Forgiveness is a Trap

Since writing this blog, exactly a year later, my ex-boss, who the property manager recruited to do her dirty work, killed himself in a standoff with the local police after robbing a bank on March 11, 2016, that by coincidence was my birthday! So, the property manager does have blood on her hands after all, because I know without a doubt, if she had not started this psychological warfare against me, he would still be alive – he was her collateral damage – when people start wars someone always gets hurt or killed!!! I was her target to destroy, but when was one of her helpers to lose his mind and self-destruct, everyone involved became silent, and now is a big cover-up that involves the FBI, the US Marshals, and the media. It's a shame he was not strong enough to stand up to do the right thing and let himself become a puppet of the property manager -- he paid a high price for it. Puppets never have a good end. If it was me, the little woman to commit a crime my name and face would have been splashed all over the news stations! And then all probably go on TV talking about how disturbed the little woman was -- to discredit me and my book -- and make a name for themselves by standing on my head. And all probably say that you need God in your life, my ex-boss was a Mormon, a man of God, but he was the one to lose his mind, but now is a big cover-up. I could see their dirty games and traps so clearly.
Read more in the link below:  

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/09/big-cover-up-by-sociopaths-at-my-ex-job.html

Recently I was the target of a mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my work and because of it, I lost my job of 9 and a half years. A coworker who is very religious started to preach to me how I needed to forgive them for the harm they had caused me. I left his presence feeling sick to my stomach because he was discarding my hurt feelings and repressing me with his preaching about forgiveness. I felt so nauseous that I just wanted to throw up. Read more here.

Preaching forgiveness is another form of abuse that keeps us stuck in their emotional prisons. You have to allow yourself to feel all of your authentic feelings caused by the trauma we suffered from the sociopaths/narcissists. Feelings don't cause harm to ourselves or others, only actions can cause harm, but the repression of our authentic feelings will harm us and keeps us stuck in the emotional prison. Forgiveness is a lid that represses our feelings and as long as our feelings are repressed we stay stuck.

Just as Alice Miller wrote: They work under the influence of various interpretations culled from both Western and Oriental religions, which preach forgiveness to the once-mistreated child. Thereby, they create a new vicious circle for people who, from their earliest years, have been caught in the vicious circle of pedagogy. This, they refer to as "therapy". In so doing, they lead them into a trap from which there is no escape, the same trap that once rendered their natural protests impossible, thus causing the illness in the first place. Because such therapists, caught as they are in the pedagogic system, cannot help patients to resolve the consequences of the traumatization they have suffered, they offer them traditional morality instead. In recent years I have been sent many books from the United States of America describing different kinds of therapeutic intervention by authors with whom I am not familiar. Many of these authors presume that forgiveness is an indispensable condition for successful therapy. This notion appears to be so widespread in therapeutic circles that it is not always called into question - something urgently needed. For forgiveness does not resolve latent hatred and self-hatred but can cover them up in a very dangerous way. “ Alice Miller Read more here

The words below by Alice Miller about forgiveness are also very true. From my experience admitting the truth is a must, but we must also feel the whole range of our repressed emotions within the context of our own childhood, otherwise, the compulsion to repeat or reenact our childhood drama will continue endlessly one way or another. “…preaching forgiveness is not only hypocritical and futile but also actively dangerous. It masks the compulsion to repeat. The only thing that can protect us from repetition is the admission of the truth, with all its implications. Once we know as accurately as possible what our parents did to us, we are no longer in danger of repeating their misdeeds. Otherwise, we will do so automatically, and with all the tenacity at our disposal, we will resist the idea that we can --- and indeed must --- break off our infant attachment to parents who abused us if we want to become adults and live of our own in peace. We must give up the confusion we lived in as infants, the confusion stemming from early attempts to understand abuse and give it a meaning. As adults we can do that; we can learn to understand how morality in therapy gets in the way of the healing of the wounds we carry around inside us.” From the book “The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting” by Alice Miller page 152.

"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.
..Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." -- Alice Miller