Malignant Narcissist: How To Spot Them And How To Cope

https://youtube.com/shorts/1HFiz_4iXII?si=UPzbp8xpSPnxWi-R

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"Machiavellian Goal-Pursuit

To a malignant narcissist, it is a dog-eat-dog world in which there are only winners (predators) and losers (prey) with nothing in between. In their eyes, the end justifies the means, so they will manipulate, exploit, and deceive to accomplish their goals.

They are often pathological liars, telling fanciful stories of their achievements and ruthlessly lying about their true intentions.

Malignant narcissists are often successful because of their ability to adapt, work hard, and deceive. But even if they appear to be acting virtuously, their true aim is to gain admiration, attention, and power – by any means possible.

Shallow Relationships and Intellect

Although they may successfully love bomb and seduce others to fall for them, they are incapable of having deep and intimate relationships. They will only love and care for someone else if that person can fulfill their narcissistic needs. But once they have fulfilled a purpose, they are devalued and discarded.

...Kernberg also suggests that they project the unresolved hatred they feel for themselves onto others, consequently mistreating and/or dismissing them.

They either idealize or devalue others, believing anyone who does not admire and submit to them is an enemy and must be destroyed. 

Idealization and Devaluation

Initially (especially when they are trying to win you over), malignant narcissists can be charming, loving, and seductive. They will idealize you, putting you on a pedestal and making you feel special and wanted.

But once they notice any flaws (because we all have them) or you challenge their authority or grandiose fantasies in any way, you become “bad” in their eyes.

Because of their black-and-white thinking, they can no longer see any good in you; they now see you as a threat or enemy and feel entitled to devalue and abuse you.

This behavior is confusing and highly distressing because someone who made you feel so good about yourself now acts as though they despise you.

Emotional Abuse and Manipulation

Malignant narcissists are skilled at manipulating others to meet their own needs. They will make you believe their façade is real, that their stories of success and power are true, and that they really are the partner of your dreams.

The gaslighting, hot-and-cold behavior, stonewalling, blame-shifting, and victim-playing start to creep into the relationship without you even realizing.

They skillfully manipulate you into believing you are the problem – telling you “you are jealous/ broken/ crazy/ a bad person” – until over time you start to believe it. They will never take responsibility for their actions and behaviors, blaming their problems and wrongdoings on you. "

Read more in the link below:

Rore in the link below 

https://www.simplypsychology.org/malignant-narcissism.html

In this Interview "The feeling child" with Alice Miller by Diane Connors for OMNI Publications International March 1987 --- Dr. Alice Miller says:

"Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life you'll try to earn love. 

In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. 

The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis.

I try to reach the child in the readers, allow them to feel. I see my style as ranking keys. Everybody can take one so that they can go open their own door to find something. Or they can say no, I don't want to go through this door; I will return the key. I try to evoke feelings, images. In this way I offer keys to your own experience. You can then go look at your children and learn from them, not from me. Because only from your own experience can you really learn.

In my first studies I was very abstract; I wanted to understand the most abstract ideas -- of Kant, Hegel, or Marx. My dissertation in philosophy was very abstract. Now I see that each philosopher had to build a big, big building in order not to feel his pain. Even Freud.

If a child has been molested and the therapist doesn't deny this fact, many things can open up in the patient. The therapist must not preach forgiveness, or the patient will repress the pain. He won't change, and the repressed rage will look for a scapegoat."

Read the the full interview in the link below:
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/04/alice-miller-most-significant-thinker.html?m=1