I seem to have the talent of triggering people’s repressed emotions of the child they once were, but handling people’s transference I am not as good as I like to be. It’s never comfortable when people project or transfer into me their repressed hatred of the child they once were at their parents.
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How do you explain to a person that the money is the trigger of the latent repressed hatred of the child she once was at her mother, now, directed at her aunts' --- making them her scapegoats.
For repressed hatred to be resolved it has to be seen, understood, and consciously felt within the context of our own childhood, otherwise, we will endlessly be lost in projections and transferences with a constant need for scapegoats or poison containers in our lives.
The money is just giving her permission to hate her aunts instead of her mother. Sadly, in our society, if you publicly, admit that you hate your mother, you will be condemned, rejected, and ostracized in the eyes of society, so it's a lot safer to direct your latent repressed hatred at substitute figures or scapegoats.
It makes me sad to witness people all the time waste opportunities for true liberation -- and see them staying trapped in the emotional prisons of their own childhoods that the only changes they make, is reversing the roles, where, the mother becomes the child and the adult child plays the role of the mother that treats the aging mother, exactly, the same way the mother treated her when she was a small defenseless little child.
Everywhere I look I see this scenario being reenacted either with their own parents or people standing in symbolizing their own parents or childhood caregivers.
Also, read the article about hatred in the link below:
https://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/
https://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/
I came across your review of Daniel Mackler's book "Toward Truth". I just purchased it and was quite put off by some of what he had to say about gay people and abortions, so much so that I haven't read more despite having watched nearly all of his videos on YouTube and loved them all. I would love to talk to you more about your opinion on him and which books you might recommend instead for someone trying to process childhood trauma.
ReplyDeleteB, thank you for writing. DM might say the right things sometimes but all comes from memorized intellectual knowledge only. He has not resolved his own childhood repression and he is not real, just like most therapists out there. These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: "I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats.
ReplyDeleteThey thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean.
I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage."
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/02/correspondence-with-alice-miller.html
For anyone serious about resolving childhood repressed I recommend reading all Alice Miller's books, she is the only person I know that truly worked through her own childhood repressed traumas and became real.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/05/my-little-reviews-of-books-of-alice.html