become more conscious parents.
Now that the book is written I can die in peace that I didn’t waste this potential of introducing Alice Books’ to others.
I feel reading my manuscript is triggering repressed feelings in you and I hope you are able to put those feelings and consciously feel them in the context of your own childhood.
I don't owe her anything I paid her for her time that she took with my manuscript and my question is: why took her 4 years to publish her phony review full of her own projections and transferences?! Maybe she thought after all this time I would not figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same. It's funny I never heard from her until now! She said: "In this mail I'll give you my feedback and I'm going to mail you soon my answer about what you write about J." Well, she never did! Because what I wrote is probably very accurate.
From: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 4:03 PM
Subject: I just mailed you $200
To: Liliane Rombout <@.nl>
From: liliane rombout <@t.nl>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 6:40 AM
To: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@com>
I have just received your personal, handwritten letter with the check, and I want to thank you for this. As I wrote you I was all happy with a "thank you" because I know it comes from your heart and what still can add something there? In addition, it was entirely on my own initiative that I read your manuscript. After all, you did not asked me to. In any case, you did want to appreciate it in your own way so I accept your check and give it a good use.
From: Sylvie Shene <sylve@.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: received
To: liliane rombout <@nl>
Happy to hear you got it and that you will give it a good use.
Again thank you for your thoughtful feedback it was very helpful in focusing me on making sure to include important information into the manuscript.
From: liliane rombout <@.nl>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 10:58 PM
Subject: Re: I just mailed you $200
To: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Comments from the blog The Pain of a Mother
Liliane: I totally agree with your words and I feel sad that her excellent and very important work is brought into discredit by people like DM, BR, and MM. In their writings and words, you can read how they idealize, devalue and show signs of grandiosity. As you can read in the interview with Die Welt-15.10. MM says that it was thanks to his therapeutic work and with his book that the theory of his mother survives! However, it is clear to me that they are stuck in the repressed feelings of their childhood and that brings others in confusion and pain.
Sylvie: I am glad to see that are other people out there that can see it too. Sometimes I feel alone in my perceptions, how BR, DM, and MM are twisting Alice Miller’s work to manipulate the perceptions of others and deceive them. It’s very clear to me too that they are stuck in their repressed feelings and suffer from grandiosity. And they allow the fantasies of revenge of the child they once were into actions that bring others confusion and pain. It’s sad beyond words.
I decided to publish in a new blog my responses to Jeroen’s and Heleen's comments on the blog in the link below:
When sharing letters or messages written to me in private I always do it anonymously, but if people write to me with malicious intent I will not respect their anonymity.
The beauty of not being a therapist or a psychologist is that I don’t go by the same rules as they do.
And I will not respect or protect malignant narcissists trying to mess with my mind. If you write to me privately with malicious intent trying to instigate and deceive me in any way to manipulate my feelings, I will publish your private messages publicly and will not respect your anonymity.