You ask me how you can connect
with your father. Why should you? Everybody tells you that you must forgive.
But you must not - if you want to heal. You can't fool the body; it doesn't let
itself be fooled. And it remembers everything, the butcher’s knife, the soup
cans from the garbage, the beatings and so many other cruelties suffered by a
small girl from a highly perverse man. Why do you jeopardize your health by
thinking of your father's childhood? If a man raped you on the street would you
speculate about his childhood or would you become furious? The last would be a
healthy reaction. Why is your father an exception? Because God is on his side?
Who told you this? The body didn't read the bible, it insists on the truth and
the small girl would have done it also if she had been allowed to see the
truth. But nobody was there to tell her: you were treated cruelly and have the
right to hate him. Unfortunately, you seem to continue to betray your body,
yourself, by killing your authentic feelings. In fact, it is exactly the rage
that can help you now to heal.
The method of Marshall Rosenberg
is very nice and may be helpful to people who have not be severely mistreated
in childhood. The latter ones however must find their pent up, LEGITIMATE rage
and free themselves from the lies of our moral system. As long as they don't do
this, their body will continue to scream for the truth with the help of symptoms.”
Alice Miller ~ From Rage to Courage, page, 53
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