Wednesday, June 20, 2018
We Live in a World of Puppets and Puppeteers
Was on my way to bed, and when closing the laptop, I saw your mail.
I thought of you once in while last days, hoping, that you are not suffering from more trouble with "bad" people targeting you...
thank you for explaining to me ...
I am confused, yes, very much... and i "wanted" it... somehow it feels, as I unconsciously but focused brought me to where I am..
Yes, like in this song, I still want to meet a heart, which can understand me and my trouble... but I know, this can't be... I must be born inside myself...
it is something about my relation to god... which is, of course, a very weird thing to write and think, because I have learned to think, that god isn't a useful vice versa for a child, for a human mind...to unreal... only replacement for not experienced true human love???
I am tired right now.
Sylvie, thank you for not judging me and take good care...
How could I judge you or anyone else for that matter?!
I know how hard it is to face, understand and consciously feel the repressed emotions within the context of our own childhood.
I was fortunate by circumstances -- to have a job free to come and go as I pleased -- at the time my repression was triggered to the surface -- so I could take time off to do research work -- to figured it all out -- and thanks to finding Alice Miller’s books and website -- to help me understand what was happening to me and why?! And finally consciously feel all my feelings within the context of my childhood -- without hurting myself others or both.
If I didn’t have this luxury -- I only had two other alternatives -- to kill myself and exit this world prematurely like many do -- or repress all my authentic feelings all over again and fake it like most people do in order to be able to work and survive. Is no way I could have let myself feel all the overwhelming intense feelings of the child I once was and keep a job at the same time.
Repression helps us survive as children, but as adults will keep us prisoners of our childhood and vulnerable to be manipulated and exploited by sociopaths, psychopaths or malignant narcissists.
Many people don’t have this luxury like I had to be able to take time off work and be free to live through the repressed emotions of the child they once were. Some have this luxury to take time off from work to be in solitude and consciously experience the repressed emotions of the child they once were, but are too afraid to be alone with their repressed feelings and misuse their money to distract themselves and feed all kinds of perversions and addictions and are misled by charlatans that are very happy to exploit their repressed emotions to grab on and use as reins to gain control and power over them. We live in a world of puppets and puppeteers.
I just wish sociopaths, psychopaths and malignant narcissists stopped targeting me and left me alone -- gave up on trying to bring me back into an emotional prison -- but I understand that nothing triggers their jealousy and hatred more than a seeing a truly happy and free person and are driven blindly by jealousy and hatred. And to protect myself I have to keep long bridges from people and not cross it too often in order to enjoy my freedom and peace for the rest of my life.
You too take good care,
What Really Makes Narcissists Tick, “The characteristic subjective experience of narcissistic individuals is a sense of inner emptiness and meaninglessness that requires recurrent infusions of external confirmation of their importance and value. . . . When the environment fails to provide such evidence, narcissistic individuals feel depressed, ashamed, and envious of those who succeed in attaining the supplies that they lack.”