Friday, May 13, 2016

Secrets to a Long Life

Comments from the sharing of the article below on Facebook
This 90-Year-Old Lady Seduced and Killed Nazis as a Teenager
Monica Chelagat In this interview, I found this outstanding. It is, for many people, a way to cover your own childhood trauma.
QUESTION: "Truus worked through her war trauma partly with the art that she made. How did you do cope?
ANSWER: "By getting married and having babies. And I often babysat Truus' children as well, because she was very busy. ...."

Monica Chelagat Sylvie note the question and answer from this lady on how she coped re her trauma..

Sylvie Imelda Shene Sad... unfortunately having children is how many people unconsciously deal with childhood traumas. That's how many people get to live long lives by making the vulnerable feel what they themselves can't feel. These words by Alice Miller come to mind: " Individuals who believe that they feel what they ought to feel and constantly do their best not to feel what they forbid themselves to feel will ultimately fall ill---unless, that is, they leave it to their children to pick up the check by projections onto them the emotions they cannot admit to themselves." 

Most People’s Love is Nothing But a Farce, a Sham, and a Fa├žade

Monica Chelagat I read the interview carefully, she and her sister had a horrible life. There is a question on her father and her response is heartbreaking to me but she had no emotions about him, neither angry nor sad given the type of man he was, an irresponsible man who didn't care about them. In fact she says at the end of the response that 'He loved' them... Such a difficult life and she lived to 90! Perhaps the secret of a long life is to 'cut off emotionally'.. Here it is: Quesion: Where was your father?
Answer: My mother had divorced him, which was pretty unusual for that time. She was just fed up one day – we lived on a large ship in Haarlem but my father never made any money and didn't pay anything for the barge. But it wasn't an ugly divorce or anything – he sang a French farewell song from the bow of the ship when we left. He loved us, but I didn't see him that often anymore after that.'

Sylvie Imelda Shene My first thought when I read her talking about her father and that he loved them was: if he was capable of “love”, he would have made sure, he was in their lives and be present emotionally. Just like Alice Miller wrote in the introduction of her book The Body Never Lies “ As long as the children allow themselves to be used in this way, it is entirely possible to live to be one hundred without any awareness of one’s personal truth and without any illness ensuing from this protracted form of self-deception. A mother who is forced to realize that the deprivations imposed on her in her youth make it impossible for her to love a child of her own, however hard she may try, can certainly expect to be accused of immorality if she has the courage to put that truth into words. But I believe that it is precisely this explicit acceptance of her true feelings, independent of the claims of morality, that will enable her to give both herself and her children the honest and sincere kind of support they need most, and at the same time will allow her to free herself from the shackles of self-deception.” 

Maybe one of the secrets to living a long life is to be disconnected from one’s own truth and feelings, but it’s done at the expense of others and the next generations. When I was a kid I used to say to myself: the pain stops with me and I was willing to die than passing it into an innocent being. I much prefer resolving my own childhood repression to have a chance of living a long life than living a long life at the expense of others. These words by Alice Miller also come to mind: “".Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." 
They Are Criminals

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