If You’re Not Making Enemies, You’re Doing It Wrong

If You’re Not Making Enemies, You’re Doing It Wrong

I guess I'm doing it right because since I published my book I'm making a few enemies!

"If your communications involve walking on eggshells and you’re afraid you might make an enemy or upset someone, you’re not really embracing the social web. Making enemies is a natural byproduct of being a part of our society, and thus if you’re truly being social this will happen on the web. If not, how much personality are you really injecting?

This is not a negative thing so don’t take it as such. The web and the world itself involve balance: between enemies and allies, friends and strangers, supporters and defectors. We need enemies to push us to the next level, challenge us and cause us to think and improve. They give us perspective and remind us of our purpose.

Embrace the full range of emotion and possibility in your content and interactions even if it might involve creating an enemy. Letting that stop you inevitably means falling short of your potential as a creative." read more HERE

Yes, constantly being targeted by trolls or malignant narcissists or sociopaths, they do push me to keep on writing, which I guess is good for me. 

Comments from the Blog About the Therapist Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout Critique

I decided to publish in a new blog my responses to Jeroen’s and Heleen's comments on the blog titled: Most Therapists keep themselves and others stuck talking about the therapist Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout’s critique.

When sharing letters or messages written to me in private I always do it anonymously, but if people write to me with malicious intent I will not respect their anonymity.

The beauty of not being a therapist or a psychologist is that I don’t go by the same rules as they do.

And I will not respect or protect malignant narcissists trying to mess with my mind.  If you write to me privately with malicious intent trying to instigate and deceive me in any way to manipulate my feelings, I will publish your private messages publicly and will not respect your anonymity.

If you don’t have the courage to deliver news about me through the front door in public view then don’t come through the back door in hiding to deliver news about me. 

I can figure out pretty quickly if people are authentic and genuine or are hiding behind an umbrella-like “nonviolent communication” or any other type of umbrella. 

You might be disappointed with me, just like my family was, for making public their abuse under the disguise of love and caring.  Me too, I’m disappointed that some people try to fool me by hiding behind some pretty veil, mask or umbrella.

Thank you for your Comment Jeroen.

First of all, have you read my book?! Because if you have read my book -- you would see very clearly that I don’t protect or idealize my parents or any member of my family or anyone else for that matter in my life. 

And sure I’m not going to protect people now standing in symbolizing my childhood caregivers treating me exactly the same way.

My older sisters criticized every little thing about me and she is doing exactly the same thing -- probably the same way her own mother did to her also --- she wants perfection out of me -- just like my older sisters did! And probably the same way her own mother demand perfection from her.

I don’t mean to cause her any harm either and I too have been very respectful towards her. I just want the facts and evidence to be out there and let people draw their own conclusions.

Everything she writes in her critique of my book is pure projections, transference, and manipulations to try to regress me into the state of the wounded child.

It’s sad when therapists use Alice Miller insights to deceive, manipulate and create cult-like groups to keep people permanently in the state of the wounded child to have power over them. She wants power over me! But I'm not going let her gain any power over me.

Just as I wrote in my book page 129, 130, 131 and 132

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness.

 A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective. 

But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake. Why do people keep punishing themselves? 

As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. 

The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. 

Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65 

In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. 

At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. 

We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … 

First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. 

Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. 

From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66 

Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. 

Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance, when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods. 

Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. 

But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression. 

The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation. 

“I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront themselves with the cruelty of their upbringing, without illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame and permanent overstrain. 

A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can, based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67 

It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way. 

“Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.”

Could you please remove the link to her site in your comment? I'm not interested in reading why she changed her name. But it’s very interesting to me that she waited 4 years to publish her critique of my book --- after she changed her name --- I don’t want any links in my blog to her website, otherwise, I will delete your comment and republish it with my comment. 

Thank you, Sylvie

P.S. Jeroen, have you realized that your comment is full of assumptions?! I know where I have been, where I'm and where I'm going.

Jeroen, Olane or Lilianne’s in her conclusion, she is talking about herself --- she is not seeing me in my book --- she only seeing her own reflection in me and confusing me with herself. I will delete your last comment because I don’t want her projections and transference on my blog trying to confuse me and everyone else. 

I made it very clear in my book how I went through the painful repressed emotions of the child I once was and now I feel liberated --- And NOW no one can steal that from me!

Please don’t make any more comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself and stop taking Olane or Lilianne words for truth.

Is Liliane or Olane now your mother figure standing in symbolizing your own mother and now you are trying to protect and defend her like a little child would protect and defend his/her own mother? 

Maybe you should read my book to help you break free and grow yourself up and stop letting yourself be confused by people symbolizing your mother or childhood caregivers.

These words I wrote to Donald and you can read more in the link below if you like are very true: She [Alice Miller] also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed Sweet I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. 

The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poison of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable experts and better than others. 

Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. 

I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2016/07/renewing-my-nursing-license.html

Jeroen, you see what you want to see just like Lilianne/Olane sees what she wants to see. 

Lilianne or Olane is playing a very good game! And if you don’t see it --- it's your problem, not mine.

Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler lashing out at her with their critiques and I have Olane or Lilianne lashing out at me with her critique. 

And if you don’t see her critique as projections of herself into me -- then is nothing I can do to make you open your eyes to see. And I ask you one more time don’t make comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself.

All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims as the abusers, but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim. 

As Marie France Hirigoyen articulates beautifully in her book Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity: “As he drives his victim to destruction, the abuser gets that much more pleasure from pointing out her weakness or unleashing her violence. He makes her feel debased and unworthy. 

Depending on her reaction, she is described as temperamental and neurotic, alcoholic, or suicidal. The victim feels defenseless and tries to justify herself as if she were, in fact, guilty. The abuser’s pleasure double: he bamboozles or humiliates his victim and subsequently rubs her nose in her humiliation.

While the victim dwells on her guilt, the abuser benefits from the situation, making sure to cast himself as the victim.

Justification becomes impossible when nothing is said and no reproach is made. Desperate to find a solution to this horrifying impasse, the victim may be tempted in turn to use innuendo and manipulation. The relationship then becomes ambiguous: who is the abuser and who the victim.

The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal.
His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off.” (Do you see how you are being played here?! She gets you to continue the harassment she started.)

You can read more in the link below if you like:
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html 

If your idolized Lilianne/Olane is such a compassionate person that cares so much about others --- how come she didn’t reach out to me with a kind word of support when I was being targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years after I published my book in 2014?

I know she is following my blog incognito and witnessed everything that was taking place. 

She didn’t care, because she is a malignant narcissist or a sociopath like them. She was witnessing an attempt of a psychological lynching and said nothing and most likely hoping they would succeed in destroying me for her sadist enjoyment and put her own fears of exposure to rest. 

She sat with her critique for four years and then she publishes it after changing her name! She never predicted that I would figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same! If this is not a calculated move of a malignant narcissist to try to discredit someone’s work -- then I don’t know what a calculated malignant narcissist is?

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/08/it-was-attempt-of-psychological-lynch.html

I glanced through the reasons on her website to why she changed her name. The name change is a strategy in the game she is playing. 

I don’t think she predicted that I would figure it out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout was the same person!

In my book page 174, I write: I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve their own freedom.

I constantly witness many people going public with their sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the wounded children they once were, just like their parents or parent-substitutes exploited them when they were defenseless little children. 

They keep themselves and others endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play either the role of the victim or the perpetrator. Alice Miller has proven that we can unlock the emotional doors that hold us and start a glorious dance to freedom. Knowing your own truth and living with it is the best gift you can give to yourself and to future generations. The more healed, or free, you become, the less dependent you’ll be. And because people will sense that you’re not needy, the more people will be attracted to you. It’s kind of ironic, but autonomy is very attractive! I hope you’ll take the challenge to free yourself at last. I hope you’ll end your own repetition compulsion naturally without endlessly staying dependent on crutches like yoga, meditation, religion, 12-step programs, or other painnumbing addictions.”

Olane/Lilianne is going public with her sad, tragic story as a strategy in her game to get people’s sympathy and trust to allure them into her orbit to gain power over them and not to be alone in her emotional prison, she is too afraid to feel the whole range of the repressed emotions of the child she once was all by herself and is exploiting and using her clients for transference effect, she is making others feel, what she, herself can’t feel. 

Telling your story and really feeling the repressed emotions of the child you once were are two completely different things. 

I demonstrate very well in my book how I went through the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I’m no longer blinded by them. 

I see very clearly the games people play! I could name a few famous people that have played this same exact strategy as Olane/Lilianne is playing and they have made millions of dollars, it has worked very well for them thanks to society's blindness! 

But I’m not going to name names, because I don’t want to deal with the backlash from their millions of followers stuck in the role of the child. 

The only thing these people have changed in their lives is the roles. Now acting as if personality, pretending to be healed and more knowledgeable than others -- casting themselves as mother/father figures over others keeping everyone stuck in the emotional prison of childhood.

One thing that bothers me the most about malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are that they constantly force me to write and I hate writing! Because I’m extremely dyslexic and writing is the hardest thing for me to do in life and the most time consuming for me. I would rather be outside playing and being with my cats and with friends than sitting here writing.

Heleen, your comment just confirms what I already knew! That Olane or Liliane was your therapist or substitute mother figure standing in symbolizing your mother and she has you exactly where she wants you to be – in the state of the child --- doing her dirty work -- and you don’t think for yourself and this is why her review/critique was helpful to you! I ask you the same question I asked Jeroen -- have you read my book for yourself?! I see clearly and know when people are real and honest and when they are playing mind games trying to pull a fast one over my head or trying to change my reality

Heleen, yes, I agree we all have blind spots, but the blind spots Olane or Liliane accuses me of, are not my blind spots, those are her blind spots transferred into me...

I know when people are authentic and genuine or are trying to be malicious under the disguise of help or of being a friend.

So any person that goes out of her way to hurt others under the disguise of help and of being a friend that makes them a malignant narcissistic or sociopath.

I trust my feelings and is nothing you, Olane/Liliane or Jeroen can say to manipulate my feelings or change my reality.

I don't protect and respect people that are being malicious under the disguise of being a friend.

Respect is earned and no, you don't deserve my respect! So in a way you knew you were being malicious, because you didn't want anyone to know you were delivering news about me, if you were genuine you would be happy to stand by me, in public and not try to come through the back door out of public view.

Only malicious people want to make sure no one sees them when taking actions that can affect others.

I, too choose who I talk with about my feelings and sure is not to a dangerous therapist like Olane/lLiliane, you or Jeroen.

Just like I wrote on my book page 172: and 173 "I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears.

These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have lived my own, true life.”81 It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be prepared."

I ask you like I asked Jeroen, don't make any more comments here until you read my book for yourself. I will not respond to you again and any more comments posted by you or Jeroen will be deleted

A Sign That I Got it Right

Hi Sylvie,

Thank you so much for your email. I really appreciated how you took the time to respond to everything I wrote and added your own observations. What was a little shocking and scary, if I were, to be honest, was when you shared a quote from Alice Miller which used concentration camp victims as a basis for her ideas. For a long time, I used to think of my childhood was like being in a concentration camp. I think I was right. I just recently told my sister this and she agreed without hesitation. Without the proper help, though, that comparison faded in my mind over the past decade because it was too hard to bear. My therapists left the key untouched (!) and my only recourse was to mentally distance myself from it all. As you know, I'm ready to face it now.

I wish I could share more. I can tell I still need to wait, though.

I'm so sorry you have to endure manipulation and abuse from perfect strangers because of your book. However, I think it's a sign you got it right!

All the best,

W

Hi W,

I’m so glad my book together with Alice Miller’s books has given you the support you need for you to gather the courage and now you feel ready to face your own childhood repression.

Feel free to write me anytime when you feel a need and ready.

Yes, most people's childhood is like being in a concentration camp or emotional prison. Most of us were hostages of our parents or parents’ substitutes.

It’s sad that since I published my book I’m targeted by malignant narcissists’ trying to regress me and steal my freedom to bring me back into the emotional prison of childhood.

And it’s even sadder when these people proclaim to be therapists hiding behind Alice Miller, misusing her insights to manipulate me and blind me. These so-called “mental health professionals” just want their patients and everyone else to be tamed and below them, so they can have total control over them.

Yes, you are right, the fact that I’m targeted by so many malignant narcissists after I published my book – it’s a sign that I got it right!

"I witness day by day how many use good information to manipulate and abuse others." This is what I have been going through lately with a woman that proclaims to be a therapist named Olane Roos/Liliane Rombout. She proclaims to do her therapy based on Alice Miller's work. But with her critique of my book, she wants to rewrite my own story and what I should feel or not feel. How fxxked up is that?!

She is twisting the information she read in Alice Miller’s books to manipulate and exploit her clients and followers with half-truths she memorized like a parrot.

Many professionals out there, do great analyses and understand well the reasons of mental illness, depression, addictions and chronic illness, that is linked to childhood loss and trauma, and I quote few other professionals in my book to prove that are out there, other professionals saying what Alice miller says, but how they go about to heal those traumas, they use all kinds of manipulatives tactics and the same old tools like yoga, meditation, 12 steps and controlled drugs, that all it does is manipulate people's feelings, and repress their authentic feelings all over again, and as long people go on repressing their authentic feelings, they will be driven by them into the state of repetition compulsion of doing to others, themselves or both, especially their own children, what once was done to them, when they were defenseless little children. 

And the reason they do this is because they have not broken free from their own childhood repression. The only thing they have changed in their lives is the roles. Now they play the all-powerful role of father or mother figure over others keeping everyone stuck in the emotional prison of childhood.

It’s the repression of our authentic feelings that cause us long-term harm and not the trauma itself.

The Problem in our Society is an Emotional Blockage with the so-called “Educated People” We don’t need more studies or analyses to show us what causes mental illness and violence. 

The problem is not lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain.  

It takes courage to see, face and feel the repressed emotions of the child we once were. Intelligence alone is not enough; but it rather helps create seductive, rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies to hide behind.

I think you also might like reading the e-mail I wrote to M in the link below:

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/11/give-yourself-time-and-space-to-feel.html

Wishing courage and strength,

Sylvie

Also, read We Must Become Our Own Enlightened Witness -- If We Want to Liberate Ourselves

We Must Become Our Own Enlightened Witness -- If We Want to Liberate Ourselves

Hi Sylvie,

I've just finished reading your book "A Dance to Freedom" and I just wanted to reach out and thank you sincerely. I've read all of Alice Miller's books and have always wanted to know if there were other people out there who "get it".

I've been in therapy with three different people in my life, a total of almost 20 years and I'm done with therapists. I'm finally free now (at 51) to dive into my childhood and early years without anyone trying to correct my true feelings and make me feel like it's all my fault.

So, thanks to your book, I'm able to do this now. It's only been a week of working every day for an hour or so with my past and honest feelings, but I've been able to start to really understand where my hurt, anger, rage, incredible loneliness, and sadness come from without a therapist trying to 'correct' me. I'm finding my body loves being able to express the rage and express it at the real culprits.

It can't say it's much fun, but it's fun simply because I feel free now to do this. I'm no longer beholden to any group, or person, or even society. I'm single, live alone, and have the time for this deeper work.

Some of the connections (connecting the dots) I've been able to make have been amazing. I want to tell somebody about them, but I really feel I'll be misunderstood and I can't bear that now. I'm too raw at the moment, but I hope one day to share with you my story, if you're interested.

I do think now that society is very hypocritical and incapable of dealing with strong, true feelings. Parents and family are sacrosanct, even today. I'll share one thing I realized:

An adult can live for years, decades even, with an abusive violent spouse and we call it a crime. We sympathize with the victim and offer them counseling and a sympathetic ear. A child may live its whole childhood and teenage years with an abusive, violent parent and we treat it as something part of his past which the child luckily survived. How much more frightening it must have been for the child than the adult. The child is truly and completely defenseless and dependent for its very survival (unlike the adult). It is almost too painful to contemplate, which is exactly why people don't want to make the connection (!)

I've said enough. Thank you for reading my email and thank you for your generous hard work.

All the best,

W

P.S. Your book is sorely needed. If it weren't for your book, I still wouldn't know quite what to do with all of the information I received from Alice Miller. Alice Miller is the tops, don't get me wrong, she had true courage and absolutely brilliant psychological insight. She called a spade a spade.

Hi W,

Thank you for writing and for reading my book!

I keep getting target by sociopaths -- some proclaim to be psychologists -- trying to regress me into the state of the wounded child -- to gain control over me and discredit my book -- they feel threatened by my book because it exposes their lies and the fraud that they are.

It was so nice and refreshing to read your e-mail.

To help people gather the courage and strength to stand alone and find their own autonomy, free to be, to feel their authentic feelings, take them seriously and listen to what their inner self is telling them without waiting for permission from or approval from people standing in symbolizing their parents or their childhood caregivers --- this is why I wrote my book and makes it all worth it when I get e-mails like yours saying my book is helpful to them.

Congratulations on your courage to let go of your therapists and embark on this journey of self-discovery all by yourself without an enlightened witness by your side.

No one should have to be alone when going through the intense or overwhelming feelings of the child we once were without an enlightened witness present.

But more and more every day I come to the conclusion that finding a true enlightened witness is near to impossible. And we must become the enlightened witness to the child within us and liberate the little boy or little girl in us at her/his own speed without someone casting themselves in the parent role -- rushing us or making us feel guilty or wrong for not moving at their speed or the way they think we should.

Yes, I will be more than happy to read your story when you are ready to share it.

I could not agree more with these words you wrote: “I do think now that society is very hypocritical and incapable of dealing with strong, true feelings. Parents and family are sacrosanct, even today. I'll share one thing I realized:

An adult can live for years, decades even, with an abusive violent spouse and we call it a crime. We sympathize with the victim and offer them counseling and a sympathetic ear. A child may live its whole childhood and teenage years with an abusive, violent parent and we treat it as something part of his past which the child luckily survived. How much more frightening it must have been for the child than the adult. The child is truly and completely defenseless and dependent for its very survival (unlike the adult). It is almost too painful to contemplate, which is exactly why people don't want to make the connection (!)”

Reading your words brought to mind these words Alice Miller wrote in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence:

“INMATES OF A CONCENTRATION CAMP

No one seriously doubts that inmates of a concentration camp underwent terrible suffering.  But when we hear about the physical abuse of children, we react with astonishing equanimity.  Depending on our ideology, we say, “That’s quite normal,” or “children have to be disciplined after all” or “That was the custom in those days,” or “Someone who won’t listen has to be made to feel it,” etc.  An elderly gentleman I once met at a party told me with amusement that when he was a little boy his mother had swung him back and forth over a fire she had lighted especially for the purpose of drying his pants and breaking him of the habit of wetting them.  “My mother was the most wonderful person you’d ever want to meet, but that’s the way things were done in our family in those days,” he said.  Such lack of empathy for the suffering of one’s own childhood can result in an astonishing lack of sensitivity to other children’s suffering.  When what was done to me was done for my own good, then I am expected to accept this treatment as an essential part of life and not question it.

This kind of insensitivity thus has its roots in the abuse a person suffered as a child. He or she may be able to remember what happened, but in most cases, the emotional content of the whole experience of being beaten and humiliated has been completely repressed.

This is where the difference lies between treating an adult and a child cruelty.  The self has not yet sufficiently developed for a child to retain the memory of it or of the feelings it arouses.  The knowledge that you were beaten and that this, as your parents tell you, was for your own good may well be retained (although not always), but the suffering caused by the way you were mistreated will remain unconscious and will later prevent you from empathizing with others.  This is why battered children grow up to be mothers and fathers who beat their own offspring; from their ranks are recruited the most reliable executioners, concentration-camp supervisors, prison guards, and torturers.  They beat, mistreat, and torture out of an inner compulsion to repeat their own history, and they are able to do this without the slightest feeling of sympathy for their victims because they have identified totally with the aggressive side of their psyche.  These people were beaten and humiliated themselves at such an early age that it was never possible for them to experience consciously the helpless, battered child they once were, In order to do this, they would have needed the aid of an understanding, supportive adult, and no such person was available.  Only under these circumstances would children be able to see themselves as they are at that moment---namely, as weak, helpless, downtrodden, and battered---and thus be able to integrate this part into the self.

Theoretically, a child beaten by his father could afterwards cry his heart out in the arms of a kind aunt and tell her what happened; she would not try to minimize the child’s pain or justify the father’s actions but would give the whole experience its due weight.  But such good fortune is rare.  The wife of a child-beating fathers shares his attitude toward childrearing or is herself his victim---in either case, she is rarely the child’s advocate.  Such an “aunt” is, therefore, a great exception, because the battered child is very unlikely to have the inner freedom to seek her out and make use of her.  A child is more likely to opt for a terrible inner isolation and splitting off of his feelings than he is to “tattle” to outsiders about his father or mother.  Therapists know how long it sometimes takes before a child’s resentments, which has been repressed for thirty or forty or even fifty years, can be articulated and relived.

Thus, it may well be that the plight of a little child who is abused is even worse and has more serious consequences for society than the plight of an adult in a concentration camp.  The former camp inmate may sometimes find himself in situation where he feels that he can never adequately communicate the horror of what he has gone through and that others approach him without understanding, with cold and callous indifference, even with disbelief,* but with

few exceptions he himself will not doubt the tragic nature of his experiences.  He will never attempt to convince himself that the cruelty he was subjected to was for his own good or interpret the absurdity of the camp as a necessary pedagogical measure; he will usually not attempt to empathize with the motives of his persecutors.  He will find people who have had similar experiences and share with them his feelings of outrage, hatred, and despair over the cruelty he has suffered.

The abused child does not have any of these options.  As I have tried to show in the example of Christiane F., she is alone with her suffering, not only within the family but also within her self.  And because she cannot share her pain with anyone, she is also unable to create a place in her own soul where she could “cry her heart out.”  No arms of a “kind aunt” exist there; “Keep a stiff upper lip and be brave” is the watchword.  Defenselessness and helplessness find no haven in the self of the child, who later, identifying with the aggressor, persecutes these qualities wherever they appear.

A person who from the beginning was forced, whether subjected to corporal punishment or not, to stifle, i.e., to condemn, split off, and persecute, the vital child within himself will spend his whole life preventing this inner danger that he associates with spontaneous feelings from recurring.  But psychological forces are so tenacious that they can rarely be thoroughly suppressed.  They are constantly seeking outlets that will enable them to survive, often in very distorted forms that are not without danger to society.  For example, one person suffering from grandiosity will project his own childish qualities onto the external world, whereas another will struggle against the “evil” within himself.  “Poisonous pedagogy” shows how these two mechanisms are related to each other and how they are combined in a traditional religious upbringing.

 In addition to the degree of maturity and those elements of loyalty and of isolation involved in the case of a child, there is another fundamental difference between abuse of children and of adults.  The abused inmates of concentration camp cannot of course offer any resistance, cannot defend themselves against humiliation, but they are inwardly free to hate their persecutors.  The opportunity to experience their feelings, even to share them with other inmates, prevents them from having to surrender their self.  This opportunity does not exist for children.  They must not hate their father---this, the message of the Fourth Commandment, has been drummed into them from childhood; they cannot hate him either if they must fear losing his love as a result; finally, they do not even want to hate him, because they love him.  Thus, children, unlike concentration-camp inmates, are confronted by a tormentor they love, not one they hate, and this tragic complication will have a devastating influence on their entire subsequent life.

*William G. Niederland’s book Folgen der verfolgung (The results of Persecution) (1980) presents a penetrating analysis of the uncomprehending reception given former inmates as reflected in psychiatric diagnoses.”

You can read more in the link below if you like:

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=concentration+camp

 Wishing you courage and strength and all the best to you too,

Sylvie

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/a-sign-that-i-got-it-right.html?m=1

Most Therapists Keep themselves and others Stuck

Hi Sylvie, did you see this? It is a review of your book, in Dutch. Maybe this information can be interesting to you? The writer is a psychologist, she works based on Alice Millers' work. Warm greetings, Heleen

Hi Heleen,

Thank you for writing. Yes, I saw her review on Google+  

Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler harassing her and I have Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout whatever she likes to call herself these days!

I had a run with her in 2014. She made comments on my blog about Martin Miller and also contacted me on LinkedIn.

Back then she used the name Liliane Rombout. She changed her name in all her accounts and probably thought I would not figure it out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same. 

I just looked for her old messages in LinkedIn that you can read below if you like and see for yourself how she is projecting herself into me and proves that Liliane Rombout is now using the name Olane Roos as you see in her messages below. This shows how crazy-making some therapists can be. 

I hope people read my book and see for themselves and don’t let this so-called "psychologist" confuse them. She also was J’s therapist that wrote to me and I published my answer to him in my blog In Most Cases Is a Lie

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/05/in-most-cases-is-lie.html

These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “I have learned over the years of my work on the Internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use other people unconsciously (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as poisonous containers like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and do NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."

Me, like Alice Miller, I did my part. And now I’m enjoying my freedom and I’m not letting anyone steal my freedom, if a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years were not able to steal my freedom after they tried, every trick in the book to mess with my mind to bring me back into theirs and the emotional prison of my childhood – there is no way -- I would let this so-called psychologist regress me into the state of the wounded child with her phony critique full of her own projections to confuse me and my readers. I don't live anymore in the state of confusion and I sure don't let anyone confuse me anymore -- I see very clearly --  and I hope my readers don't let themselves be confused also. 

Here is one more proof most psychologists and most people working in the "healthcare field" and "helping" professions are very dangerous. Psychoanalysis and most therapies hinder people’s liberation and autonomy 

Just like this reader of my book that just wrote to me and I haven’t had time to reply to his e-mail: 

“From: W <@.com>

Date: Tue, Apr 3, 2,018 at 5:36 PM

Subject: Thank you!

To: sylvie@sylvieshene.com

Hi Sylvie,

I've just finished reading your book "A Dance to Freedom" and I just wanted to reach out and thank you sincerely. I've read all of Alice Miller's books and have always wanted to know if there were other people out there who "get it".

I've been in therapy with three different people in my life, a total of almost 20 years and I'm done with therapists. I'm finally free now (at 51) to dive into my childhood and early years without anyone trying to correct my true feelings and make me feel like it's all my fault.

So, thanks to your book, I'm able to do this now. It's only been a week of working every day for an hour or so with my past and honest feelings, but I've been able to start to really understand where my hurt, anger, rage, incredible loneliness, and sadness come from without a therapist trying to 'correct' me. I'm finding my body loves being able to express the rage and express it at the real culprits.

It can't say it's much fun, but it's fun simply because I feel free now to do this. I'm no longer beholden to any group, or person, or even society. I'm single, live alone, and have the time for this deeper work.

Some of the connections (connecting the dots) I've been able to make have been amazing. I want to tell somebody about them, but I really feel I'll be misunderstood and I can't bear that now. I'm too raw at the moment, but I hope one day to share with you my story if you're interested.

I do think now that society is very hypocritical and incapable of dealing with strong, true feelings. Parents and family are sacrosanct, even today. I'll share one thing I realized:

An adult can live for years, decades even, with an abusive violent spouse and we call it a crime. We sympathize with the victim and offer them counseling and a sympathetic ear. A child may live its whole childhood and teenage years with an abusive, violent parent and we treat it as something part of his past which the child luckily survived. How much more frightening it must have been for the child than the adult. The child is truly and completely defenseless and dependent for its very survival (unlike the adult). It is almost too painful to contemplate, which is exactly why people don't want to make the connection (!)

I've said enough. Thank you for reading my email and thank you for your generous hard work.

All the best,

W

P.S. Your book is sorely needed. If it weren't for your book, I still wouldn't know quite what to do with all of the information I received from Alice Miller. Alice Miller is the tops, don't get me wrong, she had true courage and absolutely brilliant psychological insight. She called a spade a spade.

And below are Olane Roos or Liliane old messages and e-mails and of course, she was not real -- and didn't take long to turn on me.

Malignant narcissists and sociopaths they all follow the same patterns: Idealize, devalue and discard. When in the idealize phase, they mimic you to T and know exactly what to say to fool you into believing that they are like you -- to allure you into their emotional prison with them. She mimicked me perfectly.                                                            

I’m pretty sure Liliane Rombout or Olane Roos only read the draft of my manuscript that I sent to her and she never read the nice acknowledgment I wrote her in my book -- thanking her for her feedback -- even though I didn’t agree with her assessment because she was projecting her own mean mother into my own mother. Still, her feedback was helpful in working on the rough parts of my manuscript and making it more clear for my readers. You can read the acknowledgment in the picture attached below.

I was going to send her the final draft, but then I decided not to -- if she wanted to read the final printed version -- then she could buy it herself -- with the money I sent her to pay for the time she spent with my manuscript.

This just proves that I never was malicious towards her, but she is the one who sat with her critique for four years and then she published it after changing her name! She never predicted that I would figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout are one and the same! If this is not a calculated move of a malignant narcissist to try to discredit someone’s work -- then I don’t know what a calculated malignant narcissist is?!

I get it! And understand! Why I have so many malignant narcissists and sociopaths targeting me since I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions. Who I’m I?! An ex-topless dancer and a gate attendant who never went to college could possibly know more about the human mind than those who went to college and have spent all of their lives working so hard and studying -- memorizing knowledge --- which they use like robots or parrots to fool others and manipulate them to act exactly the part they want you to act in their twisted drama.

Yep! The words in the picture above describe beautifully why I'm constantly targeted by malignant narcissists and sociopaths because I am a truly happy and a free person, but they are not able to destroy me and they don't walk away wearing my skin. But instead, their true selves are revealed.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: "J"  H <h.@g.de>

Date: Tue, Apr 26, 2016, at 1:54 PM

Subject: it must be tiring...

To: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Dear Sylvie...

Well, this stuff with Liliane is hard stuff...

It took me a while, even to understand, what she was complaining about...

she didn't get, that you went through all these feelings earlier, like being deeply depressed, than angry and then, later, on an emotional independent way, feeling sorry for (I guess) anyone in the world, who cannot resolve his own childhood repression...but you have broken free from all these emotions before...and you wouldn't be caught in dependency with these people you feel sorry for. Don’t know, if I got it right here...but this is what I got.

When you say, you wrote a confusing mail to her and talking about this one, I don't agree.

This seems to be as clear as possible...

Reading all this, I thought, it must be tiring, to always connect to people and then either being ignored or rejected...

But as I see you, you will go on, which shows, how far you have freed yourself!

Well, wish you the best.

So long

j

Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com> wrote:

Dear J,

After the nightmare with J H from N C, I went through the nightmare with another psychologist below from the Netherlands. She found my blog and wrote to me to tell me how much she liked my blog and we exchanged many e-mails, but I came to see how stuck she was when I asked her if she would like to sign the foreword of my book. She accused me of protecting my mother!!!

Talk more soon,

Sylvie

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Date: Mon, Mar 31, 2014, at 5:26 PM

Subject: Fwd: to your baby/book

To: E <e@.com>

Hi E,

I wasted 3 precious days with Liliane and I have not spent any time with the manuscript. I got the e-mail at the bottom from her this morning saying she can’t sign the foreword, because of the reason she gives in her e-mail, it’s has been a little emotionally draining day for me, she is projecting her own mean mother into my mother and, because she had a really mean mother, mine had to be too.  

But I think I am done with her and we are not wasting any more time asking anyone to sign the foreword, at least not in the mental health business. Most people in the mental health business are the most fxxked up of them all, and that’s why they can’t help anyone. 

If we ask someone else it has to be someone outside the mental health business that will appreciate my true story of liberation.

I just sent her the e-mail below its very messy, but I don’t care if she has trouble reading, but I am sorry if you have trouble reading it!

Sylvie

 ---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Date: Mon, Mar 31, 2014 at 3:50 PM

Subject: Re: to your baby/book

To: liliane rombout <l@.nl>

Dear Liliane,

I am so grateful to for taking the time to read the manuscript and your feedback. This is a very precious gift from you. As I wrote to you before that I took two weeks’ vacation because I want to focus on the manuscript before I let it go, because I was very aware there are things I need to go over without interruptions and your feedback is being very helpful in focusing me on the parts of the manuscript I really need to concentrate on. 

I went out and bought a printer for the house, because I only had a printer at work and as you know I am on vacation, so I could print all your e-mails with your feedback so I can look at them as I work on the final touches of the manuscript and will be interesting to you to read my printed book when I mail to you and you will be able to see the changes I made.

Before I continue expressing my feelings and thoughts I want to make clear that what I write is not to change your mind in any way, because your NO, has been accepted and even if you came to change your mind and wanted to sign the foreword of my book, I would not accept it, because I don’t see you being the right candidate anymore and this is why: You can’t see the big picture and you are stuck in the labyrinth of psychoanalyzes like Alice Miller was and she shares that in her later books, that it took her many years to liberate herself from this labyrinth, her son is also lost here. 

Martin Miller is stuck in the anger stage, because still emotionally and probably financially dependent on his mother, and you are stuck in the pain your mother caused you and in the guilt for passing this pain into your children and now witnessing your children passing it into your grandchildren. And the circle has not been broken yet, but now it’s out of your hands, but you can’t let it go and you want to control it and manipulate the situation to get people to meet you at the pain  where you are now, and if they don’t meet where you are -- you reject them -- just like your mother rejected you, and you don’t give a chance and room for awareness and love to grow.

Alice Miller grew with each book she wrote, but you want perfection the way  you see it, and just like my older sisters I was not perfect and not matter what  I did was never good enough for them, and yes your rejection reminded me  of their rejection -- I suffered at  the hands of my older  sisters, but I am not a child dependent on my older sisters or on you to write the foreword, me and my book/baby will do just fine without your support and is just a reminder of old the pain.

Notice that I said older sisters and not mother, the tragedy always starts with the mother and she should never have children, but my mother didn’t reject me and gave me away to my older sisters. 

My older sister took me with them and I want to go be with them and my mother agreed, because she thought I would have a better chance at getting an education, she thought they could do a better job than her.

You are projecting your mean mother into my mother, why can you see the abuse I suffered was at the hands of my substitute mother figures, my sisters, and teachers and that's who I hated the most when going through my anger stage and I did hate my mother too for having me and not looking for way to prevent pregnancies or get an abortion, but most of my abuse was at the hands of my sisters, why can’t way get that?!

 Have you not question it at all, that maybe I was able to protect myself in life, in strange foreigner countries all by myself and rebel against my older sister and brothers and later to Marty and break free because I was at some level protected by my mother when I was very little -- she breast fed me and allow me to sleep with her and my father, and allowed me to play freely outside when was little and this experienced of freedom as a child was my compass in life to help me see clearly and not fall in the seductive traps that society puts in front of you, and achieve total freedom as an adult, and yes I felt sorry for my mother and father, because I could see their suffering clear, my mother cried all the time and my father numb his pain and anger with alcohol, and because of this they could not be there for me and  take care of me emotionally and they transferred in to me their suffering that I had to repress, because I didn’t have anyone to help me with this pain at  the time, that Marty triggered 30 years later.

I remember being a little girl feeling and seeing my parents in deep pain and I knew I could not count on them, so I looked up at my older sisters for guidance, I remember once when I was little talking to my mother and she would listen to me, I remember one time ask her a question and she answered: Oh daughter I don’t have an answer for that! 

At least she was honest and not pretend to know things and give me some stupid answer and maybe that is why I am honest too, because I had an honest mother, not like my older sisters that would give me a lie, they have learned in school or read in some stupid book, by the way, my mother never went to school and never learned to read, so she was not contaminated by the lies taught in school.  

I am glad I had dyslexia and didn’t do well in school and didn’t get contaminated or brainwashed by many made up theories by repressed people to keep their own repression intact and not have to feel their own pain, so no I didn’t idolize my parents in a major way, but I did idolize my older sisters somewhat, especially Elza., but as a teenager I saw through the bullshit very clear and promised myself I would never be like them and I am not!!!

When you idolize your parents you become just like them and you don’t see me married with a lot of children like my mother did. Yes in the relationship with Marty I did become also my Mother not just my older sisters and I am going to add that to the manuscript, but if I had idolized my mother I would have had children with this man that was just like my father, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to be like them, but I went to look for answers to why I was attracted to a man that was triggering so much pain in me and I made the connection that was because of my childhood  suffering of not having emotionally available parents and once I made the connection and felt the pain within the context of my childhood, it started to diminish and it liberated me from the chains of compulsion repetition and that is very clear in my book already.

I am sorry you are stuck in the pain and you might be able to help your  patients/clients into this important stage of the pain, because as long the pain remains repressed the compulsion to repeat will go on endless sooner or later in one form or another, but you cannot guide anyone pass this point, through the pain, because you have not liberated yourself from your own pain and still in your emotional prison suffering and unconsciously or consciously you want to bring people there with you, so you don’t have to suffer alone, but I went through my pain already and I am not going anymore to others emotional prisons. 

I feel you unconsciously or consciously are trying to regress me into the despair of the child I once was, but Marty did that already and I went through that pain then and though you remind me of the old pain, because you reminded of my older sisters that everything has to be as they see it, but no one else can ever take me to that helpless place I once was, so they don’t have to be alone with their own pain. 

I am an autonomous person not dependent on my older sisters anymore or people like you symbolizing them, and me and book/baby does not have to go to others emotional's prisons for our survival.

I can no longer recommend you as a therapist either because you cannot help them beyond the stage of pain, but you kept them stuck in the stage of pain and addicted to pain.

These words by Alice come to mind:

“I do think that you don't need to recall every traumatic event if you deeply felt the devastating effect that your mother's or father's hatred for you created in your soul. It is not only a hubris, but it doesn't make much sense to mistreat oneself. Of course, flashbacks may come again and again and will help us to understand our feelings (of the past and of today) once we are open to our feelings.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=1037  

Here is where I see you are stuck, you keeping yourself and your patients stuck in the emotional prison trying to discover every little detail of your history and your patients’ history and you are completely obsessed about every little detail that you miss the big picture completely. 

The other day I read that the devil is in the details and I think is true, you kind of proving it to me. We need to be open to all of our feelings as they normally arise and put them in the right context and see their roots, that if an intense or overwhelming feeling is triggered it's always a repressed feeling of the child we once were, because our parents or care gives were not able to deal with our feelings at the time of certain traumatic event that happened in our lives, but we don’t have to know every little detail of what happened and I don’t have to share every little detail of my life in my book either to show my readers how to understand our feelings. That is already very clear.

“..manipulation and addictive-dependency on pain),…the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and “salvation” can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of  “feeling therapy” as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.” from the Preface to the Revised Edition of 1997 of the Book “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence”

“First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims.  From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance, with the child-rearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.” From the book “Paths of Life: seven scenarios” Page 142

You are still your mother trying to fix others so you don’t have to be alone with your pain and you don’t even realize it, so sad.

Much love to you,

Sylvie

On Mon, Mar 31, 2014 at 6:18 AM, liliane rombout <l@.nl> wrote:

Dear Sylvie ,

With this letter I would like to give you my feedback on the first reading of your book till page 105. The other pages I read on for myself. I can tell you that when I read your book yesterday and today with great interest I could hardly get of my chair to enjoy the warm weather and joy the company of others on the terrace because the words took me into the stream. My admiration for this great achievement! I also realizing what it has cost you financially and emotionally between your two jobs and seven years not even had a vacation!

In this mail I'll give you my feedback and I'm going to mail you soon my answer about what you write about J. and your ghostwriter. Because I do not write in my own language and writing a letter take a lot of translation time / work so I can’t write everything I would like to do and I am sorry for that. I hope you don’t mind, and if you want something to know what I did not answer just let me know.

Fresh in my memory is the turning point in your life with Marty which you write at the end. For me, a very familiar story, because about seven years ago I had the same experience in a  two and a half year relationship with such a vampire as Marty which in many ways has bring key insighst and changes in my work, of course, and also with my kids. And to think / know that I thought I already made so many mental labor, and knowing how my childhood had been ! I would still like to share with you someday about it. So I know where you've gone through.

You show in your book that you can heal old trauma’s with the right help by knowing and feeling your repressed emotions from a conscious mind. That process, in order to solve the dissociation from your conscious mind, will last a lifetime through because every time there is another aspect of the dissociation that emerge from unconscious into our consciousness. As with Miller was the case for example of the importance of feeling the anger in the healing process. No sooner than they had themselves so far as they were aware of this. So it works. What we suppress, we usually do not know because we have grown with it and it become so 'own' that we think it's part of our personality. For displacement/repressing that is even more true because what we ( still ) do not know, after all we do not know. Only afterwards can we say how it has been and what it has done to us. And if our order, as you write on p. 59 , ‘ ... wanted to understand the pain and figure out where it had come from ...’ we are increasingly able to raise our dissociation.

From my own experience and others it has become clear to me that the cry of distress of the small child usually first expressed in the conscious activity of a film, a first interview with a counselor or in a book.

Coming back to the feedback I would give you is that I seem to read when you not mention your mother (p.11) and that’s the moment the problem were introduced. This has a significant meaning and now I 've read your book is largely this presumption may be correct. I cannot be complete in my description because it takes me a lot of effort but give the next page endorsements of what I mean. I wrote you all the feedback on the first 30 pages of which the absence of the mother mentioned on page 11. The confusion (in contradictions) over the first three years of life may be intertwined with the confusion of the ghostwriter. This confusion persists throughout the book. It is mostly in your own story not at all in the theory which is so powerful and clear everywhere and nowhere gives rise to confusion. Just beautiful.

p . 67. 'that Their authoritan ... ' label ' authoritarian ' can easily lead to confusion .

p . 68. Are you sure 'I never idealized my parents or my sisters in a major way . " Because elsewhere in the text I read that though. And as for the first three years of life , a child in an abusive environment had to idealized both of his parents in order to survive.

You write " I can not say with certainty where my true self ended and my false self began. The Lines were blurred . Maybe you can bring more clarity when mother is not spared for her "weakness" .

 p . 69. " Quite frankly , I wish I could have had a real discussion with my father or with Elza and Laura .. " How not wanted the child to communicate with his mom ?

" ... For my crazy boyfriend Marty ... just hoping to finally get the attention from a man that my father could never give me ... ' . Quite understandable. But what about it’s longing for communication with his mother?

p . 70. You wrote, " While I never created and idealized image of my parents' . Are you sure about that , because i read you do .

 p . 80 When I read your Worksheet , which I find very useful / riding, then knocks the theory altogether . Nowhere confusing elements . But then I read your personal story as confusion.

p . 90 . " Just like my family , Marty wanted me to stay at home and be available to him ... " do you place  yourself here in the role of your mother?

p.90 . What came to my thoughts when I read this was your mother . Maybe she ' plays the Victem card ' very early in life, and so you feel sorry for him as you feel sorry for your mothers weakness ?

p . 91. " This roller coaster ride of intense ... and total disinterest .. left me ." " ... Left you in a sorry state " as early in your life happend?

 p . 93. Marty triggerd me to act like Elza and Laura ... 'And you had a serial foregiver ' you wrote . Where does that come from ?

p . 94. " The drama played that played out in both of these deep relationships perfectly explains ... " You said ' perfectly ' but it came into my mind ‘not perfectly’ because your mothers written role / influence continues to be veiled. The mother learned (and the father) her child no respect because of her own repressed feelings. They had no respect for your dignity in those first three all-important first years of your life. A mother who gave her own child away for adoption to her own children what a confusion it left in a child and what an aggressive action. I am so sorry that happened to you. It’s heartbreaking.

I hope that the way I put numbers it does not happen to you as a kind of chilly enumeration because it comes straight from my heart and is my gift to you baby/book. So that it can contribute to a powerful message to many people. I did it with pleasure. Thank you for reading.

I have found it an honor that you asked me to write the foreword and thus gave me your trust and I want to thank you sincerely. I'd likedone it for you. But yet, I can’t because of what I wrote above.

With much love,

Liliane

Sylvie Shene <s.com> wrote:

One more e-mail with the crazy psychologist in the Netherlands

Sylvie

---------- Forwarded message ----------.

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Date: Sat, Mar 29, 2014 at 11:29 PM

Subject: Re: Re: re

To: liliane rombout <@.nl>

Dear Liliane,

Now I am the one not sleeping thinking about your words. You wrote:

“If one of my children told me that they felt sorry for my weakness and abuse of my beautiful family than I would be very sad because then I would know that I have hurt them so much that a healthy part as anger was damaged and that they are not free and still dependent.”

I feel that the pain you cause your children is still very raw and this pain might block you from seeing the big picture of the potential of my book reaching many people and taking this very valuable insights of Alice Miller to many people out there, desperately waiting to hear this fundamental truth from someone, like I once was.

Anger is very healthy, but if it doesn’t start to diminish when is being felt at the right culprits that hurt us, when we were younger and defenseless, it means we still dependent on our childhood abusers or people standing in symbolizing them and anger then doesn’t diminish, but it increasing, so if your children keep staying angry at you and can't let go of the anger, is because they still on some level dependent on you.

This is why Martin Miller can’t break free because he is dependent on his mother and that’s why his anger keeps increasing towards her. Just as Alice wrote: “a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=53&grp=11

 I have totally broken free from my family and I'm completely autonomous, my anger and pain is gone and now the adult in me can feel true compassion for the child I once was and love and protect her and I can also feel compassion for the family and others that still are stuck in their emotional prisons without courage to start developing their true self.

I don’t any longer feel pain or anger and I am writing this book, not from a place of anger and pain, it’s truly a memoir, my anger and pain are a long time ago, a memory in the past.

I feel if you were to write your own book right now, you would be writing it from a place of pain and anger.

It doesn’t mean sometimes when I encounter a person that treats me like my childhood abusers used to -- it does remind me temporally -- of the old pain I once suffered -- and I feel annoyed -- but not the intense anger and pain I once did, and once I set limits with the present person or if necessary walk away, I feel good again right away.

As a child, I could not walk away from my abusers, but as an autonomous independent adult, I can walk away from anyone that treats me like my family once did. And people figure out pretty quick that I don’t put up with games and will not be anyone’s scapegoat.

You wrote “…or a ghostwriter that is not come out of his childhood repression” in this last sentence I feel you are projecting resentment and anger at my ghostwriter, but writing my book is helping him and I know everyone close to me that I let read it is waking up, you cannot expect for people to do it overnight, as Alice Miller wrote: “The full extent of the mistreatment inflicted upon a child cannot be dealt with all at once. Coming to terms with it is an extended process in which aspects of the mistreatment are allowed into our consciousness one after the other, thus rekindling the feeling of hatred. But in such cases, hatred is not dangerous. It is a logical consequence of what happened to us, a consequence only fully perceived by the adult, whereas the child was forced to tolerate it in silence for years.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=53&grp=11

I believe my first book can start to break through people’s repression, but if I do it all at once, it can make it worse and even make it more dangerous. I hope you can see the big picture and you are not blocked by the present raw pain you are going through.

I congratulate you for having the courage to face and feel your repression like I once did, but you can’t accelerate the process of others to come to meet you where you are. My ghostwriter is showing courage and not running and by the next book, he and my readers will be able to go deeper.

I hope what I wrote made sense to you,

Thanks,

sylvie

On Sat, Mar 29, 2014 at 7:08 PM, Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@> wrote:

Dear Liliane,

I am sorry you are losing sleep over my manuscript. I feel so honored you are putting so much time and thought into it. I am not worried if the book sales or not if it makes money and I get the money back that I have spent already on it that is close to $50,000.

 I worked very hard for it and money is not my concern. Most people in this world don’t know about Alice Miller’s books, I was just very lucky to find her books. I just want to introduce her books to as many people as possible through the telling of my story, but I don’t feel I have to tell every little detail of my story and that it is important, but of course if the book reaches a lot of people, is going to make money, but making a lots of money will be actually a burden to me to try to put it to use that will help people face and feel their own repression and not enable or distract them.

I love my simple life I don’t need staff, I have everything I need, but I do feel the telling of my story has the potential to reach a lot of people and introduce Alice Miller to a lot of people and I feel the responsibility to use this potential to take this information to others that were helpful to me.

 I do think the book does the job of introducing Alice Miller’s books to others and that is what is really important to me, so others can too have a chance to liberate themselves and if they are already parents, they can become more conscious parents.

Now that the book is written I can die in peace that I didn’t waste this potential of introducing Alice Books’ to others.

Believe me the adult in me feels sorry and compassion for my parents and all the family that still suffering in their emotional prisons, but I felt the repressed justified anger of the child I once was, it was not easy to do, but I did it and if you read along you will see how I got through those feelings.

I feel reading my manuscript is triggering repressed feelings in you and I hope you are able to put those feelings and consciously feel them in the context of your own childhood.

Of course, I want you to stay true to yourself and only sign the foreword of my book if you believe in me and the manuscript.

Again thank you for your time and energy spent on my manuscript.

Thanks,

Sylvie

I don't owe her anything I paid her for her time that she took with my manuscript and my question is: why took her 4 years to publish her phony review full of her own projections and transferences?!  Maybe she thought after all this time I would not figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same. It's funny I never heard from her until now! She said: "In this mail I'll give you my feedback and I'm going to mail you soon my answer about what you write about J." Well, she never did! Because what I wrote is probably very accurate.

From: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 4:03 PM
Subject: I just mailed you $200
To: Liliane Rombout <@.nl>

Deal Liliane,

I am not going to write much, because I need to get back to the manuscript, but I just like you to know that I just mailed you a cashier’s check for $200. $25.00 is a refunded for the contribution you made at Indiegogo to buy my book and $175.00 is to compensate you for your time spent reading the manuscript and for your thoughtful feedback that I don't agree with everything you said, but most was very useful.

Please let me know when you receive it and feel free to write me any time and I will answer you the best way I can.

Again thank you and much love to you,

Sylvie

I just notice it that I didn't include the e-mail where Lilianne or Olane acknowledges that received the Money I sent her -- I paid her for the time she spent with my manuscript. I don't owe her a thing.

From: liliane rombout <@t.nl>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 6:40 AM
Subject: received
To: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@com>

Dear Sylvie,
I have just received your personal, handwritten letter with the check, and I want to thank you for this. As I wrote you I was all happy with a "thank you" because I know it comes from your heart and what still can add something there? In addition, it was entirely on my own initiative that I read your manuscript. After all, you did not asked me to. In any case, you did want to appreciate it in your own way so I accept your check and give it a good use.
Sincerely, Liliane

From: Sylvie Shene <sylve@.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: received
To: liliane rombout <@nl>

Dear Liliane,
Happy to hear you got it and that you will give it a good use.
Again thank you for your thoughtful feedback it was very helpful in focusing me on making sure to include important information into the manuscript.
Enjoy,
Sylvie

From: liliane rombout <@.nl>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 10:58 PM
Subject: Re: I just mailed you $200
To: Sylvie Shene <@.com>

Hello Sylvie,

I've done it with pleasure and I accept no money for it. Just a thank you satisfies and you did that already. It were not all the points I read in the manuscript and that I wrote to you because that would give too much work with the translation and so on. I am glad you could use it.

Sincerely,

Liliane

If I suffered from grandiosity like she wrote in her comment above I would never have survived when I was targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years after I published my book. And sure I would not last a day at my job where most people think are superior to me. I see everyone as an equal to me regard of their titles and how big their bank account is. She accuses me of punishing her, just because I made public all the facts and evidence, so people can draw their own conclusions, really who is punishing who?! Who came after whom?! She is the one that came after me with her phony review full with her own projections. She doesn’t see me in my book but gets me confused with her own projections. And this is why most therapists can’t help people, because are lost in their own stories and in the story of others keeping everyone stuck. The quote in the picture below could not be truer. Talking about going to great lengths! She sat with her critique over four years, changed her name and then published her critique. That's going great lengths I would say!

Thinking about this experience with this proclaimed "psychologist" really it's kind of funny! At my job of nine and half years I was targeted by a mob of sociopaths after I published my book because to them I went too far on blaming parents and childhood caregivers and for this so-called “psychologist” I didn’t go far enough in blaming the mother. It brings to mind the story of a man that was going to market with his son and his ass. You really can’t please malignant narcissists or sociopaths no matter what you do!
http://www.kidsgen.com/moral_stories/you_cannot_please_everyone.htm#CFmzxL0AW471C2rv.99

When I think people cannot become more fake then someone comes along and surprises me!

This therapist Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout is trying to cast herself us my therapist or mother figure substitute. Anyone that has read my book will see clearly that I have worked through the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I don’t protect my parents or any member of my family or anyone in my life for that matter. And now I’m free to live my true life.

This woman is trying to regress me into the state of the child and have me lost in my story. These words Alice Miller wrote to me in her response to my first letter to her come mind: “I am glad that you succeeded to save yourself eventually. The world is full of scandals like that and the victims often stay stuck in their stories.”

But she is the one that is lost in her story and in everyone else’s’ story. This just proves how dangerous some therapist can be. And the importance of not to going public with our stories until we are really truly free from being vulnerable to be manipulated by sick mental health professionals.

With her last comment, she is trying to keep me engaging with her and bring me to her orbit so she can play with me like a little mouse. No, I will not fall into her trap and I will no longer engage or respond to her directly. What's really sad is that she using the work of Alice Miller to manipulate and deceive others. If this is not the work of a malignant narcissist hiding behind the title of a therapist -- then someone please explains to me what a malignant narcissist is?!

She didn’t have a profile picture on her Google + page -- after she shared her critique of my book on Google + -- I asked her why she didn’t show her face?! And then she published this picture of herself. Looking into her eyes you can tell there is no life/soul in there. Her soul was murdered in childhood. She is a robot that memorized good knowledge to impress and manipulate others.  She is jealous and envies that I survived my childhood with my spirit and that’s the only reason she came after me with her phony review to try to create confusion. Nothing is real about this woman.

Below are some old e-mails and comments exchanged when she first reached out to me.

Comments from the blog The Pain of a Mother

Liliane: I totally agree with your words and I feel sad that her excellent and very important work is brought into discredit by people like DM, BR, and MM. In their writings and words, you can read how they idealize, devalue and show signs of grandiosity. As you can read in the interview with Die Welt-15.10. MM says that it was thanks to his therapeutic work and with his book that the theory of his mother survives! However, it is clear to me that they are stuck in the repressed feelings of their childhood and that brings others in confusion and pain.

Sylvie: I am glad to see that are other people out there that can see it too. Sometimes I feel alone in my perceptions, how BR, DM, and MM are twisting Alice Miller’s work to manipulate the perceptions of others and deceive them. It’s very clear to me too that they are stuck in their repressed feelings and suffer from grandiosity. And they allow the fantasies of revenge of the child they once were into actions that bring others confusion and pain. It’s sad beyond words.

On 02/11/14 6:57 AM, Liliane Rombout wrote:

Dear Sylvie,

Thank you for your warm sensitive words which did welling up the tears in my eyes did . They mean a lot to me .

The day after your letter in Google+, I could really feel, after years, the sadness that was behind the pain. This could happen because of the slight/small distance in the sense/feeling between you and me. So I cried for hours the whole day trough. Thank you so much ! Then it inspired me to write my blog article " Giving children the truth."

I know that it is extremely rare that a mother is telling the truth, but Alice writes somewhere that true love endures the truth. Especially in the last years, I feel this real love in my heart and I'm so glad that I could. 

Hereby I lost all the ones I love. But I know that only by giving them the truth, I can really help them en their children. Because what you write is so true that " Love can not ever develop and grow based on lies and illusions." Now there is a chance for real love to develop and grow , and that seems to be the only true basis . A basis of reciprocal love. Only on that basis I want to live. I can feel free and stay close to myself.

What you say is so true that most people pretend they love. They also can not love because they are alienated from themselves. How then can one love another? Unfortunately, recognize the truth means unfortunately rejected by others and not be a part of ' the family ' or the community. But authentic and inner freedom is not lonely . I was very lonely when I was a little girl , as a teenager in a home for children who are difficult to raise, and as a young woman and mother alienated from who I really was . Once I wanted to belong to a family and the community in the village where I lived. But not any more. Because I belong to myself. I learned it's something good to differentiate yourself from the mass who blindly repeat with their children and many other ways their own suffering.

You write about the mother on facebook who says she was born without maternal instincts and gives herself the blame. So she can save her parents for the deficits she suffered early in her life when her mother could not feel anything for her, and repeated this so traumatic experiences again with her child . What a sadness that they do not want to see the truth and so they remain closed to this important part of their emotional life. Because closure leads to insensitivity towards our children and so the chain of abuse and neglect are not broken.

But your words tell me that your maternal instincts were correct. Entirely correct and intact. So you did save the child and also yourself severe suffering.

What you write about the attacks that you have to endure for the choice you made that must have hurt you.

Even if you are aware of how transfer and projection works. What the origins are. It takes me a lot of time and energy each time to work it trough and could leave it behind me. How are you dealing with the attacks? I think Alice has also been affected by the attacks and hits hard, and that these attacks reminded her of the attacks that she had to endure early in life from her parents. The attacks reminded her stress memory system to this early attacks and could be the cause of the disease to developed. Don’t you think? Do you know the book " Why love matters" by Sue Gerhardt? She describes that mechanism. But it is now well known by others.

It is a sense of wonder in me and gives me a feeling of harmony to know that there is at least one person on this earth who is authentic, honest and sincere, and above all sensitive. Thank you so much for being here. To know that there is at least one such person just Alice 's gone give me a feeling of wholeness. For me she was a life saver, and her work is still very important to me. Such a incredible courage Alice had. And if she was still alive, I would love to thank her personally.

Thank you very much for your words and best wishes, Liliane

Dear Liliane,

Thank you for writing. It makes me teary eye to read your honest moving letter. Seeing people that have become complete real like you are very rare and until now I only knew of Alice Miller. Before I forget, can I publish your very moving letters on my blog? Of course, I will publish them anonymously.

I am glad my written words helped you get in touch with your feelings and feel them. And that you were inspired afterward to write your blog “Giving children the truth”

Yes, true love endures the truth. It makes me so sad that so few mothers can gather the courage to become real and tell their children the whole truth, but instead they work very hard to block the truth from themselves and their children by trying to control and manipulate every situation of their children’s lives and everyone else around them to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own fears. Without the truth, true healing and true love will never have a chance to develop and grow. 

I am sorry you lost all of your loved ones in order to become real with yourself and others. Me too I lost everyone I loved in my search for the truth. I still talk to most of my family members, if they want to talk to me and want my truth, but we are worlds apart and I don’t mean just physically, I mean emotionally. You are right you are giving them the chance to heal and develop real love by giving them the whole truth, that’s what I hope to do for my family too.  

I am happy for you that in spite of being alone in the last years, you finally feel real love in your heart. Me too I am alone, but I never felt so much love and joy in my heart like I do now. I congratulate you for only wanting to live in the basis of truth and true love, even if that means being alone and never again compromise and leave your true self for lies and illusions no matter how seductive they might appear. 

We are alone but close to our authentic selves and free! And is the best feeling in the world ever!

At one time I too wanted to belong to a family, and I too was very lonely when I was a little girl and a teenager and suffered immensely for being ostracized in my family. 

You are right they cannot love because they are alienated from their authentic selves and you could not be more right that being authentic and having inner freedom is not lonely, because once we have found our authentic selves we are never alone again because we have the most important person in the world, ourselves! We belong first to ourselves and no one else!   

Yes, it’s good to separate from the masses who blindly repeat with their children in one form or another their own suffering. Someone the other day posted on facebook the quote below. I get so tired of cult leaders posting disconnected half-truths that sound good to attract followers.

 "Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.” Pam Leo

The only way to do that is for people to face and resolve their own repression, otherwise, the unresolved repressed emotions of the parents will be transferred into their children overtly through abuse or covertly under the mask of the illusion of love. 

As long parents' childhood repression goes unresolved the compulsion to repeat will go on endless in one form or another.

Yes, it’s very sad that the mother on that article posted on facebook blamed herself to spare her parents for the deficits she suffered as a child when her mother could not love her and therefore her motherly instincts were killed and she repeated this traumatic experience with her own children. 

And yes, it’s very sad that they don’t want to see the truth and remain closed to this very important part of their emotional life and like you say closed leads to insensitivity towards children and the chain of abuse and neglect are not broken. It’s very sad to witness this that pretty much is everywhere I go.

You are right my motherly instincts were saved somehow and because I was so aware of children needs and I knew in my heart I didn’t have what children need most: true love, freedom to grow, and stability, I didn't have back then, any of these things myself, I needed to get them first for myself before I could ever have a child and there was no way I would have a child in captivity for others to use and exploit. 

I saved a child by not bring it into this world just to suffer and I saved myself from severe suffering and people resent me for not falling in their traps, they want me to suffer and have the same fate as them. 

I cried reading your words because for the first time someone really speaking honestly and not preaching to me for not falling into society’s traps.

You ask me how I deal with the attacks from the people that because of stigma surrounding abortion feel free to use the hook of the abortion to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container to transfer the repressed hate of the child they once were at their parents into me for being born, because unconsciously want others to suffer like them and have the same fate as them. 

It’s never easy to deal with people’s attacks, even if I understand how transference and projections work. It always reminds me of the suffering of the little girl I once was, when I used to live with my family, that all used me as their scapegoat or poisonous container to temporally alleviate their own fears and anger. 

I am getting better every day at moving through people’s projected feelings into me and give them back their projected feelings, but I question myself every day if my book sales, and if the whole world starts to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container, will I be able to handle it? I hope so because what I mostly want to do with my book is to bring Alice Miller’s books to the masses and reach people like me that want the truth and feel all alone like I once use to and expose the liars and psychopaths of the world. 

Yes, I have no doubt Alice Miller’s life was shortened, because so many psychopaths exploited her to make a name for themselves and use her as a scapegoat or poisonous container. 

And what sadness me the most right now, is that psychopaths like BR, DM and others like them that are exploiting her son’s anger at her to make a name for themselves and use Alice Miller as their scapegoat or poisonous container, just like a psychiatric doctor exploited my anger at my family when I was 17 to sexually abused me to feed his sexual deviance.

Also gives me a sense of wonder in me and a feeling of harmony to know there is one more person out there who has become authentic, honest, sincere and sensitive. And thank you for being here too. To me too Alice was a life savior, her courage was astonishing and out of this world. Me too I would have loved to thank her in person, but I am happy that at least had the honor to thank her before she left by e-mail and we exchanged many e-mails that I will treasure forever.

Thank you to you too for your kind, honest, sincere and sensitive words.

 Best wishes to you too,

Sylvie

Below is a link to this letter published anonymously in February of 2014 under the title: 

True Love Endures the Truth

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/02/true-love-endures-truth.html

Hi Sylvie,

I can understand how difficult it was for you finding the right writer who writing down your words as you intended them. If I read you text on your site, I can hardly imagine that you could not write a book yourself. Your text is written fluently, truthful and clear. According to me it is that the most writers not come off easily, and it costs them a lot of efforts and struggles. But I am glad that you were able to find out where you were happiest with, writing the book yourself or let it do a writer.

Yes , I have children . Three. And almost three grandchildren. I was 19 when I had my first child. But for all three, I could not be the mother they needed . I've done them a lot of pain with my wartime childhood experiences. I did not know what love was and was not open, accessible and available as a parent and that is what a child absolutely needs. As you know. It is such a sad story.

The pain was very deep when it all dawned on me and I began to be a sensitive woman. I showed them my sincere repentance and gave them the truth . And I did not want to be spared no longer. So, now they are able to choose their truth as it once was for them. And hopefully they could stop to make their kids suffer anymore.

The words of Alice support me as she says, " Staying true to yourself even at the risk of losing the people we love ."

Thanks for reading, Liliane

Sylvie Shene sent the following message at 11:48 AM

Dear Liliane,

Thank you for writing. The honesty in your letter is very rare. I can only imagine what the deep pain might be like for a mother to wake up one day and realize that she was not the mother her children needed and sees she is the cause of her children suffering and troubles.

I am sorry you went through such deep pain to become authentic and give your children the whole truth so they can choose to heal and hopefully not repeat it and spare their children from the same suffering. I congratulate you for having the courage to become authentic and face, feel your painful truths and go through the deep pain and not to want to be spare no more so your grandchildren, the future generation, can be spare.

 Like Alice Miller says: “Staying true to yourself even at the risk of losing the people we love." 

When I woke up pregnant at 20 years old, I knew in my heart, I could never cope with this deep pain of damaging at child I brought into the world, and If I could not have gotten an abortion, I would have killed myself, because in no way I was going to bring a child into the world, I could not love and protect. 

I think being dyslexic made me more sensitive and spared me from having to go through this deep pain and prevented me from falling into the trap of education, like millions of people have that because they have an education and a good job, they fall into the illusion they can be parents, but a job and education alone doesn’t prepare anyone for parenthood. 

The only thing that prepares us for motherhood is to face and feel our childhood repression. Just like Alice Miller says: “It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Also, Alice said somewhere something like this that is so true: It takes courage to face the truth, intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps create a lot of seductive lies.

Best wishes,

Sylvie

Below is a link to this letter published anonymously in February of 2014 under the title: 

Staying True to Ourselves Even at the Risk of Losing the People we Love

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/02/staying-true-to-ourselves-even-at-risk.html

Also, read my blog  Love and Freedom Experienced in Childhood that Turns us into Compassionate Adults 

I decided to publish in a new blog my responses to Jeroen’s and Heleen's comments on the blog in the link below: 
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/comments-from-blog-about-olane-roos-or.html

When sharing letters or messages written to me in private I always do it anonymously, but if people write to me with malicious intent I will not respect their anonymity.

The beauty of not being a therapist or a psychologist is that I don’t go by the same rules as they do.

And I will not respect or protect malignant narcissists trying to mess with my mind. If you write to me privately with malicious intent trying to instigate and deceive me in any way to manipulate my feelings, I will publish your private messages publicly and will not respect your anonymity.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/comments-from-blog-about-olane-roos-or.html

I noticed it Jeroen and Hellen's comments disappeared, maybe is because they were made with Google+ and because now Google+ is being discontinued -- all comments have been deleted. Glad I saved my responses to their comments in a new blog.  I will publish my responses to their comments here too.

Thank you for your Comment Jeroen.

First of all, have you read my book?! Because if you have read my book -- you would see very clearly that I don’t protect or idealize my parents or any member of my family or anyone else for that matter in my life. 

And sure I’m not going to protect people now standing in symbolizing my childhood caregivers treating me exactly the same way.

My older sisters criticized every little thing about me and she is doing exactly the same thing -- probably the same way her own mother did to her also --- she wants perfection out of me -- just like my older sisters did! And probably the same way her own mother demand perfection from her.

I don’t mean to cause her any harm either and I too have been very respectful towards her. I just want the facts and evidence to be out there and let people draw their own conclusions.

Everything she writes in her critique of my book is pure projections, transference, and manipulations to try to regress me into the state of the wounded child.

It’s sad when therapists use Alice Miller insights to deceive, manipulate and create cult-like groups to keep people permanently in the state of the wounded child to have power over them. She wants power over me! But I'm not going let her gain any power over me.

Just as I wrote in my book page 129, 130, 131 and 132

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness.

 A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective. 

But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake. Why do people keep punishing themselves? 

As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. 

The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. 

Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65 

In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. 

At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. 

We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … 

First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. 

Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. 

From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66 

Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. 

Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance, when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods. 

Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. 

But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression. 

The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation. 

“I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront themselves with the cruelty of their upbringing, without illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame and permanent overstrain. 

A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can, based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67 

It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way. 

“Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.”

Could you please remove the link to her site in your comment? I'm not interested in reading why she changed her name. But it’s very interesting to me that she waited 4 years to publish her critique of my book --- after she changed her name --- I don’t want any links in my blog to her website, otherwise, I will delete your comment and republish it with my comment. 

Thank you, Sylvie

P.S. Jeroen, have you realized that your comment is full of assumptions?! I know where I have been, where I'm and where I'm going.

Jeroen, Olane or Lilianne’s in her conclusion, she is talking about herself --- she is not seeing me in my book --- she only seeing her own reflection in me and confusing me with herself. I will delete your last comment because I don’t want her projections and transference on my blog trying to confuse me and everyone else. 

I made it very clear in my book how I went through the painful repressed emotions of the child I once was and now I feel liberated --- And NOW no one can steal that from me!

Please don’t make any more comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself and stop taking Olane or Lilianne words for truth.

Is Liliane or Olane now your mother figure standing in symbolizing your own mother and now you are trying to protect and defend her like a little child would protect and defend his/her own mother? 

Maybe you should read my book to help you break free and grow yourself up and stop letting yourself be confused by people symbolizing your mother or childhood caregivers.

These words I wrote to Donald and you can read more in the link below if you like are very true: She [Alice Miller] also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed Sweet I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. 

The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poison of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable experts and better than others. 

Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. 

I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2016/07/renewing-my-nursing-license.html

Jeroen, you see what you want to see just like Lilianne/Olane sees what she wants to see. 

Lilianne or Olane is playing a very good game! And if you don’t see it --- it's your problem, not mine.

Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler lashing out at her with their critiques and I have Olane or Lilianne lashing out at me with her critique. 

And if you don’t see her critique as projections of herself into me -- then is nothing I can do to make you open your eyes to see. And I ask you one more time don’t make comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself.

All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims as the abusers, but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim. 

As Marie France Hirigoyen articulates beautifully in her book Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity: “As he drives his victim to destruction, the abuser gets that much more pleasure from pointing out her weakness or unleashing her violence. He makes her feel debased and unworthy. 

Depending on her reaction, she is described as temperamental and neurotic, alcoholic, or suicidal. The victim feels defenseless and tries to justify herself as if she were, in fact, guilty. The abuser’s pleasure double: he bamboozles or humiliates his victim and subsequently rubs her nose in her humiliation.

While the victim dwells on her guilt, the abuser benefits from the situation, making sure to cast himself as the victim.

Justification becomes impossible when nothing is said and no reproach is made. Desperate to find a solution to this horrifying impasse, the victim may be tempted in turn to use innuendo and manipulation. The relationship then becomes ambiguous: who is the abuser and who the victim.

The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal.
His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off.” (Do you see how you are being played here?! She gets you to continue the harassment she started.)

You can read more in the link below if you like:
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html 

If your idolized Lilianne/Olane is such a compassionate person that cares so much about others --- how come she didn’t reach out to me with a kind word of support when I was being targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years after I published my book in 2014?

I know she is following my blog incognito and witnessed everything that was taking place. 

She didn’t care, because she is a malignant narcissist or a sociopath like them. She was witnessing an attempt of a psychological lynching and said nothing and most likely hoping they would succeed in destroying me for her sadist enjoyment and put her own fears of exposure to rest. 

And then she waits 4 years to publish her critique after changing her name from Lilianne to Olane!

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/08/it-was-attempt-of-psychological-lynch.html

I glanced through the reasons on her website to why she changed her name. The name change is a strategy in the game she is playing. 

I don’t think she predicted that I would figure it out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout was the same person!

In my book page 174, I write: I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve their own freedom.

I constantly witness many people going public with their sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the wounded children they once were, just like their parents or parent-substitutes exploited them when they were defenseless little children. 

They keep themselves and others endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play either the role of the victim or the perpetrator. Alice Miller has proven that we can unlock the emotional doors that hold us and start a glorious dance to freedom. Knowing your own truth and living with it is the best gift you can give to yourself and to future generations. The more healed, or free, you become, the less dependent you’ll be. And because people will sense that you’re not needy, the more people will be attracted to you. It’s kind of ironic, but autonomy is very attractive! I hope you’ll take the challenge to free yourself at last. I hope you’ll end your own repetition compulsion naturally without endlessly staying dependent on crutches like yoga, meditation, religion, 12-step programs, or other painnumbing addictions.”

Olane/Lilianne is going public with her sad, tragic story as a strategy in her game to get people’s sympathy and trust to allure them into her orbit to gain power over them and not to be alone in her emotional prison, she is too afraid to feel the whole range of the repressed emotions of the child she once was all by herself and is exploiting and using her clients for transference effect, she is making others feel, what she, herself, can’t feel. 

Telling your story and really feeling the repressed emotions of the child you once were are two completely different things. 

I demonstrate very well in my book how I went through the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I’m no longer blinded by them. 

I see very clearly the games people play! I could name a few famous people that have played this same exact strategy as Olane/Lilianne is playing and they have made millions of dollars, it has worked very well for them thanks to society's blindness! 

But I’m not going to name names, because I don’t want to deal with the backlash from their millions of followers stuck in the role of the child. 

The only thing these people have changed in their lives is the roles. Now acting as if personality, pretending to be healed and more knowledgeable than others -- casting themselves as mother/father figures over others keeping everyone stuck in the emotional prison of childhood.

One thing that bothers me the most about malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are that they constantly force me to write and I hate writing! Because I’m extremely dyslexic and writing is the hardest thing for me to do in life and the most time consuming for me. I would rather be outside playing and being with my cats and with friends than sitting here writing.

Heleen, your comment just confirms what I already knew! That Olane or Liliane was your therapist or substitute mother figure standing in symbolizing your mother and she has you exactly where she wants you to be – in the state of the child --- doing her dirty work -- and you don’t think for yourself and this is why her review/critique was helpful to you! I ask you the same question I asked Jeroen -- have you read my book for yourself?! I see clearly and know when people are real and honest and when they are playing mind games trying to pull a fast one over my head or trying to change my reality

Heleen, yes, I agree we all have blind spots, but the blind spots Olane or Liliane accuses me of, are not my blind spots, those are her blind spots transferred into me...

I know when people are authentic and genuine or are trying to be malicious under the disguise of help or of being a friend.

So any person that goes out of her way to hurt others under the disguise of help and of being a friend that makes them a malignant narcissistic or sociopath.

I trust my feelings and is nothing you, Olane/Liliane or Jeroen can say to manipulate my feelings or change my reality.

I don't protect and respect people that are being malicious under the disguise of being a friend.

Respect is earned and no, you don't deserve my respect! So in a way you knew you were being malicious, because you didn't want anyone to know you were delivering news about me, if you were genuine you would be happy to stand by me, in public and not try to come through the back door out of public view.

Only malicious people want to make sure no one sees them when taking actions that can affect others.

I, too choose who I talk with about my feelings and sure is not to a dangerous therapist like Olane/lLiliane, you or Jeroen.

Just like I wrote on my book page 172: and 173 "I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears.

These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have lived my own, true life.”81 It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be prepared."

I ask you like I asked Jeroen, don't make any more comments here until you read my book for yourself. I will not respond to you again and any more comments posted by you or Jeroen will be deleted