Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Courage of Alice Miller Was Astonishing

P: I just read the first article and I think the whole debate whether she failed on her son is absurd because when he was small his mother was not fully aware of how abusive education can be. She was a traditional mother as anybody else, and as a therapist she followed the traditional Freudian psychoanalysis of her time....only when she found out that this type of therapy does not really solve the problem but intensifies it, she started developing her own, very different theory....but by that was not until the 1970, resulting in her first book, the drama, in that time her son was about 30 years old, so how could she protect him from a violent father??? So this criticism is bloody BS!!”
Hi P,
Thank you for writing. I completely agree with everything you wrote. This comment made by Makus Roth on the article you sent me, says also almost the same thing you just said above: “Alice Miller's life cycle is comparable to the conversion of Sau to Paul, from the unconscious to the conscious mother. when she wrote the first of her 13 books (drama dbk= Das Drama de begabten Kiindes, The drama of the gifted child), 1979, when her son was already 29 years old and she kept on developing every time clearer and clearer. Already years ago she apologized to her son for her misbehavior in his childhood, whereas her son had and still has trouble with it.” Makus Roth

I feel Alice Miller’s experience is very similar to mine. My love for my ex and my desire to help him made me look for help so we could save our relationship and in the process I freed myself. 

Alice Miller too saw that her son had problems, and how ironic they both have the same name, my ex’s name is also Martin! Alice Miller like me started lifting every stone to look for clues to help her son and in the process resolved her own repression and freed herself, just like me that I went out looking for clues how to help my Ex and I end up liberating myself in the process. 

And at the end, I had to let my ex-go, and Alice too had to let her son go because once a person is an adult, no one, not even the mother, can make up for what we need as children and we didn’t get. 

Once we are adults only we can save ourselves and anyone that tells us otherwise are fooling us with false hopes and promises. 

Alice Miller was driven to write her books to warn society of the dangers of childhood repression to save the children of the future and help us to face and resolve our own repression. 

This is why it’s so important for people to face their own repression before having children or at least become aware of their own childhood repression before their children become teenagers and adults, because it’s not the trauma itself that causes long term damage, but the repressed emotions caused by trauma that causes long term damage and if parents became aware of the damage done before their children became teenagers or adults, then they can help their children express their true feelings of anger, fear and hurt, because the children are still emotionally dependent on their parents, but once the children become teenagers or adults the defense mechanisms and walls have been built and it’s out of the parents hands, they can become the most conscious parents, but it will be too late, because they can’t force the teenagers and adult children remove the walls to face and feel their childhood repression, if they don’t wish to do so.  She made herself very vulnerable to all the psychopaths in the world to warn us, her courage is astonishing

Psychopaths/sociopaths always feed on people weakness to advance themselves and don’t care who they hurt, step on and destroy in the process as long they get what they want. 

In the interview Martin Miller is giving in the link you sent me, he is speaking in German and of course I don’t understand what he is saying, but the body never lies and the language of the body is universal, his body is telling his truth and you can see how this man has been repressing all of his life with the aid of food and probably also with all kinds of medications, and never allowed himself to consciously feel the full range of the repressed feelings of the child he once was within the context of his own childhood. 

And as long we go on repressing our feelings the compulsion to abuse ourselves, others or both will go on endless overtly or covertly and you can see he has been abusing himself by overeating to numb his feelings when present situations trigger him because he is extremely overweight.  

The title of his book is “The true drama of the gifted child- the tragedy of Alice Miller” but the title of his book should have been: “The Drama of the gifted child - the tragedy of my life” because his life is the real tragedy and sad beyond words, because he still stuck in his childhood and probably will never break free, because he is already 63 and the older we get hard it gets to resolve our repression. 

Alice Millers’ life is not a tragedy, because she broke free and died free, the beginning of her life was a tragedy, but not the end of her life, she became honest with herself and others and that is the most important achievement anyone can reach in this lifetime, not like most people in our society that are stuck in their childhood pretending and acting as if personality their whole lives, fooling themselves and others. 

As Alice says in her book The Body Never Lies, page, 86: ““… For how can I prove to someone that freedom is within reach if all his life he has clung to the constraints that were necessary for his survival and if he cannot imagine life without those constraints? I can say that I myself have achieved such freedom by getting to the bottom of my own story, but I have to admit that I am not a good example. After all, it took me over forty years to arrive at the stage I have reached now. But there are others. I know people who have succeeded in unearthing their memories in a much shorter space of time, and the discovery of their own truth has enabled them to emerge from the autistic hiding place that used to be their only refuge. In my case, the reason the journey took so long was that I was on my own for most of it.”

Me too, just like Alice Miller it took me over forty years to break free because I was alone in my journey most of it.


  1. First of all who is JM? I deleted your comment, because I don’t keep comments with lies trying to confuse people. You come here and make an anonymous comment, so you cannot be taken serious. Yes MM suffering is legitimate and it should be dealt with in privacy with an enlightened witness so psychopaths could not exploit him to make a name for themselves. Our wounds can only heal in privacy with the help of an enlightened witness not in the public arena, going public without healing our wounds first it will wound us further and make us vulnerable to psychopaths to exploit us and will add much confusion to the public that are already confused. You said Alice never wanted to recognize what was done to her son as a child that is a big lie, Alice Miller apologized to him in public and anyone that reads her books sees how much it pained her that she was not able to love and protect the child he once was. And it’s very sad that he is a 63 years old men and is still has not resolved his repression and is letting the unresolved repressed emotions of the child he once was hurt other people that still are emotionally blind and is being confused by his actions.

  2. Hi J, with the holidays I am very busy at work and I don’t have time to respond to all your comments. But when I have the time I will write a detail blog answering all your questions. I know me choosing to delete your comments might trigger repressed emotions in you, but I find them to create confusion and it’s my blog and my decision who’s comments I accept.

  3. OK, thanks for answering, I will await your new blog patiently. You're right that your deleting my comments triggers a great deal in me, which seems to take control of me.
    Jeroen, Amsterdam, Holland.