Thursday, July 25, 2019

Only love and truth will open the floodgates of the repressed emotions of the child we once were


Dear J,

Thank you for your understanding words. I could not stop crying while reading your e-mail.

I have lost cats before, but I don’t think I felt this sad before. We did have a special bond – we were in love with each other -- I have not cried like this in years -- It makes me think how short life is and how fast it can be over.

It took me a lifetime to liberate myself and create a home for myself. I’m looking forward to retirement and just spent the rest of my life with just me and the beings I love most, but it makes me think how fast it will all be over. Now that I have created a home for myself and I’m emotionally free -- I wish I could live forever, and now Sutti reminded me how all can be over in the blink of an eye.
Today, at 5:30 pm, will be a week since Sutti left. I wish she could have lived with me for at least 3 years, while I was already retired, so I could have spent more time with her. I wanted more time with Sutti.

And how sad it is that most people never get to experience emotional freedom and be at home with themselves.

This world should be a heaven for us, but instead is full of dangerously repressed people or sociopaths/psychopaths suffering and making others suffer – unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats – which we have to be constantly on the lookout for, especially in the workplace! 

Without truth and truly loving ourselves and another breathing living being, we will never become a seeing and a feeling person, no matter how many self-help books we read and how much intellectual knowledge we get on psychology --  only with the truth and by truly loving ourselves and another being – we will we become a seeing and a feeling person.

Only when truth and love is our first goals in life --  truth and love has always been my first goals --  and everything else has always been secondary for me -- when we stand for truth and truly love ourselves and share it with another living breathing being -- will the floodgates to the repressed emotions will be open to flow healthily -- to be consciously felt within the context of our own childhood -- without using others as scapegoats to temporarily and superficially alleviate the repressed emotions of the child we once were. Everywhere I go, I just see people going around like robots masquerading as love and covertly and silently manipulating others with their illusion of love. 

My childhood and teenage years were the saddest, and most of my adult life was a struggle. However, I have since achieved emotional freedom. Now, the consolation I find is that in my retirement years, which I hope will be many, I know they will be the most beautiful years of my life. I wish Sutti could be with me for many of them to enjoy with me.

You too, take good care, as much as possible.

Sylvie

Dear Sylvie...

Oh, I am so very sorry to hear that...

I don't know how to react or to give some comfort in your sorrow...
How you and Sutti met and you became the closest mates, seems like a kind of fairy tale, right? She chose you... and so did you...

Such a sweet story,  no doubt this is a unique experience...

Looking at her picture, I see such a beautiful, kind, and peaceful being!
I  just cannot be with you in sadness and crying.  What a bad fate, that she had to die too early from a virus...

I am sorry, I have to go to work soon, but I will write more soon.
Sylvie, I give you a big hug and share your feelings.
Take good care and let the tears flow, as long as they need to flow.
Take good care, as much as possible
J

Dear J,

I hope you are hanging in there and not so busy that you have some extra free time for yourself.

Last Saturday, my favorite cat, Sutti, passed away suddenly, caught a virus, stopped eating and drinking, and was gone overnight.

I'm so devastated I don't have Sutti anymore. She was about 8 years old, but I only had her for about 3 years. She appeared on my back patio, and I would leave food and water out there for her. I even made a shelter for her to stay warm in the cold days of winter. She lived outside for at least 3 to 4 years, but every time I went on the patio, she would run. Still, one day when I called her, she came to me and came inside and never wanted to be out again alone, would go to the patio with me and sit in my lap. Still, when I went inside, she would follow me in. She was the sweetest cat I ever had and was so grateful for me taking her in  -- she wanted to be next to me all the time, loving me with her very soft and gentle little kisses. I always looked forward to going home to be with her. The house feels so empty without her.

I just wanted more time with her -- three years was not enough -- I wish I could hold her and touch her silky soft coat one more time.  My work has been so busy, plus doing a lot of side jobs, checking on houses, and cat sitting for people who are away, that I don’t have time to be with my feelings and feel my sadness.

I cry when I’m in the car driving to my job and when I'm going to sleep at night, and when I wake up in the morning. If any of my other cats were to pass, I would not be this sad.

Sutti was my special Kittie.

I like to find another Kitty like her, but I know there are never two beings alike, even if they look alike; personality is never the same. It will never be another Sutti like her.

I hope the next time I write, my heart is no longer this sad.

Hugs from Arizona,

Sylvie



7-13-19 5:30pm

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