This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Monday, February 24, 2025
The Parents of Today Can no Longer Claim Innocence
With all the information at our fingertips, parents of today can no longer claim innocence, as our parents did not have the correct information available. Sadly, people choose to reject this essential information, and I don’t have much hope for humanity.
People who have been introduced to this fundamental knowledge but choose to ignore it because they lack courage and are too afraid to face their fears of resolving childhood repression many will become sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these now evil people.
“Our parents and grandparents are not to blame for having passed on to us misleading messages because, at that time, they had no better information at their disposal. But we do have them today. We can't claim the same innocence when the next generation blames us for having rejected information that was available to us and was easy to understand. Parents of today can no longer claim the unlimited freedom to be ignorant, nor can a responsible government do it. It must take into account the most recent scientific discoveries.
Damages in the brain structure of beaten children can already be seen on the screens of computers.
Violence to children produces a violent and ill society.
True authority dismisses humiliation. Its discipline is based on listening and talking, on trust, respect, and protection of the weaker.
It gives children the assistance they need to become responsible adults who will not turn to vengeful actions like wars and dictatorships because they will simply return to others what they once received and what they learned by example: protection and respect.” Alice Miller --Read the full article here
This is how victims become abusers. Behind every crime, a personal tragedy lies hidden. No matter how many programs people come up with to teach parents to communicate with their children in a nonviolent way, parents will keep abusing their children in one form or another as long their own childhood repression goes unresolved, covertly and silently with seductive lies to manipulate children and others behavior by masquerading with the illusion of love or overtly with physical abuse like spanking, beatings, and emotional insults.
Never trust a person who can’t talk about their own childhood and always says that they had wonderful parents and a beautiful childhood. Most likely, This person is living a lie, masquerading with the illusion of love, and sooner or later, they will stab you in the back; it’s just a matter of time.
Just as I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom page, 82 and 83, “Alice Miller wrote a lot about how destructive the impulse to protect our parents — especially our mothers — can really be. She believes that women are permitted to be tyrants in the home, punishing “millions of people who will never accuse them of their crimes because almost every child loves his or her mother and would never, never put her in troubles.”47 Facing personal pain is a lot more difficult than putting mom or dad on a pedestal and blaming ourselves for being a problem to them, or thanking our parents for the cruelty that we’ve come to believe was necessary to keep us in line.
Alice Miller was frustrated by the fact that the path from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator is totally ignored worldwide.
She concluded that it’s because “almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.”48 If we could just see with clarity what the false idealization of our childhoods can do to us, it would be easy to admit that our parents were cruel. Because when we refuse to admit it, we do nasty things to ourselves and to others. We repeat the cruelty that was done to us and find insidious ways to justify it, whether through religion, power, status or some other success marker. Dictators, cult leaders, and mass murderers are all links on the same idealization chain. “In order to understand how Mengele was able to remove the eyes and other organs of healthy people, we only have to know what was done to him in childhood,” Alice Miller writes. “I am convinced that something almost inconceivably horrible to outsiders would be uncovered, which he himself no doubt regarded as the best upbringing in the world, one to which, in his opinion, he ‘owed a great deal.’”49
People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood. This is why some people have a lot of children because unconsciously they want to make sure they have an endless supply of vulnerable, defenseless new victims.”
"If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children” Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self) Page 23
I'm in the same place as she is. I have been shedding people most of my life, too. It's better to be alone and to know that you are alone than to wake up next to someone and, nevertheless, to be alone.
The best feeling in this world is being at home with no plans or no appointments to go anywhere. A weekend at home without seeing anyone is the best weekend.
It's just a game. He is in charge, but on paper, it is someone else's name to protect him from the law.
The worst thing that can happen to a person who has been dangerously repressed as a small child is to have too much money in his/her adult life and get into a position of power over others. Eventually, they will overplay their hand and self-destruct, but sadly, they will take down many people and sometimes whole nations with them.
Many people will never develop the courage to be authentic. They will be cowards all of their lives, unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats or poison containers to use for transference effect.
I worked with a black 26-year-old single mother of a nine-year-old daughter on food stamps and rental assistance who voted for Trump. I wonder how she feels about Trump now that he is cutting all the programs she is dependent on. I think she thought DT was only going after the illegal immigrants, her scapegoats. One of the reasons DT won is because he gave his followers the scapegoats they desperately needed to temporally and superficially alleviate their own unresolved childhood repression. They don’t realize that they are blinded by hatred towards a group of people, and they end up voting against themselves.
Hatred cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating. It has to be understood and consciously felt within the context of our own childhood
Nobody Loves to Stir the Pot and Create Chaos More than a Narcissist who thrives on Other People's unhappiness. They're sick individuals who are miserable and want to make you miserable.
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