This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse and no matter what anyone says these are facts. Violence is not genetic, it’s learned.
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Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Staying True to Ourselves Even at the Risk of Losing the People we Love
Thank you for writing. The honesty in your letter is very rare. I can only imagine what the deep pain might be like for a mother to wake up one day and realize that she was not the mother her children needed, and sees she is the cause of her children's suffering and troubles. I am sorry you went through such deep pain to become authentic and give your children the whole truth so they can choose to heal and hopefully not repeat it and spare their children from the same suffering. I congratulate you for having the courage to become authentic and face, feel your painful truths and go through the deep pain, and not to want to be spare no more so your grandchildren, the future generation, can be spare. Like Alice Miller says: “Staying true to yourself even at the risk of losing the people we love." When I woke up pregnant at 20 years old, I knew in my heart, I could never cope with this deep pain of damaging a child I brought into the world, and If I could not have gotten an abortion, I would have killed myself, because in no way I was going to bring a child into the world, I could not love and protect. I think being dyslexic made me more sensitive and spared me from having to go through this deep pain and prevented me from falling into the trap of education, like millions of people have that because they have an education and a good job, they fall into the illusion they can be parents, but a job and education alone doesn't prepare anyone for parenthood. The only thing that prepares us for motherhood is to face and feel our childhood repression. Just like Alice Miller says: “It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that are absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143
Also, Alice said somewhere something like this that is so true: It takes courage to face the truth, intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps create a lot of seductive lies.