Saturday, May 12, 2018

Take a risk or live the rest of our lives in solitude

Dear H,
Thank you for writing. 
I’m so sorry to hear you are not in a good place.
If you can’t show your true feelings towards L or K, maybe is because the little girl within you doesn’t trust them fully and you need to accept that at this time, but most important can the little girl within you trust the adult in you to show you and express to you her authentic feelings? 
I have learned most, if not all people out there are not safe to express our authentic feelings with, because of their unresolved repression, they will most like will turn against you sooner or later in one form or another.  Some are passive-aggressive standing on the sidelines witnessing and hoping that another malignant narcissist or sociopath succeeds in breaking you down.  This has been my experience since I published my book, if I didn’t have truly resolved my repression, I would have been broken down by now, especially with the sociopaths in the “mental health field” how come none have congratulated me in my amazing journey to  liberation, but I feel, they all stand on the side lines silently hoping a sociopath eventually succeeds in regressing me to the emotional prison of my childhood and finish the job to break my spirit or murder my soul that my childhood abusers started and were not able to finish.
I think Alice Miller was the only one real, honest and authentic person out there because I’m pretty sure if they were more out there, I would have found them or they would have found me by NOW! And this is why Alice Miller was constantly persecuted and deceived by people pretending to be real like her, just like I’m experiencing, her experience is my experience. She was alone just like I’m. Even those that worked closely with her are not real. I would never have discovered how fake they are if I had not written and published my book! And just for that, I'm very glad I wrote and published my book. What the public sees and the reality behind the scenes are two completely different things and I would never have gotten behind the scenes if I had not written and published my book. 
Alice took a risk with them, just like me, I have been taking a risk with people and hoping they don’t turn on me, but I know no matter who I get involved with there is the chance they might turn on me at any time, but there is no other choice, we either take a risk or live the rest of our lives in solitude and never get involved with anyone again, that I’m totally okay with. For now, I choose to take a risk.

But the silence of those sitting on side lines is the most hurtful than the ones that dare to come after me, because those that come after me then I can shine the light on them and they expose themselves, but the ones sitting on the side lines, they stay hiding in the dark like cockroaches praying and hoping someone eventually succeeds in breaking me and declare me mentally instable to discredit me and my book, so their own fears of being exposed for the fraud that they are can be put to rest, they are a bunch of cowards hoping someone else does their dirty work, so they hands stay clean.
It’s impossible to have honest personal relationships with people that have not face or are not willing to look in the mirror to face their own repression. And those that appear to be good at personal relationships just have mastered the art of faking it to perfection. 
…but if I say, that I carry a lot of hate towards her… [well most of this hate most like belong towards your parents or childhood caregivers and once understood and felt in the right context  this hate should start to subside, and some of this hate might be caused by k because she might not be there the way you need her to be] is hate I bear towards myself… [here you making yourself the scapegoat and this is one major reason you stay stuck because you blame yourself and not the real culprits that hurt you when you were defenseless and powerless little girl.]  sylvie, the more I write, the more I feel the pain and the invasiveness of my writings... [this is good keep on writing]  life is not about thoughts, it is about emotions. and I am not there. [just try to feel a little bit at the time, you can’t do it all at once, be patient with the little girl within yourself the more it starts trusting you the more will express and reveal to you]
I don't want to lose you, even if I think, all this Alice Miller stuff has ruined my life. this sounds crazy and weird. [You can’t lose me! But what would be really tragic is if you lose yourself. And blaming Alice Miller for ruining your life is again making someone else your scapegoat and letting the real culprits go Scot free and this is why you stay stuck and can’t move on because you have a hard time understanding and putting all your feelings in the right context. Once we understand and consciously feel all of our feelings in the right context, they start to diminish pretty quickly and like a little child that is allowed to express her/his authentic feelings will get through her/his hurt feelings pretty quickly and will go back to playing freely and enjoy life.] 
with L I have the feeling, that she touches me very deep inside. she wants me to be honest. this is a chance to change my life, … she wants to know if I want to spend time with her or not. it is a general question, not a thing of timetable... she deserves an answer. and I don't know, what to say... and this is what irritates her...[Being honest with ourselves and others is always good and a must; because only with honesty and the truth then can we make a consciously informed decision otherwise our relationships are a lie. I witness most relationships out there are a lie glued by fear of being alone.]
I don't want to be the bad person, to say no, but she would stand this,  one should be able to say yes or no, or not at the moment or something and why so... " I don't know", is not a grown-up answer. I run away, from something with her. " I can't tell" is the only answer I can give her.  I rather want to kill myself than say yes or no.”[if you don’t know then you are giving her an honest answer -- don’t be afraid of being seen as a bad person, if people sees you as a bad person for speaking your truth, it’s their problem, not yours and will be liberating to you. How others see me it’s not my problem and not of my concern. It doesn’t mean I like it when someone doesn’t see me and only sees their own reflection of themselves in me and the bad person they accuse me of being it’s really them, but I have no control over people’s reflections and I just walk away and let them go find another mirror and scapegoat. Free at last!]
Remember Liliane Rombout the therapist from the Netherlands that wrote to me in 2014 and I thought maybe she was real and I asked her if she would like to sign the foreword of my book and in the end, she ends up being a big nightmare, she became very critical and accused me of protecting my mother.  Anyway, her nightmare just keeps on going, she sat with the critique of my book all these years and now she decided to change her name and published her critique of my book under her new name! She never predicted that I would figure out that Liliane Rombout and Olane Roos was one and the same. Isn’t this the calculated move of a malignant narcissist or sociopath?! All it blew up in her face because I made it all public in my blogs in the links below and now people have all the facts and evidence and draw their own conclusions based on facts and evidence.
I hope you find a more peaceful place soon.
Hung in there,

Thursday, May 10, 2018

What does it take to overcome life’s adversities? The secrets of resilience

What does it take to overcome life’s adversities? The secrets of resilience

A friend sent me the article in the link above about resilience.

Every day I get amazed by the degree of misleading information spread by the established media to the masses that creates so much confusion to already very confused public. 

They just measure success by how far a person advances in their careers and how much money they make. They forget that success and money alone can be the best tools to master the art of repression, transference, manipulation, and projection.
"If a person is especially gifted, they can use that gift to reinforce the refusal of the truth and keep it away from themselves and others. ...The reason why I believe resilience theory is dangerous is that it is liable to reduce rather than increase the number of Enlightened Witnesses. If innate resilience were enough to resolve the severe consequences of traumatization, the empathy of Enlightened Witnesses would be unnecessary. Indifference to child abuse is already widespread enough, there is certainly no need to reinforce it.." Alice Miller

"Many world-famous stars who are envied and idolized are in fact profoundly lonely people. As the example of Dalida indicates, they were misunderstood precisely because they could not understand themselves. And they were not able to understand themselves because their environment responded to them with admiration rather than understanding. Finally, they took their own lives. This vortex tells us a lot about the mechanisms of depression. People seek understanding by pinning their hopes to success, they take endless trouble to achieve such success and to arouse the admiration of an ever-larger audience. But this admiration cannot provide any real sustenance as long as understanding is absent. Despite the success they have made of their careers, life is meaningless because they remain strangers to themselves. And this self-alienation persists because they want to completely forget what happened to them in their early lives and to deny the sufferings of childhood. As this is the way society functions, these stars were bound to remain misunderstood and suffered the torments of chronic loneliness.

The categorical denial of the pain we suffered at the beginning of our lives is harmful in the extreme. Suppose someone setting out on a long walk sprains an ankle right at the outset. That person may decide to ignore the pain and to soldier on because he/she has been looking forward to the outing, but sooner or later others will notice that they are limping and will ask what has happened. When they hear the whole story they will understand why this person is limping and advise him/her to go for treatment. But in connection with the sufferings of childhood, which play a similar role in our lives to a sprained ankle at the beginning of a long hike, then things are different. Those sufferings cannot be “played down,” they will leave their mark on the whole enterprise. The crucial difference, in this case, is that normally no one will take any notice. The whole of society is, as it were, in unison with the sufferer, who cannot say what has happened. It may well be that, despite the violation of their integrity, people who have been injured in this way really have no memories. If they have to spend their whole lives with people who play down the traumas of childhood, then they have no choice but to connive in this self-delusion. Their lives will progress in much the same way as the outing of the hiker who has sprained his ankle but pretends that nothing has happened. Should they, however, encounter people who know about the long-term effects of childhood traumas, then they will have the chance to abandon their denial and good prospects of healing the wounds they have been carrying around with them.

Most people are not so fortunate. The celebrities among them are surrounded by hosts of unsuspecting admirers, none of whom recognize the distress afflicting the stars they idolize. This is, in fact, the last thing they want to know about. Examples are legion. We may recall the fate of the enchanting Marilyn Monroe, who was put in a home by her mother, was raped at the age of nine and was sexually harassed by her stepfather when she returned to her family. Right to the end, she trusted in her charm, and finally, she was killed by depression and drugs. Her own account of her childhood is frequently quoted on the internet:
“I was not an orphan. An orphan has no parents. All the other children in the orphanage had lost their parents. I still had a mother. But she didn’t want me. I was ashamed to explain this to the other children…”
Some may wish for similar success in their lives and cannot understand why celebrities cannot simply enjoy their stardom. If a person is especially gifted, they can use that gift to reinforce the refusal of the truth and keep it away from themselves and others.
Exceptions in this context are people who suffered childhood traumas that were not caused by their parents. These people are more likely to encounter empathy in society because everyone can at least imagine what it must be like to grow up in a concentration camp or to spend horrifying days at the mercy of terrorists. The former victims of such traumas can expect understanding and sympathy, say from foster-parents, or from friends and relatives.
One such example is the French author Boris Cyrulnik, a well-known advocate of the theory of resilience. Apparently, he was deported to a concentration camp at the age of seven, but after his liberation, he was looked after by many caring people and thanks to their knowledge of the horrors he had been through he was able to come to terms with those appalling experiences. In his books, he now insists that every child has the strength to overcome a traumatic childhood without falling ill. He calls this strength “innate resilience.”
In my eyes, this theory contains a dangerous fallacy. It is true that as children we have many resources we can draw upon to survive even severe harm. But to heal the consequences of this harm we need Enlightened Witnesses in society. Such witness are usually conspicuous by their absence when the injuries in question were inflicted on the child by its parents. As adults, children abused by their parents are without witnesses and remain isolated, not only from others but also from themselves, because they have repressed the truth and there is no one to help them perceive the reality of their childhood. Society is always on the parents’ side. Everyone knows that this is so, so they will hardly venture to seek out their own truth. But if successful therapy helps them to experience and express their anger and resentment, they may well be confronted by the hostility of their families and friends. The readiness to attack them for violating this social taboo has to do with the fact that the violation of that taboo is a source of major alarm for others too. These people will sometimes mobilize all the forces at their command to discredit the former victim and thus keep their own repressions intact.
There are very few survivors of childhood abuse who are able to withstand such aggression and have the fortitude to accept the isolation involved in refusing to betray their own truth. But as knowledge of the emotional dynamics involved in these processes increases, things may hopefully change, and the formation of more enlightened groups will mean that total isolation is not the only possible consequence. The reason why I believe resilience theory is dangerous is that it is liable to reduce rather than increase the number of Enlightened Witnesses. If innate resilience were enough to resolve the severe consequences of traumatization, the empathy of Enlightened Witnesses would be unnecessary. Indifference to child abuse is already widespread enough, there is certainly no need to reinforce it.
But enlightened individuals are still rare, even among the experts. Anyone seeking information about Virginia Woolf on the internet will be told by renowned psychiatrists that she was “mentally ill” and that this had nothing to do with the sexual violence inflicted on her for years by her half-brothers when she was young. Although Virginia Woolf’s autobiographical writings give a harrowing account of the horrors of her childhood, the connections between these severe traumas and her later depression are still roundly denied in the year 2004.
During her lifetime there was of course even less chance of their being recognized. Although Virginia read these texts to a circle of artistic friends, she was still doomed to her lonely fate because neither she nor her environment, not even her husband Leonard (as his memories of his wife reveal) possessed the key to the significance of her early experiences. She was surrounded by people who shared and encouraged her artistic ambitions, but she was unable to understand the subjective experience of total isolation that kept on assailing her. Such an experience can ultimately pave the way to suicide because the present sense of isolation constantly recalls the potentially lethal abandonment we experienced as little children.
So-called mental illnesses leading to suicide are almost invariably traced back to genetic causes. Biographers provide us with the minutest details of the later lives of their protagonists, but their childhood rarely finds the interest it so richly deserves. 
...The lives (and deaths) of all these successful stars indicate that depression is not a form of suffering that relates to the present, which after all has bestowed on them the fulfillment of all their dreams. Instead, it is the suffering caused by the separation from one’s own self, abandoned early on, never mourned for, and accordingly doomed to despair and death. It is as if the body used depression as a form of protest against this self-betrayal, against the lies and the dissociation of genuine feelings, because authentic feelings are something it cannot live without. It needs the free flow of emotions in constant flux: rage, grief, joy. If these are blocked by denial the body cannot function normally.
People resort to all kinds of “remedies” to compel the body to function normally all the same: drugs, alcohol, nicotine, tablets, immersion in work. It is an attempt to avoid understanding the revolt of the body, to prevent ourselves from experiencing the fact that feelings will not kill us but, on the contrary, can free us from the prison we call depression. Depression may reassert itself once we revert to ignoring our feelings and needs, but in time we can learn to deal with it more effectively. As our feelings tell us what happened to us in childhood, we can learn to understand them, we no longer need to fear them as we did before, the anxiety recedes, and we are better equipped to face the next depressive phase. But we can only admit those feelings if we no longer fear our internalized parents.
The assumption I proceed from is this: for most people the idea that they were not loved by their parents is unbearable. The more evidence there is for this deprivation, the more strongly these people cling to the illusion of having been loved. They also cling to their feelings of guilt, which provide misleading confirmation that if their parents did not treat them lovingly then it was all their own fault, the fault of their mistakes and failings. Depression is the body’s rebellion against this lie. Many people would prefer to die (either literally or symbolically by killing off their feelings), rather than experience the helplessness of the little child exploited by the parents for their own ambitions or used as a projection screen for their pent-up feelings of hatred.
The fact that depression is one of the most widespread disorders of the present day is well known to experts. The media also address the problem regularly, with discussions on the causes and the various kinds of treatment available. In most cases, the sole concern appears to be finding the best psychoactive agents for individual patients. Today, psychiatrists assert that at last medicines have been developed that are not addictive and have no side-effects. So the problem would appear to have been solved. But if the solution is so simple why are there so many people complaining about recurrent depression? Naturally, some simply refuse to take tablets on principle, but even among those who do there are many who are repeatedly afflicted by bouts of depression and are apparently unable to free themselves of this disorder, even after decades of psychoanalysis, other kinds of psychotherapeutic care, or recurrent hospitalization.
What does depression involve? In the first place hopelessness, loss of energy, extreme fatigue, anxiety, lack of impetus and interest. Access to one’s own feelings is blocked. These symptoms may materialize in unison or in isolation, and they can afflict a person otherwise functioning normally, doing well at work, sometimes even taking an active interest in therapy and attempting to help others. But these people cannot help themselves. Why?
In my book The Drama of the Gifted Child (1979) I describe how some people manage to fend off depression with the aid of grandiose fantasies or extraordinary achievements. This applies very conspicuously to psychoanalysts and other therapists who in their training have learned to understand others but not themselves. In the book I trace this phenomenon back to the childhood histories of those who elect to go in for this line of work and indicate that they were forced at a very early stage to feel the distress of their mothers and fathers, to empathize with it, and to abandon their own feelings and needs in the process. Depression is the price the adult pays for this early self-abandonment. These are people who have always asked themselves what others need from them, thus not only neglecting their own feelings and needs but never even making contact with them. But the body is aware of them and insists that the individual should be allowed to live out his/her authentic feelings and to claim the right to express them. This is anything but easy for people who in infancy were used exclusively to satisfy the needs of their parents.
In this way, many lose contact in the course of their lives with the children they once were. In fact, this contact was never established in the first place, and access becomes increasingly difficult as time goes on. In the later stages, the increasing helplessness of old age becomes a searing physical reminder of the situation they found themselves in as children. This is referred to as old-age depression and regarded as something inevitable that we simply have to live with.
But this is not true. There is no reason why people who are aware of their own stories should lapse into depression in old age. And if they do experience depressive phases, it suffices for them to admit their true feelings and the depression will be resolved. At any age, depression is nothing other than the escape from all those feelings that might bring the injuries of childhood back to mind. This leaves a vacuum inside us. If we have to avoid mental pain at all costs, then there is basically not much left to sustain our vitality. Though we may distinguish ourselves with unusual intellectual achievements, our inner life will still be that of an emotionally underdeveloped child. This is true whatever age we may be.
As we have seen, the depression reflecting this inner vacuum results from the avoidance of all the emotions bound up with the injuries inflicted on us in early life. The upshot is that a depressive person can hardly experience conscious feelings of any kind. The only exception is the case where external events may overwhelm us with feelings that remain completely incomprehensible because we have no knowledge of the true, un-idealized story of our childhood years. We may experience such a sudden outburst of feeling as an inexplicable catastrophe.
Patients turning to a psychotherapeutic hospital for help are repeatedly told that they must not think back to their childhood, that they will not find any answers there, that they should forget everything else and concentrate on coming to terms with their present situation. Highly significant is the care taken to ensure that these patients do not get upset and to prohibit visits from their relatives. Precisely because they act like an emotional charge for the patient, such encounters can have a revitalizing effect. The point is that the emotions thus triggered off are not harmful but in fact beneficial. But in the hospitals, this view finds little response. Reading the correspondence between the poet Paul Celan and his wife, we sense the tragedy that such categorical directives can cause in the lives of individuals. Celan was categorically denied visits from his wife in hospital, which only served to exacerbate his loneliness and the severity of his illness. 
...Personally speaking, I owe my own awakening to spontaneous painting more than anything else. But this is not to suggest that painting can be recommended as a sure-fire remedy for depression. One painter I once greatly admired, Nicolas de Stael, painted 354 large pictures in the last six months of his life. He went to Antibes to work on his paintings, devoting himself to them with searing intensity and forsaking his family for the purpose. Then “he plunged to his death from the terrace that had been his studio in those last six months.” (Nicolas de Stael, Edition Centre Pompidou, 2003). At the time he was only 40 years old. The skill that so many painters envied him for did not save him from depression. Perhaps a few questions might have sufficed to set off a train of reflection in him. His father, a general in the years prior to the Russian Revolution, never acknowledged his gifts as a painter. It may well be that in his despair de Stael hoped that one day he might paint the decisive picture that would earn him his father’s respect and love. Conceivably there is a connection between his gargantuan efforts at the end of his life and this personal distress. Only de Stael himself could have found this out if he had not been forbidden to ask the decisive questions. Then he might have realized that his father’s lack of esteem had nothing to do with his son’s accomplishments but merely with his own inability to appreciate the qualities of a picture.
In my own case, the decisive breakthrough came because I insisted on asking myself such questions. I let my pictures tell me my own submerged story. More precisely, it was my hand that did this, as it obviously knew the whole story and was only waiting until I was ready to feel with the little child I once was. Then I kept on seeing that little child, used by her parents but never perceived, respected, or encouraged, a little child forced to hide her creativity so as not to be punished for living it out.
We do not need to analyze paintings from the outside. This would be of little help for the painter. But pictures can stir up feelings in their creators. If they are allowed to experience those feelings and take them seriously, then they can get closer to themselves and overcome the barriers of morality. They can face up to their past and their internalized parents and can engage with these things differently – on the basis of their growing awareness, not of their infant fear.
If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, then I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. Then I will hardly feel the need to terminate my life, unless the process of aging and the increasing frailty of the body should set off such thoughts in me. But even then I will know that I have lived my own, true life."                 
"The excellent picture of the iceberg, introduced by Olivier Maurel, has opened my eyes for the fact that the groups that so enthusiastically speak of the child’s resilience seem to take care solely of the visibly mistreated and neglected children. It is true, to those children society offers today several ways to overcome even the most terrible effects of their traumas undergone before and to become resilient, thanks to the confidence that they could develop since. The legal system that often (if not always) sides with them, enlightened witnesses, some empathetic attorneys, well-informed therapists, all these people help a mistreated child to become a conscious survivor who, later, won’t want to repeat with his/her children what has been done to him or 
But for us, the group that is concerned with the problem of educational violence, we talk of something else. We talk of the 90% of the world population that underwent an ” educative ” madness without ever becoming aware that it was connected to humiliation and other serious traumas. Victims of this kind of violence cannot count on the empathy of society, because the whole society denies their suffering, as it denies its own. To victims of these  kind of traumas don’t exist any courthouses, nor enlightened witnesses, nor compassion of anybody – at least as long as almost everybody repeats without a second thought: “Being spanked didn’t do any harm to me, it made me strong”. For that reason victims of educational violence can’t develop resilience, they will say instead: “What was good for me will not harm my children.” In this way, they create what we call the “repetition transgénérationnelle”. Children beaten for “educational” reasons will be nearly inevitably tomorrow’s beaters if we don’t begin to give attention to this dynamics.
Thanks to the clarification of Olivier Maurel, I understood that partisans of resilience take care of the summit of the iceberg and neglect the hidden part. It is necessary that media understand this distinction so that serious misunderstandings can be avoided in the current discussions on this topic. It is necessary to know that without enlightened witnesses, without the help of a conscious and well-informed society, the usually beaten children remain alone with their repressed suffering, and it is why, all their life, they will be convinced that they have been beaten for their own good. They cannot develop any awareness of this injustice, hence no resilience either."

"Miller writes about a “helping witness”—someone who acts (routinely, or even once at a critical time) with kindness toward the child and who somehow, by looking into the child’s eyes, shows the child another way to live and be. This helper may have no idea of his or her role but nonetheless acts as a counterweight to the cruelty or neglect a child experiences. DR Miller says that a critical prerequisite for normal survival is that at least once in their lives, mistreated children come into contact with a person who understands that the environment, not the child, is at fault. This helping witness teaches the child that he or she is worthy of kindness. This lesson is the basis for resilience."

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

A four-star review of my book A Dance to Freedom

A four-star review of my book A Dance to Freedom has been posted on AmazonUK. The reviewer only wrote one word: “Goodread”

Read more reviews of my book HERE

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Open letter to the Prestigious Dr. Julio Machado Vaz

Do you remember me?! Back then in Portugal when I became your patient in the mid-seventies I was known by the name Imelda.

About a year ago you came to my Facebook page, so I know, you know, that I’m accusing you of sexually abusing me while under your care when I was vulnerable and lost 17 years old.

My Friend Petra Helm told me at the time that was time for me to confront you with the truth. And my answer to her was that my book is confronting you with the truth!

But all these years there is a question constantly in the back of my mind that I like to ask you: do you really thought having oral sex with your patients was a helpful method of treatment to treat your patients with emotional problems?! Because I know without a doubt I’m not the only patient of yours that you used this method of treatment to treat them with.

Sometimes, I do think, that in your delusional world you thought what your patients needed to help them with their emotional problems was sex.



The truth is the truth. I will never apologize for speaking the truth.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

If You’re Not Making Enemies, You’re Doing It Wrong

If You’re Not Making Enemies, You’re Doing It Wrong

I guess I'm doing it right because since I published my book I'm making a few enemies!

"If your communications involve walking on eggshells and you’re afraid you might make an enemy or upset someone, you’re not really embracing the social web. Making enemies is a natural byproduct of being a part of our society, and thus if you’re truly being social this will happen on the web. If not, how much personality are you really injecting?

This is not a negative thing so don’t take it as such. The web and the world itself involve balance: between enemies and allies, friends and strangers, supporters and defectors. We need enemies to push us to the next level, challenge us and cause us to think and improve. They give us perspective and remind us of our purpose.
Embrace the full range of emotion and possibility in your content and interactions even if it might involve creating an enemy. Letting that stop you inevitably means falling short of your potential as a creative." read more HERE

Yes, constantly being targeted by trolls or malignant narcissists or sociopaths, they do push me to keep on writing, which I guess is good for me. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Comments from the Blog About the Therapist Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout Critique

I decided to publish in a new blog my responses to Jeroen’s and Heleen's comments on the blog titled: Most Therapists keep themselves and others stuck talking about the therapist Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout’s critique.

When sharing letters or messages written to me in private I always do it anonymously, but if people write to me with malicious intent I will not respect their anonymity.

The beauty of not being a therapist or a psychologist is that I don’t go by the same rules as they do.

And I will not respect or protect malignant narcissists trying to mess with my mind.  If you write to me privately with malicious intent trying to instigate and deceive me in any way to manipulate my feelings, I will publish your private messages publicly and will not respect your anonymity.

If you don’t have the courage to deliver news about me through the front door in public view then don’t come through the back door in hiding to deliver news about me. 

I can figure out pretty quickly if people are authentic and genuine or are hiding behind an umbrella-like “nonviolent communication” or any other type of umbrella. 

You might be disappointed with me, just like my family was, for making public their abuse under the disguise of love and caring.  Me too, I’m disappointed that some people try to fool me by hiding behind some pretty veil, mask or umbrella.

Thank you for your Comment Jeroen.

First of all, have you read my book?! Because if you have read my book -- you would see very clearly that I don’t protect or idealize my parents or any member of my family or anyone else for that matter in my life. 

And sure I’m not going to protect people now standing in symbolizing my childhood caregivers treating me exactly the same way.

My older sisters criticized every little thing about me and she is doing exactly the same thing -- probably the same way her own mother did to her also --- she wants perfection out of me -- just like my older sisters did! And probably the same way her own mother demand perfection from her.

I don’t mean to cause her any harm either and I too have been very respectful towards her. I just want the facts and evidence to be out there and let people draw their own conclusions.

Everything she writes in her critique of my book is pure projections, transference, and manipulations to try to regress me into the state of the wounded child.

It’s sad when therapists use Alice Miller insights to deceive, manipulate and create cult-like groups to keep people permanently in the state of the wounded child to have power over them. She wants power over me! But I'm not going let her gain any power over me.

Just as I wrote in my book page 129, 130, 131 and 132

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness.

 A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective. 

But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake. Why do people keep punishing themselves? 

As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. 

The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. 

Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65 

In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. 

At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. 

We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … 

First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. 

Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. 

From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66 

Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. 

Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance, when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods. 

Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. 

But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression. 

The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation. 

“I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront themselves with the cruelty of their upbringing, without illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame and permanent overstrain. 

A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can, based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67 

It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way. 

“Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.”

Could you please remove the link to her site in your comment? I'm not interested in reading why she changed her name. But it’s very interesting to me that she waited 4 years to publish her critique of my book --- after she changed her name --- I don’t want any links in my blog to her website, otherwise, I will delete your comment and republish it with my comment. 

Thank you, Sylvie

P.S. Jeroen, have you realized that your comment is full of assumptions?! I know where I have been, where I'm and where I'm going.

Jeroen, Olane or Lilianne’s in her conclusion, she is talking about herself --- she is not seeing me in my book --- she only seeing her own reflection in me and confusing me with herself. I will delete your last comment because I don’t want her projections and transference on my blog trying to confuse me and everyone else. 

I made it very clear in my book how I went through the painful repressed emotions of the child I once was and now I feel liberated --- And NOW no one can steal that from me!

Please don’t make any more comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself and stop taking Olane or Lilianne words for truth.

Is Liliane or Olane now your mother figure standing in symbolizing your own mother and now you are trying to protect and defend her like a little child would protect and defend his/her own mother? 

Maybe you should read my book to help you break free and grow yourself up and stop letting yourself be confused by people symbolizing your mother or childhood caregivers.

These words I wrote to Donald and you can read more in the link below if you like are very true: She [Alice Miller] also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed Sweet I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. 

The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poison of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable experts and better than others. 

Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. 

I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him.

Jeroen, you see what you to want to see just like Lilianne/Olane sees what she wants to see. 

Lilianne or Olane is playing a very good game! And if you don’t see it --- it's your problem, not mine.

Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler lashing out at her with their critiques and I have Olane or Lilianne lashing out at me with her critique. 

And if you don’t see her critique as projections of herself into me -- then is nothing I can do to make you open your eyes to see. And I ask you one more time don’t make comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself.

All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims as the abusers, but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim. 

As Marie France Hirigoyen articulates beautifully in her book Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity: “As he drives his victim to destruction, the abuser gets that much more pleasure from pointing out her weakness or unleashing her violence. He makes her feel debased and unworthy. 

Depending on her reaction, she is described as temperamental and neurotic, alcoholic, or suicidal. The victim feels defenseless and tries to justify herself as if she were, in fact, guilty. The abuser’s pleasure double: he bamboozles or humiliates his victim and subsequently rubs her nose in her humiliation.

While the victim dwells on her guilt, the abuser benefits from the situation, making sure to cast himself as the victim.

Justification becomes impossible when nothing is said and no reproach is made. Desperate to find a solution to this horrifying impasse, the victim may be tempted in turn to use innuendo and manipulation. The relationship then becomes ambiguous: who is the abuser and who the victim.

The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal.
His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off.” (Do you see how you are being played here?! She gets you to continue the harassment she started.)

You can read more in the link below if you like: 

If your idolized Lilianne/Olane is such a compassionate person that cares so much about others --- how come she didn’t reach out to me with a kind word of support when I was being targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years after I published my book in 2014?

I know she is following my blog incognito and witnessed everything that was taking place. 

She didn’t care, because she is a malignant narcissist or a sociopath like them. She was witnessing an attempt of a psychological lynching and said nothing and most likely hoping they would succeed in destroying me to put her own fears of exposure to rest. 

And then she waits 4 years to publish her critique after changing her name from Lilianne to Olane!

I glanced through the reasons on her website to why she changed her name. The name change is a strategy in the game she is playing. 

I don’t think she predicted that I would figure it out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout was the same person!

In my book page 174 I write: I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve their own freedom.

I constantly witness many people going public with their sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the wounded children they once were, just like their parents or parent-substitutes exploited them when they were defenseless little children. 

They keep themselves and others endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play either the role of the victim or the perpetrator. Alice Miller has proven that we can unlock the emotional doors that hold us and start a glorious dance to freedom. Knowing your own truth and living with it is the best gift you can give to yourself and to future generations. The more healed, or free, you become, the less dependent you’ll be. And because people will sense that you’re not needy, the more people will be attracted to you. It’s kind of ironic, but autonomy is very attractive! I hope you’ll take the challenge to free yourself at last. I hope you’ll end your own repetition compulsion naturally without endlessly staying dependent on crutches like yoga, meditation, religion, 12-step programs, or other painnumbing addictions.”

Olane/Lilianne is going public with her sad, tragic story as a strategy in her game to get people’s sympathy and trust to allure them into her orbit to gain power over them and not to be alone in her emotional prison, she is too afraid to feel the whole range of the repressed emotions of the child she once was all by herself and is exploiting and using her clients for transference effect, she is making others feel, what herself can’t feel. 

Telling your story and really feeling the repressed emotions of the child you once were are two completely different things. 

I demonstrate very well in my book how I went through the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I’m no longer blinded by them. 

I see very clearly the games people play! I could name a few famous people that have played this same exact strategy as Olane/Lilianne is playing and they have made millions of dollars, it has worked very well for them thanks to society's blindness! 

But I’m not going to name names, because I don’t want to deal with the backlash from their millions of followers stuck in the role of the child. 

The only thing these people have changed in their lives is the roles. Now acting as if personality, pretending to be healed and more knowledgeable than others -- casting themselves as mother/father figures over others keeping everyone stuck in the emotional prison of childhood.

One thing that bothers me the most about malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are that they constantly force me to write and I hate writing! Because I’m extremely dyslexic and writing is the hardest thing for me to do in life and the most time consuming for me. I rather be outside playing and being with my cats and with friends than sitting here writing.

Heleen, your comment just confirms what I already knew! That Olane or Liliane was your therapist or substitute mother figure standing in symbolizing your mother and she has you exactly where she wants you to be – in the state of the child --- doing her dirty work -- and you don’t think for yourself and this is why her review/critique was helpful to you! I ask you the same question I asked Jeroen -- have you read my book for yourself?! I see clearly and know when people are real and honest and when they are playing mind games trying to pull a fast one over my head or trying to change my reality

Heleen, yes, I agree we all have blind spots, but the blind spots Olane or Liliane accuses me of, are not my blind spots, those are her blind spots transferred into me...

I know when people are authentic and genuine or are trying to be malicious under the disguise of help or of being a friend.

So any person that goes out of her way to hurt others under the disguise of help and of being a friend that makes them a malignant narcissistic or sociopath.

I trust my feelings and is nothing you, Olane/Liliane or Jeroen can say to manipulate my feelings or change my reality.

I don't protect and respect people that are being malicious under the disguise of being a friend.

Respect is earned and no, you don't deserve my respect! So in a way you knew you were being malicious, because you didn't want anyone to know you were delivering news about me, if you were genuine you would be happy to stand by me, in public and not try to come through the back door out of public view.

Only malicious people want to make sure no one sees them when taking actions that can affect others.

I, too choose who I talk with about my feelings and sure is not a dangerous therapist like Olane/lLiliane, you or Jeroen.

Just like I wrote on my book page 172: and 173 "I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears.

These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have lived my own, true life.”81 It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be prepared."

I ask you like I asked Jeroen, don't make any more comments here until you read my book for yourself. I will not respond to you again and any more comments posted by you or Jeroen will be deleted

Saturday, April 14, 2018

A Sign That I Got it Right

Hi Sylvie,

Thank you so much for your email. I really appreciated how you took the time to respond to everything I wrote and added your own observations. What was a little shocking and scary, if I were, to be honest, was when you shared a quote from Alice Miller which used concentration camp victims as a basis for her ideas. For a long time, I used to think of my childhood was like being in a concentration camp. I think I was right. I just recently told my sister this and she agreed without hesitation. Without the proper help, though, that comparison faded in my mind over the past decade because it was too hard to bear. My therapists left the key untouched (!) and my only recourse was to mentally distance myself from it all. As you know, I'm ready to face it now.

I wish I could share more. I can tell I still need to wait, though.

I'm so sorry you have to endure manipulation and abuse from perfect strangers because of your book. However, I think it's a sign you got it right!

All the best,

Hi W,
I’m so glad my book together with Alice Miller’s books has given you the support you need for you to gather the courage and now you feel ready to face your own childhood repression.
Feel free to write me anytime when you feel a need and ready.
Yes, most people's childhood is like being in a concentration camp or emotional prison. Most of us were hostages of our parents or parents’ substitutes.
It’s sad that since I published my book I’m targeted by malignant narcissists’ trying to regress me and steal my freedom to bring me back into the emotional prison of childhood.
And it’s even sadder when these people proclaim to be therapists hiding behind Alice Miller, misusing her insights to manipulate me and blind me. These so-called “mental health professionals” just want their patients and everyone else to be tamed and below them, so they can have total control over them.
Yes, you are right, the fact that I’m targeted by so many malignant narcissists after I published my book – it’s a sign that I got it right!
"I witness day by day how many use good information to manipulate and abuse others." This is what I have been going through lately with a woman that proclaims to be a therapist named Olane Roos/Liliane Rombout. She proclaims to do her therapy based on Alice Miller's work. But with her critique of my book, she wants to rewrite my own story and what I should feel or not feel. How fxxked up is that?!
She is twisting the information she read in Alice Miller’s books to manipulate and exploit her clients and followers with half-truths she memorized like a parrot.
Many professionals out there, do great analyses and understand well the reasons of mental illness, depression, addictions and chronic illness, that is linked to childhood loss and trauma, and I quote few other professionals in my book to prove that are out there, other professionals saying what Alice miller says, but how they go about to heal those traumas, they use all kinds of manipulatives tactics and the same old tools like yoga, meditation, 12 steps and controlled drugs, that all it does is manipulate people's feelings, and repress their authentic feelings all over again, and as long people go on repressing their authentic feelings, they will be driven by them into the state of repetition compulsion of doing to others, themselves or both, especially their own children, what once was done to them, when they were defenseless little children. 
And the reason they do this is because they have not broken free from their own childhood repression. The only thing they have changed in their lives is the roles. Now they play the all-powerful role of father or mother figure over others keeping everyone stuck in the emotional prison of childhood.
It’s the repression of our authentic feelings that cause us long-term harm and not the trauma itself.
The Problem in our Society is an Emotional Blockage with the so-called “Educated People” We don’t need more studies or analyses to show us what causes mental illness and violence. 

The problem is not lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain.  

It takes courage to see, face and feel the repressed emotions of the child we once were. Intelligence alone is not enough; but it rather helps create seductive, rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies to hide behind.
I think you also might like reading the e-mail I wrote to M in the link below:
Wishing courage and strength,