This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Yes. I'm the sociopath's worst nightmare! I agree with almost everything the author of this article wrote. But I don't agree that some psychopaths, sociopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these evil people -- that they use their psychopath traits --- to help people -- these malignant people make sure all the good acts they do are in the public eye -- to cultivate a good image and gain power over others -- so if anyone dares to expose their true nature -- no one will believe them because they do so much "good"! Like I always say: most "helpers" are helping themselves! When there are no witnesses they enjoy hurting others -- they are sadists -- they don't care about anyone else but themselves. They only want good things for themselves! Hurting and destroying others' lives is their painkilling drug. It's an addiction that keeps their own childhood repression intact. Just like I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedompage 118: "... as long our pain remains repressed we will unconsciously and compulsively do to others what was once done to us."
"I want to debunk the misconception that sociopaths and narcissists are smarter than empaths. To many people’s surprise, empaths are absolutely intellectually superior to sociopaths and narcissists. Empaths are grounded in reality, capable of abstract thought, and they are creative.
Narcissists and sociopaths lack all three of these traits. Empaths have the intellect and the creativity to manipulate and even exploit the narcissist 1000 times worse than they could ever imagine. Just because targets don’t exploit does not mean they can’t, or that they couldn’t, do an even better job than the sociopath.
Empaths don’t exploit narcissists or sociopaths because we have morals and values. And moreover, empaths are not in the business of hurting people.
I certainly don’t want targets to abuse their abuser, but I do want to encourage targets to start engaging in self-protection by utilizing their creativity to come up with nonviolent strategies to counter-manipulate narcissists into staying away from them. Counter-manipulation is used by targets to STOP the abuser from manipulating them. This is not something to feel guilty about, but it is, in fact, a very healthy behavior called self-care.
If you are a target, please remember, that you are smarter than the narcissist, because you are grounded in reality, and that in itself is a huge intellectual advantage.
I personally pity the fool who tries to mess with an enlightened empath full of self-knowledge!" Read more HERE
Playing on sympathy is a favorite weapon of choice for psychopaths.
While they are confident, outgoing, and mentally resilient and rarely feel sorry for themselves, they are master manipulators -- are extremely proficient at eliciting pity and compassion.
Poor performers with psychopathic tendencies may frequently appeal to extenuating circumstances and pleas for support and understanding in order to shift the focus from their own behavior.
2. Control freak
If you feel like you are being micro-managed, you probably are!
Moving people around, making them jump for the sake of it, unnecessary rearrangements of workspaces, the sudden imposition of unsocial working hours, monitoring toilet breaks, and the promise of favors in return for ratting out your colleagues are just a few psychopathic favorites.
3. Charming
Psychopaths are past masters at making brilliant first impressions and charming your socks off. They know only too well the value of turning on the charm early in a relationship and then slowly turning it off to make you start doubting yourself and feeling less worthy.
If you have been swept off your feet and made to feel like you are the only person in the room, if you have felt that someone is speaking just to you, only to be left feeling confused and insecure afterward, then you may have been faced to face with a corporate Psychopath!
4. Bloodsucker
Psychopaths are corporate vampires who take you into their confidence only to suck out all the valuable new ideas that may have been weeks and months in the planning.
A typical approach is to use reciprocity, a potent influencing tool. A Psychopath might ‘confide’ in you about some ordinary idea of his/her own in the hope you then offer one of your own that is better.
Before you know it, your idea has become theirs” and they are getting the credit for it.
5. Liar Liar
If your relationship with your boss has been plagued by ‘false starts’, ‘misunderstandings’, and ‘wrong assumptions’ then you may have a Psychopath on your hands.
A tendency to misrepresent the facts while appearing plausible and reasonable, along with a lack of guilt or anxiety over telling lies is another hallmark of psychopathic behavior.
But they are hard to spot because the lies often contain just enough truth that a spurious cover story can be concocted if they are scrutinized too closely. Read more HERE
I can't believe so many people are moving to Portugal!
When I moved to the United States in 1984 many Americans didn't know where Portugal was!
I remember one night dancing at the club one guy arguing with me that Portugal was in South America and I said no! It's in Europe -- I was born there -- so I know where Portugal is!
And he kept arguing with me that was in South America and I just told him to put Portugal wherever you want -- I don't give a fxck.
Now, when I tell people that I'm from Portugal so many tell me: we are moving to Portugal! It's like everyone is discovering Portugal nowadays! And I'm moving to Spain right next door and I will be visiting Portugal often.
Most people are too emotionally blind to recognize true talent and authenticity.
Also, the sociopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these evil people in power positions feel too threatened by real talent and authenticity and will gather all the forces at their command to try to destroy you and get rid of anyone they feel threatened by...
After I walk away from toxic environments run by corrupted people it's really interesting to see them from a distance self-destructing just like the sociopaths that targeted me at my job of nine and half years in 2015 did after I published my book sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries. When these malignant people are not able to manipulate their targets to self-destruct, they end up sooner or later in one form or another to self-destruct themselves.
Recently, I found out a woman that joined in on the plot in 2015 to destroy me died of cancer and her two sons also died one in a tragic car accident and the other from Covid... just like I wrote to one of my friends in the community.
Hi C, I hope you are having a nice summer. I don't know if you knew H M from unit xx. An English woman, she played a big part in the psychological warfare against me. Small world a friend of hers bought a house recently in EX and told me she died 2 years ago and also her son died too. She was not that old and was very healthy when she was plotting against me with the property manager so I was shocked to hear she died! Pretty much most people that plotted against me have moved away or died! It's nice to get evidence that these sociopaths don't go Scott-free after all!
Yes, I knew she died. Yes, her son dies not long after she did. Her husband still lives in the house. I never cared for her or felt comfortable around her.
I think what happened in S will live with me for the rest of my life. When you are the target of a mob of bad players orchestrating a psychological warfare to destroy you -- it changes you! And you will never look at another human being in the same way. I lost hope for humanity. My last image of her always will be vivid in my mind. when she came to the gate and I tried to show her the messy package procedure they created didn't work -- when residents signed the forms -- it didn't identify what package was being signed for! And that I was feeling they were setting me up for failure and she tapped her hand on the forms saying: it works just fine and left the gate and I said to myself: No it doesn't. And then I created a package procedure that made sense using the last four numbers of the package tracking number so at least it identified the package being signed for.
I was curious how Mrs. M died and looked for her Obituary I didn't find hers but found her son's SM's obituary and also learned her other son also died of Covid. So tragic. I think after I published my book "Reenactment: A Dance with Lucifer" I will be able to put what happened at S behind me. I'm pretty sure if instead of plotting for my demise, she had used my book to help her take responsibility for her own childhood repression could have saved herself and these tragedies could have been avoided.
It's kind of sad that I just went through another psychological warfare at my last job of almost 8 years. At S was the property manager that started the psychological warfare and at the last job was the manager of the Security company that employed me. I have no doubt Mr. RM, my last manager, just sealed his own demise by starting a psychological warfare against me and recruiting my coworkers and others to do his dirty work.
I am no longer blinded by the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I can see very clearly who is the director pulling the puppets' strings. I'm sure my recent manager/sociopath visit my blog to get insight into how best to play with my mind and he must have learned that at S in 2015 was the property manager that started the psychological warfare against me so he tried to plant the seed in my mind with a lie by saying the present property manager told him some of my coworkers were quitting because of me -- because I'm hard to work with -- what a big lie -- he wanted me
to think I was being targeted by the present property manager again. He thought
he could fool me! He was very careful not to leave fingerprints of his crime against
me. Professional criminals never leave
fingerprints. But I can see clearly and I know who the director is and how he was manipulating others to act exactly the part he wants others to
act in his twisted dramas.
I get along
with coworkers just fine. I only have issues with people trying to gaslighting me
and playing mind games with me and trying to change my reality.
"Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition."
I knew he was lying for sure because the present property manager was very sweet and we got along great! Some of my coworkers, just like me, quit because of his bad management or lack thereof! I should add also that my boss recruited RK, my coworker, to tell me that the E.X. HOA president had told her I was a little paranoid. I knew she was doing what my boss told her to do -- to try to get a reaction out of me but I just ignored her.
They are many levels or degrees of narcissists/sociopaths and the ones that start the psychological warfare are usually at a high level of sociopathy. In 2015 it was the property manager that was the most dangerous one, and now in 2022, it's the manager of the security company that employed me that is the most dangerous sociopath.
My manager in 2015 would never have targeted me by himself, he was recruited by the property manager to do her dirty work and he was just collateral damage.
Guilt installed in his childhood by the Mormon church it's what really made him lose his mind, become a bank robber, and came to his demise in a gas station in Mesa, Arizona.
He had the perfect cover, he would rob banks and go take cover at Securitas, the Security company! Perfect cover!
But on March 11, 2016, on my birthday, he chose the wrong day to rob banks, because he never made it to his cover at Securitas' office. He lost his
mind because he allowed himself to be the Property manager's puppet to hurt me
and the guilt consumed him -- he felt that had committed a sin -- and he thought was going to go to hell after he died so he wanted
to live his best life while on Earth and for that he thought he needed lots
of money and the fastest way to get it was to rob banks but his plan didn’t go as
planned… robbing banks
on my birthday was bad luck!
"There's a reason narcissistic and psychopathic individuals withhold support, validation, healthy praise, and credit from those they feel threatened by but "gush" over people they perceive won't threaten their ego and will make obedient members of their harem. Make sure you validate and reparent yourself so you stay away from these types of harmful types of people and are repelled by their lack of authenticity. You never have to seek the approval of toxic people, especially those doing less than you." Shahida Arabi, MA. @selfcarewarrior
Thank goodness NOW I have two healthy legs to stand alone on my own two feet.
And this is why I survived not one but 2 psychological warfares one in 2015 and another in 2022.
"The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. TO CORRUPT IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL"
They hate real authentic people and they want to corrupt us so we become corrupted and soulless like them.
"There are people who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in and demand that it stops. They have the power to do so. What do they do? Nothing. The narcissist depends on these weak-willed people. Abusing people isn't so much fun if it's only a party of two.
Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt and bullied doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not. Enablers are guided by self-interest. They choose not to help the victim. This is why enablers are not innocent. They have made a choice to support abuse."
This is totally what the property manager in 2015 and my manager in 2022 and their enablers did: "So, the narcissist works to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal, which comes from the camp of these enablers, is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse. (Yes, the collective betrayal was more devastating than the original from the property manager in 2015 and now the present manager's enablers, because I always knew she and he would stab me in back at their first opportunity!)
Targets, especially if this happens at work, or in a social setting, watch as, one by one, the people they thought were their friends, slink away as the battle intensifies. (Totally, only very few stayed friends with me and stood by me) Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.
Some enablers even take it a step beyond and switch from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person. They may even turn into "flying monkeys" who carry out small attacks, in order to stay on the bully's good side. (Totally! was one after the other, when I thought I had one battle own, another would start the harassment) ...The abuser relies upon them not to back up the target. Before any attacks begin, a morally disordered person will carefully plan the battle. This can take months, or even longer before direct hits are launched. (Yes, the property manager in 2015 and my manager in 2022 very carefully planned the battle and were very sneaky. Professional criminals make sure they don't leave fingerprints. They know exactly what they are doing! ) Only if it's clear that there's an excellent chance of decimating a target, does the warfare begin. If there's a solid support system, the abuser won't make a move. (Totally, the property manager in 2015 and my manager in 2022 never had made their move before because they knew the whole community liked me, but the moment they found out that some became uncomfortable with my book, they made their move and knew they could get enough enablers to help them.)
This means the enablers are the variable, which can either make or break a plan, and the narcissist knows this. That's why so much effort is put into creating chaos and confusion. This makes it easier for the enablers to rationalize their position. They may even begin to believe the target is getting the treatment she deserves, and that she did something to warrant the narcissist's extreme reaction."
Just a friendly reminder that abusers don't abuse/target everyone they come in contact with, so placing doubt on the people being targeted by the abuser based on your experience with that person is irresponsible and unkind.
A violinist played for 45 minutes in the New York subway. A handful of people stopped, a couple clapped, and the violinist raised about $30 in tips.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. In that subway, Joshua played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before he played in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out a Boston theatre, and the seats averaged about $100.
The experiment proved that the extraordinary in an ordinary environment does not shine and is so often overlooked and undervalued.
There are brilliantly talented people everywhere who aren’t receiving the recognition and reward they deserve. But once they arm themselves with value and confidence and remove themselves from an environment that isn’t serving them, they thrive and grow.
Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it if it’s telling you where you are isn’t enough!
Whoever said it’s the journey, not the destination, they have not arrived, sure the journey was an adventure, sometimes very hard and painful and sometimes a lot of fun! But the destination is pure ecstasy!
When reading a book, an article, or talking with people, the moment I spot the lie, I lose interest...
Once lit, the flame of truth will never go out. Plato
My only dream in this world is to make a safer world for children and animals. But it's not possible when many people are sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever like to call these evil people, that don't care about anyone else but themselves. They only want good things for themselves and have pleasure in the suffering of others. Their sadism and hypocrisy are disgusting.
There are two kinds of people, those that think: I don't want others to suffer as I did. And those that think: I suffered and I want others to suffer too.
A reminder of how shitty life can get. Life isn't exactly a Gift
Life can be fun if we manage to liberate ourselves from the emotional prison we were born in
"Psychopaths are bullies who do not like when people stand up to them. They feel perfectly entitled to push boundaries, criticize, abuse, and lie. But god forbid someone to call them out on this behavior, suddenly you become enemy #1. In order to divert the blame, they'll immediately twist it around on you, so suddenly you're on the defense and the focus is shifted away from them. Their hypocrisy will be so unbelievable that you won't even know where to begin. They'll accuse you of doing things they're actually doing, all in an attempt to drag you into a chaotic distraction. Psychopaths are bullies, and bullies are too cowardly to fight fair battles."
"Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the charlatans of the world who exploit those who are still emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the children they once were."
-- Sylvie Imelda Shene quote from my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions page 172
Nothing will ever change in this world as long people believe the pretty seductive lies of charlatans
Until people resolve childhood repression, will always be the same shit different asshole!
The true tragedy of life comes from those who manipulate, swindle and use others' empathy and compassion as an opportunity to benefit themselves.
I know evil! I see it everywhere masquerading as human, acting as if personality, pretending to be good, caring, and loving. Only shows its true colors when no one is watching...
"There's no job better than another...every honest job is worthwhile..."
Some people, if they had everything taken away from them, and had to start life again at 46 years old, as I did, would rather kill and be killed than walk away, start over and be free!
Most people are full of illusions, and money by itself is the biggest illusion of them all...
It's sad to witness on the stage of the world so many symbolic fights but no single person mentions CHILDHOOD REPRESSION as the root of all our problems
“It's Easier to Fool People Than It Is to Convince Them That They Have Been Fooled.” – Mark Twain
“If we were always punished by our parents for the slightest offense, then we integrated a very different kind of knowledge: that owning up to our mistakes is dangerous because it loses us the affection of our parents. The legacy from this experience can be permanent feelings of guilt.” Alice Miller
All cult leaders political or non-political are followed by emotionally blind people.
The red flags are always there warning me, so when people decide to show their true colors, I'm not too surprised!
People feel scandals about pop stars simulating sex on the stage of the world, but don’t feel scandals about the violence in our world by people in power positions that lie to them and block the truth that could really help humanity pierce through their own repression. This quote by Alice comes to mind: “It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 141
Totally! “we do not write as we want but as we can” ― W. Somerset Maugham
Until we understand to the core of our being that one man/woman or another will never be the answer to our difficulties, we will remain prisoners of our own patterns of addictive relating. Life improves in direct relation to the degree to which we become more true to ourselves. The less we need a partner, the better partner we become.
It's so annoying when people are so emotionally blind, that they can't see, I am a seeing and a feeling person, and therefore I know when someone is speaking from the heart and when they are just getting some nice words or quotes out of their asses.
People are driven by the repressed emotions of the child they once were to sooner or later, in one form or another unconsciously and compulsively reenact their painful childhood dramas, and this is why they are not able to live the teaching of any religion and end up being a bunch of hypocrites... if children are born into love and experience love as little children, they will grow up into compassionate loving adults.
Love cannot be taught and this is why all religions are a fraud. Anyone preaching and teaching love is nothing but a con artist and a charlatan cashing in on people's emotional blindness. Those of us that had the courage to face and feel the painful truth that we were born into families incapable of loving us, and learned to love ourselves instead by walking away from everyone that believes and tells us lies -- lies are poison -- poisoning our soul -- trying to confuse us -- then we can become authentic loving adults incapable of hurting ourselves and any other living being.
"Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts and never lies. ...If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children” - Alice Miller
"The attempt to be an ideal parent, that is, to behave correctly toward the child, to raise her correctly, not to give too little or too much, is, in essence, an attempt to be the ideal child---well behaved and dutiful---of one own parents. But as a result of these efforts, the needs of the child go unnoticed. I cannot listen to my child with empathy if I am inwardly preoccupied with being a good mother; I cannot be open to what she is telling me. This can be observed in various parental attitudes." Alice Miller
What we have known in our family of origin will always be most comfortable to us, no matter how unhealthy that family of origin was.
"Yes, we can say this without any hesitation. Every behavior that is directed against the health of a person, that hinders the healthy functioning of the body and mind, is a repetition of once-endured mistreatment, neglect, confusion, lies, betrayal, perverted practices, and the exploitation of the child." Alice Miller
People want to build walls to protect themselves from external evil and they don't realize, that they will be destroyed by the evil within.
"Without memories of childhood, it is as if you were doomed to drag a big box around you, though you don’t know what’s in it. And the older you get, the heavier it becomes, and the more impatient you are to finally open the thing." ---Jurek Becker
If you are afraid of being alone, be aware of spending too much time with people. If you are afraid of people be aware of spending too much time alone.
David B: "Were you rejected as a child? Beware of attracting people that will reject you. Were you verbally abused as a child? Watch out for verbally abusive people: they will inject you with addictive endorphins. Were you sexually abused as a child? Watch out for predators: they will tempt you with the self-medication of surviving them."
Nancy D: Endorphins and also the self-actualization drive, i.e. the opportunity to try to recover the subconscious emotional memory of similar-style trauma in your past, which you probably can't readily recover without the assistance of someone else?
David B: I personally never experienced the self-actualization drive as you define it-- my entire life up until fairly recently was a repetition or recreation of childhood traumas, or more precisely situations that allowed parts of myself to exert control over the emotions I HAD to control as a child. I do think an empathetic witness is absolutely critical in recovery.
Nothing pisses me off more than lies coated with a little bit of truth, those lies are the most dangerous of all, because they ring like truth, but are only to manipulate and confuse emotionally blind people.
Let's make it clear if you are an adult and you feel abandoned when another person leaves you. You are stuck in childhood without realizing it because only children are abandoned -- adults are left not abandoned -- If we are able to understand and consciously feel this feeling of feeling abandoned within the context of our own childhood -- we will grow ourselves up into a conscious mature adult -- and we will never again suffer when people leave or ignore us.
Great comment by Anja G: "In a woman's world, it would be like that, except that there would be no "adult xxx entertainment" places for men. In this comic strip, it is also obvious that what the women REALLY say is: "Your sperm belong to us!" "We want full disposition of your sperm". And in my mind, that is what the male politicians that are against abortions really say: "Your uteruses belong to us!" Because if they were really "pro-life" as they say, they would be very much more concerned with the children and mothers that are alive already, to give them good life quality so that the risk of their premature death would not be so great as it is today in America."
It’s so nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It’s like the trash TOOK ITSELF OUT.
Very few people are able to look in the mirror and take responsibility for their ignorance/evil; the answer Alice Miller gave to one of her readers is so true. It seems everywhere I go I see people pretending or faking it to have healed. It comes to mind when I use to go to al-anon and codependents anonymous and the elders use to say: “fake it until you make it” I could tell they all were pretending and faking it and I use to think to myself: you can’t pretend and fake it forever and you going to have to face it sooner or later. I share a little tiny bit of your optimism; otherwise, I would give up completely.
AM: You write: "My main point in the allegory is that by necessity none of us are passengers anymore. Everybody's crew." I agree with you. But to become aware of the fact that our obedience learned in childhood doesn't allow us to think freely needs probably more than many hundred years. I am not sure if the tortured planet leaves us the necessary time to understand this fact, to protest against it, and to become a conscious, responsible members of the crew. http://www.alice-miller.com/en/we-all-are-the-crew/
"Religion is always in the control business, and that's something people don't really understand. It's in a guilt-producing control business. And if you have Heaven as a place where you're rewarded for your goodness, and Hell is a place where you're punished for your evil, then you sort of have control of the population. And so they create this fiery place which has quite literally scared the Hell out of a lot of people, throughout Christian history. And it's part of a control tactic. (...) The church doesn't like for people to grow up, because you can't control grown-ups. That's why we talk about being born again. When you're born again, you're still a child. People don't need to be born again. They need to grow up. They need to accept their responsibility for themselves and the world." Retired Episcopal bishop John Shelby Spong.
Religion it's where most sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these evil people like to hide behind acting as if personality pretending to be good people but are wolves in sheep's clothing.
And yes, all these types of people are in the control business and religion is the hook they use to attach the invisible reins of guilt to rein us in. Of course, religion doesn't want people to grow up and become autonomous free-thinking people. You can't control mature autonomous free-thinking people. They need people to remain endless in the state of the child in order to be able to control them...
This is why I constantly get targeted in the workplace by these types of assholes since I published my book. With my book, they learn I have grown myself up and I'm a mature, conscious, autonomous adult and that's the last thing these assholes want around... they want emotionally blind people endlessly stuck in the role of the child that they can fool and manipulate easily.
As I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions. Pages 9 and 10: At an early age, organized religion turned me away from God. Religion felt like a straitjacket keeping me down. Just like Alice Miller, I was “unable to fathom God’s motives,” and, in my own way, came to the same conclusion she did, that the God of the Bible was perverse and cruel. “The Bible was written by men,” Alice Miller writes. “We must assume that those men had been through some unpleasant experiences at the hands of their fathers. Surely none of them had had a father who took pleasure in their inquiring minds, realized the futility of expecting the impossible of them, and refrained from punishing them. That was why they were able to create an image of God with sadistic features that did not strike them as such. God as they saw Him devised a cruel scenario in which He gave Adam and Eve the tree of knowledge but at the same time forbade them to eat its fruit — that is, to achieve awareness and become autonomous personalities. He wanted to keep them entirely dependent on Him.”
1 PREEMPTIVELY starts smear campaign by planting seeds in the minds of others
2 Begins the smear by painting himself or herself as the devoted, loving, innocent VICTIM of you
3 Twist stories and tells lies about your character making sure to incorporate a GRAIN OF TRUTH
4 Lines up REPLACEMENT to use for future reputation management, supply. and triangulation
5 DISCARDS you out of the blue, then flaunts new supply and uses your reactions as proof you're to blame for all the problems in the relationship
That's exactly what Mr. RM, my last manager did at my last job of almost 8 years. I'm so tired of being targeted in the workplace by these malignant narcissists.
"Relationships with narcissists only last for as long as you're willing to put yourself last."
Some people would push you off of a ledge just to catch you and say they saved your life.
The Scapegoat and the Golden Child are the roles assigned by the narcissist in order to play the game of Extract Narcissistic Supply through Triangulation. Triangulation is like driving a wedge between people. This can be done by a narcissistic parent or a narcissistic anyone in your life. The game involves two or more people who get pitted against each other and usually they don't even realize what's happening. They're often just aware of the conflict and maybe they can't figure out what's going on or where it's coming from. [This scenario that's exactly what my most recent boss tried to do. I could see it so clearly!]
In troubled families and toxic work environments abuse and neglect are permitted; it's the talking about them that is forbidden.
"The narcissist holds himself calm, easy-going and well-composed, while driving you to the brink of sheer madness. Those who observe this from the outside, do see you as the psychotic one, and the narcissist as the unfortunate, level-headed victim. This reversed illusion was all part of the narcissist's grand plan the whole time.
YOU WERE PLAYED FROM DAY ONE!"
A mind that is truly free and sees clearly cannot ever be trapped
A religious person will do what is told... no matter what is right... while an awakened person will do what is right.. no matter what he is told.
The true tragedy of life comes from those who manipulate, swindle, and use other's empathy and compassion as an opportunity to benefit themselves.
"TEN TRUTHS OF A NPD PERSON
yes, they know what they're doing
no, you can not change them
yes, they know they're hurting you
no, they will not apologize for it
yes, they can control it, just like they do in public
no, they're not capable of empathy or remorse
yes, they could stop if they wanted to
no, they don't love you, even if they say they do
yes, they are capable of unconscionable manipulation
no, they don't care about how their words or behavior effects you, or your life" Morgan McKean
"An environment that is not safe to disagree in is not an environment focused on growth - it's an environment focused on control." Wendi Jade
"Narcissists are very envious of others. Unless they can take credit for the person's good fortune, it is either dismissed or seen as a threat. No one is better than they are. A narcissist cannot feel happiness for someone else, not even their own child."
"The sociopath enjoys taking selfies with kids whether it's nieces and nephews that they borrow to take the pictures or their own children. Why? The sociopath wants to look family oriented, wants to smile and look happy. As always it's fake. The sociopath can't be happy and will never care about the children in their selfies. The sociopath just cares about looking normal and family like, it's another tactic the sociopath uses to attract attention" -Alison Zehe
Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they experience years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of the trauma and fought to say “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.
If you tell the truth, it becomes a part of your past. But, if you lie, it becomes a part of your future.
Is the plan for one person to ultimately rule over a dead world while sitting atop a giant pile of money? Is that what we are working toward?
The funny thing about a strong woman is that she doesn't need you... she chooses you. And if you start slacking she'll be content without you.
I just wanted a soulmate, and not a degree in psychology.
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not - nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not - unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not - the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." -Calvin Coolidge
If you want to deeply hurt someone's soul beyond the capacity of any words known to man, just wait until they have developed a very personal and strong emotional bond to you. Pretend to love them and be their friend. Then, begin to emotionally abuse them, withdraw from them, devalue them, and discard them like they never existed and you will see a job well done. - Inside the Mind of a Malignant Narcissist
This is what narcissists say:
• The relationship was too toxic.
• They have mental issues.
• I just couldn't take the abuse any longer. • Nothing I did was ever good enough for them.
• They're on drugs.
• They used me for my money.
• They cheated on me.
Narcissists role reverse.
They will tell people all about the shit they did to you.
But they'll tell them that it's you that did it.
Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term owes its origin to Gas Light, a 1938 play and 1944 film, and has been used in clinical and research literature
NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH They'll insult, belittle, and criticize you (sometimes in a teasing/joking way), pushing your boundaries until you finally speak up. Then they use your reactions to make you seem crazy. Within weeks, they can turn an easy- going person into a hot mess of insecurities and self-doubt. DO YOU KNOW ONE?
No one really goes Scott free sooner or later in one form or another everyone meets their destiny
I started following this guy on YouTube. I love his videos because I like to improve my English pronunciation. This is the city you live in! Right?!
You probably have figured out that I was forced out of my job because once again I was targeted by another sociopath or asshole. But now thank goodness I don't have to work unless I want to.
I was hoping to last a few more years in the workplace so my pension would be a little bigger, but it's not possible now that eventually these sociopaths or assholes in the workplace can find out I'm a seeing and feeling person...
Since I published my book I have been dealing with sociopaths or assholes in the workplace one after another and usually, I'm able to deal with them if they don't have power over me but when is the boss, it's a different story.
My most recent boss for the last almost 4 years used to work also for the former company I worked for 9 and a half years before I published my book and he worked together with my ex-boss the bank robber... they are all corrupt, but the present boss is even more dangerous than the bank robber. It's amazing I survived 4 years working under this guy, he too used to be an ex-police officer. They are well-trained in psychological warfare to get rid of anyone they feel threatened by.
I hope you are doing well and hang in there.
Hugs from Arizona,
Sylvie
Dear Sylvie,
I started to write this e-mail the day before yesterday. and was too tired to finish it. in between I experienced a very bad situation. and it is a huge contrast, to the easy start of this mail., so you are warned... but I didn't want to rewrite the whole beginning. this is how I started the day before yesterday:
gosh, this is absolutely amazing to watch this youtube video.
You won't imagine, how near to my home and workspace this guy has brought You ;)
And the city center is not that small, so there would have been a lot more places, he could have visited. But he chose what we call the "old town" which is the part of the city where I live.
I know all the places so well and pass them almost daily.
Starting with the bridge, where folks put on the little padlocks.
Then, most amazing, he walked into the little bakery store at the end of our street. Then the place, where he eats his "kässpätzle", is a butchery, with great quality and really good regional products. they offer a lunch buffet with typical bavarian dishes each day. this is about 300 meters from the house I live in. I like both places.
Then, again a photo from the little river passing through the "old town", which look like 1000 soft cascades. And the "puppet on strings theater" is all around the quarter I live in.
And the showdown is the last picture, which is almost a still: if you look at the right side of the picture, there is a small sign, which says "new hair". and the building next behind would be the shop where I still work. it was just a thing of some meters, and he didn't film it.
so crazy, isn't it?
Well, I am sorry, that I didn't realize, that you were attacked so badly at your workplace once more. I admit, that I thought, you did publish elder postings from earlier bad times at your former job. I am so sorry to hear that. I will write more about this another time.
But now to the thing I had to experience yesterday. it is connected to the Augsburger Rathaus, which is quite near to the shop I work.
Yesterday at noon there was a young man, who did manage to climb the top of the Rathaus. He stayed there for about an hour. Police and rescue people were on the spot, etc. I went to work.. not knowing, what was happening nearby. And I saw this guy standing and moving around the statue of the Rathaus top. Which is at least 50-meter height. Specialists try to reach him by talking to him. they did some preparations for saving him. But he couldn't be reached without "threatening" him. One couldn't believe how he got there anyway.
Sylvie. you know. He finally jumped- There were quite a group of people watching this. My colleague did see it too. the spot couldn't be evacuated or protected from sight in any way. A passenger told us, that he shouted something about Jesus and Mary before he jumped. he must have been in a severe psychosis or something similar. The police closed the street for about 15 hours. And we had to close the shop. Then they opened up everything. It was Saturday. there was the Christmas market. Loads of people were on the street and came to Augsburg for shopping etc.
And one more worst thing is, that I heard that there are videos on the internet, which show the whole scenery including its end. How cruel is that? This is almost worse than the terrible thing itself.
The human race is so far from freedom and consciousness and nature, that we turned into monsters.
Well, Sylvie. I stop for now. Here it is in the middle of the night. I try to get some more sleep.
Good night to you
J
Dear J,
I am so sorry you were so close to this tragedy - the demise of that poor young soul -- that never found liberation from the corrupted system created by monsters in the human race.
I agree humanity everywhere is full of monsters.
We have to be constantly on the lookout for these monsters everywhere, especially authentic, real, seeing, and feeling people. These monsters don’t want authentic, real, seeing, and feeling people around… we will be rejected, harassed, prosecuted, and ostracizedby the monsters in the human race in power positions acting as if personality pretending to be good people but are wolves in sheep's clothing.
We are all responsible for these tragedies happening around the world. Nothing happens in a vacuum.
Just like I wrote in my book on pages, 34, 35, 36, and 37: “Researchers are constantly learning more about the impact of trauma on
children, while gaining a better understanding of how children sense the world
around them.
More and more caregivers are advocating more gentle infant deliveries,
as well as the elimination of circumcisions and other mutilation rituals that
are performed without any thought to the consequences their pain and trauma may
cause.
Alice Miller believed that so many people are late to the party when it
comes to avoiding the brutality of things like circumcision and spanking
because they’ve been traumatized themselves.
“The reason why parents mistreat
their children has less to do with character and temperament than with the fact
that they were mistreated themselves and were not permitted to defend
themselves,” she writes.The vicious circle of trauma goes back countless generations.
Such
systemic trauma can lead to the creation of monsters. If we all start out life
as innocent little babies, why do some of us turn out to be
psychotic killers?Why are so many of us so self-destructive and insecure? Why
do millions of people accept abusive relationships? Is it in the genes, or, as
Alice Miller believed, the result of parental punishment and other traumas?
Dr. Bruce
Perry, who directs the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, Texas, agrees with
Alice Miller that violence begins in the brain as a result of traumatic
experiences.
“It’s not the finger that pulls the trigger; it’s the brain. It’s
not the penis that rapes; it’s the brain,” he says.
The organ that controls our
behavior begins developing in the womb, and gets the bulk of its programming
from our earliest relationships.
Robin Karr-Morse and David Lawrence Junior,
who write about the importance of brain development in childhood, confirm Alice
Miller’s theories about the brain’s use-dependence, which we already touched on
earlier.
“Experiences of all kinds literally stimulate electrical connections
among brain cells as well as build gray matter in the brain,” they write.
“The
stimulation a baby experiences before birth and in the first years of life
shapes the type of brain the child develops.
Those years are simply for
developing capacities. An inadequate or traumatic caregiving relationship is
deeply damaging, especially during those early years when the brain is forming
chemically and structurally.
That part of the brain that allows the baby to
feel connected with another person can be lost or greatly impaired.
Absent adequate
nurturing by an emotionally competent caregiver, the baby faces an
unpredictable tide of unregulated emotions.
… If a baby’s experiences are
pathological and steeped in chronic fear early in development, the very
capacities that mitigate against violent behavior (including empathy, the
capacity for self-regulation of strong emotions, and the emotional modulation
essential for complex problem-solving) can be lost.
As these children grow into
adolescence and adulthood, impulsive and aggressive behaviors are so often the
outcome.
Moreover, genetic proclivities toward mental illness also are
exacerbated. Communities inevitably absorb the consequences. We ignore the root
of the problem at our peril.”
More and more medical professionals are
confirming the theories put forward by Alice Miller from the late 1970s until her
death in 2010.
Dr. Gabor Maté, for example, confirms Alice Miller’s contention
that addiction, autism, and other conditions aren’t caused by genetics, but by
trauma in childhood or even pre-birth in some cases.
“The hardcore drug addicts
that I treat …are, without exception, people who have had extraordinarily
difficult lives. And the commonality is childhood abuse,” Dr. Maté says.
“In
other words, these people all enter life under extremely adverse circumstances.
Not only did they not get what they needed for healthy development, they
actually got negative circumstances of neglect.
I don’t have a single female
patient in the Downtown Eastside who wasn’t sexually abused, for example, as
were many of the men, or abused, neglected, and abandoned serially, over and
over again.
And that’s what sets up the brain biology of addiction. In other
words, the addiction is related … in terms of emotional pain relief and
neurobiological development, to early adversity.”
Perhaps the largest single
examination of childhood trauma comes in the form of the famous Adverse
Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, conducted by the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention.
The study incorporates responses from more than 17,000
participants. The initial phase of the landmark study was performed by Kaiser Permanente
from 1995 to 1997 and demonstrated how specific childhood traumas can predict
problems in adulthood. The baseline participants, who ranged in age from 19 to
over 60 years old, are still being studied to determine their medical status.
Revealing
the “staggering proof of the health, social and economic risks that result from
childhood trauma,” the study shows a significant link between a person’s ACE
score and their chances of being saddled with addictions and medical problems.
Adults with an ACE score of 4, for example, were 460 percent more likely to have
depression and 1,220 percent more likely to attempt suicide than adults with an
ACE score of zero.
The study concluded that a strong relationship exists “between
the breadth of exposure to abuse or household dysfunction during childhood and
multiple risk factors for several of the leading causes of death in adults.”
It’s really crazy that I came across this guy’s video and show me around your town. It sounds so nice and interesting! I loved seeing the town you live in.
Maybe when I move to Spain I will go to Augsburg, Germany, and see it in Person and visit you too. I would love that!
I have to go now so I will write more at another time,
