Sylvie: I love being on the limb! We have a better view from there! I respect you more than you can ever imagine. I do care about how you feel -- your true feelings that you are so disconnected from for so long and would take years for you to get in touch with and discern what emotions and thoughts belong to whom, because they have been immersed with others for so many years. I am glad this charade is over and I don’t have to pretend not to see what I really see--THE EMPEROR IS NAKED! I have learned that people are not always what they say they are, because most people live in denial of who they truly are. You all say that XXX is not a religion, but if I dissect it, that’s precisely what it is, but with brand new, pretty, seductive, and attractive beliefs and a brand new, very alluring label. You see, most religions believe in a god that no one can prove. People who believe in god say they feel it. Some even proclaim that God talks to them, XXX believes in physical immortality, and they say it is a feeling in the body, too, but nobody has lived forever. No one can prove it is possible, either, so it's just a belief, much like believing in God. It's very much like most religions, which are based on faith and belief. Like most religions, you too quote the Bible to provide evidence that what you are saying is true.
I don’t have beliefs anymore; there are things I know, and there are things I don’t know. When we know instead of believing, we will find the courage to be true to ourselves. Beliefs are passed down to us, so they should be received with doubt. To know comes from within. Every person I encounter on this planet so far suffers from some type of denial, and XXX suffers from the ultimate denial! Denial of death! Today, I have more vitality than ever before, and I am more immortal and alive than anyone at XXX. Will I feel this way forever? I don’t know, and I am not worried about it. I am just going to enjoy this feeling for as long as I can hold onto it. You are the one who joined a cult, so if someone is deluded here, it has to be you. I understand that you were at a very young age, in a war zone at the time, I cannot image what was like being in war zone hearing bombs, I hope I never know what that might be like, you were a very vulnerable young guy trying to figure out your path in life and these very charismatic people with very seductive beliefs and alluring label captivated you and now is very painful to face and feel that you have wasted 20 years of your life with an illusion and is starting to take an affect on your body and might bring you premature death and how ironic that is that death is what you all try to avoid. Nothing can affect our mental and physical health more than believing in lies and illusions.
XA: I can assure you that my life is entirely of my own making, and I am very pleased with the achievement thus far. More so now than ever.
Sylvie: I know this is painful and hard to hear, but joining a cult and getting involve intimately with the cult leader that is 30 years older than you, older than your mother, just a few months, but still older than your mother and letting her control or manipulate you, no matter how fun seductive and charismatic the leaders are is not an achievement to be pleased with and if what you are saying was true, you would not be upset by my observations. When People tell me things about me that are not true and I am sure in my heart that I am right, I just smile and say: Really?
XA: My health is increasing every day, and on a deeper level of the body than you can possibly be aware of. I think you are too insecure to be anything but the “teacher,” and so you just teach, teach, teach, even when there is something huge for you to learn. In fact, the more insecure you feel, the more you act as “teacher.”
Sylvie: I hope your health is better and you are feeling better and better. Your words above are pure projections -- who are the teachers/preachers? Really? Who preaches/teaches, preaches/teaches, and preaches/teaches in front of a congregation? The more insecure you become, the more you preach and teach, refusing to acknowledge reality and facts. Children who are preached to learn how to preach, and that is exactly what X is doing. She came from a family of preachers, and she knew her childhood lesson very well. And her son has learn that lesson very well also. The only thing that has changed is the beliefs and the brand-new seductive label. Everything you write in the last e-mail is just pure projections and transferences of disowned feelings that you and X can’t admit to, and the more insecure you all feel, the more you all need a congregation to be dependent on you, playing the role of the child, so you can use them to project your disowned feelings and insecurities.
XA: There’s a saying – a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And you’ve got it.
Sylvie: I might have little knowledge, but I acquired the proper knowledge! It’s not the quantity that matters, but the quality. Many people develop what I call empty knowledge, which only serves to impress, control, and manipulate others, but has no real value whatsoever. What’s truly sad is that most people carry this poisonous pedagogy and spread it around, infecting everyone with it. So, whose knowledge is hazardous? You guys are the ones using your knowledge with disconnected truths or lies coated with little bits of truth to control and manipulate the followers of XXX to stay dependent or stuck in the role of the child.
XA: From the emails you’ve sent me, I know you give this same treatment to many people, so I am not different in that regard. You have the same story for everyone, and that is control, plain and simple.
Sylvie: Most people I write to don’t share your opinion. Look deeper and see who is being controlled and controlling. I just dare to say that the EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES ON. I share what I see and feel, and you can agree or disagree with me. If you could have seen it too, that THE EMPEROR IS NAKED, that would have been great for your health and liberation, but if you don’t see it, then you are going to suffer the consequences of being emotionally blind. What you do with the information I gave you is your business. You can choose to reflect on it or discard it.
XA: I can assure you that my life is entirely of my own making, and I am very pleased with the achievement thus far. More so now than ever.
Sylvie: I know this is painful and hard to hear, but joining a cult and getting involve intimately with the cult leader that is 30 years older than you, older than your mother, just a few months, but still older than your mother and letting her control or manipulate you, no matter how fun seductive and charismatic the leaders are is not an achievement to be pleased with and if what you are saying was true, you would not be upset by my observations. When People tell me things about me that are not true and I am sure in my heart that I am right, I just smile and say: Really?
XA: My health is increasing every day, and on a deeper level of the body than you can possibly be aware of. I think you are too insecure to be anything but the “teacher,” and so you just teach, teach, teach, even when there is something huge for you to learn. In fact, the more insecure you feel, the more you act as “teacher.”
Sylvie: I hope your health is better and you are feeling better and better. Your words above are pure projections -- who are the teachers/preachers? Really? Who preaches/teaches, preaches/teaches, and preaches/teaches in front of a congregation? The more insecure you become, the more you preach and teach, refusing to acknowledge reality and facts. Children who are preached to learn how to preach, and that is exactly what X is doing. She came from a family of preachers, and she knew her childhood lesson very well. And her son has learn that lesson very well also. The only thing that has changed is the beliefs and the brand-new seductive label. Everything you write in the last e-mail is just pure projections and transferences of disowned feelings that you and X can’t admit to, and the more insecure you all feel, the more you all need a congregation to be dependent on you, playing the role of the child, so you can use them to project your disowned feelings and insecurities.
XA: There’s a saying – a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And you’ve got it.
Sylvie: I might have little knowledge, but I acquired the proper knowledge! It’s not the quantity that matters, but the quality. Many people develop what I call empty knowledge, which only serves to impress, control, and manipulate others, but has no real value whatsoever. What’s truly sad is that most people carry this poisonous pedagogy and spread it around, infecting everyone with it. So, whose knowledge is hazardous? You guys are the ones using your knowledge with disconnected truths or lies coated with little bits of truth to control and manipulate the followers of XXX to stay dependent or stuck in the role of the child.
XA: From the emails you’ve sent me, I know you give this same treatment to many people, so I am not different in that regard. You have the same story for everyone, and that is control, plain and simple.
Sylvie: Most people I write to don’t share your opinion. Look deeper and see who is being controlled and controlling. I just dare to say that the EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES ON. I share what I see and feel, and you can agree or disagree with me. If you could have seen it too, that THE EMPEROR IS NAKED, that would have been great for your health and liberation, but if you don’t see it, then you are going to suffer the consequences of being emotionally blind. What you do with the information I gave you is your business. You can choose to reflect on it or discard it.
The choice is yours. The fears you all feel are the internalized fears of the children you once were, of the parents’ punishments, and are being projected at me, because I triggered them. Still, I am not the cause of your fears and anger; I am just the trigger because I spoke of things you don’t want to or are not ready to look at, because they are too scary and painful to admit, face, and feel. Still, if you keep projecting these fears and anger into scapegoats they never get resolved, only when we understand the roots of our fears, anger and pain does it gets resolved and starts to diminishes and eventually leaves our body completely and can never be triggered by anyone no matter what, because it’s not inside our bodies anymore to be triggered again and again. We will have no more buttons in us to be pushed. You all say it’s good to stir people up and make their buttons, and love to use the slogan “face everything and avoid nothing.” I felt this was just a slogan to manipulate the followers of XXX. It did fool me for a little while, but I was aware that it could be just a slogan, like the ones politicians use to get our vote. Now I have confirmation of it, because when someone comes along and stirs you up, pushes your buttons, and presents some facts and realities to you. You guys don’t like it and get defensive. What do they call behaviors like this? Oh yes, it’s called hypocrisy. Also, you guys say that we have to get the ego out of the way. The leaders try to break the followers' egos so they can control them, but the ego can be a beneficial trait, as it protects us from being exploited by others. And again, who has the most enormous ego in XXX if not the leaders?
XA: Your sisters have made more of an impression on you than you admit.
Sylvie: I have dealt with my internalized sisters, and any residue may still be present. If it does come to the surface, I will recognize it right away and now know how to handle it. Until today, my ex was the only person who triggered my internalized older sisters, and he was the only one I reenacted them with. Now I am very conscious of my internalized older sisters, and I will be cautious not to reenact them again with anyone else. Now let’s look at you yourself, aren’t you reenacting your internalized mother by lashing out at anyone who questions your beliefs, just like your mother did to you when you asked her?
XA: Without invitation, you saw me in the hospital at my most vulnerable. You’ve abused that intimacy by judging me according to your own narrow agenda. You say you care, but your caring is twisted with judgment. And your judgment is ignorant and banal.
Sylvie: I am sorry if you felt violated by me stopping at the hospital to see you. I thought we were friends, but now it’s very clear to me that if I don’t become a member of XXX, I am treated like an outsider, and this is one of the reasons XXX cult can be dangerous, because it tries to control and manipulate members' contact with the outside world. In contrast, everyone thought I might become a member, I was treated very nicely, but in the moment I said I could not become a member, I was treated like I was a bad person, not everyone in the outside world is bad. When we are not emotionally blind, it’s very easy to see where everyone is at any given moment, and no one can fool us anymore. I saw your situation very clearly, so I was very aware of the risk I was taking by hiring you to help me on this project. You are a talented writer, and I hope one day you use your talent for truth instead of using it to deceive yourself and others. You are the one judging me by your own narrow agenda. So whose is twisted with judgment? And whose judgment is ignorant and banal? I understand your situation, and it is sad seeing you falling victim to illusions.
XA: You’ve taken me lightly. You’ve missed me completely. You’ve dismissed my own expression as if it means nothing compared to your little corner of knowledge.
Sylvie: I see you clearly and understand why it’s so hard to acknowledge the truths I am talking about. You are the one who takes yourself lightly. If someone is missing someone, it’s you missing yourself completely, and that is what’s really sad. If we don’t miss ourselves, it does not matter if others miss us or not. So, if I missed you, it wouldn't have mattered if you weren't missing yourself. Again, try to look a little deeper and see who is really dismissing you. Your body has been screaming at you to pay attention, and you are ignoring its signals and refusing to explore the real causes of your pain, so if someone is dismissing you, it's you dismissing yourself. You are the one dismissing your own body’s expression as if it means nothing compared to your little corner of your intellectual knowledge.
XA: But you can’t dismiss this: I don’t associate with people who don’t respect me and my life. I know you have problems in your life and that you are trying to work them out by working on other people. But nothing excuses the lack of respect you show me.
Sylvie: Again, let’s look a little deeper and see who does not respect himself. When I debated whether to become a member or not, and I couldn’t believe it, I even discussed it, thinking maybe I could be of help to XXX members, but I came to my senses. I realized that becoming a member would jeopardize the autonomy I have achieved, and I am not willing to give it up now for anyone. In my last meeting with X, she insinuated that if I became a member and liked XA, she would be willing to give him up and let me have him if I wanted him. So, who would sell you just to acquire one more member? Again, who is disrespecting whom? I don’t get tempted or distracted by attractions anymore; I am very aware of what attractions can mean – repetition of the past, and I don’t go there anymore, my path is forward, not repeating the past, no matter how seductive and how alluring the new label might be -- she can have you all for herself. You are a very talented and attractive guy, but I am not about to join a cult just to be with a handsome guy who has a talent I wish I had. I did crazy stuff like that with my ex, and I am not repeating crazy things like that ever again. I did a lot of emotional work and finally broke free from the emotional prison I was born into, and I am not going to give up my achieved freedom now and join a cult for anyone. Who is guiding and counseling a congregation? So, if someone is working on others without solving their own problems first, it must be all of you. I, too, don’t get involved on an intimate level with people who unconsciously or consciously choose to believe in lies and illusions, no matter how seductive, charismatic, attractive, or talented they may be.
XA: I will complete the section of the project I’m working on that you’ve paid for, and that is it. I’ll send it to you and arrange to return the materials of yours that I have. That will be the end of it. You always worried about this process getting interrupted, and now you have created it. The sabotage is yours.
Sylvie: Again, the only life that is being sabotaged here is yours. I know without a doubt that I am on the right path, and this is just a bump on the road for me. This project will get done with or without your help; it will just take a little longer. I have made a lot of money and lost a lot of it, and I have learned a valuable financial lesson. And I am grateful that I made a lot of money, so I could afford the costly life lesson, and now I am totally detached from the pursuit of money. I know I can always make more, don’t bother finishing the last pages, because I know your heart is not in it, and I don’t want anyone to work for me unless their heart is in it. Keep whatever money is left as a gift and send whatever you have done, along with all the notes I have sent to you. I also feel you found my website, and you thought I was still the wounded child I talked about in my story that you all could use, exploit, and manipulate like a puppet, and that is why you contacted me. Still, you made a huge mistake, because I am provably one of the very few people you will ever meet who are truthful and have dealt with her repression and are no longer in the victim/child role for unconscious repressed people in power positions to use to project and transfer their disowned feelings and insecurities, no matter how charismatic and beautiful they are. And now I have proven that my feelings and perceptions were correct, and you are not safe to be involved at an intimate level. I made the right decision not to join XXX.
Wishing you much courage and strength to face and feel your painful truths, and if you ever need someone to talk to. I will be forever available. Sylvie
XA: As you wish . . . Here are the notes for the last three sections of the project. If you provide your work address, I will drop off the books and letters there.
Sylvie: Thank you, XA.. Don’t worry about the books. You are welcome to keep them, maybe one day you all find the courage to read them and help you all deal with your repression and become a faithful enlightened witness to yourself and everyone that comes through XXX, and help you all become more real and not so afraid, because when we really deal with our repression and become real, there is nothing to fear.
Just send the letters to my P. O. Box
All the fears you all might feel about me. I would like to assure everyone AGAIN that I will never mention in public XXX or mention anyone’s names. I really appreciate all of you, and if I have anything to say about any of you, I will share it with you directly. If I ever share my experiences with you all publicly, I will keep you all anonymous. I am a person of my word. I am not in the business of hurting people; instead, I help them become real and free in the kindest way possible. I am not perfect, just like no one is on this planet, and I know sometimes I can be brutally honest; I am accused of that all the time. I apologize for that, but I feel the truth is the best gift we can give to anyone, and we must have the courage to speak it, even at the risk of triggering people’s fears, anger, and pain, and projecting it onto me and blaming me for it. Michael Jackson might still be here with us today if he had someone in his life with the courage to speak the truth to him. This situation showed me that I am becoming a lot better at handling other people’s transference.
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=116&grp=11
Sylvie: Last night I dreamed about you and X!
I dreamed I stopped by your house for a visit! I wish we didn't have so many differences between us, and we could all spend time together, but for now, that’s the way it is. I know, in spite of our differences, that you are all good people, and maybe someday our differences will be resolved. I hope you are feeling all better, but I still worry about your health and well being, as I think that there are things you need to see in your life and make a few adjustments in your personal life that until you do that your back and health is going to continue to suffer, you have been carrying an emotional load that does not belong to you for tooooooooo many years and that’s why your back is suffering and until you let go of this emotional load and give it back to the right person your health and back will keep getting aggravated. Still, because of your loyalty, you are not completely being true to yourself, and when we are not true to ourselves, our health suffers. When I read Norman’s and Alice Miller’s words below, you come to my mind.
Saying the truth or being loyal
Dear Alice Miller, feel free to publish this letter on your website if you find it interesting.
In your post "Barbara's Forum 2", you write that instead of understanding, you received personal attacks. I am sorry to hear that, because I was personally attacked as well. Like you, I was attacked after I criticized IFS therapy (in my forum). Why did I have to be attacked? Because I expressed disagreement with a person I was supposed to be "loyal" to?
Criticism is essential when we work to find the truth; sometimes, this truth is more important to me than "loyalty". It is not possible to hold one's own opinion and claim that everyone is right at the same time. There is a difference between the truth and lies, and you have shown in numerous examples that the body also knows it. No postmodern philosophy or eclectic naivety can alter this fundamental fact of life. The truth is not always easy to accept, of course. It is often painful and unwelcome. Besides, it makes us mad when someone else points a finger and says, "You're wrong". But what if he is correct?
You were attacked personally because you "dared" to criticize and to break your "loyalty" in order not to betray yourself and your convictions. Some people obviously thought that this was reason enough to try to punish you. To me, it was familiar because this is what my mother did whenever I dared to question her versions of the truth: to punish me, to try to belittle me.
This was the dictatorship I grew up in, like so many other readers, I am sure. Indeed, this is how my persecutors' mothers had done to them in childhood: punished them for criticism. What other reason can there be for their behavior? Seemingly free from their mothers, they fight their scapegoats in the name of freedom. They were taught that to criticize is a crime against humanity, and that they have to always smile with agreement, unless they are treated with the most brutal sadism possible. They were told to keep their opinions to themselves because it is rude to disagree. Such people's rage is understandable. Every child needs her parents to appreciate and listen to her views. What is less acceptable is their behavior and hypocrisy as adults.
Norman.
AM: I agree with you. Fortunate are the few children who can express their criticism, who are listened to, taken seriously, and understood by their parents. They receive a precious gift for their whole life. But for most children, saying the truth meant mortal danger. They are often brutally punished simply for speaking their minds and expressing their honest feelings and thoughts. As adults, they frequently employ the same methods as their parents did before, without being aware of the consequences. They are blindly attacking everybody who questions their traditional "opinions" given by their parents. Their children can do nothing else but obey and stay loyal. Only adults can take legal action if it involves criminal harassment or severe defamation.
XA: Sylvie – I am feeling better every day, and I’m pleased about it. You’re speaking in code here, and you’re not being clear about what you are getting at. But I honestly don’t think you’ve gone to the depth to understand me or what I have been through. To be very frank with you, your worry feels a lot like a lack of control. I am not controllable, so you might as well give up. I’m hopeful you can reflect on yourself and get what I mean about being controlling, because it will free you in ways that would be wonderful for you. I can tell you that for me, this control is totally dull and dead. My not responding to it is the best encouragement I can give you to let go.
Best,
XA
Sylvie: Hi XA, I am glad to hear you are feeling better every day. Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I understand your feelings and where they are coming from, even though those feelings are being misdirected. To protect the people we love in our lives, seeing them clearly does not mean we love them any less; to the contrary, we can be more helpful to them and ourselves. You have been controlled and manipulated for many years, and your anger is justified, but directing it at the wrong person does not get resolved, and this has been the main reason you have back problems. I am pretty sure that if you had seen this earlier and taken this person off your back, your back would have healed without the need for surgery. I have been trying to help you see it because that would benefit your overall health, and in the process, free you to write my project effortlessly. The fact that you cannot see yourself and the people in your life clearly might affect my project; time will tell. I am totally detached, and whatever happens, happens. Still, of course, I would like you to take this job to the end, because you are a very talented writer, and I can only imagine how high you could fly if you could break free. If you don’t want to deal with me or the material of my project, please be honest with me and let me know. Then, you can finish the last paid pages, and we will be done. You won't have to deal with me anymore. The fact that I cannot express myself freely with you is becoming very uncomfortable, and I am getting tired of tiptoeing on eggshells. I understand you are not ready to see certain things in your life, and I will give up trying and let it go. I apologize for even trying. I know I cannot make someone see what they don’t want to or are not ready to see, because trying to force someone to see that would be reenacting my childhood drama all over again, so I will let it go.
But please know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I am available forever. Sylvie
XA: Sylvie – speak plainly. Who are you saying is the person manipulating me?
Sylvie: XA, I wish you could figure it out for yourself and I know it’s hard, painful for you to see that you are repeating, reenacting your childhood drama, the first manipulative person in your life was your mother and you freed yourself from her, but you found the mother of manipulation, a more sophisticated, more intelligent, charming and manipulative person to take over where your mother leftover and your childhood drama continues, but now with brand new seductive label. I am not going to mention her name because I like her too, but if you don’t get this person off your back, your health will continue to suffer. If you could take a vacation alone, maybe visit your family for awhile and spend as much time alone as possible to be with your true feelings and thoughts without the interference of others feelings and thoughts, it might help you see for yourself and sort it all out, so you can see what feelings and thoughts are truthful yours, because when we are in the middle of things it’s hard to see the roles everyone is playing and what feelings belong to whom. Of course, this is just a suggestion. And I can’t be more blunt than this.
Wishing much courage to see yourself and others clearly, sylvie
XA: I’m sorry you feel that way, Sylvie. You are so far out on a limb that I’m sure you’re not interested in what I say and feel. If you had, you would never have deluded yourself to this extent.
My life is entirely of my own making, and I am very pleased with the achievement thus far. More so now than ever.
My health is increasing every day, and on a deeper level of the body than you can possibly be aware of. I think you are too insecure to be anything but the “teacher,” and so you just teach, teach, teach, even when there is something huge for you to learn. In fact, the more insecure you feel, the more you act as “teacher.” There’s a saying – a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And you’ve got it.
From the emails you’ve sent me, I know you give this same treatment to many people, so I am not different in that regard. You have the same story for everyone, and that is control, plain and simple.
Your sisters have made a greater impression on you than you're willing to admit. Without invitation, you saw me in the hospital at my most vulnerable. You’ve abused that intimacy by judging me according to your own narrow agenda. You say you care, but your caring is twisted with judgment. And your judgment is ignorant and banal. You’ve taken me lightly. You’ve missed me completely. You’ve dismissed my own expression as if it means nothing compared to your little corner of knowledge.
But you can’t dismiss this: I don’t associate with people who don’t respect me and my life. I know you have problems in your life and that you are trying to work them out by working on other people. But nothing excuses the lack of respect you show me.
I will complete the section of the project I’m working on that you’ve paid for, and that is it. I’ll send it to you and arrange to return the materials of yours that I have. That will be the end of it. You have always worried about the process of writing your project getting interrupted, and now you have completed it. The sabotage is yours.
XA
Subject: Received Letters --- Thank you SAT, 10-31-10 8:59 AM
If you ever gather the courage to see and feel the painful truths behind the beautiful veil of XXX. You have a friend here who will always understand you. You know how to find me.
Best, sylvie
Sent: Thursday, February 18, 2010, 10:19 AM
Hi XA,
I was pleased with our meeting yesterday! I am looking forward to going with you on Friday to XXX, but I must be honest with you that I am a little skeptical. I went to the website and I like a lot of what I read, especially how our beliefs are what get us into trouble. I tell people that I don’t have beliefs anymore! There are things I know, and there are things that I don’t know! When we know instead of believing, we will have the courage to be true to ourselves. Beliefs are passed down to us, so they should be received with doubt! Of course, now that I am living my real life, I would love to prolong it for a very long time! But forever! I don’t know if such a thing is possible! I usually say: the first 20 years of our lives, our family screw us up and the second twenty years of our lives we unconsciously and compulsively keep repeating, recreating, reenacting our childhood drama over and over again… for those of us fortune to have courage to explore and look at the naked true and capable of feeling all of our feelings and repressed emotions, we can free ourselves from the vicious circle and if we live until we are 90, we really only get to live 50 years of our actual life!!!
See you Friday, sylvie
RE: Thursday, February 18,2010 10:24 AM
Just after I sent you an email, I got yours. Your skepticism is perfectly understandable, and I’m glad you’re coming to see for yourself. As you say, we spend a lot of time clearing out old baggage, so I say the best is yet to come!
From: Sylvie Sent: Sunday, February 21, 2010 1:26 PM To: XA Subject: Re: I had fun last night!!!
Hi XA, I hope you are having a good weekend. Now that I have had a good night's sleep and can reflect on everything, I have a few questions. As I said yesterday, I had fun Friday night and enjoyed the singers, dancers, and listening to the things they were saying, because I identified with most of it, NOT ALL OF IT! And I would definitely love to go back on a Friday here and there and spend time with these fun people. As I mentioned to the leaders, it has been a long and arduous journey to reach my current position. Now looking back, I see clearly through the manipulations and can articulate how I truly feel! I am curious how long exactly you have been with XXX? And how exactly were you feeling when you joined the group? Also, have you ever taken a break from the group? Do you like stopping for long periods of time? And if you have taken a long break from XXX, did the old feelings come back? I hope that you don’t feel I am being intrusive, but I must have an open and honest relationship with the person who will help me write my project. I hope you mean the words “Face everything and avoid nothing.” I have shared with you that Deepak Chopra is my favorite charlatan because I really enjoy listening to most of what he has to say. I feel that people like him, who are very articulate and say very seductive words and beautiful things that make us feel good, keep us numb, just like a drug. My experience has been the same as Alice Miller’ as she says in her article “The Longest Journey” “…It has taken me all my life to allow myself to be what I am and to listen to what my inner self is telling me, more and more directly, without waiting for permission from others or currying approval from people symbolizing my parents.”
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=56&grp=11
I am feeling the group XXX could become the substitute parents and wants their followers dependent on them, just like parents/caretakers enjoyed controlling, manipulating, and having their children dependent on them. The more controlling, manipulative, and abusive the families of origin are, the more their children become dependent on them or the more vulnerable they become in adult life to become dependent on charismatic people symbolizing their parents and staying trapped in the type of relationships where one plays the role of parent and others play the role of the child. Another example is the followers of the Secret by James Arthur Ray, who symbolize their parents/caretakers, and the followers, “the good children,” who follow his directions without question. Two of them paid the price with their lives for this mistake. Another example is religion; it is the all-powerful parent, and the followers' permanent role is that of a child. Our goal is to become independent adults, stand on our own two feet without crutches.
I am going to share with you, in the link below, three emails I sent to Oprah. I am sure she never read them. However, what I said to her provides an example of what I am trying to convey here, as well as a blog I posted on MySpace about Oprah.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=84516927&blogId=536533740
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=84516927&blogId=535354234
Have a good day and talk more later, sylvie
Hi Sylvie, yes, the weekend was excellent. I thought of you and wished you could have been there. I appreciate you sharing your feelings with me about your experience with us at XXX, and I want you to always feel free to do so. I’m in a bit of a rush this morning, catching up on work, but I’ll be happy to share my own experiences and discuss further. I think it’s essential to consider everything so you can truly understand how you feel about us. We actually discussed the parent thing this weekend, how each person has to experience being physically immortal for themselves. Yes, we have great people to lead things, but ultimately, it’s personal; it comes down to each one of us experiencing who we really are. We are serious about ending death, which means ending all the old structures and manipulations and roles people have played with each other, because those are the boxes that turn into coffins. So we’re about being out of the box all the way! I’m glad you’ll be with us on Friday, as it’s an ongoing unfolding of our lives, and you can feel free to ask questions at events as well.
Talk to you soon!
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Tuesday, February 23, 2010 1:55 PM
To: XASubject: RE: I Had Fun Last Night
Hi XA, thank you for writing.
The part I had a problem with was when XB and X said that we need to have both feet in the group, not one foot in and one foot out, and the need to attend all the time. I see that as trying to manipulate people to feel they need the group or vice versa, to achieve the feeling of being a live, immortal; to me, that is a reenacting all over again a dependent relationship, like parent and child, one being in the role of parent (the leaders) and the other being in the role of a child (the followers). I am a great example that we can achieve this feeling without being dependent on anyone or group; actually, we will never achieve freedom and autonomy if we remain stuck in a dependent relationship. Today I feel immortal! And I am entirely alive! Will I feel this way forever? I don’t know, and I am not concerned about it. I achieved this state alone, with the help of Alice Miller's books and website, without being dependent on her or her influence. We do need a true enlightened whiteness, but that can be anyone and take the form of a book, not a specific person or group. Whenever you have extra time, read the article “The Essential Role of an Enlightened Witness in Society” in the link below. I will try to share some day in the events as well, but I am not used to talking in front of an audience, and it won't be easy for me. However, I see it as an excellent opportunity to practice talking in front of an audience. Talk more later, sylvie
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=41&grp=11
RE: I had fun last night!!! Thursday, 2-25-10 9:56 AM
Hi Sylvie – if you can listen to the radio show today, it might just help address some of your concerns – 11:00 a.m. or 1100kfnx.com. I know this is a minute's warning again. . .
Best,
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Saturday, March 20, 2010 9:01 AM To: XA Subject: need to clarify something...
Hi XA,
Yesterday, I enjoyed the entertainment and listened to everyone's expressions! You're a lot of fun and good people to be around!
Next Friday, I will have to go to XXX and express myself again, as I will have to build on my expression from last night. Yesterday, I said I arrived at this place of happiness and joy alone. It's true, but it's not the complete truth. Being completely honest is the only way I can be. X says that we need the support of other people, which is very accurate; we cannot make it alone without finding the support of another like-minded person, but where I don’t entirely agree is that it has to be at the physical level. I arrived here physically alone, but I received support from another person who could see exactly what I saw and felt, albeit indirectly, through books. And I found this support at a crucial time, because I don’t think I would have survived much longer alone with the Knowledge I always knew.
I hope you are having a good day and are free of pain. Best wishes, sylvie
From: XA Subject: RE: Need to Clarify Something...To: "Sylvie Date: Wednesday, March 24, 2010, 11:25 AM
Sylvie – I’m so glad that you did find the support you needed, however it came. What we’re looking at now is about being here forever. I don’t think a book is going to do it for any of us in that regard. To live forever, it will take people. This is a big one, because death comes by way of people, too, which makes us not want to go too deep with people. So it has to be the RIGHT people. We also need to be aware of the difference. And that’s a huge thing to get in touch with! But then again, we are huge people, right?
Best,
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2010 10:24 AM To: XASubject: RE: need to clarify something...
Hi XA,
Nice to hear from you -- How have you been feeling? You have been on my mind a lot. I hope your pain has not been bothering you too much. I used to suffer from allergies, and I have no doubt that the reason I suffered from allergies was because of my childhood repression. As soon as I made the connection and consciously felt the repressed emotions still in me from my childhood, the allergies left me. My allergies got really bad! Constantly running nose! Like a faucet! Eyes burning! I could not breathe! It was awful! I am sooooo happy to finally be free from this condition and never have to take another allergy pill. When the time arrives that repression no longer works, the body symptoms get worse and worse to force us to pay attention and listen to the child we once were, and feel the genuine emotions still repressed in us. It reminds me of Alice Miller’s words to one of her readers: “…..Giving drama to your parents will hardly help you. Even if your parents changed, miraculously, the memory of what happened to you when you were a small child will stay unchanged, and will need your feelings of pain and anger to be able to bring you the health and freedom you are looking for. ....”
....I went through this illusion for years, writing letters to my family and sending them all books. Still, they could not face, see the truth, and feel their repressed emotions, and at the end, I had to feel my pain of coming from a family that lacks courage and is not capable of seeing and feeling, and I had to feel all of my repressed emotions alone. I remember one day going through my rage towards my family and ripping some of their pictures that I had with me in the States. Like Alice Miller said to his readers, even if they “miraculously changed,” I still would have to feel my repressed emotions, and nothing could ever have changed that. ....
Sometimes I feel concerned that ghostwriting my project might trigger painful repressed emotions, and if you are not ready to deal with them, you will lose interest in ghostwriting my project.
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, Sylvie
From: XASent: Thursday, March 25, 2010 03:59 PMTo: SylvieSubject: RE: need to clarify something...
Hi Sylvie – thank you for your email, and I’m glad you enjoyed the radio show. I am doing really well and am looking forward to your project. I’m not afraid in the least. So, pls. Don’t worry about that. The thing that bothers me the most is boredom. And I don’t think you’re project is going to be boring.
I’ve been through a lot of tough things both before and after I woke to physical immortality. I went through a lot with my family and experienced a lot of frustration trying to get them to see what I saw. Finally, I gave it up – one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I agree that repression of childhood experiences can wreak havoc in the body. However, I don’t think it’s the cause of all bodily pain. Sometimes we just need extra work in certain areas to rebuild our bodies from wear and tear, such as through sports and prolonged periods of sitting at a desk.
My main childhood-related thing was emotional pain. The more I woke up, the more I became aware of the depression in my body. It used to be a daily battle for me, but I never accepted that I was supposed to be depressed. Quite the opposite, I knew it was a lie, so I just kept going, until now, I just don’t feel it anymore. This is great.
I will get you an estimate for the project by this weekend.
See you tomorrow!
XA
From: sylvie Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2010 10:58 AM To: XASubject: the danger of gurus
OPEN LETTER TO THE PARTICIPANTS IN THE FORUM - MAY 2001
To Steven and all the others: I'm not a guru.
Hi Steven, thank you for raising the issue of "guruism" and for sharing your concerns with me. To be a guru-believer and want to grow is, in my opinion, a contradiction in itself, because a guru sells their "wisdom" at the price of people's authenticity. I hope that nobody here will need to see in me a guru, especially if you make them aware of this danger to them, as you convincingly did in your letter of May 16 to Anna.
You wonder about my childhood. Like you, I was a stranger to everybody in my family. Today, I know for sure that I was unwanted, rejected from the moment of conception on, never loved, emotionally completely neglected, and used for the needs of others. But above all, I was lied to; I grew up with a perfect hypocrisy. My parents, both absolutely unconscious of their true feelings, pretended to love me very much, and I believed this (because I so much needed this illusion) for more than 40 years of my life until I started to suspect the truth hidden behind their pretensions, hidden probably to them too.
Suspecting is not yet as much as knowing for sure, but it was the start. It took me 20 years more to get rid of my denial because I was so alone with the knowledge of my body and my dreams, and a wall of denial surrounded me wherever I opened my mouth. Writing and painting were the only ways to continue with my search without being offended and "punished" for being a troublemaker.
The reactions to my writing showed me that what I discovered about myself was also true for some others. I felt then less alone. I began to work with groups of young parents. I found again and again the same pattern, the emotional blindness of parents who were afraid of confronting their past traumas and inflicting them unconsciously on their children. And now we are finding it together on this forum. Thus, for the first time in my life, I no longer feel like a stranger; I feel a part of a group of people who think like me, whom I don't need to convince, to inform, to shake, to wake up. I am here with people who are not scared by what I am saying, who understand me because they have known the same terror, who say so many things that move me profoundly, and with whom I can openly communicate, just as I have always wanted but was not given the chance.
This is more than I ever dared to wish. Talking freely about one's feelings, without using the well-known conventional defenses, was, in my opinion, possible only in dreams or on another planet. And now, surprisingly to myself, this became reality. Unbelievable!
So, please don't see me as a guru; this would again put me in a special position that I no longer want to be in. I am not your teacher or leader, am not giving advices or imposing anything on you, I am not your mother or grandmother, I am Alice, a sister in pain, like Bent's sister Toril who can tell him: I know what you are talking about, I know dad and mom and the answers they gave us because I can finally feel. And Bent can say the same to Toril. I am not the author here; I am one of the people who endured a horror in their childhood, like you, and who enjoy knowing that what they say in English or German, or whatever, will not be received as sounding Chinese to others. Can you imagine that I had this feeling all my life until recently? Thank you all for being there.
Alice Miller
http://www.sylvieshene.com/articles-open_letter.htm
From: XASubject: RE: The danger of gurusTo: "Sylvie 'Date: Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 2:42 PM
Regarding your last email, we are definitely not into gurus. Gurus present themselves as somewhat perfect, which is ridiculous, and then don’t let you get close enough to see how they really live their daily lives. We are about a real togetherness, where everyone can manifest their total aliveness, not just a guru. I think it’s great to learn from one another, as long as each of us knows that we actually have to make the moves to live and doesn’t try to live through anyone else.
See you tomorrow, hopefully!
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2010 8:23 PM To: XASubject: RE: The danger of gurus.
Thank you, XA – Yes! Life is a lot more enjoyable when it is shared with other like-minded people and those who have faced their own personal history and repressions; otherwise, the compulsion of repetition will continue.
Hopefully, I will see you after tomorrow, Sylvie
From: XA
Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2010, 9:07 AM
To: Sylvie
Subject: The Danger of gurus.
So true, Sylvie. We wake up so that we don’t have to repeat any more
Also, about wondering if physical immortality is an illusion . . . what we are feeling is that the real illusion is that we have to fall apart and die. We believe this is all connected to an old way of living that refuses to change, that refuses to wake up. So, they live in the illusion that there is no other option, which frees them from the responsibility of being truly awake. However, we are taking on that responsibility because we are tired of repeating the old life. We are waking ourselves up.
From: Sylvie Sent: Monday, April 19, 2010 9:44 AM To: XASubject: Re: Radio show
Good morning XA,
I hope the weekend event was fun. I have marked my calendar for the next month's event! So, nothing will get in the way now.
XA: Your sisters have made more of an impression on you than you admit.
Sylvie: I have dealt with my internalized sisters, and any residue may still be present. If it does come to the surface, I will recognize it right away and now know how to handle it. Until today, my ex was the only person who triggered my internalized older sisters, and he was the only one I reenacted them with. Now I am very conscious of my internalized older sisters, and I will be cautious not to reenact them again with anyone else. Now let’s look at you yourself, aren’t you reenacting your internalized mother by lashing out at anyone who questions your beliefs, just like your mother did to you when you asked her?
XA: Without invitation, you saw me in the hospital at my most vulnerable. You’ve abused that intimacy by judging me according to your own narrow agenda. You say you care, but your caring is twisted with judgment. And your judgment is ignorant and banal.
Sylvie: I am sorry if you felt violated by me stopping at the hospital to see you. I thought we were friends, but now it’s very clear to me that if I don’t become a member of XXX, I am treated like an outsider, and this is one of the reasons XXX cult can be dangerous, because it tries to control and manipulate members' contact with the outside world. In contrast, everyone thought I might become a member, I was treated very nicely, but in the moment I said I could not become a member, I was treated like I was a bad person, not everyone in the outside world is bad. When we are not emotionally blind, it’s very easy to see where everyone is at any given moment, and no one can fool us anymore. I saw your situation very clearly, so I was very aware of the risk I was taking by hiring you to help me on this project. You are a talented writer, and I hope one day you use your talent for truth instead of using it to deceive yourself and others. You are the one judging me by your own narrow agenda. So whose is twisted with judgment? And whose judgment is ignorant and banal? I understand your situation, and it is sad seeing you falling victim to illusions.
XA: You’ve taken me lightly. You’ve missed me completely. You’ve dismissed my own expression as if it means nothing compared to your little corner of knowledge.
Sylvie: I see you clearly and understand why it’s so hard to acknowledge the truths I am talking about. You are the one who takes yourself lightly. If someone is missing someone, it’s you missing yourself completely, and that is what’s really sad. If we don’t miss ourselves, it does not matter if others miss us or not. So, if I missed you, it wouldn't have mattered if you weren't missing yourself. Again, try to look a little deeper and see who is really dismissing you. Your body has been screaming at you to pay attention, and you are ignoring its signals and refusing to explore the real causes of your pain, so if someone is dismissing you, it's you dismissing yourself. You are the one dismissing your own body’s expression as if it means nothing compared to your little corner of your intellectual knowledge.
XA: But you can’t dismiss this: I don’t associate with people who don’t respect me and my life. I know you have problems in your life and that you are trying to work them out by working on other people. But nothing excuses the lack of respect you show me.
Sylvie: Again, let’s look a little deeper and see who does not respect himself. When I debated whether to become a member or not, and I couldn’t believe it, I even discussed it, thinking maybe I could be of help to XXX members, but I came to my senses. I realized that becoming a member would jeopardize the autonomy I have achieved, and I am not willing to give it up now for anyone. In my last meeting with X, she insinuated that if I became a member and liked XA, she would be willing to give him up and let me have him if I wanted him. So, who would sell you just to acquire one more member? Again, who is disrespecting whom? I don’t get tempted or distracted by attractions anymore; I am very aware of what attractions can mean – repetition of the past, and I don’t go there anymore, my path is forward, not repeating the past, no matter how seductive and how alluring the new label might be -- she can have you all for herself. You are a very talented and attractive guy, but I am not about to join a cult just to be with a handsome guy who has a talent I wish I had. I did crazy stuff like that with my ex, and I am not repeating crazy things like that ever again. I did a lot of emotional work and finally broke free from the emotional prison I was born into, and I am not going to give up my achieved freedom now and join a cult for anyone. Who is guiding and counseling a congregation? So, if someone is working on others without solving their own problems first, it must be all of you. I, too, don’t get involved on an intimate level with people who unconsciously or consciously choose to believe in lies and illusions, no matter how seductive, charismatic, attractive, or talented they may be.
XA: I will complete the section of the project I’m working on that you’ve paid for, and that is it. I’ll send it to you and arrange to return the materials of yours that I have. That will be the end of it. You always worried about this process getting interrupted, and now you have created it. The sabotage is yours.
Sylvie: Again, the only life that is being sabotaged here is yours. I know without a doubt that I am on the right path, and this is just a bump on the road for me. This project will get done with or without your help; it will just take a little longer. I have made a lot of money and lost a lot of it, and I have learned a valuable financial lesson. And I am grateful that I made a lot of money, so I could afford the costly life lesson, and now I am totally detached from the pursuit of money. I know I can always make more, don’t bother finishing the last pages, because I know your heart is not in it, and I don’t want anyone to work for me unless their heart is in it. Keep whatever money is left as a gift and send whatever you have done, along with all the notes I have sent to you. I also feel you found my website, and you thought I was still the wounded child I talked about in my story that you all could use, exploit, and manipulate like a puppet, and that is why you contacted me. Still, you made a huge mistake, because I am provably one of the very few people you will ever meet who are truthful and have dealt with her repression and are no longer in the victim/child role for unconscious repressed people in power positions to use to project and transfer their disowned feelings and insecurities, no matter how charismatic and beautiful they are. And now I have proven that my feelings and perceptions were correct, and you are not safe to be involved at an intimate level. I made the right decision not to join XXX.
Wishing you much courage and strength to face and feel your painful truths, and if you ever need someone to talk to. I will be forever available. Sylvie
XA: As you wish . . . Here are the notes for the last three sections of the project. If you provide your work address, I will drop off the books and letters there.
Sylvie: Thank you, XA.. Don’t worry about the books. You are welcome to keep them, maybe one day you all find the courage to read them and help you all deal with your repression and become a faithful enlightened witness to yourself and everyone that comes through XXX, and help you all become more real and not so afraid, because when we really deal with our repression and become real, there is nothing to fear.
Just send the letters to my P. O. Box
All the fears you all might feel about me. I would like to assure everyone AGAIN that I will never mention in public XXX or mention anyone’s names. I really appreciate all of you, and if I have anything to say about any of you, I will share it with you directly. If I ever share my experiences with you all publicly, I will keep you all anonymous. I am a person of my word. I am not in the business of hurting people; instead, I help them become real and free in the kindest way possible. I am not perfect, just like no one is on this planet, and I know sometimes I can be brutally honest; I am accused of that all the time. I apologize for that, but I feel the truth is the best gift we can give to anyone, and we must have the courage to speak it, even at the risk of triggering people’s fears, anger, and pain, and projecting it onto me and blaming me for it. Michael Jackson might still be here with us today if he had someone in his life with the courage to speak the truth to him. This situation showed me that I am becoming a lot better at handling other people’s transference.
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=116&grp=11
Sylvie: Last night I dreamed about you and X!
I dreamed I stopped by your house for a visit! I wish we didn't have so many differences between us, and we could all spend time together, but for now, that’s the way it is. I know, in spite of our differences, that you are all good people, and maybe someday our differences will be resolved. I hope you are feeling all better, but I still worry about your health and well being, as I think that there are things you need to see in your life and make a few adjustments in your personal life that until you do that your back and health is going to continue to suffer, you have been carrying an emotional load that does not belong to you for tooooooooo many years and that’s why your back is suffering and until you let go of this emotional load and give it back to the right person your health and back will keep getting aggravated. Still, because of your loyalty, you are not completely being true to yourself, and when we are not true to ourselves, our health suffers. When I read Norman’s and Alice Miller’s words below, you come to my mind.
Saying the truth or being loyal
Dear Alice Miller, feel free to publish this letter on your website if you find it interesting.
In your post "Barbara's Forum 2", you write that instead of understanding, you received personal attacks. I am sorry to hear that, because I was personally attacked as well. Like you, I was attacked after I criticized IFS therapy (in my forum). Why did I have to be attacked? Because I expressed disagreement with a person I was supposed to be "loyal" to?
Criticism is essential when we work to find the truth; sometimes, this truth is more important to me than "loyalty". It is not possible to hold one's own opinion and claim that everyone is right at the same time. There is a difference between the truth and lies, and you have shown in numerous examples that the body also knows it. No postmodern philosophy or eclectic naivety can alter this fundamental fact of life. The truth is not always easy to accept, of course. It is often painful and unwelcome. Besides, it makes us mad when someone else points a finger and says, "You're wrong". But what if he is correct?
You were attacked personally because you "dared" to criticize and to break your "loyalty" in order not to betray yourself and your convictions. Some people obviously thought that this was reason enough to try to punish you. To me, it was familiar because this is what my mother did whenever I dared to question her versions of the truth: to punish me, to try to belittle me.
This was the dictatorship I grew up in, like so many other readers, I am sure. Indeed, this is how my persecutors' mothers had done to them in childhood: punished them for criticism. What other reason can there be for their behavior? Seemingly free from their mothers, they fight their scapegoats in the name of freedom. They were taught that to criticize is a crime against humanity, and that they have to always smile with agreement, unless they are treated with the most brutal sadism possible. They were told to keep their opinions to themselves because it is rude to disagree. Such people's rage is understandable. Every child needs her parents to appreciate and listen to her views. What is less acceptable is their behavior and hypocrisy as adults.
Norman.
AM: I agree with you. Fortunate are the few children who can express their criticism, who are listened to, taken seriously, and understood by their parents. They receive a precious gift for their whole life. But for most children, saying the truth meant mortal danger. They are often brutally punished simply for speaking their minds and expressing their honest feelings and thoughts. As adults, they frequently employ the same methods as their parents did before, without being aware of the consequences. They are blindly attacking everybody who questions their traditional "opinions" given by their parents. Their children can do nothing else but obey and stay loyal. Only adults can take legal action if it involves criminal harassment or severe defamation.
XA: Sylvie – I am feeling better every day, and I’m pleased about it. You’re speaking in code here, and you’re not being clear about what you are getting at. But I honestly don’t think you’ve gone to the depth to understand me or what I have been through. To be very frank with you, your worry feels a lot like a lack of control. I am not controllable, so you might as well give up. I’m hopeful you can reflect on yourself and get what I mean about being controlling, because it will free you in ways that would be wonderful for you. I can tell you that for me, this control is totally dull and dead. My not responding to it is the best encouragement I can give you to let go.
Best,
XA
Sylvie: Hi XA, I am glad to hear you are feeling better every day. Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I understand your feelings and where they are coming from, even though those feelings are being misdirected. To protect the people we love in our lives, seeing them clearly does not mean we love them any less; to the contrary, we can be more helpful to them and ourselves. You have been controlled and manipulated for many years, and your anger is justified, but directing it at the wrong person does not get resolved, and this has been the main reason you have back problems. I am pretty sure that if you had seen this earlier and taken this person off your back, your back would have healed without the need for surgery. I have been trying to help you see it because that would benefit your overall health, and in the process, free you to write my project effortlessly. The fact that you cannot see yourself and the people in your life clearly might affect my project; time will tell. I am totally detached, and whatever happens, happens. Still, of course, I would like you to take this job to the end, because you are a very talented writer, and I can only imagine how high you could fly if you could break free. If you don’t want to deal with me or the material of my project, please be honest with me and let me know. Then, you can finish the last paid pages, and we will be done. You won't have to deal with me anymore. The fact that I cannot express myself freely with you is becoming very uncomfortable, and I am getting tired of tiptoeing on eggshells. I understand you are not ready to see certain things in your life, and I will give up trying and let it go. I apologize for even trying. I know I cannot make someone see what they don’t want to or are not ready to see, because trying to force someone to see that would be reenacting my childhood drama all over again, so I will let it go.
But please know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I am available forever. Sylvie
XA: Sylvie – speak plainly. Who are you saying is the person manipulating me?
Sylvie: XA, I wish you could figure it out for yourself and I know it’s hard, painful for you to see that you are repeating, reenacting your childhood drama, the first manipulative person in your life was your mother and you freed yourself from her, but you found the mother of manipulation, a more sophisticated, more intelligent, charming and manipulative person to take over where your mother leftover and your childhood drama continues, but now with brand new seductive label. I am not going to mention her name because I like her too, but if you don’t get this person off your back, your health will continue to suffer. If you could take a vacation alone, maybe visit your family for awhile and spend as much time alone as possible to be with your true feelings and thoughts without the interference of others feelings and thoughts, it might help you see for yourself and sort it all out, so you can see what feelings and thoughts are truthful yours, because when we are in the middle of things it’s hard to see the roles everyone is playing and what feelings belong to whom. Of course, this is just a suggestion. And I can’t be more blunt than this.
Wishing much courage to see yourself and others clearly, sylvie
XA: I’m sorry you feel that way, Sylvie. You are so far out on a limb that I’m sure you’re not interested in what I say and feel. If you had, you would never have deluded yourself to this extent.
My life is entirely of my own making, and I am very pleased with the achievement thus far. More so now than ever.
My health is increasing every day, and on a deeper level of the body than you can possibly be aware of. I think you are too insecure to be anything but the “teacher,” and so you just teach, teach, teach, even when there is something huge for you to learn. In fact, the more insecure you feel, the more you act as “teacher.” There’s a saying – a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And you’ve got it.
From the emails you’ve sent me, I know you give this same treatment to many people, so I am not different in that regard. You have the same story for everyone, and that is control, plain and simple.
Your sisters have made a greater impression on you than you're willing to admit. Without invitation, you saw me in the hospital at my most vulnerable. You’ve abused that intimacy by judging me according to your own narrow agenda. You say you care, but your caring is twisted with judgment. And your judgment is ignorant and banal. You’ve taken me lightly. You’ve missed me completely. You’ve dismissed my own expression as if it means nothing compared to your little corner of knowledge.
But you can’t dismiss this: I don’t associate with people who don’t respect me and my life. I know you have problems in your life and that you are trying to work them out by working on other people. But nothing excuses the lack of respect you show me.
I will complete the section of the project I’m working on that you’ve paid for, and that is it. I’ll send it to you and arrange to return the materials of yours that I have. That will be the end of it. You have always worried about the process of writing your project getting interrupted, and now you have completed it. The sabotage is yours.
XA
Subject: Received Letters --- Thank you SAT, 10-31-10 8:59 AM
If you ever gather the courage to see and feel the painful truths behind the beautiful veil of XXX. You have a friend here who will always understand you. You know how to find me.
Best, sylvie
Sent: Thursday, February 18, 2010, 10:19 AM
Hi XA,
I was pleased with our meeting yesterday! I am looking forward to going with you on Friday to XXX, but I must be honest with you that I am a little skeptical. I went to the website and I like a lot of what I read, especially how our beliefs are what get us into trouble. I tell people that I don’t have beliefs anymore! There are things I know, and there are things that I don’t know! When we know instead of believing, we will have the courage to be true to ourselves. Beliefs are passed down to us, so they should be received with doubt! Of course, now that I am living my real life, I would love to prolong it for a very long time! But forever! I don’t know if such a thing is possible! I usually say: the first 20 years of our lives, our family screw us up and the second twenty years of our lives we unconsciously and compulsively keep repeating, recreating, reenacting our childhood drama over and over again… for those of us fortune to have courage to explore and look at the naked true and capable of feeling all of our feelings and repressed emotions, we can free ourselves from the vicious circle and if we live until we are 90, we really only get to live 50 years of our actual life!!!
See you Friday, sylvie
RE: Thursday, February 18,2010 10:24 AM
Just after I sent you an email, I got yours. Your skepticism is perfectly understandable, and I’m glad you’re coming to see for yourself. As you say, we spend a lot of time clearing out old baggage, so I say the best is yet to come!
From: Sylvie Sent: Sunday, February 21, 2010 1:26 PM To: XA Subject: Re: I had fun last night!!!
Hi XA, I hope you are having a good weekend. Now that I have had a good night's sleep and can reflect on everything, I have a few questions. As I said yesterday, I had fun Friday night and enjoyed the singers, dancers, and listening to the things they were saying, because I identified with most of it, NOT ALL OF IT! And I would definitely love to go back on a Friday here and there and spend time with these fun people. As I mentioned to the leaders, it has been a long and arduous journey to reach my current position. Now looking back, I see clearly through the manipulations and can articulate how I truly feel! I am curious how long exactly you have been with XXX? And how exactly were you feeling when you joined the group? Also, have you ever taken a break from the group? Do you like stopping for long periods of time? And if you have taken a long break from XXX, did the old feelings come back? I hope that you don’t feel I am being intrusive, but I must have an open and honest relationship with the person who will help me write my project. I hope you mean the words “Face everything and avoid nothing.” I have shared with you that Deepak Chopra is my favorite charlatan because I really enjoy listening to most of what he has to say. I feel that people like him, who are very articulate and say very seductive words and beautiful things that make us feel good, keep us numb, just like a drug. My experience has been the same as Alice Miller’ as she says in her article “The Longest Journey” “…It has taken me all my life to allow myself to be what I am and to listen to what my inner self is telling me, more and more directly, without waiting for permission from others or currying approval from people symbolizing my parents.”
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=56&grp=11
I am feeling the group XXX could become the substitute parents and wants their followers dependent on them, just like parents/caretakers enjoyed controlling, manipulating, and having their children dependent on them. The more controlling, manipulative, and abusive the families of origin are, the more their children become dependent on them or the more vulnerable they become in adult life to become dependent on charismatic people symbolizing their parents and staying trapped in the type of relationships where one plays the role of parent and others play the role of the child. Another example is the followers of the Secret by James Arthur Ray, who symbolize their parents/caretakers, and the followers, “the good children,” who follow his directions without question. Two of them paid the price with their lives for this mistake. Another example is religion; it is the all-powerful parent, and the followers' permanent role is that of a child. Our goal is to become independent adults, stand on our own two feet without crutches.
I am going to share with you, in the link below, three emails I sent to Oprah. I am sure she never read them. However, what I said to her provides an example of what I am trying to convey here, as well as a blog I posted on MySpace about Oprah.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=84516927&blogId=536533740
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=84516927&blogId=535354234
Have a good day and talk more later, sylvie
Hi Sylvie, yes, the weekend was excellent. I thought of you and wished you could have been there. I appreciate you sharing your feelings with me about your experience with us at XXX, and I want you to always feel free to do so. I’m in a bit of a rush this morning, catching up on work, but I’ll be happy to share my own experiences and discuss further. I think it’s essential to consider everything so you can truly understand how you feel about us. We actually discussed the parent thing this weekend, how each person has to experience being physically immortal for themselves. Yes, we have great people to lead things, but ultimately, it’s personal; it comes down to each one of us experiencing who we really are. We are serious about ending death, which means ending all the old structures and manipulations and roles people have played with each other, because those are the boxes that turn into coffins. So we’re about being out of the box all the way! I’m glad you’ll be with us on Friday, as it’s an ongoing unfolding of our lives, and you can feel free to ask questions at events as well.
Talk to you soon!
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Tuesday, February 23, 2010 1:55 PM
To: XASubject: RE: I Had Fun Last Night
Hi XA, thank you for writing.
The part I had a problem with was when XB and X said that we need to have both feet in the group, not one foot in and one foot out, and the need to attend all the time. I see that as trying to manipulate people to feel they need the group or vice versa, to achieve the feeling of being a live, immortal; to me, that is a reenacting all over again a dependent relationship, like parent and child, one being in the role of parent (the leaders) and the other being in the role of a child (the followers). I am a great example that we can achieve this feeling without being dependent on anyone or group; actually, we will never achieve freedom and autonomy if we remain stuck in a dependent relationship. Today I feel immortal! And I am entirely alive! Will I feel this way forever? I don’t know, and I am not concerned about it. I achieved this state alone, with the help of Alice Miller's books and website, without being dependent on her or her influence. We do need a true enlightened whiteness, but that can be anyone and take the form of a book, not a specific person or group. Whenever you have extra time, read the article “The Essential Role of an Enlightened Witness in Society” in the link below. I will try to share some day in the events as well, but I am not used to talking in front of an audience, and it won't be easy for me. However, I see it as an excellent opportunity to practice talking in front of an audience. Talk more later, sylvie
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=41&grp=11
RE: I had fun last night!!! Thursday, 2-25-10 9:56 AM
Hi Sylvie – if you can listen to the radio show today, it might just help address some of your concerns – 11:00 a.m. or 1100kfnx.com. I know this is a minute's warning again. . .
Best,
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Saturday, March 20, 2010 9:01 AM To: XA Subject: need to clarify something...
Hi XA,
Yesterday, I enjoyed the entertainment and listened to everyone's expressions! You're a lot of fun and good people to be around!
Next Friday, I will have to go to XXX and express myself again, as I will have to build on my expression from last night. Yesterday, I said I arrived at this place of happiness and joy alone. It's true, but it's not the complete truth. Being completely honest is the only way I can be. X says that we need the support of other people, which is very accurate; we cannot make it alone without finding the support of another like-minded person, but where I don’t entirely agree is that it has to be at the physical level. I arrived here physically alone, but I received support from another person who could see exactly what I saw and felt, albeit indirectly, through books. And I found this support at a crucial time, because I don’t think I would have survived much longer alone with the Knowledge I always knew.
I hope you are having a good day and are free of pain. Best wishes, sylvie
From: XA Subject: RE: Need to Clarify Something...To: "Sylvie Date: Wednesday, March 24, 2010, 11:25 AM
Sylvie – I’m so glad that you did find the support you needed, however it came. What we’re looking at now is about being here forever. I don’t think a book is going to do it for any of us in that regard. To live forever, it will take people. This is a big one, because death comes by way of people, too, which makes us not want to go too deep with people. So it has to be the RIGHT people. We also need to be aware of the difference. And that’s a huge thing to get in touch with! But then again, we are huge people, right?
Best,
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2010 10:24 AM To: XASubject: RE: need to clarify something...
Hi XA,
Nice to hear from you -- How have you been feeling? You have been on my mind a lot. I hope your pain has not been bothering you too much. I used to suffer from allergies, and I have no doubt that the reason I suffered from allergies was because of my childhood repression. As soon as I made the connection and consciously felt the repressed emotions still in me from my childhood, the allergies left me. My allergies got really bad! Constantly running nose! Like a faucet! Eyes burning! I could not breathe! It was awful! I am sooooo happy to finally be free from this condition and never have to take another allergy pill. When the time arrives that repression no longer works, the body symptoms get worse and worse to force us to pay attention and listen to the child we once were, and feel the genuine emotions still repressed in us. It reminds me of Alice Miller’s words to one of her readers: “…..Giving drama to your parents will hardly help you. Even if your parents changed, miraculously, the memory of what happened to you when you were a small child will stay unchanged, and will need your feelings of pain and anger to be able to bring you the health and freedom you are looking for. ....”
....I went through this illusion for years, writing letters to my family and sending them all books. Still, they could not face, see the truth, and feel their repressed emotions, and at the end, I had to feel my pain of coming from a family that lacks courage and is not capable of seeing and feeling, and I had to feel all of my repressed emotions alone. I remember one day going through my rage towards my family and ripping some of their pictures that I had with me in the States. Like Alice Miller said to his readers, even if they “miraculously changed,” I still would have to feel my repressed emotions, and nothing could ever have changed that. ....
Sometimes I feel concerned that ghostwriting my project might trigger painful repressed emotions, and if you are not ready to deal with them, you will lose interest in ghostwriting my project.
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, Sylvie
From: XASent: Thursday, March 25, 2010 03:59 PMTo: SylvieSubject: RE: need to clarify something...
Hi Sylvie – thank you for your email, and I’m glad you enjoyed the radio show. I am doing really well and am looking forward to your project. I’m not afraid in the least. So, pls. Don’t worry about that. The thing that bothers me the most is boredom. And I don’t think you’re project is going to be boring.
I’ve been through a lot of tough things both before and after I woke to physical immortality. I went through a lot with my family and experienced a lot of frustration trying to get them to see what I saw. Finally, I gave it up – one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I agree that repression of childhood experiences can wreak havoc in the body. However, I don’t think it’s the cause of all bodily pain. Sometimes we just need extra work in certain areas to rebuild our bodies from wear and tear, such as through sports and prolonged periods of sitting at a desk.
My main childhood-related thing was emotional pain. The more I woke up, the more I became aware of the depression in my body. It used to be a daily battle for me, but I never accepted that I was supposed to be depressed. Quite the opposite, I knew it was a lie, so I just kept going, until now, I just don’t feel it anymore. This is great.
I will get you an estimate for the project by this weekend.
See you tomorrow!
XA
From: sylvie Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2010 10:58 AM To: XASubject: the danger of gurus
OPEN LETTER TO THE PARTICIPANTS IN THE FORUM - MAY 2001
To Steven and all the others: I'm not a guru.
Hi Steven, thank you for raising the issue of "guruism" and for sharing your concerns with me. To be a guru-believer and want to grow is, in my opinion, a contradiction in itself, because a guru sells their "wisdom" at the price of people's authenticity. I hope that nobody here will need to see in me a guru, especially if you make them aware of this danger to them, as you convincingly did in your letter of May 16 to Anna.
You wonder about my childhood. Like you, I was a stranger to everybody in my family. Today, I know for sure that I was unwanted, rejected from the moment of conception on, never loved, emotionally completely neglected, and used for the needs of others. But above all, I was lied to; I grew up with a perfect hypocrisy. My parents, both absolutely unconscious of their true feelings, pretended to love me very much, and I believed this (because I so much needed this illusion) for more than 40 years of my life until I started to suspect the truth hidden behind their pretensions, hidden probably to them too.
Suspecting is not yet as much as knowing for sure, but it was the start. It took me 20 years more to get rid of my denial because I was so alone with the knowledge of my body and my dreams, and a wall of denial surrounded me wherever I opened my mouth. Writing and painting were the only ways to continue with my search without being offended and "punished" for being a troublemaker.
The reactions to my writing showed me that what I discovered about myself was also true for some others. I felt then less alone. I began to work with groups of young parents. I found again and again the same pattern, the emotional blindness of parents who were afraid of confronting their past traumas and inflicting them unconsciously on their children. And now we are finding it together on this forum. Thus, for the first time in my life, I no longer feel like a stranger; I feel a part of a group of people who think like me, whom I don't need to convince, to inform, to shake, to wake up. I am here with people who are not scared by what I am saying, who understand me because they have known the same terror, who say so many things that move me profoundly, and with whom I can openly communicate, just as I have always wanted but was not given the chance.
This is more than I ever dared to wish. Talking freely about one's feelings, without using the well-known conventional defenses, was, in my opinion, possible only in dreams or on another planet. And now, surprisingly to myself, this became reality. Unbelievable!
So, please don't see me as a guru; this would again put me in a special position that I no longer want to be in. I am not your teacher or leader, am not giving advices or imposing anything on you, I am not your mother or grandmother, I am Alice, a sister in pain, like Bent's sister Toril who can tell him: I know what you are talking about, I know dad and mom and the answers they gave us because I can finally feel. And Bent can say the same to Toril. I am not the author here; I am one of the people who endured a horror in their childhood, like you, and who enjoy knowing that what they say in English or German, or whatever, will not be received as sounding Chinese to others. Can you imagine that I had this feeling all my life until recently? Thank you all for being there.
Alice Miller
http://www.sylvieshene.com/articles-open_letter.htm
From: XASubject: RE: The danger of gurusTo: "Sylvie 'Date: Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 2:42 PM
Regarding your last email, we are definitely not into gurus. Gurus present themselves as somewhat perfect, which is ridiculous, and then don’t let you get close enough to see how they really live their daily lives. We are about a real togetherness, where everyone can manifest their total aliveness, not just a guru. I think it’s great to learn from one another, as long as each of us knows that we actually have to make the moves to live and doesn’t try to live through anyone else.
See you tomorrow, hopefully!
XA
From: Sylvie Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2010 8:23 PM To: XASubject: RE: The danger of gurus.
Thank you, XA – Yes! Life is a lot more enjoyable when it is shared with other like-minded people and those who have faced their own personal history and repressions; otherwise, the compulsion of repetition will continue.
Hopefully, I will see you after tomorrow, Sylvie
From: XA
Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2010, 9:07 AM
To: Sylvie
Subject: The Danger of gurus.
So true, Sylvie. We wake up so that we don’t have to repeat any more
Also, about wondering if physical immortality is an illusion . . . what we are feeling is that the real illusion is that we have to fall apart and die. We believe this is all connected to an old way of living that refuses to change, that refuses to wake up. So, they live in the illusion that there is no other option, which frees them from the responsibility of being truly awake. However, we are taking on that responsibility because we are tired of repeating the old life. We are waking ourselves up.
From: Sylvie Sent: Monday, April 19, 2010 9:44 AM To: XASubject: Re: Radio show
Good morning XA,
I hope the weekend event was fun. I have marked my calendar for the next month's event! So, nothing will get in the way now.
I am looking forward to it, even though attending a weekend event is like getting both feet in, and I am not too comfortable with that. Throughout my life, I have never entered anything with both feet. I have always kept one foot out, and looking back, I see it was a lifesaver, because I have avoided falling into traps.
Have a great Monday, Sylvie
Schiavone: "You see, all religions believe in a god..." Actually, Ms. Shene, not all religions believe in a deity or deities. Buddhism and Confucianism are examples. There are even Jews who consider themselves atheists. But even in secular...ar doctrines, there are illusions, such as "negative" and "positive" feelings in Buddhism and the emphasis of respecting and honoring parents/ancestors regardless of how horrible they are in Confucianism and other secular philosophies. Even if the higher power isn't God, Allah, etc., parents/ancestors take the deity's place in this situation. Living in denial is dangerous, whether someone believes in a god or not.
"Michael Jackson might still be here with us today if he had someone in his life with the courage to speak the truth to him." True, but it would have been much better if he had the courage within him to condemn his cruel and greedy father. (And to a lesser extent, his mother for not doing enough to protect him and his siblings.) Yes, someone could have told him the truth, but it would have been up to him to accept it. In other words, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
Posted by Schiavonne on Saturday, October 30, 2010 - 12:41 PM
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/i
sylvieshene.com: Thank you, Schiavone. You are right, not all religions believe in god, but all do have illusions!!! Thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I will change it to most religions. I agree with everything you wrote. You are so right; in the end, it has to be the individual who dares to see and feel their own painful truth.
Posted by sylvieshene.com on Saturday, October 30, 2010 - 12:58 PM
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/i
Have a great Monday, Sylvie
Schiavone: "You see, all religions believe in a god..." Actually, Ms. Shene, not all religions believe in a deity or deities. Buddhism and Confucianism are examples. There are even Jews who consider themselves atheists. But even in secular...ar doctrines, there are illusions, such as "negative" and "positive" feelings in Buddhism and the emphasis of respecting and honoring parents/ancestors regardless of how horrible they are in Confucianism and other secular philosophies. Even if the higher power isn't God, Allah, etc., parents/ancestors take the deity's place in this situation. Living in denial is dangerous, whether someone believes in a god or not.
"Michael Jackson might still be here with us today if he had someone in his life with the courage to speak the truth to him." True, but it would have been much better if he had the courage within him to condemn his cruel and greedy father. (And to a lesser extent, his mother for not doing enough to protect him and his siblings.) Yes, someone could have told him the truth, but it would have been up to him to accept it. In other words, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
Posted by Schiavonne on Saturday, October 30, 2010 - 12:41 PM
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/i
sylvieshene.com: Thank you, Schiavone. You are right, not all religions believe in god, but all do have illusions!!! Thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I will change it to most religions. I agree with everything you wrote. You are so right; in the end, it has to be the individual who dares to see and feel their own painful truth.
Posted by sylvieshene.com on Saturday, October 30, 2010 - 12:58 PM
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/i
