Putting our feelings in the right context

“You told me to feel the feelings in the context of childhood, but I am not sure to understand very well what this mean. How precisely to do it.”

Hi A,

How to feel and put all of our feelings in the right context was the hardest thing for me to do and that’s where most people get stuck.  Until our feelings are understood and consciously felt in the right context, they don’t get resolved and they either are repressed again to be endless triggered again and again in the future or we use others or ourselves as scapegoats to temporally relieve our repression keeping us endless in constant need of scapegoats or poisonous containers to relieve our repression.  It’s the intensity of the feelings triggered by present circumstances that let us know in what context they belong. The feelings of the child are always very intense and when triggered can cause panic attacks. When we are feeling these intense feelings the adult in you has to assure the scared little girl still living within you that still is terrified of her father, that now there is a strong adult women within you to stand up and protect her and your father no longer can hit you and punish you.

When I lost my house, boyfriend , came to the end of my dancing carrier in 2000 and the  fear of not being able to find another job to keep my independence,  it triggered intense fears in me that I had a few panic attacks paralyzing me that I could not take care of myself properly and I lived on credit cards for a while, but the moment I was able to understand the roots of those intense fears and I consciously felt them within the context of my childhood, those fears started to subside and  with no longer  having the repressed feelings of the child I once was blinding me,  I was able see clear to take the right actions to deal with present circumstances no matter how difficult.  Even though I lost the house, boyfriend and job eventually I found a new job and I started fresh and today I feel better than I ever felt in my life.

Wish you courage and strength to be and consciously feel the intense fears and anger of the child you once were and liberate the scared little girl still living within you.

Sylvie

Ben: What you wrote above make sense to me because I went through that myself. I felt very moved by your words above because those same words helped me to recover and I can confirm that we feel better and more and more real with time. Those words are a reminder and a compass for whom wants to really overcome fear and live one's own life and not what other expect from us to do or to feel. It is not easy and it may seem simple seen that way, it is not but it works that way and it takes time to trust unknown feelings and emotions but when you get to know them and begin to take care of yourself in the present you open the door to your most authentic self and to your truth, your history, what really happened to us when we were at the mercy of mean parents. I have a nice line from Miller but I can't find it now I'll post it later.

AM: The child is afraid of his terrifying memories (burns and doubts). But the adult WANTS to know his story, he wants to LIVE and knows he must do this work to achieve this. Yes, it takes patience with the child who is suspicious, and rightly so. But with your assistance he will accept to confront the parents and let himself free of their scary power. Good luck!

Source (french):
http://www.alice-miller.com/courrier_fr.php?lang=fr&nid=1612&grp=1107