I see some people here preaching to people not to abuse their children, but then they also preach against abortion and they don’t realize being against abortion are contributing to child abuse to continue.
Preaching never worked and will never work no matter how hard we preach.
The only way we can ever stop enabling these acts of violence against innocent beings that be children other adults or animals, is if we stop preaching and find the courage to face and feel our own repression and then we share our experiences how we liberated ourselves from our own repression and hopefully in this way helps others rather the courage to face, feel and resolve their own repression and this is the only way we stop enabling acts of violence to continue.
As Alice Miller
says: “The injunction against abortion goes even further: Consciously
or unconsciously, it represents support for cruelty against children and active
complicity in the creation of unwanted existences, existences that can easily
become a liability for the community at large.”
Also in her book “Free from Lies” Alice Miller
says it best:
“There is still a widespread belief that children are
incapable of feeling: either the things done to them will have no consequences
at all, or those consequences will be different from what they would be in an
adult. The simple reason advanced for the belief is that they are “still
children.” Only a short while ago it was permissible to operate on children
without giving them an anesthetic. Above all, the custom of circumcising boys
and girls and subjecting them to sadistic initiation ritual is still quite normal
practice in many countries, blows inflicted on adults count as grievous bodily
harm to torture; those inflicted on children go by the name of upbringing, Is
this not in itself sufficient and incontrovertible proof that most people have
suffered serious brain damage, a “lesion” or a gaping void where would expect
to find empathy, particularly for children? Effectively, this observation is
evidence in favor of the theory that all those beaten in childhood must have
sustained subsequent damage to the brain, as almost all adults are more or less
impervious to the violence done to children!
In my quest for an explanation of this fact, I decided in
2002 to find out at what age parents thought they might begin impressing the
necessity of good behavior on their children by giving them “little” smacks and
slaps. As there were no statistics available on this point, I instructed a
survey institute to ask one hundred mothers from different strata of society
how their children were when they first decided it was necessary to make them
behave better by administering slaps to their hands or bottoms. The responses
were extremely enlightening…
As far as I know, what infants feel when they are physically
attacked and the affects that suppression of these feelings have on the life of
individual adults and the whole fabric of society are issues that have never
been address by philosophers, sociologists, or theologians. The lengths to
which the evasion of the issues has gone struck me with full force recently
when I was reading a superbly written and highly informative book on the
subject of anger. The book describes with minute precision the disastrous
effects of anger directed at scapegoats in the course of history. But nowhere in
the four hundred pages is there any reference to the origins of such anger. At
no point does the author indicate that the anger felt by every individual
person stems from the primary, justified anger of the small child at the blows
on it by the parents. The immediate
expression of anger is suppressed, but at a later stage this suppressed fury
will be direct at innocent victims with uninhibited savage.
As the torture of children and the suppression and denial of
that torture are so widespread, one might assume that this protective mechanism
is part of human nature, that it is designed to spare us pain and hence plays a
salutary role. But there are at least two facts that militate against this
interpretation:
First, the fact that suppressed abuse is passed on to
the next generation so that the progression of violence cannot be halted; and
second, the fact that remembrance of the abuse we have been subjected to cause
the symptoms of illness to disappear.
…The unspoken injuries can heal if they are
not left to fester in the unconscious. When children given this kind of
information later become parents themselves, they will no longer compulsively
repeat the sometimes brutal or perverted behavior of their parents, as the
suppression of their injuries will not drive them to do so. …Children who are
told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop
as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case
lies).
The words below by Alice Miller in the same
book “Free from Lies” articulates my experience with people that by adolescence
the defense mechanisms have been firmly cemented and once they are cemented is
near to impossible to soften cement.
“The best time for a conversation with one’s
children about the injuries inflicted on them is probably between the ages of
four and twelve, at all events before the onset of puberty. In adolescence the
interest in this topic will probably wane. At this stage defense mechanisms
militating against the remembrance of early suffering may already be firmly cemented,
particularly as adolescent children will soon have children of their own and as
parents can then experience position of strength enabling them to completely
forget how helpless they once were. But there are exceptions, and in adult life
there are also times, despite considerable success in their present-day
careers, some physical illness may force people to face up to the questions
posed by their childhood.”
I went to a party last night and a lady that
was 48 years old had given a baby girl up for adoption when she was 17, she was
so sad, everywhere I go I just see people in deep pain trying to forget, but
they are somethings you can never forget, like giving a child up for adoption…
and I am sure the pain of the child she given up for adoption is even much
deeper and if completely repressed she will unconsciously and compulsively
reenact what happened to her when she was a little baby by emotionally or physically
or both abandoned her own child when she becomes a mother without having memory
of what she went through as a little baby, it’s so sad these traumas continue
and progressing into the next generation and these unresolved traumas is what
contributes to the escalation of extreme
random acts of violence we witness in the world.
The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown
The misled brain and the banned emotions
The Facts:1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.
2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned.
3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)
Questions and Answers:
Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?
A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.
Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?
A: We can - at least to some degree - liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can't retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.
Conclusion:
Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence.
http://www.alice-miller.com/flyers_en.php
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