Introduction
In a world saturated with self-proclaimed gurus and quick-fix healers, it can be disheartening for those committed to genuine, often difficult, emotional work. This exchange—between an author and a reader who found truth in her work—explores the fatigue of encountering charlatans, the hollow allure of their “pretty lies,” and the quiet power of authentic connection. It’s a raw look at why real healing is often rejected, and why truth-tellers can feel so alone.
Part 1: A Reader’s Gratitude and an Author’s Weariness
M. writes:
Dearest Sylvie, I hope your holiday season was enjoyable. I’ve been reflecting on the word “epiphany”—a term often misused—and I realized your book and our friendship have been my true epiphany this year. I can’t wait to share my latest news with you soon. Thank you for being such a fantastic being.
Sylvie replies:
Dear M, thank you for your lovely message. I worked through the holidays, so I’m glad they’re over.
I’m deeply touched that my book and our friendship have been meaningful to you. Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to deliver my “book-baby” to the world. Most people seem to prefer pretty, seductive lies—or half-disconnected truths spun by charlatans who happily tell them what they want to hear. They shy away from the naked truth I expose.
But when I receive a message like yours, I’m reminded why it matters: there are people out there who truly want the truth, who are desperate—as I once was—to hear it spoken plainly by someone else.
Part 2: The Charlatan’s Playbook—A Personal Encounter
Speaking of charlatans, have you heard of J.B., the Canadian author of Sxxx Sxxxxxx? Someone told him about my book, and he reached out, suggesting we exchange books and he’d write me a review. I sent mine; he sent his.
Even from his website, I sensed he wasn’t real—but I gave him a chance. After two pages, it was clear he was full of empty rhetoric. I recycled the book and, unsurprisingly, never heard from him again.
There are so many pretending to be healed while preaching to others. It’s sickening. He probably contacted me thinking I was another phony like him, but reading my work showed him I was real. Phony people promote each other, but they feel threatened by authenticity. They do their best to suppress honest work. Our world is full of phonies and psychopaths who prop each other up.
M. responds with fire:
“Blah, blah, blah…”—that’s what his website left me feeling. When words are contorted into fluff, they just dizzy me. This guy probably loves hearing his own gymnastic brain preach. Is he honestly dishonest? You already know; you tossed his book.
I’d never heard of him—I don’t search for quick fixes or soul-shaping gurus. I don’t need anyone to confirm I have a soul (a damn beautiful one, in fact!). Ironically, my greatest oppressor—my father—gave me your book. It became the ultimate tool to understand my story, heal myself, and move forward.
The last thing I need now is some opportunistic man trying to recruit my “lost soul.” I’m not lost. I’m hurting, trying to break free from this emotional prison you wrote so well about. What I need is silence, space, peace, rest, respect, and privacy.
He probably found you attractive in your light and thought you’d fall for his act—like many women searching for recognition from a man who mirrors their father, husband, or lover. Don’t worry about giving him the benefit of the doubt; it’s part of your journey. You have nothing to lose. Go, girl—feed your fire with their books and keep spreading real soul food.
Part 3: The Dangerous Allure of Empty Words
Sylvie:
Dear M, thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I sometimes get discouraged by the sheer number of charlatans and the emotionally blind who fall for them. Your words are a breath of fresh air.
And you’re right—he probably thought I’d fall for his act “like many women in search of recognition…” So true.
M. adds insight:
The guy is a lawyer. They master using powerful words to impress and befog vulnerable minds—and they make good money doing it. Many lose their souls in a system that claims to serve truth. He probably felt hollow after losing a romance he cared for.
Men like him are dangerous: they manipulate with poetic wording, fooling starved feminine souls. I met one in 2009—he showered me with love letters, poems, gifts, calls. But I saw through him. He was a “Beauty Stealer,” feeding on my presence to fuel his shallow existence. When it came time for a real, day-to-day relationship, he collapsed. An empty shell with a mouth full of fluff. The path to authenticity is challenging, as you know.
Sylvie reflects:
Yes, he was a lawyer. I almost wish he’d stayed one—he might have been more authentic then. Now he’s too invested in his illusions, enmeshed in the web he’s woven. He’ll likely die in that web and take many with him.
M. on realness:
I’ve always said I have more respect for an asshole who admits he’s an asshole than one who pretends to be a nice guy. Authenticity can wear many faces, as long as it’s real.
Why do these “spirited gurus” have so much influence? I understand your “web” concept—reading his site, I feel no attraction. It sounds like a sect in disguise.
Part 4: Why People Fall for the Illusion—And Defend It
Sylvie shares the public dimension:
Dear M, it’s lovely to read your words. I posted our conversation on my blog (using initials for anonymity). Some of his followers may recognize him and start questioning his authenticity—maybe saving themselves from his web. I’ll have to add your latest thoughts!
The reason people fall for these gurus is emotional blindness. Their seductive words act like medication: they make people feel better temporarily, masking the repressed pain of the child they once were.
A Follower’s Defense on Facebook:
Georgina: I find all his posts really inspirational and not at all fake… am I missing something???
Sylvie’s public reply:
He talks well but hasn’t done the real walk. He’s another charlatan whose “inspiration” distracts people from facing their own pain—offering temporary, superficial relief, like medication. The quote you shared the other day felt like it was inspired by my book, crafted to sound authentic. He’s a grand illusion. My eyes are wide open; I recognize a lie when I see one.
Georgina asks:
I’ve been digesting what you said… are you happy to discuss this here openly? As it’s about someone else?
Sylvie’s final word on the matter:
I’ve said all I need to in my blog and in my comment above. If you have more questions, feel free to ask here or in a private message—just keep him anonymous (use initials).
It’s not to protect him—public figures are open to criticism—but to avoid the backlash from his followers. People who fall for charismatic charlatans are like children looking for a parent figure. These gurus become substitute parents, and like dependent children, their followers cannot afford to see the truth. They will deny it and attack anyone who dares to remove the mask.
The only “shaping” he’s doing is shaping his bank account, selling illusions to those still blinded by their own repressed childhood emotions.
Closing Reflection
I was looking for a quote and found one that fits perfectly here:
"There is a good deal else that would not exist without 'poisonous pedagogy. It would be inconceivable, for example, for politicians mouthing empty cliches to attain the highest positions of power by democratic means. But since voters, who as children would normally have been capable of seeing through these clichés with the aid of their feelings, were specifically forbidden to do so in their early years, they lose this ability as adults. The capacity to experience the strong feelings of childhood and puberty (which are so often stifled by child-rearing methods, beatings, or even drugs) could provide the individual with an important means of orientation with which he or she could easily determine whether politicians are speaking from genuine experience or are merely parroting time-worn platitudes for the sake of manipulating voters. Our whole system of raising and educating children provides the power-hungry with a ready-made railway network they can use to reach the destination of their choice. They need only push the buttons that parents and educators have already installed." ---Alice Miller, “Thou Shalt Not Be Aware” p.20, also cited in “Concerning Forgiveness: The Liberating Experience of Painful Truth.
They sold illusion as love. And many of us bought it.
As I wrote in A Dance to Freedom, on pages 126–127:
“Ultimately, I realized that self-help books and 12-step programs offer a false hope at best. I’m convinced that people who put their faith in these types of things — or in psychologists, psychiatrists, or any cult leader for that matter — are avoiding the real causes of their problems and are just masking their symptoms instead. The seductiveness of the quick fixes offered by traditional treatments and therapies is very powerful, and even if they don’t work, they offer at least temporary relief from the fear and pain of our abused younger selves.”
“In the best of cases, groups like Al-Anon can momentarily help people cope with unhealthy situations and survive another day inside their emotional prisons, but they can’t resolve people’s problems. Everyone I encountered in Al-Anon was just reenacting his or her childhood drama like everyone else. The unhealthy, cult-like devotion they invested in the group was actually getting in the way of their true happiness because the group was just filling in for their parents and keeping them blind to the truth.”
Alice Miller expressed it so clearly:
“Even smart people become stuck in confusion for years if the ‘healers’ demand from them the same as the parents did from the child: to stay blind, to forgive, to make amends, not to make troubles. The fear of the parents, stored up in the body, can make a person obedient and sick forever.”
She continues:
“It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case… Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn’t help us resolve it.”
— The Drama of the Gifted Child
If symbolic revenge truly worked, dictators and war criminals would be healed by their “art.” But as long as they deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred — and refuse to feel that pain in the context of their own childhood — their thirst for destruction will remain insatiable.
This exchange between Borut Petrovic Jesenovec and Alice Miller comes to mind:
Borut: Human blindness to abuse can be astonishing. Even when confronted with their own obvious abuse, people still believe in the myth of being loved, and keep abusing their children. How would you most effectively "open their eyes" to what they are doing? Is this possible at all?
Alice Miller: I can’t open the eyes of others; they will quickly close them again, and they don’t want to see – or they are afraid to see – the truth because they expect to be punished by their parents or by God who represents them. I can only open my own eyes and say what I am seeing. And sometimes people feel encouraged to open one eye or even both. They are then surprised that they were not punished, that they feel even relief since they have stopped betraying themselves.”
— From “How to Combat Denial” (2005 interview)
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