Monday, August 22, 2016
Grieving is Essential to Move Forward
A reader of mine sent me this article Everything Doesn't Happen For A Reason. I could have written this article. The author articles beautifully how I see and feel too.
So true “Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” And some losses are so big that always be carried and felt into the end of time.
“I hate to break it to you, but although devastation can lead to growth, it often doesn't. The reality is that it often destroys lives. And the real calamity is that this happens precisely because we've replaced grieving with advice. With platitudes. With our absence.”
Sadly in most cases, devastation doesn’t lead to growth, but, actually, it destroys lives precisely because we refuse to face our childhood repression and take time to grieve our losses.
Like I wrote below in response to Gala’s comment on my story: “Hello Sylvie ~ Although painful, the challenges you faced from childhood are a gift ... for now you have the wisdom to be ... Best of the Season!" Gala
Gala, Thank you for writing. The experience of abuse in childhood is not a gift --they are a tragedy-- the gift was leaving Portugal and finding Alice Miller’s books. Every time a child is abused is a tragedy, not a gift. Because if that child does not find an enlightened witness; the child will be lost forever. We all know how our society lacks true enlightened witnesses. Please read the article The Essential Role of an Enlightened Witness in Society”
Grieving our losses is the only way to the path to freedom and to experience authentic joy. All the bullshit about forgiveness and others myths are prostheses that keep us stuck and trapped. Just like my enlightened witness Alice Miller wrote in her book “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” page 83 “Morality and performance of duty are artificial measures that become necessary when something essential is lacking. The more successfully a person was denied access to his or her feelings in childhood, the larger the arsenal of intellectual weapons and the supply of moral prostheses has to be, because morality and a sense of duty are not sources of strength or fruitful soil for genuine affection. Blood does not flow in artificial limbs; they are for sale and can serve many masters.”