It confirms how true Alices’s words below are:
“The greatest cruelty that can be inflicted on children is to refuse to let them express their anger and suffering except at the risk of losing their parents' love and affection. The anger stemming from early childhood is stored up in the unconscious, and since it basically represents a healthy, vital source of energy, an equal amount of energy must be expended in order to repress it. An upbringing that succeeds in sparing the parents at the expense of the child's vitality sometimes leads to suicide or extreme drug addiction, which is a form of suicide. If drugs succeed in covering up the emptiness caused by repressed feelings and self-alienation, then the process of withdrawal brings this void back into view. When withdrawal is not accompanied by restoration of vitality, then the cure is sure to be temporary. Christiane F., subject of an international bestseller and film, paints a devastatingly vivid picture of a tragedy of this nature.
Cruelty can take a thousand forms, and it goes undetected even today, because the damage it does to the child and the ensuing consequences are still so little known. This section of the book is devoted to these consequences.
The individual psychological stages in the lives of most people are:
1. To be hurt as a small child without anyone recognizing the situation as such
2. To fail to react to the resulting suffering with anger
3. To show gratitude for what are supposed to be good intentions
4. To forget everything
5. To discharge the stored-up anger onto others in adulthood or to direct it against oneself “
Comment by JR: "The greatest cruelty that can be inflicted on children is to refuse to let them express their anger and suffering except at the risk of losing their parents' love and affection."
In adoption, one is supposed to feel grateful for having been separated from what one needed most -- one's own mother -- even to the point of dancing on her virtual grave along with the new parents.
Dr. Gabor Maté, when he asked his (drug-addicted) patients to describe how they felt the first time they did drugs, told him, "It felt like a warm, soft hug," -- something they never experienced in their childhood and much needed. He asks, "How do you tell a patient to stop doing this thing that gives them what they needed (and still need)?" How can irreplaceable primal needs ever be replaced if they were not provided when they were truly needed?
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