When People Choose Cruelty: Why I No Longer Wait for Others to Wake Up
By Sylvie Shene
Yesterday at work, I trained a new hire who clearly could not do the job. It reminded me once again how much “babysitting” I end up doing—at work, in relationships, and in society—while carrying the emotional labor of seeing and feeling clearly in a world built on denial. The holidays are approaching, work is getting busier, and my writing may have to pause for a few weeks. But today, something inside me insists on being written.
Because something is shifting in me.
A boundary.
A clarity.
A truth that can no longer wait.
When Someone Shows You Who They Are
A co-writer reached out to meet for coffee this Saturday. And for a moment, I felt that old pull—the desire to reach back simply because someone reached out.
But then reality returned.
This is a man who worked closely with me on A Dance to Freedom.
A man who witnessed every line of truth written from my soul.
A man who helped polish my words about childhood trauma, repression, and the psychological roots of cruelty.
And yet, after all that, he still voted for this:
Torture at Alligator Alcatraz and Krome Detention Center
Policies built on dehumanization and state-sponsored violence
Leaders who scapegoat the most vulnerable to appease their own repressed hatred
Amnesty International just confirmed what many of us already knew:
Florida is committing human rights violations that amount to torture.
And millions still cheer for it.
I cannot reconcile with that—not from strangers, and certainly not from someone who once stood beside my work, pretending to understand it.
This is not about “different viewpoints.”
It is about choosing cruelty, even after being shown the truth.
As I wrote yesterday:
A person who votes for cruelty is telling you who they are, and what they have not healed.
You are not obligated to make peace with their repression.
Seeing the Red Flags Clearly Now
Looking back, I now see how early the signs appeared.
I once told my co-writer that major publishers prefer books written by charlatans—books that sell illusions rather than truth.
His response?
“It’s about business.”
A red flag.
A revelation.
A window into his inner world.
This was never about truth for him.
Not healing.
Not humanity.
Not the liberation of the emotional prisoner.
For him, it was about money, attention, the illusion of importance.
He can write beautiful sentences—but he cannot feel them.
And I no longer want my life’s work tied to someone who stands with cruelty while I stand with truth, healing, and emotional freedom.
That is why I have made my decision:
In 2026, on my birthday, I will republish A Dance to Freedom.
My work deserves to stand in the world untainted by anyone who supports systems of torture and repression.
The Illusion of Change in the People We Love
For years, I hoped a niece would grow with me, wake up with me, walk the path toward emotional freedom. She mimicked me, yes—but mimicry is not awakening.
People will imitate authenticity when they want the benefits of insight without the courage to face their own truth.
Most people don’t want healing.
They want distractions.
They want entertainment.
They want illusions.
They want scapegoats.
This is why Trump won.
He gave people what their repression demanded:
Someone to blame so they wouldn’t have to feel their own childhood pain.
I have learned the hard way:
I cannot save those who refuse to open their eyes.
I cannot carry those who refuse to feel.
I cannot wait for people who have no intention of waking up.
As Alice Miller wrote:
“If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can, or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.”
— Free From Lies, p. 55
I will no longer betray myself for people who choose blindness.
I No Longer Have Time to Waste
In 2022, I wrote a letter to my niece on my blog. I told her the truth with love:
“I wish things were different and that we had grown closer instead of apart.
But I no longer have time to waste waiting for others to mature into conscious adults.”
I waited more than 20 years for her to break free from her mother’s emotional prison.
But addiction to illusion is powerful.
The longing to be the “good child” is powerful.
The fear of confronting one’s childhood truth is powerful.
And so people repeat their tragedy instead of healing it.
They become like the very people who hurt them.
They reenact the same cruelty they once received.
They direct their hatred toward scapegoats rather than toward the source of their original wounds.
Alice Miller explains this perfectly:
“Repressed hatred cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating.”
This is why cruelty always returns to the sender.
This is why nations fall.
This is why families collapse.
This is why addicts stay addicted.
This is why America tortures migrants while pretending to fight “evil.”
Nothing changes until the truth is faced.
My Boundary Now
I stand where I always stood:
with truth
with emotional clarity
with compassion rooted in reality
with the courage to face painful truths
with the commitment to walk away from anyone who refuses to wake up
I do not hate the co-writer.
I do not hate my niece and my family.
I do not hate the millions who reenact their trauma through politics.
But I will not join them.
And I will not let them drag me back into their emotional prisons.
My life is too precious.
My time is too limited.
My truth is too important.
Like Alice Miller wrote:
“You decide to stop betraying yourself because you understand that only you can give yourself the love and care you never received.”
— Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, p. 126
Today I choose not to betray myself.
Conclusion: I Choose Truth, Not Illusion
I once hoped the people around me would wake up.
Very few did.
Most didn’t.
That is no longer my responsibility.
I walk forward now with clarity, not longing.
With truth, not illusion.
With compassion, not self-betrayal.
Those who want to walk beside me are welcome.
Those who choose repression will fall away.
It is no longer my task to save them.
My task is to live in truth.
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