I don’t have time to write right now, but I just want to tell you that I am not trying to hurry you up. You face your fears and feel your pain at your speed, but as long you project your anger at me “a scapegoat” you are going to stay trapped and if seven years of therapy has not helped you feel your feelings in the right context and use the triggers effectively, I would start questioning the therapist, because you probably have spent a lot of money to still be trapped directing your anger at scapegoats after seven years of therapy. Just as Alice Miller said to me: “Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of "power" (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can't be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.” You are seeing in me your mother, but I am not the mother that give birth to you and then give you up for adoption to a woman that exploited and abused you when you were a defenseless little child and now your inner child is waiting for you to finally protect him and no longer let anyone use and exploit you and my question is if your therapist might be exploiting you just like your mothers did, but you decide when you are ready to face your fears and feel your pain.
Wishing you courage and strength to face and feel your fears, anger and pain within the context of your childhood,
P.S. Reading the article of Alice Miller about transference might be helpfulhttp://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=116&grp=11